Chapter 30 - "It's uni."

"Do you promise you'll speak to your mum about it?" Nathan asked me as I pulled my coat on.

"I promise." I leaned to kiss his lips in an effort to reassure him. "She'll have already decided anyway; she's known for long enough."

It was the end of my weekend with Nathan, and he was pestering me about my family's plans for Christmas. We'd had a great weekend — not much of it had been spent outside the bedroom — but now it was back to reality.

He smiled and bent to kiss me again. "Are you sure you don't want a lift back?"

"I'm sure," I insisted. "The roads are far too icy. I'd much rather take the tube."

"Okay. Text me once you're there," he said. "And take care."

With one last smile at him, I left his flat and jogged down the stairs, hoping to get my blood flowing before stepping out into the icy December evening. There were barely two weeks of university left before the Christmas holidays, and I couldn't believe how quickly the time had flown.

I'd done so much in the last three months, met so many different people and made some good friends along the way. Was it just the university bug or would they end up being friends for life? I pondered this as I headed down into the tube station. Jack and I were just getting closer and closer; I couldn't imagine losing him, especially now that he was friendly with Nathan too.

As I sat on the platform waiting for my train, I took out my phone and called Jess. The longer we'd spent at university, the less we'd spoken. We still chatted on Facebook every now and then, but we hadn't had a good natter in a while. My sentimental attitude had urged me to ring her.

Jess picked up after the fourth ring, and sounded happy to hear from me.

"How's everything with Nathan?" she asked me.

"Really good," I replied.

"Is everything settled down after the Louisa thing?" she then asked, almost cautiously.

"Definitely. We're better than ever," I said. "Sometimes you need a decent argument to remind yourselves how good you are together."

"Yeah, there's that saying, isn't there? How does it go...? Something about two people needing to fall apart to realise how much they need to fall back together."

"Yeah, that's the one."

"Are you still seeing Louisa?" she then asked, again with a bit of hesitation.

"Every now and then," I said slowly. "It's a difficult situation. I just think that if I'm closer to her, then I feel more in the loop."

"Keep your friends close but your enemies closer."

"Not even that, though," I explained, pausing while a noisy train rattled into the station.

I waited for the doors to open and then hopped inside, making a beeline for an empty seat. I narrowly beat a smartly dressed businessman to it.

"Are you still there?" Jess asked.

"Yeah, sorry, I was just getting on the train," I replied. "But yeah, I get what you mean, but I just don't see her as an enemy. I just think I'll be more paranoid if I don't know her properly, because I won't know what she's capable of and I'll therefore create all these scenarios in my head of her trying to seduce Nathan at work..."

"And you don't think she'd do that now? Now that you know her better?"

"I don't think so. The more I get to know her, the more she seems like a genuinely nice girl."

"Isn't it weird though? She's slept with your boyfriend..."

"Yeah, but I have to get over that. It was in the past and Nathan is a different person now."

"I suppose..."

"You don't agree?"

She sighed. "I don't know, Izzy. It's a tricky situation. How does Nathan feel about it? Doesn't it make him uncomfortable?"

I considered this. "I don't think so. I think he supports it. The whole argument stemmed from me jumping to conclusions. I think he believes that if I get to know Louisa more, then I'll realise there's nothing to worry about."

"I suppose I can understand that to a certain extent. Do they message outside work often?"

"Not as far as I'm aware. And not about anything other than work."

We chatted until the train pulled in to my station. The walk back to my flat felt even longer in this cold weather. The icy wind was a constant battle, making every step an effort. Unfortunately, when I finally got back to the flat, the atmosphere wasn't much better. It might have been warmer, but there was definitely a frostiness amongst everyone.

Hayley's door was shut, which was unusual, but I could hear her talking to Gemma from within her room. Jack's door was shut too, which was even stranger. I decided that if his door was shut, then he probably didn't want to be disturbed, so I headed straight for my own room, immediately swapping my boots for my slippers.

I kept my own door propped open in case anyone emerged, and busied myself with checking emails, Facebook and Twitter. When none of that provided me with much entertainment, I decided I'd at least go and knock on Jack's door to tell him that Nathan was up for our Christmas night out.

"Who is it?" Jack called as I knocked on his door.

"It's Izzy. Why are you being so antisocial?"

He opened his bedroom door and let me inside. "Says the girl who's been absent from the flat all weekend."

There was a definite air of sulkiness about him. Maybe that's why his door was shut; maybe he just wanted some privacy.

"Nathan can make Friday," I said, hoping to raise his spirits.

Jack's eyes lit up ever so slightly. "Oh, cool. That's cool."

I frowned. "What's wrong? You seem a bit out of sorts."

He shrugged. "Nothing. Two-day hangover. That's all."

"Oh yeah? How was the night out?"

