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I left Wilder's room late in the afternoon. I was happy with the blog that I had published, something that Wilder had shared on his profile. Since basically the entire school followed him, I was sure it would get some amount of publicity.

He had looked shocked when I had written under the pseudonym of 'Clio Derwin.' But I had a certain love affair with the name that still made me blush. My heart felt full when I stood at the front porch of Wilder's place, beaming up at him.

"You should stay for dinner," he said as he leaned against the door frame and gazed at me. "Mom's making pizza."

I chuckled. "No toppings?"

He grinned, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Onions. But you can always pick them away as you do," his eyes glittered softly. "It is my cheat day and I invite you to partake in that."

I shook my head, feeling slightly disappointed that I had prior commitments. "Thanks, but I gotta meet Marien."

His grin disappeared. "Oh," his eyes studied me intently as he spoke. "Where?"

"Brewed," I answered. "I don't really like coffee. But the place is kinda really cu-"

"Like a date?" he asked, glancing at his wristwatch. 

I gaped at him, my brain suddenly working furiously. Was it a date?

"Er...I don't know. It's just coffee."

"Yeah. A coffee date," His voice was impassive enough, but the wishful part of me detected a hint of jealousy behind his words. He shrugged, and I wondered if it was his awkwardness that was suddenly making him shuffle his feet.

I felt my cheeks burning. I hadn't even thought about what it would look to outsiders. "I...didn't really think about that."

He was quiet for a while before he asked, "Do you like her?"

I shrugged, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. I trailed the toe of my sneaker in a small circle on the wooden porch, averting his eyes as I answered. "She's really nice to me."

"Would you...date her?" His voice was soft, weak, almost a plea. I was stunned.

I hugged myself even though it wasn't cold and gently stroked my own arm, feeling the bandage below my t-shirt that he had tied so lovingly. I gazed into his eyes, the memories returning to me. His seductive scent. His drunken lips. His tongue. His warm, intoxicating breath.

I wanted him to ask me to not go with Marien. I wanted him to ask me to stay with him instead.

"I...shouldn't...I?" I whispered in answer, waiting for him to refuse.

He gulped, his eyes dark. I could almost see azure embers behind the dark brown. As if a fire burning with some unsaid agony. He parted his lips slightly and shut them. I found myself drawn to him and took a step forward, entranced. 

He sighed and shook his head, his lips parting again and shutting as if on the verge of saying something. Confessing anything. I was almost sure that he would. However, he looked like he was fighting some internal battle as he finally said, "I'll...see you later, Evans."

I gazed silently as he shut the door on my face. I gaped at the despondent wood for a long time, expecting him to open the door and pull me close. Expecting him to kiss me again like he had last time. Expecting him to ask me to stop.

He didn't.

I turned around and started making my way back the way I had come. My heart sank to my stomach and fell lower, each of my feet feeling like blocks of ice. My ears strained themselves of their own accord, hoping I would hear Wilder's voice. However, I reached the main road and didn't hear him behind me. My heart seemed to break as I realized that he wouldn't call me after all.

I was confused. Was his kindness, his tenderness with me just his usual demeanour with everyone? Was I delusional? But he had kissed me. Held me. Made my heart leap like no one else ever had. Was all of it just a lie? Was I hoping for too much? He was with Kendra after all.

I was terrified to ask.

It has been so easy for him to just shut me off. Dispose of me. He would do it again. And I couldn't bear the thought of trying to get over him a second time. 

Who the hell was I kidding anyway? I wasn't over him yet. Every time I was even near him, my heart decided to dance and pirouette.

I sighed, gazing despondently at the empty road in front of me. I fished into my pocket and pulled out my phone, dialling slowly. My heart raced in trepidation, but I couldn't fathom the alternate thought.

Clio Derwin was an anagram for both of our names together. Nico and Wilder. I hadn't expected him to get it. And he hadn't.

But I had never been good at betraying my feelings. If Marien liked me, I didn't want to string her along. Not when my heart was so hopelessly someone else's.

"Hey," I spoke, placing the phone to my ear when her voice answered. "Er...I'm going to have to take a rain check on the coffee thing."

She sounded disappointed, but didn't ask too many questions and asked me to call her later. I hung up and started walking faster along the street, my mind wandering. I reached home after half an hour and tried to go straight to my room.

To my dismay, my mother was waiting in the kitchen and called me the moment I entered. I cursed under my breath when I heard her voice.

"Nicola," she said. I sighed and walked over where she was leaning against the counter, making sure I had an impassive face. I recognized the deep monotone, one that meant she was about to scold me.

"Mom."

"Sit. We need to talk." She nodded at the chair in front of her around the dining table.

And all the wrong things I had ever committed came back to me. My stomach turned uncomfortably. I sat on the chair that she was pointing at and stared up at her with what I hoped was an innocent expression. 

"This Marien girl, what did you do to her?"

I gaped at her, dumbstruck. "How...do you-?"

She sighed, her eyes dark as she sat across me. "She came here before time to try and surprise you. And you completely blew her off. What is that about?"

I blinked rapidly. "How does she know where I live?"

My mom's face flushed. Her eyes widened slightly as she said, "She asked Kailey. They are in the team together." I stared as she shook her head and continued. "That is not the point. She is smart, pretty and sweet. And she was so happy to go with you. Why did you cancel?"

I clenched my jaw, feeling anger writhing in my stomach. But I remained quiet. I hated it whenever she tried to interfere in my social life. She had no business there.

"Look, honey, call her now. You need to go out more. You spend your entire time by yourself. You need to be with more people your age-"

"I know she's nice mom," I spoke in a measured voice. "That's why I agreed to go out with her in the first place. Then I didn't feel like it and refused."

