It takes two days for Zak to finally track me down and it doesn't surprise me that he manages too, when I clearly have friends with loose lips.

Opening my motel door, I literally walk straight into him.

"Hi." It's his first words and they seem to call to a piece in my heart as it speeds up at the sight of him.

"You need to leave." I tell him.

Glancing at my car, I can see he has parked his straight behind it, blocking mine in and making it impossible for me to leave. Which is fine, because I will walk or take a bus. Closing the motel door behind me, I pocket the keys and slip past him, heading for the bus stop.

"Please, just let me explain.." He says as he begins following me.

I shake my head. "How can you possibly explain sleeping with someone else?"

"Well, I can't. But-"

"There we go. That is the answer. You can't. You need to move your car before it blocks the lot up too." I tell him, crossing the parking lot.

"Then I'll block the whole parking lot. I'm not moving it until I speak with you." He insists.

"In for a long wait then because like I said, you can't explain and I don't want to hear whatever excuses that you've cooked up with your little friends."

I'm pulling the facade of being a cold hearted bitch, that I'm done with him and that I never want to see him again. But truth is, I spent yesterday in bed crying, looking at the messages and then being sick. To spending the night icing my eyes so that they don't look so puffy today. Of course it has done nothing for the dark circles underneath them from not being able to sleep, but I'll take what I can. If I need to look like a panda for a couple of days, then so be it.

"Will you stop walking and talk to me?!" He urges.

"About what? The rest of my stuff? If I'll sign a disclosure form? Whether I still want to work at the museum?" I rattle off.

"All of it, everything about this whole situation."

I stop, which allows him to run in front of me. "I'll be at Rhy's at 4."

"Who the fuck is Rhys?" He growls, as anger flashes across his face.

It would be touching, maybe I'd swoon at the idea of him being so territorial and a part of me almost does. But the crushing weight of those messages settle back onto my shoulders and bring me back down to planet Earth with a solid kick in the teeth.

"The coffee shop. We are not all cheating bastards, like you." I spit before shoving past him and walking to the bus stop.

******

"I feel responsible.." Charlie says as she drops down in the booth opposite me.

Lifting my eyes from the brown liquid in the cup, I look at her. "How?"

"Well I do and I don't. Obviously I didn't take his peen and insert it into her-"

"Stop." I interrupt as I begin to feel sick again. "Less details."

"Sorry, sorry." She quickly says before continuing. "I didn't make him do that, but I did let slip where you were. He seemed so upset on the phone and when he kept ringing... You know I like Zak, he has been really good for you, except for now of course. And I hate the idea of you being upset. Are you sure this is what you want?"

I pull out my phone and bring up the messages, before passing her my phone. "I don't know what I want out of meeting him today. But I definitely do not want that Zak.." I say pointing to my phone in her hand.

Charlie nods and hands my phone back. "I understand... Do you think talking about it will help? Could you forgive him?"

That was one question that had played on my mind all afternoon. Could I forgive him? Could I move past that? Or will I forever be questioning his actions?

I shrug. "You know, I've always said a leopard can't change their spots. That once a cheat, always a cheat."

"I know.."

"And I've always said that I would never take back someone who cheats because it's doomed."

"Uh-huh.."

"So why am I struggling to deal with the idea of not having him in my life?" I ask her.

She reaches over and places her hand on mine. "Because you love him and I bet he still loves you."

I don't comment and look out the coffee shop window at all the people passing by. For some reason, I can spot more happy couples than ever and it makes me nauseous. That was me, a couple of days ago. Happy and blissfully unaware of what he had done...

"Would you have rather not known?" Charlie asks as if she was in on my mental conversation.

"Of course not. Char, I read all the things about him online, I knew what I was getting into, but he promised me it was all lies and that he wasn't that type of person. I was stupid to believe it.. Wasn't I? Because he is like that."

She is about to reply when I spot Zak walking into the coffee store, which makes me sink into the booth further. This was a bad idea..