He shrugged again, not seeming keen to talk about it. "Barely remember it if I'm honest. I was very drunk."

"And you call me a lightweight," I teased.

Hayley's door then opened and her eyes landed on Jack.

"Hey, Jack," she said brightly, her eyes twinkling with some kind of emotion that I couldn't read. Amusement, maybe?

"Hey," he grumbled back.

A smirking Gemma then emerged from within Hayley's room and sauntered off down the corridor, but not before she, too, shot Jack some kind of secret glance.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Nothing," Jack said quickly. "They're both just very amused by my drunken antics on Friday night, that's all."

"Why? Did you do something stupid?" I glanced at Hayley, in case she was going to shed any more light on the situation.

"Everyone does stupid things when they're drunk," Jack muttered. "Alcohol can seriously affect your judgement. If you don't mind, Izzy, I think I'm going to take a nap. This hangover is killing me."

"Hangover?" Hayley asked, her eyes still sparkling dangerously. "Must be that huge amount of alcohol that you drank."

Jack said nothing but waited patiently for me to step outside his room before he shut the door. I heard the lock click, and suddenly it was just Hayley and me in the corridor.

"I hope you had a nice weekend." She smirked, then disappeared into her own room, leaving me alone.

*

The strange atmosphere continued into the next week. By Tuesday, Jack could no longer blame his misery on a hangover, and I was seriously beginning to doubt whether he'd even had one in the first place.

"Why the long face, Jack?" Shaun asked when we were all in the kitchen, preparing dinner.

"Are you still hungover?" Phil added.

And everyone burst into laughter. I frowned to myself. I really was missing whatever the inside joke was.

"Fuck off guys," Jack muttered, draining his pasta.

"Jack, if you don't cheer the fuck up then you're going to seriously damage my reputation," Hayley called from the corner of the room.

Phil and Shaun cracked up with laughter again.

"Reputation?" I asked. The word slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it. Just what the hell had happened on Friday night? "What's going on?"

"Oh, hasn't he told you?" Hayley asked me with an innocent, sweet smile on her face. She knew damn well that Jack hadn't told me whatever it was that had happened.

The playful laughter mellowed into awkwardness. Jack glared at Hayley. If looks could kill...

"No," I said quietly. "There's clearly some kind of inside joke that I'm not part of."

"It's not a joke, and there's a reason you're not part of it," Jack said sharply. It was the most he'd said to me since last week. "I was drunk, and I made some stupid decisions. None of it means anything and I think we should just leave it there."

Silence descended once again in the kitchen. But something was beginning to dawn on me. Phil and Shaun kept glancing between Hayley and Jack. Gemma had a secretive smirk on her face. Hayley looked like the cat who'd got the cream.

Horror slammed into my stomach.

"No," I muttered. "You've got to be kidding me..."

Jack glanced at me, then at Hayley, and then back at me. It may have been winter, but Hayley was wearing a tiny tartan skirt with some black tights. The skirt rode further up her thigh as she crossed one leg over the other and pursed her lips. She'd clearly said her piece and wasn't going to add anything more.

"You and her?" I tried to hide the shock, but instead it came out like disgust.

"Oh, Izzy, stop it. You'll hurt my feelings." Hayley's mouth quirked.

Complicated emotions swirled through my head. Now I felt like the hungover one, because I couldn't make any sense of this.

Jack cleared his throat and busied himself with stirring sauce into his pasta. "I was out of my mind, and I was drunk."

"Well, they say people reveal their true feelings when they're drunk," Hayley mused. She was clearly loving every second of this.

I had no doubt that Hayley's intentions for Friday night had neither been romantic nor sexual. She'd just wanted to prove a point and get one over on Jack. And she'd succeeded.

"If my true feelings were that I was drunk, horny and wanting some easy action, then yes. I guess I do reveal my true feelings when I'm drunk."

If his harsh words hurt Hayley, she didn't show it. She remained amused and conceited. After all, she knew this would happen. She'd pretty much proved her point to Jack.

I could no longer remain in the kitchen. By staying there, Hayley would continue to wind up Jack for my benefit. And I needed to decide how I felt about this.

Nathan answered my call on the second ring.

"Ciao, Bella. What's up?"

"I think Jack slept with Hayley," I blurted out.

Nathan was quiet for a while. "You think?"

"Well, they haven't explicitly said, but that's the gist."

"Maybe they just got with each other," Nathan said. "I mean, Jack despises Hayley. I doubt he'd have slept with her."

"It didn't seem that way."

"Are you upset?"

"Well, a little, yes," I admitted. "I just feel hurt. I thought Jack and I were close. He's seen the way Hayley talks to me."

"Listen, Bella, you're not going to like this, but he's a young lad. He was probably drunk, not thinking straight, and just wanted a bit of fun."

