Just wanted to say this somewhere and get it off my chest.

I've never had anyone close to me die so I have not really any experience with it (which I'm glad of), for me it's just that people leave, and that should be better but it has its own kind of pain, and that's the pain of knowing someone is there for you to reach out and touch but you never can ever again, and you'll never hear their voice say a sentence you haven't memorised from a video, and you'll never hear their laugh that doesn't crackle out of a phone speaker.

Idk I just miss 'my' little boy, Z. And all the other children I love too.

Also-

Me: *Gets reminded of my German teacher by something random*

Me: *Gets lightheaded because my brain now associates him so heavily with panic*