"Honey," she shook her head. "Come on. She was really sad when she received your call. You should have seen-"

I sighed and shifted uncomfortably in my chair. I felt guilt burning my insides. I knew whatever I had done had perhaps been cruel, but it was a necessary evil. 

"It's just a coffee, sweetie. Go have some fun. You'll enjoy."

I rose to my feet. "Thanks for the guilt trip mom. But I'm not interested."

I turned around, hoping I hadn't overstepped when she spoke again, "Where were you?"

I stopped in my tracks and turned around, stunned by the hardness in her voice. She had got to her feet and was crossing her arms in front of her chest. Her eyes flashed, narrowing with the 'don't-fucking-lie-to-me' look.

I was quiet, my heart sinking. "Um...Cam. I was with Cam."

"What were you doing?"

"Playing."

"What were you playing?"

"FIFA."

"Who won?"

"Camden."

"What was the score?"

"Three zero."

"How many did you score?"

"One-" I bit my tongue as she took a deep breath in satisfaction. 

"Why are you lying to me, Nicola? Where were you?" She sounded almost sad and it broke my heart. I vaguely wondered how she would react if I told her I was gay as fuck.

"Wilder. I...I know you don't like him," I gazed at her, pleading. At the mention of his name, a dark shadow had passed across her features. "But...he's helping me now, mom. There were these bullies and he saved me and-"

Her eyes widened. "Bullies? They are still a thing?" She raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were old enough to ward them off on your own, Nicola."

Nicola. Nicola. Nicola. No matter how much I hated the name, she would always call me by that.

"There were too many of them. And...they took my phone and-" I gulped, realizing how childish I sounded. She pressed her lips into a thin, disapproving line.  

"Did they hurt you?" she sighed softly, her eyes dark. I shook my head, relief flooding through me. She gazed at my face before asking, "Did you try to fight back?"

"I did," I replied. "But they-"

"Nicola, you are eighteen. You need to start standing up to people. You don't deserve to be treated this way." She shook her head, looking distressed. Her forehead wrinkled, her eyebrows furrowing. "You need to be a little more upfront, honey. You can't let everyone walk all over you. Why don't you-"

"I don't... I hate confrontations, mom. You know I hate violence," I shook my head, the thought of fighting always made me nervous.

"That's not a bad thing, honey. You should condemn violence. But you cannot just let everyone walk all over you like that. You know, Kailey-"

I scoffed mirthlessly, anger ravaging my insides. "Yeah. Kailey is such a perfect example child, mom."

Her eyes widened, her mouth opening and closing like she was on the verge of speaking but couldn't get herself to speak. I decided I had had enough.

"You should know that your model kid was with them. She fucking-" my mom flinched horribly, but I didn't care. "-watched and laughed with them, okay? So don't give me her damn example." My voice rose and I was vaguely aware of Kailey wandering into the kitchen.

"You're making such a big deal out of this, drama queen," Kailey said, rolling her eyes as she crossed her arms in front of her chest and walked over to me, her eyes cold. "He just pushed you. You shouldn't have been so sassy if you were going to cry like a whiny bitch in front of the whole school. You're a fucking embarrassment."

I gaped at her, feeling like she had stabbed my heart.

It was true that we never got along, but I never truly believed that she actually hated me. Now, however, it was believable that she did. 

"Kailey!" My mom yelled, sounding hysterical. "Do not talk to him like that. Apologize right now!"

She scoffed and shook her head, rolling her eyes sarcastically. My mom looked shaken, her skin pale as a ghost. 

"Come on, mom. You know it's true," she sighed, glaring at me with hatred that made my skin crawl. "You know this wouldn't have happened if he could stand up to them like a man. But no, he's just entitled to whine and cower behind his friends. Pathetic."

I wanted to say something, but couldn't bring myself to. Did she really think all that stuff? My own sister. Did she actually think so little to me? 

"Kailey," my mom said, trembling with rage. "Go to your room right now."

"Mo-" Kailey began, no hint of remorse in her glinting eyes.

"Now!" I flinched slightly when my mom shrieked, her eyes wild as her hair seemed to stand on end. Kailey gazed at me silently, unmoving and unflinching. It was hard to meet her gaze somehow when I felt my cheeks redden. 

My mom placed a hand on her chest and slowly went over to the refrigerator, opening the door and disappearing behind it when she leaned over to fish something out of it.

Kailey smiled, walking over to me and leaning close to whisper. With a  jolt, I realized we were almost the same height. Almost as in me, her elder brother was an inch shorter.

"We all know you're really just mad because Wilder won't let you suck his dick." Red hot anger ravaged my insides. She leaned back, smirking. "He won't always be around to protect your sorry ass, Nico. You need to grow some balls. I'm saying this for your own good."

I took a step away from her, stunned. My heart hammered painfully, my fingertips suddenly cold. I trembled slightly, feeling scalded by boiling water. She smiled in satisfaction, an evil glimmer in her irises as she left the kitchen just as mom reappeared from behind the fridge. She took a long drink of water and placed the bottle on the counter before gazing at me and sighing.

"Honey, sit."

I stared at her, suddenly feeling like an outsider in my own home. 

"Nicola-"

"Don't call me that!" I yelled.

I turned and stomped away from there, clenching my fists. I ran up the staircase and banged the door shut. Arfie yelped loudly, waking up from his nap on my bed as he ran towards me, wagging his tail. I sat on the floor and pulled him close, burying my face in his fur. Glad that at least I had someone, who knew everything about me and still loved me.