CHAPTER THIRTEEN
( WAR CHILD. )

HERE'S the crazy thing about growing up in a war; Kitra Erso learned to rewire a bomb before she learned the alphabet. She also learned to shoot a gun before she could spell her name, and she knew the best ways to stab a man in close-range combat before she could count past 100. When she was four she made mud-castles and coloured with blunt crayons in the backyard on Lah'mu. And when she was five she was learning how to assemble IED's in the back-alleys of Onderon.

"Kit, keep up," Staven barked from the head of the group, making the smaller girl hike her backpack and hurry along her footsteps.

The small group of Onderonian Rebel's marched through the high-reaching summits of the mountains, their shoulders weighed down by their rifles and obtuse backpacks. Kit had to tie a knot in the shoulder-strap of her sniper rifle to keep its elongated barrel from dragging along the ground. But mostly her lack of height didn't bother anyone in the Rebel band, least of all the eleven-year-old Erso.

The air was filled with a silent tension, but after months of the same constant vigilance the group had become accustomed to the feeling of fear hanging over them like an annoying bug they couldn't shake. The sun was beginning to sink lower on the horizon, leaving the stones to soak up the last of the heat before nightfall.

"Alright I have a hard one," Maia said, her synthetic gloves grating as she rubbed her palms over the hilt of he gun.To pass the time as they walked the group had taken to teaching the younger girl to spell. She was terrible, but it didn't stop them trying. "Ghost."

Kit caught the corner of her lip between her teeth as she thought, a habit that left the inside of her cheek torn and littered with scars. "Ghost. G-O-S-T?" She wondered aloud.

"G-H-O-S-T," Codo corrected her. "The H is silent."

Kit frowned and hiked her back higher in her shoulders. "Why?"

Codo shrugged. "Because it is."

"Well that's stupid."

"I don't make the rules," Codo replied.

"You don't follow them most of the time either," the smaller girl quipped back, earning a loud snort from Jyn as the band of Rebel clambered deeper into the boulder-ridden landscape.

The moon was beginning to glow a faint silver on the horizon, but nightfall would work well for the group to cover their tracks as they relocated from the city back to Saw's outpost. A faint breeze picked up, carrying up the scent of the river that crept through the valley descending below them.

Staven took the lead as the band entered a narrow canyon, only wide enough for two-people to walk side by side. Kit shivered as the shadow's fell across her and she was encased on all sides by a prison of thick stone. "Alright, here's one," Jyn said, her shoulder brushing her sister's as they walked between the stone pyre's. "Reaper."

Kit screwed her lips together in thought. "Reaper. R-E—" At the front of the group Staven drew to an abrupt halt, which promptly led Kit to bump straight into his back. "Hey—"

"Shh," Kit's protest was ended when Staven raised his hand, the signal enough to set even member of the Rebel's on edge.

Kit's finger inched towards the trigger of her rifle, which was a useless effort in itself. The sniper was not designed for close-range combat, and the long barrel was hard enough for Kit to manoeuvre without bumping constantly in rocks. Her alert eyes flickered briefly over to the stone pillars overlooking the narrow canyon, adrenaline turning her blood to ice.

Kit caught a flash of ivory coloured armour as a boot slipped briefly into view, sending a soft spray of stones clattering down to meet the Rebel's beneath them.

Their shelter had become their tomb.

Kit shrieked as the first crimson bolt exploded into the stone at her feet, sending chips of shrapnel rock flying in all directions. She dove into the stone as a hail of bullet's showered down from the rocky outcropping high above them. Staven shouted something indecipherable and began to shoot back, taking shelter behind one of the only boulder's out of range of the enemy fire.

"Kit," Jyn shoved her sister hard in the shoulder and out of the way of another bullet. Kit rolled and landed on her back, pointing her sniper rifle and shooting haphazardly in the direction the fire was coming.

A piercing shriek echoed across the canyon as her bullet met flesh and the body of a trooper tumbled over the edge of the rock and into the canyon. Codo hoisted the corpse upwards as a body-shield and began to sprint down the canyon, screaming as Jyn and Kit to follow him. Kit rolled back onto her feet, but before she could reach the older Rebel her boot caught the jutting edge of a rock and she fell back onto her face, spitting and coughing through a mouthful of foul-tasting dirt. Her gun clattered out of her hands.

