Chapter 38 - "It doesn't have to be a fantasy."

After a lazy Saturday spent nursing our hangovers, Nathan and I decided to occupy ourselves with some shopping during our final day together. We were planning on heading into London, and whilst Nathan searched high and low for his debit card, I took the time to stalk the life out of Facebook.

"Hayley and Gemma are going out pretty much every night," I told Nathan as he emptied out his coat pockets. "I don't know how they do it."

"Well, their grades will suffer," Nathan mumbled, an indication that he wasn't really paying much attention to me during the hunt for his card.

I continued to flick through the latest photos that had been uploaded; Hayley and Gemma seemed to be having a great time in all of them as they hugged, kissed and grinned into the camera. Some of the photos also featured the three guys who they'd started spending time around. Despite not having been aware of them before Christmas, both girls seemed very friendly with their new male companions.

"I mean, they've bothered uploading all these photos," I said, stopping on one particular photo where Hayley and Gemma were pouting with their arms around each other. "But the quality is awful. They've not even bothered removing the red eye."

"Well not everyone is as skilled with a camera as you are," Nathan replied tonelessly.

It was clearly meant to be a dig at my hypocrisy, but the joke lost its light-heartedness through Nathan's clear lack of attention. He was replying for the sake of replying, without even listening, because he was so busy looking for that damn card.

"Oh for Heaven's sake." I sighed, dragging myself out of the chair and setting the laptop down on the coffee table. Nathan was standing over by the dining table, scratching his head as he frowned, his eyes darting around various areas of the flat. "When did you last have it?"

"Friday night probably," he replied. "Louisa and I caught the tube to the bar so I must have used it then."

"And what were you wearing?"

"Just this jacket." He tossed it onto the sofa in frustration.

"Well maybe you dropped it on the way back," I shrugged, deciding that was the only explanation. "We were both pretty drunk so we probably wouldn't have noticed it."

"Ah, this is so annoying."

"Contact the bank to freeze it, then order a replacement."

"That whole evening was a disaster. I don't know why I bothered suggesting it in the first place."

"It wasn't that bad. Everything's cleared up now, isn't it? And if Louisa and Pedro did go home together, then surely that solves both problems?"

"Hmm." Nathan wasn't convinced.

Initially, I'd been apprehensive about the idea of Louisa and Pedro, believing that it was far too convenient for their attraction to be genuine. However, once I'd sobered up, I'd realised it was silly to think that. Of course it wasn't completely unreasonable for them to have chemistry.

"Come on." I squeezed his hand. "Retail therapy cures everything."

He gave me a small smile in return, trying to assure me that he'd cheer up and not put a dampener on our final day together. As we slipped on our shoes, he noticed the Facebook page that I'd left open.

"I don't see why girls feel the need to pull that stupid duck face on all their photos," he said, in reference to the pouting pose that Hayley and Gemma were demonstrating. "Don't they realise how utterly ridiculous they look?"

"Apparently not. But they look ridiculous in most of those photos anyway with their devil eyes."

"Hm..." Nathan leaned over the chair to look more closely at the photo. "I see what you mean." He pressed the arrow on the keyboard to flick through some more of the images. "How odd that they've got red eye on all the photos, though. It's as if they're on drugs."

I'd been tying up the laces on my Vans when he said it, and so his observation had gone right over my head to begin with. As I straightened up, though, and collected my bag from hanging over one of the dining table chairs, his comment sank in properly.

"What do you mean?" I asked. "What have drugs got to do with red eye?"

"Oh, just that taking certain drugs can give you red eye on photographs because your pupils are dilated," he replied casually. "I mean, they might not be taking drugs, but the red eye is pretty consistent and it would explain why they're going out every night and look so damn happy in these pictures."

I stood there in silence, just staring at him. My first concern wasn't how Nathan knew all this — that was obvious enough — but rather the realisation that Hayley and Gemma's sudden behaviour could be explained by drugs.

"You ready?" Nathan asked, juggling his keys from hand to hand.

"Sure," I replied lightly, forcing the thought from out of my mind.

Nathan was right; it probably wasn't drugs but rather the flash on the phone that the photos had been taken with.

*

London was fantastic in terms of shopping. All the shops were ten times bigger than your standard high-street store, and there was more variety too. This inevitably made shopping there a tiring experience, but so worth it.

"Hollister is always packed," Nathan commented as we strolled down Regent Street.

"I think you'd make quite the handsome surfer dude," I replied, glancing up at him with a cheeky smile.

"I'd make quite the handsome surfer dude regardless of Hollister's clothing line," he shot back.

