Dedicated to Shvaenyx210905 thank you for the love you've shown for this book! I'm grateful. 

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"I don't even know what to say to her."

Wilder was quiet. We stood in front of my house. We had waited at his place till it was evening and my mom had returned home from her restaurant. I sighed and gazed sideways at him, prodding again. "What...do you think I should say to her?"

Wilder raked a hand through his hair, his other hand finding mine and clasping it firmly. He shook his head. My heart fluttered at the tiny gesture.

"I don't know, Nico. You...need to confront her and there's really no softer way around it." He looked at me. "Or you could just...not tell her at all."

"No," I gritted my teeth, feeling my anger return like an avalanche in my chest. "No. I...I need to confront her." I shut my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Maybe we should go in front of her and start making out," Wilder suggested. I burst out laughing at the way he looked so serious. He glanced at me, smiling softly. "Yes and then jump apart and yell 'No Homo.'"

I giggled and nudged his arm playfully. "That's a foolproof plan, she won't know what hit her."

He gazed at me silently, leaning in to kiss me. I shut my eyes and revelled in the tender kiss, my skin tingling with pleasure. Would I ever get used to this?

When he leaned back, his gaze was soft, loving. The twinkle in his eyes was back. Or perhaps it was simply the streetlight reflecting off his irises. Either way, I was glad. 

"I'll wait here in case you want to make a dramatic exit."

I bit my lip and nodded. "Sounds good."

I gazed at him silently for a while, my heart aching from my mother's acts. I couldn't understand. It was hard to believe that the person I loved and trusted the most had been the reason for the agony I had gone through. She was the reason I had lost all those years with Wilder. All those memories I could have made with him. Part of me still hoped if she knew what my feelings truly were, that maybe she would understand. Accept. 

Anger flared at my insides when I heard the unmistakable sound of a car and turned to see hers pulling up to the driveway. Wilder grasped my hand firmly before leaning in to kiss my forehead. "I should go with you."

I shook my head, my heart warm that he would even suggest such a thing. "No, it's okay. I...I'll handle it."

He sighed deeply as both of us gazed at the familiar figure of my mom stepping out of the car. A moment later she was on the front porch, reaching for the door handle. Her form came to light when she stood under the lamp of the doorway. My heart seized in pain. Searing white-hot knives seemed to pierce my chest. How could she do this to me? 

Maybe she didn't realize how everything had affected me. A nervous gnawing began in my stomach. Was I doing the right thing by confronting her? What if she rejected me? Would she ask me to leave? Or would she try to 'transform' me?

The biggest question out of the million still lurked like a devil. The question I had harboured in the deepest corners of my heart ever since I had realized what I was.  

Would she be ashamed of me?

I shut my eyes, forcing myself to stop thinking. I squeezed Wilder's hand for just a second before taking a deep breath. He finally let go of my hand. Slowly. As if he was reluctant. I glanced at him as he bit his lip nervously and spoke, "Okay. Good luck...baby."

I stuttered to a stop, my ears heating up as I stared at him. His face was bright red and he shrugged. "Er...sweetheart?"

I remained quiet, bewildered. 

"Um, honey? Pumpkin?" He shoved his hands deep into his jeans pocket and shuffled his feet. I burst out laughing. 

"You make me cringe, Wilder Collins. Look I'm literally physically uncomfortable." I stuck my left shoe out and wiggled my toe. "The cringe is real. I'm squirming-"

He chuckled. "Okay, love?"

My heart skipped a beat, my cheeks warming up as I hurriedly shook my head. "Now's not the time, okay?"

He grinned widely. "Okay...pumpkin."

I shook my head and tried to appear annoyed, even though my heart was playing a drunkenly orchestrated song in my chest. 

I made my way towards my home. I could feel his gaze on me and the closer I got to the front door, the harder it became to walk. My mom had now disappeared inside the house and shut the door behind her. I walked up to it and knocked on it. I waited for five minutes. Arfie's barking was already audible inside and a second later Kailey opened the door. 

"Nico!" she grinned. I remembered silently the reason why she apparently hated me. Or had hated me in the past. 

"Er...hi."

"You're famous!" 

