All the lights were switched off as I entered the cozy house, the smell of food still lingering in the air, indicating that Chungha must've just finished eating.

My limbs hurt and every part of my body screamed at me to JUST FUCKING REST, which I was happier than ever to comply.

Sock clad feet tapped over the wooden floor as I made my way over to my small room, hoping not to wake my host mom if she was already sleeping.

But unfortunately, the blonde had yet to go to sleep. I heard the buzz of an electric toothbrush when I walked past the bathroom, the door opening promptly, revealing a tired looking Chungha with oversized pajamas and a messy bun, toothbrush still resting I her hand, "Y/N?"

I barely nodded my head, to signalize that I acknowledged her, too tired to bear her bickering and about to leave already, when I felt her free hand on my shoulder, causing me to flinch away violently.

"Wait," My eyes snapped up at the young woman, "I actually wanted to talk with you."

Well, I didn't.

"I..." Her eyes casted downwards, as if nervous, "I wanted to apologize for what I said earlier today. That was really insensitive and I should've thought of my words before saying them."

I wanted to scoff as I looked at her. Like that, with her head hung low in shame, blonde hair messy and fingers fiddling nervously I could perfectly picture her as the shy, christian girl she had been in school; well-behaved and naive.

She didn't seem to have changed much till today, whenever she had some kind of verbal outbreak she'd apologize immediately, looking as if she failed as a human being or something. 

The world would be a much better place if everyone was like her

I hid my scoff behind a friendly smile, shaking my head, "It's okay, don't worry. I've been told worse, I'm not resentful."

She smiled at me widely, looking relieved, "I'm glad you aren't mad. Really."

I just nodded. It felt strange about having someone who tried so hard not to hurt my feelings. As if she actually cared and wasn't just scared that Jesus would send her to hell otherwise.

"Thanks for caring tho." I added, feeling weird about admitting it - admitting that it felt good.

A warm chuckle escaped her lips, "How couldn't I, darling?"

A genuine smile tugged on my lips, not quite there but still obvious, apparently, and I quickly turned away hurrying to my room, because no I'm not allowed to feel so good around my host.

I was gonna leave soon anyways, so how smart was it to get comfortable around Chungha now? But yeah, it was getting easier and easier to be comfortable around her.

The window in my small but quite cozy room was wide open, as always, letting in the fresh air I needed.

My hands grazed the windowsill as I leaned outside, chilly night air doing nothing to clear my fuzzy mind.

My arms and feet hurt and I felt a small sting on my chin, where Jimin had broken the skin with his knife and I quickly changed into some comfy, less dirty clothes, before settling back onto my bed, facing the opened window.

I've always felt safer at night than during the day, which was a bit ironic considering my past, but there was just something about it that made everything less... intimidating. Maybe it was because at night, you couldn't see every detail, weren't aware of every horrific thing happening around you. Maybe.

I flinched when my phone rang, throwing a glance at the display.

Hoseok

My hands felt weak when I picked up the call, lifting the worn phone up to my ear.

"Hi?"

"Hey, Flower." His warm voice greeted me,"I just- I wanted to check if you were doing fine? I know you're pretty damn tough but I also know that Jimin is a whole other level of scary so..."

I chuckled tiredly, "Nah, I'm fine."

"Really?"

"Yeah," I yawned as I said this, "Just tired."

"Oh, right, right..." Hoseok sounded as if he knew he should hang up but still wanted to add something, wouldn't quite come to the point tho.

"What is it?"

I heard him sigh heavily, "When you need anything. Or anyone. Just call me okay? Even if it's just... I don't know... even if you're just feeling like talking with someone."

I scoffed. Somewhere along the way Hoseok had developed into a huge softie and I liked it more than I'm comfortable to admit, "Will do, promised."

"Okay...." He trailed off again, as if he wanted to add yet another thing. But he didn't, "kay then, good night Flower!"

He hung up and I sat there for a moment, phone still pressed against my ear as I stared outside into the pitch black night.

"What's this all about anyways." I muttered to myself while standing up, closing the window and falling back onto the bed with a thud, "Why's he fussing about me like that-"

My eyes wandered back to the now closed window, meeting eyes with my reflection.

While I thought I had become better the past days, I must've experienced a huge relapse because I now looked like a fucking ghost myself.

Skin white and thin like paper, body frail and worn-out, I was obviously unhealthy, but I didn't quite know why or what I could do against it.

I tried sleeping more, eating more and spending less time on dealing jobs and more time just hanging with Yoongi, but it didn't seem to help.

I was still just like my own shadow, barely there and I suddenly understood why Chungha didn't force me to go to school, or why Hoseok was so worried about me.

I tore my eyes away from my reflection feeling a bit unsteadied by the way I looked.

Laying back, I closed my eyes, mind being flooded with pictures of this day. So much had happened, but weirdly, the things that stood out the most in my head were the way Hoseok and Chungha had smiled at me.

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wanted to show you this cause it's hilarious and made me feel better at the same time:

xx