I laughed at his cocky attitude, but couldn't deny that he'd make the perfect stereotypical surfer with his messy blonde hair and tanned skin; he looked like he'd stepped straight off an Australian beach.

"And you, of course, would be the bikini-clad beach babe that I fall in love with," Nathan continued. "Except you'd be the one chasing me because of my killer body. Eventually, you'd wear me down and we'd make passionate love on the beach."

I snorted in disbelief. "I'm sure that's your ultimate fantasy."

"It doesn't have to be a fantasy, Bella. There are plenty of private beaches."

The playful banter continued throughout the morning, and although we didn't have much success on the shopping front, we still managed to enjoy ourselves. London's hustle and bustle made it easy to forget about the other mundane problems in our lives as we got swept up in its cosmopolitan atmosphere and absorbed everything it had to offer.

It was when we were in Boots, though, perusing the various shampoo options, that I got the shock of the day.

"Izzy?"

I spun around at the recognisable voice. The familiar feelings of betrayal, hurt and anger washed over me, but they were somewhat less intense than I remembered. I may have moved on and gotten over what happened, but that didn't mean I'd forgiven one of the people who'd abused my trust.

"Katrina," I stated, forcing myself to loosen my grip on the bottle of Pantene I was currently clutching.

We both stared at each other for a few moments; I didn't know what to say to her and she appeared too nervous to say anything at all.

"Bella, I'm going to check out the deodorants," Nathan told me, placing a hand on my back. "That's where I'll be once you've chosen your shampoo."

Nathan's departure was obviously a subtle way to excuse himself and give us some privacy to talk; it did give Katrina a conversation starter, though.

"You should go for the Garnier one. Garnier are massively underrated and it's half the price. Plus it'll bring out those red streaks in your hair."

That's when I noticed that she was wearing the customary white uniform for Boots. Clearing my throat to dislodge the awkward lump, I placed the Pantene bottle back on the shelf and folded my arms.

"I didn't realise you worked here."

She shrugged, alternating between looking at me and looking down at the floor. "It's only at the weekends. And, besides, you deleted me off Facebook and everything, so there was no way of you knowing."

"I know. I was just making conversation."

I picked up a bottle of the shampoo she'd suggested and then pondered about how to proceed. Kat and I had been best friends for years, but she'd thrown that all away by attempting to seduce my then-boyfriend. I couldn't be friends with her after that, but that didn't mean I couldn't be civil either. After all, it was over a year ago, and I'd moved on; there was no point revisiting the past when my life now was so much better.

"I'm happy to see you're still with Nathan," Kat said.

I nodded. "We're really happy. We're thinking of moving in together."

Her eyes lit up and her mouth transformed into a genuine, small smile. "Really? That's great!"

"How about you? Have you settled down yet?"

"Oh, um, actually...I'm with Tommy now."

My eyebrows shot up. "Tommy? As in Tommy White?"

"Yep," she admitted, looking sheepish. "I mean, it's worked out well, I guess...he's good to me and I couldn't ask for more than that."

"How long have you been together?" I asked.

"About seven months now," she replied. "After what I did...to you...he sort of lost respect for me. And, to be honest, I lost interest in random hook-ups too since every time I kissed a guy I just felt so disgusted with myself because it reminded me of..." She faded away, realising she was heading down a dangerous path. "Well, anyway. We were at this party just after the end of exams, in June, and we'd both had a lot to drink and we, you know..."

"Sure," I said.

"So, anyway, we got talking and he admitted he'd missed me...not just the hooking up, but me in general...so we started hanging out more and then eventually we made something of it."

"Was that weird?" I asked.

"Everything about Tommy and me was weird. So, in the grand scheme of things, we managed alright."

She ran a hand through her hair and the familiar feeling of envy flooded over me as I watched the straight blonde locks bounce back around her shoulders, not a single one of them looking out of place. Kat had been gifted with very fortunate genes, although only a shadow of her former confidence seemed to remain.

"I'm glad it's working out for you," I said.

Her gaze dropped to the ground again. "He gave me a second chance. And I try so hard to reassure him that taking that risk wasn't a mistake."

"It's been seven months, Kat. I'm sure he knows that by now."

"Yeah... Hopefully."

Conversation petered out. Kat was supposed to be working after all, and I needed to draw the line between being civil and overly familiar. Although it was in the past, I'd learnt to stand on my own two feet now and not be taken advantage of. Remaining unforgiving of Kat's actions might seem dramatic, but it had become a matter of principle to me.

"Anyway, I'm sure Nathan's finished looking at deodorants now," I said. "And you should get back to work."