She grinned as I stepped inside and shut the door behind me. I gaped at her and began, "Wh-"

She reached into her pocket and fished out her phone, showing a video playing on the screen. It was the video of a very nervous me reciting 'The Bird that Forgot to Fly' in the English class. I gazed at the name of the person who had posted it. Camden McKenzie.

That little bitch.

I took her phone, my heart hammering and gazed at the slew of positive comments and reactions below it. The video had over six thousand views. My chest constricted uncomfortably. Students were applauding the poem, people recalling their own experiences with bullying and heartbreak. People relating to body dysmorphia.

"Whoa," I muttered under my breath and gaped at her.

She grinned. "Even the teachers saw it and applauded you for your own take on something that so many people go through." She leaned forwards and hugged me. "I'm proud of you, Nic."

I felt my throat close up a little as I gazed at her when she leaned back. For a second I could envision us running and making sandcastles on the beach. For a second I could envision us singing karaoke horribly at the top of our voices. For a second I could envision us following dance tutorials from YouTube and failing miserably. For a second, I could see my little sister.

I leaned forwards and grabbed her in a bear hug as she pretended to choke. She laughed when I pulled away and punched my arm gently. "Alright now, that's enough of the emo stuff."

I grinned at her, my heart feeling suddenly lighter. "I...I need to talk to mom."

Her smile faded slightly. Arfie came bounding down the staircase and started encircling us wildly. I crouched down and messed up his fur, scratching his tummy as she asked in a low, slightly trembling voice, as if she knew already. "Um..why?"

"I know about your 'unhomofy Nico' mission," I sighed and straightened up, leaving Arfie to sniff around some more. "I...I need to talk to h-" My breath caught in my throat as my mom appeared in the hallway, grinning widely. Kailey's mouth was agape, her face pale and she quickly turned around to look at mom. Seeing her face my mom's grin faltered slightly. 

"Mom...I need to talk to you." I took a deep breath and stood up straight, walking into the kitchen where I was mildly surprised to see my dad sitting on the chair and drinking coffee. He smiled at me and I forced a smile back at him, my mind returning to that day after the hospital. Seemed like a lot of skeletons were to come out of the closet. 

I turned around to face my mother as she entered. Kailey leaned against the kitchen door, chewing on her bottom lip nervously. I took a deep breath as I spoke, "Mom...before I tell you anything I...I just want to know if there's something you didn't tell me?" 

I gazed at her, hoping against hope that she would admit. My dad glanced between both of us, his eyes wide in bewilderment. My mom's eyebrows shot up to her forehead and she crossed her arms in front of her chest before shaking her head. My heart sank at her denial.

The air around the room solidified as I spoke. It felt like all my life had burned down to this single moment. I hated how big a deal it was. I hated how terrified I was. I hated how desperately I had hidden Nico from my family. How desperately I had hidden him from myself.  

"Mom. Dad. I'm gay."

"Oh," my dad said, sounding mildly shocked as he gazed at my mom. His eyes had returned to their normal size which made me wonder if he probably already knew.

My mom's face, however, had gone pale. Her lower lip quivered, her gaze frozen on me as if she had seen a ghost. A chill crept down my back and I almost took a step backwards.

Every second of silence stretched on solidly, my heart hammering in trepidation. My stomach felt hollow as I gazed at her, waiting for a response. Finally, she took a deep breath and shook her head. "Nico...you're...not."

I gaped at her in disbelief. "What do you mea-"

"You were...with Marien honey," She shook her head, looking distressed. Her hair seemed to come undone from the messy bun and scatter around her face in a disarray, somehow adding to her haggard appearance. "I...I know that Collins boy has got you into this stuff. I am telling you-"

"This...stuff?" I said, struggling to keep my voice even as the wild animal of wrath slowly rose in my belly, spurred by disbelief and hatred. "Mom, Wilder didn't make me gay."

"Nico," she spoke in a choked whisper.  My dad and sister seemed too shocked to respond as she continued. "Honey, we know everyone experiments at your age. It's okay, nothing-"

I staggered back, staring at her, feeling like she was stabbing my heart with each of her insensitive words. I hadn't expected her to accept me right away but for her to undermine my feelings and talk in such a vile, condescending way was beyond me. I had thought there would be trouble, but not that she would think I was simply delusional.