He spots me and hurries over to the booth, only pausing when he sees Charlie sat opposite me, glaring at him. "Oh.. Hi Charlie." He says sheepishly.

I take a breath as she rises from the seat like a cobra. "I should kick your ass." She whispers. "But I can't because I'm at work. I was routing for you not to fuck this up Zak."

"I know.." He mumbles.

"Guess what? You failed. You jackass!" She hisses before stepping out his way. "Sit down and make this apology the best you have. Whilst I get you both drinks."

He does as she says and sits opposite me. "She is still feisty.." He says lightly as Charlie heads back to the counter.

"Fancy a crack at her next?"

He frowns hard at that comment and I feel like a bitch for saying it. But it's out there now, and I refuse to apologise for it. The silence that falls on the table is suffocating and I find myself biting my nails in stress.

"Don't bite your nails." He says, after a set of drinks appear in front of us and Charlie heads off to clear more tables. "You'll make them sore."

"You've lost the right to tell me what to do." I mutter, dropping my hand from my mouth because he is right, they will be sore and I don't need anymore pain in my life right now.

"I'm sorry. I am so fucking sorry. I-"

Before he can spill into his apology, I interrupt him. "How did it happen?"

"W-what?"

"How did it happen?" I ask again. "It's a simple enough question. How did you meet her? Why did you have that app on your phone when you are suppose to be in a relationship with me? How long was it going on for before you slept with her? Is that the only time you slept with her? Is there other women I don't know about? Did the guys lie to protect you? Did you tell them to? Who came onto who? Where did you meet? What was it about her that you found attractive? Do you not like me anymore? What does she have that I don't? Have you been cheating on me with different women all this time? Have you got another woman in Vegas? Do you really spend all that time at the museum? Or have you got a mistress in Vegas? Did you use protection?"

He sits back, letting me rattle off all the questions that have been bouncing off my mind all night long. When my emotions begin to get the better of me, I stop to catch my breath. "Have I got to get myself checked because you've been sleeping around?"

"Why do you want to know?" He asks quietly.

"Why? Because I need to know what made you throw it all away. We were looking at houses together because that is what you wanted. You wanted a fresh start, you wanted to build a proper home..." I stop when another question surfaces. One that truly sickens me. "Did you bring someone home? Did you sleep with someone in our bed? Is that why you suddenly wanted to change homes?"

"No." He says instantly. But it feels too quick and I sit forward holding my stomach. "I swear to God, I didn't bring anyone home. It was just the once, with that woman. I swear."

"How can I believe you Zak?" I ask him. "I want to believe you, I really do but I can't. You've lied and I don't know if you are lying again."

"I'm not." He insists.

"Then tell me how it all happened. Because there are gaps in all this, that I need to know and don't you dare fucking lie to me."

"I had an email from the app. Saying that I had matches and to sign in to see them. So I downloaded the app one night whilst you were asleep."

"When?"

"About a month ago.."

"A month." I repeat.

"I downloaded the app to close my account and I almost did when I clicked onto the messages, just to see." He puts his face into his hands. "I was on one of my spirals, you know how I get..."

"I do, because I'm always there to pick you back up. But this time, this time was different. You decided not to confide in me, to talk through these insecurities so that I can show you how invalid and wrong you are about them. You went to another woman.." I answer, quickly wiping the tears that brewed up.

"I did. I won't lie. I clicked on the message and began speaking to this woman. She made me feel good. She made me feel important. Then it just went from there. We were messaging back and forth, I went to California for a lockdown and agreed to meet her. I met her at her home and slept with her.."

"So I'm not giving you enough attention?"

"No. Sweetheart, this isn't your fault. This is on me. This is all on me."

"Then why did you go to her? What made you look at me and then look at her and decide her? It doesn't make sense Zak."

"I know. As soon as I did it, I felt sick. I won't sit here and put another woman down because what is that going to achieve? It is my fault, not hers. I don't expect you to be angry with anyone else but me."

I nod in agreement.

"And I don't know why I went to her, I want to tell you how different you are and how much better you are, but you already know all that because you wouldn't sleep with someone else's partner. Sure she knew about you. She even messaged me to tell me that she was going to tell you."

