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Chapter 1 - "Don't make me too jealous." 

"So many stairs." Nathan panted as we continued up to the top floor of the building. "Why did you have to pick the flat on the top floor, Bella?"

"It's not like I chose it. I applied for accommodation, and they randomly assigned me a flat."

"At least you'll improve your fitness by going up and down here every day."

I didn't respond to his joke. Nathan knew how nervous I was about moving into my university flat and meeting my new flatmates; he thought that joking around would calm me down.

"Here we are. Flat 13. Lucky number, Bella." He winked.

I scowled at him. "You're not funny."

"I'm a comedian, Bella, and you know it."

I placed the box I was carrying down on the floor and then fished in my pocket for the key to the flat door. My fingers were shaking as I inserted it into the lock. Why was I so nervous? What was the worst that could happen? I didn't want to consider that.

"Bella," Nathan said as I picked up my box again, holding the door open with my foot. "Put that box on top of mine and then you've got your hands free to open your door."

I looked at him sceptically. Nathan was already carrying a heavy box. "You sure you can manage both?"

"Babe, I'm made of muscles. Nothing is too heavy for these guns."

I rolled my eyes and lifted my box to carefully set it on top of his. He didn't even wince. Pulling the door open properly, and holding it so Nathan could follow me through, I noticed that none of the lights in the corridor were turned on.

"I must be the first one here," I said as we walked down to the corridor and noted all the closed doors.

"Well that's good," Nathan said cheerfully. "We can crack on with sorting out your room without you feeling obliged to socialize with your new flatmates. Plus when they arrive they'll probably come and introduce themselves to you. So you don't have to worry about that too much either."

"Hmm," I said, coming to a stop in front of the bedroom door that corresponded with the number on my key.

Nathan placed the boxes down and continued along the corridor, opening the door at the end which I assumed was the kitchen. Whilst he explored that, I opened my bedroom door and stepped into the room where I'd be living for the next year of my life.

It was pretty bare but obviously it would be. I was supposed to decorate it myself, make it my own room so it felt more homely. There was a bed against the right-hand wall with a long desk against the left-hand side. The window was directly opposite the door and opened slightly, allowing a small breeze to trickle through. Silently, I wandered over to it, hoping that I at least had a nice view so something positive could come out of being on the top floor. Luckily, my wish was granted. I could see straight across the city and knew that it would look even more spectacular at night when all the buildings were lit up.

I hadn't heard Nathan enter the room and jumped when he wound his arms around my stomach and pulled me back against his body.

"You'll be fine," he whispered in my ear, his fingers gently caressing the bare skin of my stomach. I couldn't even appreciate how sensual it felt; my mind was too occupied with this life-changing chapter of my life. "Shall we make a start? The sooner we start, the sooner the room will feel more like home. I've propped your door open so when your new flatmates arrive they'll know you're here and they'll come and introduce themselves." I nodded but didn't move out of his embrace. "This is gonna be one of the best years of your life, Bella. It's a fresh start. Nobody here knows who you are; you can be whoever you want."

"Yeah," I said quietly. I'd no longer be the poor girl whose boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend. Or the girl who managed to score one of the hottest boys in the school. Nobody here knew me well enough to pity me. That was refreshing.

Nathan and I began to unpack everything. It took several trips up and down those awful stairs to get everything from the car to the room but Nathan offered to do that whilst I started to put things away. Admittedly, as soon as I started to put up my posters that had previously been on the walls of my bedroom at home, the room did begin to feel more homely and have more character. I decorated the spare spaces with photographs until the room no longer felt bare, but alive.

"I love this photo," Nathan said, handing me the only photo that was in a glass frame. It had been taken during the summer, although neither of us had realized it was being taken at the time. Jess had sneakily snapped it whilst Nathan and I were goofing around. It was such a natural shot, and we both looked deliriously happy on it. At first I'd been embarrassed because my face was full of adoration gazing at Nathan, but Jess just kept gushing about how cute it was until I slowly began to see it for what it truly was. I was happy. So happy.

"Yeah," I agreed, placing it on my bedside table. "It's a favourite."

When I looked back up at Nathan, he was gazing down at me. Despite his earlier teasing, his eyes looked genuinely concerned; he was worried about me. I didn't want him to worry and so decided that I needed to make the effort to appear happier and calmer, even if I was still terrified inside.

A knock at my door interrupted our moment and a tall, thin boy walked in. "Hey," he said. "I'm Shaun."

I quickly stood up, almost pushing Nathan to the side in my effort to make a good impression.

"I'm Isobel." I smiled, shaking his hand. "It's nice to meet you."

"Likewise. You the first here?"

"I seem to be."

"Cool. Well, I'm gonna go unpack 'cause my mum doesn't want to hit evening rush hour on her way back. And she refuses to leave until she's satisfied that I'm settled in!"

