Chapter Eleven

Fear nearly incapacitated me as I walked up the steps to the school doors. I wore my new clothes and shoes; I didn't want Paige and the others to think they wasted their money. I still wore my hoodie though. I couldn't quite part with it. It gave me a little bit of comfort and security. Enough that I was able to pull open the door and walk inside.

As I strode down the hallway toward my locker, some people stopped and stared. A few of my peers even smiled at me and said hi. I returned the greeting but knew my face was a mask of abject horror and confusion.

Despite my new clothes, I was still Daisy Wendell, the school outcast and misfit.

Ashley, Paige and Jenna were waiting for me at my locker. When I approached, Paige gave me a nod of approval.

"You look nice, Daisy," Ashley said.

"Thanks." I tugged at the too-tight top that was molding my boobs.

Jenna smirked. "I think you still look weird."

"Don't be a bitch, Jenna," Paige said. She then narrowed her eyes at me. "Have you ever thought of coloring your hair? You'd make a great blond."

I shook my head. Eyes wide, I looked around me, as other students started to surround me, and talking to me. I spied Dylan walking our way. Our gazes met, but he kept on walking past. He didn't smile at me, or I at him.

He looked like was going to say something. I wished he would. Maybe he could talk some sense into me. Maybe he could pull me out in time. Before things got out of hand. Before I got in too deep.

But he didn't.

And I didn't.

And we passed each other as if they hadn't known each other for years.

Then it all kind of hit me.

I put my hand over my mouth and dashed for the washroom. There were two other girls I didn't know in the washroom when I busted in. They jumped out of the way and pressed up against the walls as I darted into one of the stalls and vomited into the toilet.

On my hands and knees, I retched until I was empty and still my stomach lurched. Sweat dotted my forehead and the back of my neck. I could hear the two girls outside the stall tittering to each other. I could just imagine the stories that would be flying around school before the end of the day. I wouldn't be surprised that in one juicy bit I would be pregnant and experiencing morning sickness. Worse things had been said about me for less.

I grabbed some tissue and wiped my mouth, then got to my feet. I stumbled out of the stall and to the sink, where I ran the cold water and cupped some and drank it.

"Are you okay?"

I looked up into the mirror to see Ashley standing behind me, her hands fiddling with her shirt. She looked nervous.

"Yeah, I'll live."

"It's nice that you're trying."

"What do you mean?"

She shrugged. "To be Paige's friend. Haven's death has been really hard on her."
I wiped at my mouth again. "What about you?"

"Oh I'm sad, that's for sure. I miss Haven a lot, but I wasn't as close to her as Paige was. Or you, I guess."

I tossed the paper towel into the garbage. Two points, off the rim. "Haven always said nice things about you. She said you are the best one of the group, and that included myself."

She smiled, and it made me feel better.

After English class I went to the video room for a meeting with the student council about the prom video. Paige had wanted me to join them for lunch but I told her I couldn't because of this meeting. She looked at me funny but just shrugged and said she'd see me after school instead.

I did all the video work for the school. I liked it. I was good at it and I wasn't about to beg it off for lunch in the quad. When I entered the video lab I sat in my usual seat in the corner. The usual people were there, boys and girls, geeks and losers united, I'd known for years, but they all stopped what they were doing and stared as I'd swept into the room. I stared back unsure of what to do.

The teacher supervisor, Ms. Freeman, stood up and came over. "How can I help you Daisy?"

"Um, I'm going to work on my independent video project, like I do every Tuesday."

She smiled. "Oh right, yes, of course. I just thought..." She shook her head and waved a hand. "Nevermind."

They were all still watching me as I uploaded the project I'd been working on, and started my edits. Every once in a while, I glanced over my shoulder to see someone staring. When they saw I was looking they would quickly smile and go back to whatever it was they were doing.

After about fifteen minutes, Josh, who I'd worked on projects with before, pulled up a chair beside me. "Can I help you with anything?"

I frowned. "Ah, no. I got it. Thanks."

"Are you sure? I know sometimes this software can be pretty tricky."

"Josh, I know what the software is like. I'm the one that recommended it to the school."

"But if you're sure?"

I turned away from him, hoping he got the message. Leave me the fuck alone!

Why was everyone treating me like an idiot? I'd been one of the first students to join the video lab. I had in fact fought for it on several occasions. Without me, the lab wouldn't have lasted these past three years.