"Mom, are you serious?" I yelled, my words echoing around the kitchen as I suddenly saw a stranger. "Is that what you honestly think of my feelings? Do you even know how much I trusted you and how much shit I went through because you're a paranoid homophobe?"

She sucked in a sharp breath, her glistening eyes suddenly narrowed and dark. "Nicola-"

"Stop calling me that! You know I hate it!" I shrieked, losing all coherence. She flinched, but I couldn't bring myself to care. "You think I'm gay because I want to experiment? Do you any idea about the number of things I have to tolerate because of this? Just because I never told you, mom, because I knew you wouldn't understand-"

"Nicola!" she yelled suddenly, her voice trembling with rage as my dad rose to his feet, nervously looking at her. He seemed to be chewing on his tongue. "Don't talk to me like that! This is precisely why I didn't want you to be with that Collins boy! He left you. He abandoned you and still-"

"Yes mom, because you asked him to!" I yelled back at her, my body trembling with rage. "He was the best friend I ever had, do you even know what you made me lose? Or do you care about my sexuality so much that you don't give a shit about my feelings? You were the one person I trusted mom. I thought I could-"

"You can trust me, honey," she said, shaking her head as tears rolled down her pale cheeks. Tears I had caused. Just by being myself. Just for being honest. "I-if you try to be with girls I think you might-"

I had the sudden urge to throw something at her. Kailey piped up suddenly. "Mom...mom nobody cares at this day and age. It's not-"

"This...this isn't-" She shook her head, her eyes wide, deranged. I couldn't recognise my mother in her cruelty. "All of this-"

"It's not a trend mom," I spoke, clenching my fists as I glared at her. 

She stared back at me, her eyes flashing. But before she could say anything, my dad spoke up, "Honey, Kay is right. No one cares this d-"

"Shut up!" my mom shrieked. I flinched suddenly. I had never heard her voice so shrill, so uncontrolled.  "Shut up all of you! All of you are liars!" 

She turned on her heel and started stomping away, throwing one last dirty looking at my dad which made my blood run cold. She knew about his supposed affair.

I heard her footsteps recede away and took a shuddering breath. My dad collapsed on the chair, his head in his hands and Kailey stood still, at a loss for words. Arfie whined softly from somewhere in the hallway. The silence was overwhelming. It was louder than anything I had ever heard. A ringing started in my ears, my vision tunnelling for a few seconds before I came back to myself.

I took a deep breath, feeling my blood turn to ice. I was scared of the way she had looked, the way she had yelled. 

Like she suddenly hated me.

"I...I won't be here tonight." I declared and without waiting for a response, left the kitchen. 

I ran up to my room, banging the door open violently and pulling everything I needed into a backpack. I couldn't believe my mom thought that my being gay was a choice. I couldn't believe that she had gone behind my back on a mission to make me 'not gay'. I couldn't believe my dad was cheating on her. I couldn't believe Kailey used to hate me. 

Was this family even mine?

I couldn't remember the last time I had felt connected to my home. I couldn't remember the last time I hadn't felt terrified of every step I took lest my mom would know what I was. But it didn't matter now. Part of me was glad that she knew. But the little boy inside me was still cowering, cursing myself for coming out to her. The little bird inside me just wanted to keep living in the closet for his entire life. Maybe adopt a few dogs and live alone. But I had fought hard to strangle that part of me, and I wasn't ever going to let it rise, even if I shattered in the process, I wouldn't lose myself again.

I flew down the staircase. I could hear Kailey's voice calling me but I didn't care. I couldn't stay there. No fucking way. I banged the main door open and let Arfie follow me. Seemed like he didn't care about anything apart from the fact that he loved me. No matter what.

I ran down the front porch and into the semi-dark streets. As soon as I did, I spotted Wilder leaning a little distance away against a fence. I walked over to him, my chest heavy and throat closed up. He looked at me, his eyes glittering softly under the dim street lights.

I gave a sad chuckle. "She thinks you made me gay."

He sighed, frowning slightly as he pulled me into his chest. I relaxed into his warm embrace. Knowing that apart from Arfie, there was another person who knew all of me, and still loved me.