"Get up!" Codo grasped the girl's collar and yanked her to her feet, continually firing to cover their retreat. Kit slipped over the rocks and dirt, forgetting her trashed rifle in the escape, before a loud shriek of pain halted her in her tracks.

The smaller child spun in time to see Codo falling to his knees, his useless stormtrooper shield falling over him. A bullet had seared it's into his thigh, the smouldering wound cauterised instantly. "Codo!" Kit stumbled backwards and grabbed Codo's bag, flipping him over so he was facing the sky.

"Get out of here," he panted, his wild obsidian eyes desperate. Kit worked to free him of the bonds of his backpack, trying to support the taller, heavier boy's weight over her shoulders. "No, stop it you idot," Codo tried to shove off Kit's attempts to help. "Leave me!"

"I won't," Kit grunted decidedly, flinching as another bullet sailed over her head, singing the end of her hair. She finally grabbed the knife strapped to her boot and cut the straps of Codo's backpack, pulling him across the rocks and hoisting him to his feet.

Codo leaned heavily against her, limping quickly down the canyon.

"Maia!" Kit called out when she spotted the Rebel ahead of them. Maia turned and spotted to two retreating children.

"Kit, run —" Kit saw the bullet before Maia did, a warning scream passing her lips a second to late. Maia's eyes widened in surprise as the bullet hit the back of her head, her lips opening like she might try to say something. But before she could the glassy sheen swept over her hazel eyes as her knee's buckled, and the older woman collapsed lifelessly onto the stony canyon floor.

"Maia!" Kit shrieked.

"Kit!" Codo shouted, his voice distant over the ringing in Kit's ears. He sounded like he was trying to yell at her underwater, Kit's heart hammering so loudly all she could make out was the pounding wash of blood in her ears. Codo's hand clamped over her shoulder, painfully tight. "Come on, Kit, this isn't how it ends. Come on! Wake up! Wake up, Kitra, god dammit!"

• • •

KITRA'S heart wasn't beating, her lungs weren't breathing and her ivory coloured skin was pale and thin, webbed with pale blue veins and bruises. To all the galaxy Kitra Erso was dead. But not to Cassian. 

She was supposed to be okay. Cassian had carried her and bandaged her and sat by her head as she slept. And then, like her own body had betrayed her, her heart stopped beating.

"Come on," Cassian muttered, as he pressed his palms over her chest, beating her motionless heart for her. The small crew chamber was empty except for Cassian and Kitra; the rest of the makeshift Rebel's either conspiring in the cockpit or raiding the cargo containers. None of them had any idea that one of their own was dying in the back of their stolen Imperial ship.

"Come on!" He snapped, pinching her nose and tilting her head back as he transferred two shallow breaths down to her empty lungs. Still the girl didn't stir, her sun-bleached eyelashes grazing her still cheeks.

"Come on, Kit. This isn't how it ends," he snapped at her more for his own consolation than hers. "Come on." He started to pump her heart again, her chest flinching with every pulse of the larger boy's hands. "Wake up! Wake up, Kitra, god dammit!"

Her eyes flashed open so abruptly Cassian was afraid they'd pop out of her sockets, a strangled gasp echoing through the cabin as Kit's bloody lips parted and her lungs suddenly struggled to take in a breath.

"Cassian ..." she panted, her bloodstained lips shaking under the weight of her own words.

Cassian yanked off his jacket and balled it up under her head. "I'm here," he told her, his palm cupping her cheek. "We're okay now."

Kit's mind raced as memories of the past 24 hours flashed like fireworks through her minds eye. "I have to go find Jyn," She tried to sit up, but the blood immediately drained from her face, and she ended up falling forward onto Cassian's chest.

"Hey, slow down," Cassian coaxed her softly, helping her to lay back down. "You need to rest."

She closed her eyes and leaned into Cassian's jacket, letting the worn leather brush against her cheek. Her resolve on leaving the cabin faded as quickly as it came, replaced by sheer and unaccompanied exhaustion. She wanted to sleep more than anything else, weariness turning her remaining limbs into leaned weights by her side. But she couldn't ignore the haggling thought that flashed through her head like a bright red warning sign.

