Chapter 14 - "Everyone has secrets."

"Are you buying Nathan anything for your anniversary?" Shaun asked me.

We were all sitting together in the kitchen, having ordered an Indian takeaway. Most of it was finished but I was still dipping the remains of my peshwari naan into any available sauce and Jack was finishing off everyone's leftover chicken.

"No," I replied. "We talked about it and Nathan said anniversaries should be about the romance, not the gifts."

"I'm sure if you put out then that'll be a big enough gift for him," Jack said.

"Why don't you buy yourself some sexy underwear?" Hayley suggested. She was sitting in the corner, texting away on her phone. "Then it's a gift for you, and definitely a gift for him."

"True," Jack agreed. "Big N will definitely appreciate that."

"How would you know what he appreciates?" I shot back.

"He told me." Jack winked.

"Liar."

He chuckled. "Seriously though, Izzy. You can't go wrong."

He was probably right, but I didn't know whether it was really my style. Nathan and I may be venturing into the realms of exploring sex, but I wasn't quite sure that I was ready to full-on seduce him yet. He'd probably laugh me out of the room.

"We can go underwear shopping," Hayley said, still not looking up from her phone. "I'll help you pick something."

"I'll come," Jack piped up. "You do need a male opinion, after all."

"I'm sure we'll manage," Hayley assured him, glancing across the table and raising her eyebrows in warning.

"What night is your social?" Shaun asked me, suddenly changing the subject.

"Thursday!" Jack practically squealed. "Oh my God, Izzy, I am so excited."

"Are languages socials especially fun or something?" Hayley asked, puzzled at Jack's over-excitement.

"This one will be." Jack grinned. "It's for everyone who's doing languages so there's gonna be loads of people there. And then a boy doing one language gets tied to a girl doing another language. So, like, Izzy and I could end up tied together because she's doing Spanish and I'm doing French."

"Tied together?" Hayley asked. That had piqued her interest. Her phone was now her second priority as she focused entirely on what Jack was saying.

"Yeah, our wrists get tied up and then we have to spend the whole night in the club together."

"Clearly I'm doing the wrong course," Hayley said with a playful smile. "I bet it would be so easy to pull."

"Exactly," I told Jack. "You don't want to be paired with me because then I'll just cock-block you all night."

"Oh!" Jack's face lit up, as if he'd remembered something. "Speaking of romance, we've got big news, Izzy."

"Oh for fuck's sake..." Phil rolled his eyes.

Jack smirked. "Phil's in a relationship."

"I'm not in a relationship! It's just sex."

"Yeah, sex with the same girl," Jack emphasised. "Basically, Izzy, you know that girl he fucked on the first night?"

"I remember," I replied. It'd be hard to forget hearing those sex noises...

"Well, he's been texting her and they've been meeting up for sex, and they met up on Saturday when you were out with Nathan, and apparently they talked for hours."

"I only told you that we talked for hours because you were calling her a slut."

Jack shrugged. "Dude, she fucked you on the first night."

Hayley tutted. "The double standards are insane. Jack, you're just jealous because you've never had a one-night stand. Hell, you can't even kiss a random girl on a night out."

"That's not true. I've kissed lots of girls on nights out."

"You're just all talk and no action. Quite literally..."

"Maybe I should hit on you next time," Jack quipped. "I'd definitely pull then."

A collection of 'oooh's resonated around the table. Hayley just tossed him an angelic smile.

"Why don't you try it?" she challenged him. "Next time we're out, why don't you try hitting on me? Then, maybe, if you're lucky, you'll lose your virginity."

Shaun and Phil snorted with laughter and even I had to withhold a smile.

"I'm not a virgin," he told her. "And I could rock your world any day."

"I doubt that, Sweetie. I think you'd need a little more experience before you could even come to comprehend what would rock my world."

The exchange between them was pretty funny, but Jack was becoming wound up and defensive. Even though I knew that his flirting with me was just banter, a joke, I couldn't help wondering if this was banter or if he was being serious. Did he actually want to sleep with Hayley? Probably. Most guys did.