"That's what he said, but still. It's Hayley."

"You don't know the circumstances. Maybe she hit on him."

"Oh, I don't doubt it. I think that's exactly what she did. But he went along with it. You know, he sits there and tells me about what a slut Hayley is, and how she has no respect for herself, and yet he still went there."

"I do understand why it's upset you. But everyone has moments of weakness. And the dynamic is so different on nights out. Everyone gets with everyone. It's just the norm. It's a heated atmosphere, everyone is dancing close together, and alcohol is involved. And now they're getting banter for it."

I sighed. "I just feel a little disappointed in Jack."

"Bella, come on. I get why you feel that way, but you can't judge him for one mistake."

"He didn't tell me, though. He's been pretty much avoiding me since I got back. If we were such good friends, then why would he try to keep it a secret?"

"Probably because he's embarrassed. And he was scared about how you'd react."

A knock at my door interrupted our conversation.

"Izzy, it's Jack," a sullen voice called from the other side of the door. "Can I come in?"

"It's Jack," I said to Nathan.

"Go and talk to him," he said. "Clear the air."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Bella."

I ended the call and tossed the phone onto my desk before heading over to the door. Jack was waiting patiently on the other side, his head resting against the wall. His eyes were sad, like a puppy who'd just been told off.

"Hey," he murmured. "Can I come in?"

"Sure."

He slid past me, and then hovered awkwardly in the middle of the room. I rolled my eyes and let the door swing shut. Was he honestly going to be weird about this?

"Jack, sit down," I said, gesturing towards my bed.

He perched on the edge and stared down at his hands in his lap, twisting his fingers together. I sat on my desk chair opposite him and waited for him to speak up.

"Izzy, I feel like a fucking dick," he said.

"So do I," I replied.

He frowned. "Why?"

"Because it makes me look like a mug, Jack! You know how I feel about Hayley. You've seen how she's treated me recently. You and I are supposed to be close and yet you still went there with her. And you tried to do it without me finding out."

"It's not like I was planning it. It just happened."

"Oh, you just accidentally fell into bed with her," I said bitterly, shaking my head. "Sure. These things happen."

"You know what, Izzy? These things do happen," he snapped. "Not all of us are in happy relationships, you know. Guys have needs and she was willing to fulfil them."

"Guys don't have needs, Jack. They have wants."

He sighed, dropping the defensive act. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't plan it. And I still can't stand her. She was vile to you and I'm never going to forget that. But, you know, I was drunk and..."

He faded away. He didn't really have an excuse, and even though a tiny part of me could understand why he did it, from a horny boy's point of view, it didn't stop how much it hurt me.

"I think that's just the difference between boys and girls," I told Jack quietly. "I could never sleep with someone who'd spoken the way that Hayley did to you."

"We didn't sleep together," he mumbled, staring down at his hands again. "We just did pretty much everything else."

"Do you get why I'm upset?" I asked, wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"Well, yeah, to a certain extent," he replied. "But, come on, Izzy. It's uni!"

"That's all you've got to say? That it's uni?"

"People get away with all kinds of stuff at uni. It's just the environment."

"Well, maybe Hayley was right then. Maybe I'm not living the proper student lifestyle after all."

Jack's eyes narrowed. "Actually, Izzy, I think you're a prime example."

"Excuse me? When have I ever done anything like that? I've got a boyfriend."

"It's not what you've done. It's what you haven't done," he stated, standing up.

I stood up too, not wanting to be intimidated by Jack's defensive attitude.

"Oh yeah? And what haven't I done, Jack?"

"Pedro?" he said, raising an eyebrow. "The guy is clearly into you and yet have you told him you've got a boyfriend?"

"Yes, I have actually. And even if I hadn't, he's not into me."

"Right," he said sarcastically, heading for my door. "Just don't come crying to me when this all blows up in your face."

I was too angry to process his point or see its validity. Had he always felt that way about my involvement with Pedro? Was he only bringing it up now to throw something back at me?

Before he left, he turned back to face me. "I came to talk to you because I felt bad. And I still feel bad. But I can't change what I did. And that might make me an idiot, or a dick, or a heartless bastard. Or it might just make me a normal person, who made a mistake."

"I know you were drunk. But with how cruel she's been recently to me, to both of us, I just assumed you might have thought twice about it."

"I'm sorry that you don't occupy my every thought. But I'll at least try not to think about you if I ever end up fucking her."

And then he took off, slamming the door shut after himself. I was left standing in the middle of the room, my head spinning. I wasn't a confrontational person; I hated arguments, and I hated arguing with people I cared about. But, by the same token, I was a stubborn person.

Feeling unable to venture out of my room any more this evening, I waited until I'd calmed down and then I Skyped my mum. Something good was going to come out of today. I was going to plan to spend my Christmas in Italy.

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