I yawned a long yawn, just leaving the attic's bedroom. Mabel had already beaten me out of bed that very morning - typical of her to do so. She still has that same personality she did when we were twelve.

Before I officially left the attic, I passed by the mirror only to stop myself and walk backwards to check my own reflection. I lightly combed my bed head hair with my fingers while keeping my other hand stuck in my tan cargo shorts. My silver dog tag necklace hung delicately around my neck, reflecting itself in the sunlight that seeped through the red tinted window of the room.

Casually flinging on my good ol' faded blue pine tree hat, I pulled up my dark blue sweater's sleeves. On my forearm, I had gotten a tattoo of Bill's zodiac sign, a wheel with ten different symbols on it. I don't know why I had gotten it but at the same time I liked it. Even when I came back up to Oregon for the summer, Great Uncle Ford had laughed it off when I showed it to him.

Grunkle Stan, on the other hand, was a bit more skeptical about it, asking me what was the meaning of getting "permenant cavemen art drawn on my arm".

Finally continuing on downstairs, I nearly tripped over Waddles, my sister's pig. He never knew how to lift his weight anymore taking into account he was a big seven-year-old pink lump. Every summer, too, he'd easily find the bottom of the stairs in the shack as his favorite comfy spot. But just imagine this - an immovable, obese farm animal that can take you down just by laying on the ground.

And that's exactly what Waddles did. He took me down to the ground, squealing from fright when I tripped over his damn lard. Not that I didn't love him or anything, but everytime he was there got me more and more aggravated.

I groaned, rubbing the side of my whiplashed head from the sudden fall I had taken when my face met the wooden boarded floor in a matter of seconds. "Really?" I said to him. "It's not even July yet." As Waddles snorted and moved an inch or two, I couldn't help but chuckle at my own clumsiness.

Shaking off the numb pain in my head, I moved to the kitchen. Though it had been a couple of years, the kitchen had remained the same. Everything surprisingly still functioned as it should, even the fridge, which Grunkle Stan said he will keep until the day he dies. He claimed that "life is too short to spend money on a new fridge when the one you have works just fine".

That same moment, he had opened the fridge door and the door had broken off of its hinges, falling to the ground with a gigantic thud. Despite Ford's efforts to try to convince Stan to buy a new fridge, Ford had just fixed the door with his tools. Still, when you open it, you never know when it will fall apart again.

As soon as I reached the doorway of the kitchen, I was greeted by a high pitched, echoed voice. "Three. That pig has you beat, Pine Tree."

I hadn't turned my head, knowing perfectly well he was right behind me, sitting at the kitchen table, like he often did.

Every morning, he would keep track of Waddles's takedown streak with me. So far this summer, Waddles had taken me down three times. Tomorrow would be four if I wouldn't remember to watch out for him. Still, I never really learned. I was just as clumsy as I was when I was twelve.

I rolled my eyes with a groan, reaching for the fridge. Inside were two cans of Pit Cola, a package of sliced bologny that hasn't moved since the very first time I came to Gravity Falls, and a carton of brown eggs.

"Bill, you can't be here." I sighed, grabbing a can of Pit Cola and cracking it open with the sound of a crack and fizzing of the soda inside.

"Of course I can!" He echoed, making me flinch from fear that someone would overhear him. "I have a physical human form now!"

"No, I mean, you really can't be here. Like, really." I tried to clarify.

Bill had his human legs crossed and resting on the table as he was tipped slightly back in his chair. He had a bowl of cereal in his hands, yet didn't appear to be eating it right. He may have had a bowl, but no spoon. Instead, to get the cereal out of the bowl and into his mouth, he used his bare hand. As he talked, he didn't care to swallow before he did, causing the milk and cereal to fall right out of his mouth.

"I can do things now, Pine Tree! Human things! Who knew a human body needed this much attention - eating and sleeping." He chewed more while he talked, some food making it down but some food just falling out onto the ground.