"Anyway, I'm going to take a shower," she announced, slipping her phone into her pocket and standing up. "Or maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that..." she added, glancing at Jack.

Standing behind his chair, she bent over and put her mouth to his ear.

"Why don't you come and join me?" Her whisper was loud enough for us all to hear.

Chuckling to herself, she left the kitchen. I watched Jack as his eyes flickered up and down her body as she walked away. Checking her out, no doubt.

"Dude, she would eat you alive," Phil said.

"I've got half a mind to actually go into her room and call her bluff on that shower."

"I don't think it's worth the humiliation of her throwing you out," Shaun said with a smile.

"Why, though? She's slept with tons of guys. Why would I be any different?"

"She's not slept with tons of guys," Gemma said. "She's slept with quite a few, but it's not like she'll sleep with anyone. You're her flatmate, Jack. She's just messing with you."

But Jack still had a face like thunder, probably angry at how Hayley had out-witted and patronised him. Feeling sorry for him, I reached across and squeezed his knee. He shot me an appreciative smile and then reached for more chicken. With the tension defused, we changed the subject and nothing else was mentioned on the matter.

Then, that same evening, Jack and I were hanging out in his room, watching television. He was quieter than normal and hadn't taken the piss out of me in at least half an hour, so I knew something was bothering him.

"What's on your mind?" I asked.

He sighed. "Do I honestly come across as an inexperienced virgin?"

"No. She was just winding you up. Don't take it to heart."

"I don't get why, though."

"Because you're always mouthing off about what a huge player you are, and the whole time we've been here, you've not got with a single girl. It's not a bad thing obviously, but when you're claiming to be such a Don Juan, then obviously Hayley will start to take the piss."

"How many girls do you think I've slept with?"

"I don't know, Jack."

"Guess."

I thought about it. No matter how much of a lothario he claimed to be, Jack was too nice to play around on girls. But he was hot, confident, funny... He'd have no trouble pulling if he wanted to.

"Three," I said.

"What makes you say three?" he asked with interest. "Why not ten?"

"It's not a bad thing."

"Hmm," he said in contemplation. "Okay."

I glanced across at him frowning. "So how close was I?"

"Close."

"You're not gonna tell me?" I asked, amused yet irritated at his secrecy. Jack just shrugged, his eyes back on the TV. "Jack, why are you so embarrassed about all this? It's not a big deal. Our first night here and you were going on about everyone's numbers. I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours..."

"Everyone knows your number," he said, almost sulkily. "Nathan's your first serious boyfriend."

"You're wrong," I told him. "Nathan isn't my first serious boyfriend."

Jack's head snapped around to look at me, his eyebrows shooting up. "You've slept with more than one person?"

I lifted one shoulder to shrug. I didn't particularly want to go into this now but if I wanted Jack to open up to me then I had to open up to him.

"Yeah. I had a boyfriend in high school when I was seventeen."

Jack frowned. "But you were with Nathan in high school."

"Yeah."

He was becoming more and more confused. "I don't get it. How can you have been with both of them? What happened?"

"My ex cheated on me with my best friend," I told him.

Even as I said the words, I could still feel the pain. I might have moved on, and I might be deliriously happy with Nathan, but that pain would never go away.

"What the fuck?" Jack gasped, his eyes wide. "Izzy! Why have you never mentioned this?"

"I don't really like talking about it."

"And so you and Nathan got together after that?"

"Yeah," I murmured. "He helped me through it a lot. I don't know how I'd have coped if he hadn't been there for me."

"Did he like you at that point?"

I thought back to our conversation a few nights ago, remembering how surprised I'd been at the extent of Nathan's feelings.

"Yeah," I said simply. "He'd liked me for a while."

"Shit," Jack breathed. "And he helped you get through all that heartbreak with your ex... He watched you get upset over another guy?"

"Yeah. Pretty special, huh?"

"Yeah..."

"So, come on," I encouraged. "That's my story. Tell me yours."