"What?"

He nods. "She has been hanging it over my head for the past week, if you want to see the messages, I can show you. But it won't make a bit of difference, because it shouldn't have happened and when it did, I should have told you straight away. Because I love you. I really fucking love you and maybe that was why I went to her instead of you? Because things were serious between us and I have this self destructive behaviour and that I need to ruin everything good that comes into my life? And I didn't want to ruin you, because seeing you in any type of pain, kills me."

"Even when you've caused it?" I ask him. "This could have been avoided if you just deleted that app. For someone who didn't want to ruin me, you've destroyed me.." I cry. Pulling a napkin out the holder, I wipe my eyes and bunch the tissue up into my hand. "Have I got to get checked?"

He shakes his head. "I used protection."

I shudder with relief and quickly wipe my eyes again. "Can you remember our first date?"

"Of course I can."

"I went into that date open minded because I knew what was said about you on social media. But I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I guess I should have taken that warning and ran... Hindsight huh?"

"It's not like that."

"Can you remember what I asked you to promise? When we first decided that we wanted to be a couple? Can you remember that?"

He nods. "You made me promise to tell you the truth, no matter how painful it is. That if I had done something, that I was honest with you. That if I cheated, I came to you, because finding out is too painful."

I scoff. "You remember all that, but you didn't remember me when you slept with her. Do you want to know something?"

Zak looks up, waiting.

"The thought of me sleeping with another man, makes me feel sick to my stomach. The thought of anyone touching me, makes my skin crawl and that is because I'm committed to you."

"And I am to you."

"No." I tell him. "No you aren't. Because that wouldn't have happened."

I sit back and take a breath, trying to work out what happens from here. "I don't know where to go from here.."

"I want you to come home. I want to show you and prove to you how sorry I am."

"But I can't trust you." I tell him, causing his shoulders to drop. "How can I be with someone I don't trust?"

He reaches across the table and grabs my hand. "Please don't say that. I can fix this. I'll do anything to make this better. I'll- I'll go to therapy."

"You hate the idea of therapy."

"I hate the idea of not being with you. I hate the idea of you being out here alone. I hate the idea that you won't be there when I come home, because I need you. I really fucking need you. I hate the thought that I've hurt you and I've deleted the apps and stopped all the emails for it. I hate myself for what I have done. Why do you think I became distant? Because I am disgusted with myself. Every time I looked at you, I was reminded of what I had done, and I deserve that. But you didn't deserve that. I've fucked all of it up. Our relationship, the crew-"

"What happened with the crew?" I ask realising I was still missing pieces of this shit-show puzzle.

He scoffs. "You really think the guys sided with me over all this? As soon as they found it, they went crazy. I've had to cancel this weeks investigation and tell the producers that I am ill, because the crew refuse to go on the road with me. It seems my self-destructive behaviour has a bigger net than just us."

"Oh.."

"You know Bacon won't return my calls. The last message I got from him was 'I'm taking the week off, you should sort your home out.' They all adore you, they were so disgusted in me. They can't understand why I would risk everything with you for some stranger and I can't either. We had it all and I came in with a wrecking ball. Didn't I?"

I nod.

"I thought Aaron was going to quit. He was yelling at me for being so stupid. I've never seen him so angry."

My heart heals a little bit at the thought of the guys being on my side. "That's because they care about you, Zak. You are the pack leader.."

"They care about you too and I know if I don't get this right, if I don't leave here today with a chance at making things right between us, then I've lost everything. This isn't blackmail, I don't mean for it to sound like it. God I am fucking this up even more." He huffs.

"I've always said that I wouldn't give a cheater another chance."

"I know." He whispers. "I know.."

"So why am I sat here, praying that you can make this all stop? This pain? Why am I hoping that you will promise me that this will never happen again? That you will come to me when you are feeling insecure?"