"You know you're supposed to eat with your mouth closed, right? Also, a spoon would work better than what you're doing." I explained, taking a sip of my soda, feeling the rush of the fizzy cherry flavored drink coat my tongue.

"I gotta tell ya, kid." He went on, completely ignoring my lecture. "You may have gotten rid of me during Weirdmageddon, but not all of me!"

The truth was, we did defeat Bill. He may be back, but at least he doesn't have enough power to burn the world into ashes or even shrink our brains to turn us into a bunch of mindless goats if he really wanted to.

"No, because that would be awful." I rolled my eyes, sarcasm noticeable in my tone of voice. "That still doesn't change the fact that you still need a spoon." I pointed to his bowl of cereal with the soda in the same hand.

"Spoons are for the hopeless and weak. Besides, I'm immortal." He boasted, food still being chewed with a talkative mouth.

"You're a human, Bill. You're a mortal." I corrected him with a face. To be fair, it was true. He was just stretching the truth. He may have been immortal before, but now he wasn't. He has his own physical body now, but his demonic magic did not make him immortal, especially when his powers were fading and slowly dying more and more everyday.

"Really?" He asked, suddenly putting down his bowl of cereal and sounding interested and intrigued. "Then, how come I can still do this?" His finger rose in the air and pointed to the soda can in my hand. Before I knew it, the can had slipped out of my hand and floated above my head, dousing me in a cold, wet Pit Cola shower. Bill let out an entertained and proud laugh, tipping his head back in a fit of laughter.

I stood there drenched, watching him with squinted eyes as he enjoyed his own joke, even wiping away a single tear from his eyes. "If it wasn't funny the first hundred times, it's definitely not gonna be funny now." I told him, though he begged to differ.

"Oh, man! I've got to hand it to you, Pine Tree. You and your family are so fun to taunt!" He laughed some more as he witnessed me take off my hat and squeeze out the excess soda.

"I still don't get what's so funny about it." I said matter of factly. If Bill can't destroy me, he sure knew the next best thing - making my life miserable in any way he could, no matter how weak or pathetic his attempts were. He didn't have all the power in the universe to do what he wanted so instead he used his failing powers to get some cheap laughs... which was only amusing to him obviously.

The moment I was done squeezing out my hat, footsteps came closer and closer to the kitchen, coming from the stairs. As a raspy and gross cough of my half awake uncle came down, he ceased in the doorway. He had bedhead hair and his eyes were still full of sleep. I froze in place as Stan turned his head and noticed me. For a long and uncomfortable moment, all he did was stare at me. Then, he went to the fridge while greeting me.

"Hey, kid." He said.

I sighed a deep breath out, glad Stan hadn't seen the other obvious person who was eating his cereal like an unintelligent chimp.

My attention was brought suddenly back to Stan as he began to talk casually while looking around effortlessly in the fridge for something edible. "You know that mysterious, bird-shaped, red mark on my foot? Turns out it is a rash and not from one of those cop ankle bracelets." He let out a chuckle as he gave up on finding something to eat and turned towards me. I stood infront of Bill, hoping desperately he wouldn't notice I was hiding a person behind myself. "So it looks like I owe Ford five bucks." He then proceeded to turn around, Pit Cola in hand. "Anyways, who's your friend?"

Before I could even think up a cover story, Bill's booming voice from behind was undeniably loud and clear. "Howdy there, Stanley! Say, you haven't changed a bit! Still your hairy, wrinkly, good ol' self, I see."

He stopped mid-drink and his eyes went wide as if he had just realized something. Then, he spit it out. His soda launched in my direction, too quick for me too even see coming.

Great. Another Pit Cola shower.

From behind me, Bill erupted into another fit of laughter, resulting in a snort and banging of his fist on the table which shook. "Man, this human world is a riot!"

Hey y'all! So this one shot isn't really finished but I just wanted to share it anyway and publish it now because this one shot was pretty fun to write since it was just supposed to be a humorous one. Also it's a Gravity Falls one shot so yay! I haven't written a Gravity Falls one shot in a while so I hope you enjoyed!

(Human!Bill AU)