Slowly, reluctantly, Kit lifted her vein-webbed eyes. She stole a glance at the Rebel Captain beside her. Cassian's dark hair fell in tangled locks across his forehead, and the scruff of a growing beard crawled across his gentle jawline and over the crest of his lips, the pale light illuminating the cabin turning his olive skin to a glowing silver and his dark brown eyes to a glowing amber.

It was the same man that had found her three years ago, wandering around aimlessly after she was discharged from the medial facility. He had taken her in then, given her a purpose, taught her to pilot more than just a stolen Imperial freighter, and taught her that even the most broken people can fall in love. But he was also the same man who had taken a sniper rifle into the stormy abyss of the Eadu storm to kill her father.

"You lied to me," she croaked, drawing Cassian's umber-brown eyes to meet hers. She wanted to be angry with him, wanted to scream and shout until her throat was raw and her lungs were empty. But instead she felt nothing, and that scared her even more. She had let rage consume her for so long that now there was nothing left in it's wake.

"Kit ..." Cassian started, his eyes already pleading with her to believe him.

"I don't want an excuse, Cassian," Kit stopped him before he could even start. She was tired to lies. She wanted the truth now. No matter what it cost her. "I know you went up there to kill him. I want to know how long you've kept it a secret from me."

Cassian clenched his jaw tighter, his dark eyes searching to room like the darkness could provide him answers. But there was no answer anymore. There was only the truth. "Draven pulled me aside before we left. He told me that telling you would only put you in more danger."

"And you believed him?" She asked, struggling to find any venom in her own tone.

Cassian swallowed deeply, his eyes still refusing to look at her. "I was scared ... that if you knew you'd hate me." He laughed bitterly and softly, the sound echoing in the small confines of the metal hold. "You were right when you called me a puppet. It made me realise that I don't have to be, that winning this war isn't about following orders, it's about making choices. Nothing's bringing my family back, Kit, but I still have you. And, if it's not too late, I don't want to lose you too."

The cabin elapsed into a pregnant silence, Cassian's eyes finally finding the courage to look directly at Kit. She pursed her lips, trying to stop them from shaking as she blinked back the moisture gathering in the corners of her eyes. She couldn't sit up, so she settled instead for taking the older boy's hand. She meshed their fingers together tightly, their calloused and scarred palms fitting together like missing pieces of the same puzzle.

"You haven't lost me, Cassian," she said, her words filled with a silent promise.

Cassian leaned forward, pressing his hot forehead against her cold skin. She was so close he could begin to make out the flecks of amber in her mahogany coloured iris', and notice the faded scar that fell from the ridge of her brow and disappeared into the crease of her eyelid. He was so close that he could taste her lips as they grazed against his, tedious millimetres separating them still. "I love you," he whispered against her lips.

She smiled, her teeth bumping softly against his lip as a faint laugh echoed in the chamber's of her chest. Her lips tasted faintly like rain and dried blood, and she had to run her tongue over her lower lips to clear the faint trail of crimson that had gathered there at some point in the last few hours.

It seemed crazy that the two of them could share a single moment like this, untouched by the chaos that had enveloped every other aspect of their lives. Yet here they were, in the farthest reaches of a stolen ship in the middle of space, and nothing else mattered than the fact that Cassian's warm hands were pressed against her waist.

It seemed absurd that she'd been broken over and over, but somehow Cassian knew how to love her still. They had both been bent and broken to make themselves fit into the Rebellion machine, but somehow they still found a way to fit together.

Kit pressed her lips against his, brief enough to enjoy the way they worked on hers but chaste enough to leave him wanting more. "I love you too," she whispered, loving the way the words tasted on her tongue.

Cassian grinned and shifted so that his chest was hovering over hers, pinning her beneath him as she pressed his lips against hers again. Euphoria flickered like a swarm of birds in her chest, her heart beating rapidly against her ribs as Cassian's calloused fingers moved up the corners of her shift. "Is now a bad time to ask if the door's locked?" She mumbled against his lips.

Still reluctant to move away from her touch, the Captain used his foot to kick a thick steel box in front of the door, sealing it closed. "Better?" He asked.

"Better."

• • •

OML I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a while and this probably doesn't qualify as a good chapter but heRE I AM PUBLISHING THIS REGARDLESS.

Feel free to point out any mistakes because I'm a trash editor and need help.