Zak's head lifts. "I will, I promise. Babe, nothing like this will ever happen again and I'll go to therapy, I will. I'll be at home more. I'll find locations in Vegas, I'll let you check my phone-"

"I don't want to do that. I shouldn't have to do that." I tell him. "I should be able to trust you. Implicitly."

He nods. "You should and I know it's going to take time to build that trust back and it's going to take a long time. But I want a chance to. I need you to give me a chance to gain it back."

I look over to see Charlie nodding her head, urging me to give him a shot. Zak's eyes follow too but she shoots him a middle finger and tells him that she is watching him.

"She is really scary, considering how small she is." He whispers making me laugh softly. "There is it.. God I've missed that smile and laugh."

My smile slowly slips off my face and I look back to him. "You've got one more chance. That is it."

He grabs my hands and kisses them. "I won't need another because I am not going to fuck this up. I swear to you."

"No more apps."

"Already gone."

"And if you do this again. I'm gone. No motels, I'm gone, completely. Out of Vegas and I won't be coming back."

His eyes widen at the thought but he quickly nods his head. "I understand."

"Good."

"And I'll sleep in the spare bedroom until you trust me again. If that is what you need? I'll come home earlier from the museum, I can uh- you can come to the museum with me if you want? Do you want to do that? I'd like for you to come with me."

"I need to be able to trust you Zak and to do that I also need to let you go about your own life. Not be glued to your side suffocating you.."

He frowns. "Why am I still getting this wrong?"

"You're not. You are just trying to ease the pain and I'm grateful. But I don't want things to change between us, we were perfect until you went back onto that app. Babe, if you are feeling uncomfortable, I need you to tell me. I need you to come to me and rely on me like I rely on you. Wake me up, tell me that you are having doubts about anything, everything. Let me in, because the moment you don't.. Things like this happen."

"I know. God you so much better at all this, than I am."

I scoff. "I don't know about that."

A clearing of a throat has us both look towards the counter, where Charlie is stood with a knife and a carrot. She cuts it with force whilst glaring at Zak, before she disappears back into the kitchen with it.

Zak gulps. "Is she always like that?"

"Yeah, yeah she is.."

"Why do you have carrots in a coffee shop?" Zak asks.

"For the carrot cake.." I answer, stifling a laugh when Charlie comes back out the kitchen with narrowed eyes at Zak.

"She is mad at me too.."

"More disappointed." I tell him. "She was really routing for you."

He nods. "Then I have three people to make it up too, as well as the crew."

"One thing at a time." I tell him, because I don't want him going down a slope that he can't get out of. "Hang on, why three?"

Zak looks at me. "Oh Gracie is refusing to listen to me. Turns out that your support group just keeps growing. She stayed a dirty protest this morning and decided to use the lounge rug as her personal bathroom. I couldn't tell her off because I know she is missing you terribly."

I pinch my lips together to stop the laugh.

"Yep. You have well and truly overtaken my life and you know what? It's the best thing that has ever happened to me. So my first task is to build back your trust."

I nod.

"The second one, which I hope we can both do together.. Is go and get a new lounge rug, today. Please?"

A smile pulls on my face. "I think we can probably do that."

Zak sighs with relief. "Good because I am awful at colour schemes and I don't need my mom coming in and pointing out how bad it looks."

Forgiving is not the same as forgetting, and I think Zak knows that the road ahead isn't going to be a smooth one. That we both need to work on fixing this relationship, because although I didn't break it, he would still need my help in mending it.

As we leave the coffee shop, Zak asks. "Do I really have to go to therapy?"

"Would you like Charlie and her carrot to answer that?"

He shudders. "Add finding a therapist to todays agenda too. "

I suppress a laugh and put that task on the back burner, for now. I don't want to throw him in the deep end and expect him to be doing lengths. We needed to work through this together and maybe that would involve me going to therapy too, because my unhealthy obsession with reading hateful comments online have definitely had an impact on our relationship too. When I tell Zak this, he goes quiet whilst thinking it over before we both say in unison.

"One thing at a time."

And that is exactly how we are going to recover from this.

One. Thing. At. A. Time.