If you don't wanna read all this please at least just read the last paragraph :)

Aaaa

Hermitcraft seems to be slipping away from me. I'm still watching every Grian episode and most Mumbo's and a few of some other people's too.

But not as much as I used to. And I don't really wanna write one shots for them. And I'm trying to push through with my Wish Upon a Star book but it feels forced.

Idk HC fics just refuse to come naturally to me anymore and I hate it.

I need a new fandom desperately because my head isn't very good rn, especially with everything going on for me.

I like the idea of getting into Dream SMP but I dislike some of those people and also the majority of them are often shouting and I don't like it when people shout. I love BBH and I like Tubbo and Wilbur too.

Can anybody recommend me an SMP with a good storyline?

Also school. Oh my god. GCSEs. Plus I have mocks next week. I haven't revised. I don't know why I have such a mental block to revising all the goddamn time and why can't I force myself to focus on a thing for a long time and why do I get so obsessed with one thing and do/watch/play it non stop for a few days/weeks and then it slips away just like everything else.

I'm gonna fail my exams but I can't bring myself to revise and I don't fucking know why.

I have literally nothing else I want/need to do. I'm not doing anything but still can't. fucking. revise.

Because I don't have a fandom I feel like I have no purpose and everything is tiring I have no motivation to do school work or play minecraft or don't starve and I don't know why.

What is even the point of any of this. I'm gonna fail my exams, I won't become a speech therapist, and even if I don't fail I'm just gonna be consumed by anxiety my whole life so why should I even bother to look forward to the future I want of being a speech therapist and a minecraft YouTuber on the side. I can't fucking speak to people. I desperately need friends to help me but I can't build a relationship because I can't talk.

I dunno I just feel like going to sleep tonight and not waking up for a little while. Not dying, I don't want to die, just sleep for a few months in my bed and then wake up all fine and the exams are over and my dad's depression is gone and I've adjusted to him not living here.

Gahhhhh

I want best friends who I can share my soul with but, as I said already, I can't talk lol.

Well anyway I'm gonna start properly revising tomorrow. These last two paragraphs were written about 50 mins later when I'm in a bit of a better head space so yeah.

Please if you have a story or a funny dream you had last night or whatever, please tell me it, in the comments or in discord, because I want to talk to people but I can't talk and it's nice to just have someone else talk to me and I can just listen/read. :)