Kat nodded. She probably knew I was making an excuse to leave.

"Okay," she replied, forcing a smile. "It was nice bumping into you. I hope everything's going well at uni."

"Thanks. I hope all goes well with Tommy."

As I headed back over to Nathan, I felt a small sense of closure. Things with Katrina had ended badly at school, and we'd gone from being best friends to not talking at all. Even though I'd never forgive her for what she did, it felt satisfying to at least be able to have a mature conversation.

"Did you choose one?" I asked Nathan, wrapping my arm around his waist and resting my head on his shoulder.

"I'll probably just go with my usual one," he admitted. "I'm a creature of habit." He noticed the shampoo bottle in my hand and took it from me to examine it more closely. "This isn't your usual one, is it?"

"No," I replied. "Katrina recommended it. And besides, changing shampoos every now and then is supposed to be good for your hair."

"How was it? Not too awkward?" he asked, as we headed for the tills. Luckily, there was no queue and we could head straight for the cashier.

"No. It was okay."

"Things were alright?" he checked, placing the shampoo and deodorant on the counter and pulling out his wallet.

"As alright as they'll ever be," I replied truthfully, trying to hand over a couple of pound coins for my shampoo. He swatted my hand away, though, and insisted that he was paying.

Nothing more was said on the subject of Kat; like me, Nathan believed that it was best being left in the past.

Tired from our busy day, Nathan and I headed back to his flat later that afternoon. He'd offered to give me a lift back to university in his car and I'd suggested having some dinner together first.

"I sometimes wonder if it's worth having a car when I live in London, but then it has its uses when it comes to ferrying you around," Nathan said as we climbed the steps to his flat.

"You love our road trips, really."

"I do," he agreed, reaching into his pocket for his key. "You provide very entertaining—"

He cut himself short upon seeing something at the top of the stairs. As I followed his shocked face, I noticed Louisa leaning against the door to Nathan's flat.

"Oh," she said, surprised at seeing me. She pushed off the door and smoothed down her clothes. "Sorry, Isobel. I thought you'd be back at uni by now."

"What are you doing here?" Nathan asked her as we came to a stop at the head of the stairs.

"I came to drop this off," Louisa replied, waving Nathan's debit card between two of her fingers. "You left it at the bar."

Frowning, Nathan snatched it from her hand, inspecting it closely as if that would help him realise how he lost it.

"And you had to come here to deliver it?" Irritation laced his words.

Louisa's eyes narrowed. "Sorry, I thought I was doing you a favour."

"And you didn't think to message me?"

"What is your problem?" she snapped. "No, I didn't message you because I've been busy this weekend. I'm not your fucking assistant twenty-four-seven, Nathan! Maybe if you hadn't been so busy waving your dick around on Friday night then you wouldn't have lost it in the first place."

Before he could respond, she'd pushed past him and rushed down the stairs, disappearing out of sight. Seconds later, the front door slammed shut, rattling as it did so.

"Nathan," I said quietly.

"Just don't," he muttered, twisting his key into the lock and pushing his flat door open with vigour.

I followed him into the flat, unbuttoning my coat as I headed towards the dining table to drape it over one of the chairs.

"I'll apologize," he assured me.

"Did you apologize for what you said to her before we left on Friday?" I asked.

Even though I tried hard not to make it sound like I was doubting him, I knew it came out that way. Nathan was in an irritable mood anyway, so he'd interpret it as me having a dig regardless of whether it was meant like that.

"No, because I was planning on doing it tomorrow at work," he said. "I wasn't expecting her to just show up here. I don't want you thinking she makes a habit of it, because she doesn't."

The last bit came out in a rush, as if he was trying to defend himself and justify his actions.

"I know we've had some ups and downs with this Louisa situation," I said, "but please don't treat her badly in some misguided effort to reassure me."

"You're right." He sighed and hung his head in shame. "I'm overcompensating. Overthinking it too much, maybe. But she made that comment about assuming you'd be at uni, so I didn't want you to think she deliberately shows up whenever you're not around."

"I don't think that. She probably meant that she was sorry for interrupting our time together."

"Hmm."

We settled down to eat dinner and Louisa was soon forgotten about. After Nathan had finally relaxed again, we slipped back into our usual routine but there was still something subdued about him. It was almost ironic the way that our positions had switched.

I didn't understand why he was suddenly laden with insecurities, nor could I remember when I'd become the one who did the reassuring regarding Louisa. Was there something else going on that I didn't know about? I refused to believe that.

As we kissed goodbye outside my flat door, I promised him that everything would be okay. After all, that's what he always told me.

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Thank you for reading :)xx