I know I'm not the only one feeling this way- a lot of people will feel the same way as I do about this- but I just need to get it all out because I want to cry and scream at the top of my lungs but all my family is asleep so yeah.

As soon as he said he felt sick my heart fucking dropped honestly.

As I know so many others watching will have, I noticed Grian's breathing really early and I was sat there wide eyed like 'shit no no no no no' and oh my god the period where it got faster and faster seemed to stretch on forever and I felt so fucking helpless.

Like, there's helpless where all you can do is reassure someone with your presence, and then there's a canyon and at the bottom of that is the helpless where you're miles away and the person doesn't know you exist.

I just want to fucking scream. Like the chat was NOT helping. It was going so fast with everyone cheering in all caps and like THATS NOT HELPING. There was no way that the few messages in lowercase trying to tell him to breath and that nothing about this game mattered and that he was more important could be seen.

And you just KNOW that he's gonna be beating himself up over that panic attack and blaming himself for not winning, because it's GRIAN and that's what he DOES.

Yeah I'm fucking broken.