The lab was usually a safe haven for me. A place I would escape to and do the thing I loved the most without having to explain myself or hide. But now that feeling seemed to have followed me in.

After another ten minutes, I gathered my stuff and left feeling like my secure corner of the brutal high school world had been compromised.

The rest of the afternoon crawled by at a snail's pace. In a way I was glad of it, because I really didn't want to have to meet up with Paige and Jenna after school. I had no idea how to converse with either of them. Everything they nattered about either didn't interest me or I had no clue as to what or who they were discussing. It was exhausting trying to keep up.

During our shopping trip, I had been happy, as they had seemed, to be swept along in the moment from store to store. They never asked nor seemed to want my opinions on things. This had been fine with me. But now, it seemed to be required of me to actually contribute something of worth. Soon they would question what Haven had ever saw in me or maybe even question the authenticity of the video of Haven's proclamation of friendship. I was afraid they were going to recognize me for who I truly was and kick me to the curb. Not that I didn't already have experience there.

During the afternoon, something odd happened in social class. I wasn't the best student. I brought home average grades, but nothing stellar. I figured I didn't need to be on the honor roll to be a filmmaker. So bringing home a seventy, especially in social, was good for me. Besides that I never really got along with the teacher Mr. Rogers. He was a bit of a dick. Go figure with a name like Mr. Rogers. It almost seemed sacrilegious.

As usual, I sat in the back row in class. And as usual I kept my nose down in the book and barely looked at anyone, especially not the teacher. He walked the aisles through the rows of desks and asked questions about the chapter we'd just read and discussed--the influence of the media on American politics.

"Miss Wendell." My heart pounded when he stopped by my desk. "What are your thoughts on public officials using twitter?"

I swallowed. I really didn't want to answer, considering Mr. Rogers was a right-wing religious conservative, and well, I was the exact opposite.

"Um, I think, that they shouldn't be allowed to, especially if they are going to use it to spread their own personal bigoted opinions."

He frowned at me, and I winced knowing he was going to berate me and belittle me, like he usually did. Except this time, he nodded, and continued walking. Then he said, "Interesting point. Thank you."

I gaped. Then looked around to see if anyone else was gaping. Nope. They were all nodding along with him. Sheep! I wanted to scream at them. Fucking stupid sheep!

When the home bell rang, I quickly ran to my locker, dumped my books, grabbed my bag and booked it out of the school through the side door. I really didn't want to hang with Paige and Jenna or even Ashley, although she was growing on me. Not after the Twilight Zone day I'd had. I needed some time to think and consider and ponder everything that had gone on.

I walked home. My house wasn't that far from the school. A half hour walk at most. Every time a fast sports car roared up the street, I ducked into the nearby bushes, or behind a big tree trunk. I really hoped Paige didn't come looking for me. Stalking me. Preying on me.

When I finally arrived at my house, my feet were killing me. The ballet flats I wore hadn't been broken in, so I knew I had blisters all over my heel and probably a few on my baby toes from rubbing. I dashed inside before Mrs. Mayberry could see me, and bolted up the stairs to my room. I fell back onto the bed with a giant sigh and kicked off my shoes.

I looked down to see six lovely fat blisters on my feet. "Oh God that sucks."

"What sucks?"

I turned to see Haven sitting in my window.

"I wore ballet flats today. How the hell do you wear them all the time? I got millions of blisters." I lifted my foot up to show her.

"You have to stretch them a bit first, dummy." Haven laughed. "What else did you get up to?"

"Mr. Rogers didn't yell at me in class. Even when I gave him an answer I knew was going to piss him off."

She just smiled, and let me continue.

"Everyone smiled at me in the halls. It was really fucking strange."

"Just be careful my little flower," Haven said as she wrapped a tendril of silky blond hair around and around her finger. "That they don't pluck off your colorful petals and turn you into a weed."

I had always loved it when Haven called me a little flower. It made me feel delicate and dainty and pretty and not like the bumbling dull clod I was.

"I won't let that happen."

"I just know how seductive popularity can be."

"You don't have to worry about me." I said it all glib like, as if I didn't have a care in the world. The truth was I was more worried about what this was doing to me, then Haven was. Despite hating the clothes and all the things that went into being Paige and Jenna's friend, I could feel the very essence of me slipping away into oblivion.