Jack groaned. "It's fucking stupid."

"I'm sure it's not."

"I liked this one girl for ages. For years and years, I really fancied her. But she always had a boyfriend, different boyfriends, but she was never single for long enough. I literally couldn't even look at another girl for years because of her. Nobody seemed good enough. I don't know why...I sort of had this fantasy in my head that one day she'd notice and we'd get together and...I don't know what I thought would happen..."

"What was she called?"

"Phillippa," he replied softly. "And then one day, we were at a party and her latest boyfriend broke up with her. It was this massive drama and she got really upset. By pure coincidence, I ended up bumping into her on the way up to the toilets. I asked her if she was okay, and she mumbled something about her boyfriend. So I said what any nice guy would say, except I actually meant it. I said he was missing out and that he'd regret what he'd lost...and that no sane guy would ever break up with a girl like her. I don't know what possessed me to say it...probably the amount of vodka in my bloodstream. But she seemed to appreciate it and she gave me a hug. And then when we pulled out of the hug, she kissed me."

"Ah," I said. I knew where this was going.

"I'd dreamt about this kiss and it was absolutely amazing...I didn't want it to ever end. At no point in my stupid, delusional mind did I consider the fact she was using me. We went into a nearby bedroom, and one thing led to another. And that's how I lost my virginity. To a girl who was using me to get back at her boyfriend."

"How old were you?" I asked.

"Seventeen. Pathetic, isn't it? I spent years obsessing over that girl and she just used me."

"It's not pathetic. Do you regret it?"

"I don't regret losing my virginity," he said slowly. "I do regret losing it with her. I regret sleeping with her altogether. You know, the next day at school, I went up to her and she looked ashamed to be seen with me. She pulled me to the side and said that it was a mistake, she regretted it, and that the sex had been shit anyway."

I gasped, horrified. "She said that?"

Jack shrugged. "Well, she was experienced. I wasn't. It's not a surprise."

"It's still a horrible thing to say. If anyone ever told me that, then I'd probably never want to have sex again."

"Now you get why I act like the player," He leaned back to rest his head against his wall. "Because I'm not the one doing the playing. I was the one who got played."

"Have you slept with anyone since?" I asked, still curious.

He shrugged. "A couple of people. Only when drunk, and only random girls. Girls who initiated it. I've never gone out of my way to sleep with people. I'd hate to think I was using someone the same way that Phillippa used me."

"You know, there's probably a reason that Hayley acts the way she does," I told him.

"Phil is probably right though." Jack smiled. "She'd eat me alive."

"I know she's slept with a lot of people, but if she's only slept with each person once, then it's not like she's got a huge amount of experience."

"Nah, she's fucking her ex still, isn't she?"

"Oh yeah. But she might be like you. She might act like she's confident because she's actually insecure. Everyone has secrets..."

"Ain't that the truth..."

I rested my head on Jack's shoulder and his arm automatically draped over my shoulder as we continued to watch the television in silence.

"I can't remember the last time I actually talked about feelings and shit like that," Jack said after a good period without speaking.

"It's good for you," I told him.

"Thanks for listening," he said quietly, squeezing my shoulder briefly.

"You don't have to pretend to be a player, Jack. There are plenty of nice girls out there. And I know everyone talks about how the first year of university is for playing the field, but you don't have to wait until the second year before settling down. And if you find a girl who actually likes you for your personality, then she won't care what you're like in bed."

He chuckled. "I wish it were that easy."

"Well, you never know." I grinned, twisting my head to look up at him. "Our social on Thursday...you might end up getting tied to your future wife..."

He laughed again. "Stranger things have happened, I'm sure."

"Exactly."

As Jack and I settled down properly to watch the television, I realized that I may have made a true friend in him. Before university, I'd worried consistently about not making friends, but my friendship with Jack was effortless. We'd known each other a little over a month and he'd told me a secret that he was ashamed of, a secret that completely defined him as a person. And I was glad that he trusted me enough to share it.

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