I laughed as he rolled his eyes playfully. "Okay. Well, I'm leaving my door open. You're welcome to come in whenever."

"Likewise."

He gave Nathan a small wave before turning on his heel and heading back up to his own room. Until he'd waved, I'd completely forgotten Nathan was here.

Apologetically, I turned back to face him. "I'm so sorry. I should have introduced you!"

"Chill out, Bella. It's fine. He seems nice, right?"

"Yeah."

"So even if the rest of your flat is full of total losers then at least you've got him."

"You always see the positive side of things," I said dryly.

After Shaun, the other flatmates began to arrive in a steady stream. They all introduced themselves and said where they were from, but my brain struggled to memorise the names and locations of five new people. There were three boys and two other girls. Aside from Shaun, two of them particularly stood out. The first was a blonde girl called Hayley, whose strong Essex accent and confident attitude made her memorable. The second was a dark-haired boy called Jack. He was from London, with another strong accent and an even stronger personality. He was bouncing about, gushing about how amazing university was gonna be, and just loving life in general really.

"They all seem nice," Nathan said to me. "It's gonna be weird at first but you'll be living with these five people. You'll get to know each other in no time and you'll probably become good friends."

"I hope so," I replied with a sigh.

"I should probably head off soon."

"You're not staying the night?" I asked, horrified that he'd be leaving so soon.

He sighed. "Bella, this is one of the most important nights for you. You need to spend it bonding with your flatmates. I'll just get in the way and discourage you from doing that. You need to give it your all."

I knew he was right; I wanted him to stay for the comfort and familiarity, but that was the exact reason he should leave. It would be too easy to rely on him and not properly get to know everyone else. Without Nathan, I'd be forced to mix and get to know everyone.

"I'll Skype you later," he promised, taking hold of my hand.

I could feel my eyes watering, but I held back the tears. For Nathan's sake, I needed to appear strong.

"Okay." I tried to smile.

He smiled back and then looked down at our hands. Sighing wistfully, he straightened the ring on my finger that he'd bought for me, and when our eyes met, something powerful was exchanged. Memories were exchanged — months of trauma where Nathan was constantly there for me, consoling me and selflessly letting me use him for comfort.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too."

"I'm gonna miss you."

"Bella, you'll see me soon enough. And anyway, you'll be having far too much fun to miss me!"

Lifting my hand to his mouth, he kissed the finger that had become the permanent home of his ring. Then he pressed his mouth desperately against mine. Our kiss was hurried and frantic, laced with desire and sexual chemistry. My physical relationship with Nathan was much more alive than it had been with . I'd always claimed that whenever Matt and I slept together, it had been out of love. I felt sick thinking about it now, of course. But whenever Nathan and I were together, it wasn't just out of love. There was chemistry too, pure desire and almost a need for each other. It took a lot of self-control for me not to pull him down onto the bed and show him exactly how much I'd miss him. But, alas, we'd done that last night.

"Now go and get to know the people you'll be living with for the next year." He flashed me a grin and untangled his hand from within my hair. His fingers gently grazed my cheek before dropping back down to his side.

I smiled wearily and walked with him out of the flat. We shared another, slightly more affectionate, kiss outside the flat door.

"And don't make me too jealous." He winked, before ruffling my hair and heading down the stairs before either of us could change our minds.

Sighing, I tried not to focus on Nathan's departure but rather on getting to know my new flatmates. Jack's door was first on the left and I'd barely opened my mouth before he launched into conversation.

"Hey! Isobel, right? Or do you prefer Izzy?"

"Either's fine," I said, trying my best not to be intimidated by his confident approach.

"That your boyfriend?" he asked, nodding towards the door that Nathan had just left through.

"Yeah. Nathan.".

"He seems cool," Jack nodded. "Pity though. I sensed some real chemistry between us." Then he winked and grinned to let me know he was kidding.

I laughed quietly. "So what are you studying?"

"French," he said.

And I instantly relaxed when I became suddenly excited by a person doing languages. "Really? I'm doing Spanish!"

His eyes lit up. "Cool! I haven't chosen my modules yet though. But I was thinking of doing beginners Spanish. It saves doing all those shitty literature modules, right?"

"Right," I agreed. "I was hoping to do something more linguistics-based too."

And then suddenly we were in an enthusiastic conversation. I no longer felt intimidated — we were on common ground, and talking about something that I was passionate about relaxed me immensely.

Hayley then stuck her head around the door and told us that everyone was congregating in the kitchen to talk, so Jack and I headed there. The conversation immediately got onto boyfriends when Hayley mentioned that she'd seen Nathan leaving.

"How long have you been together?" she asked me.

"About ten months," I replied.

"Is he at uni?" Jack asked, pushing himself up onto the worktop and almost banging his head on the cupboard above him.

"No," I said. "He's got a job in the city."

"He's fit," Hayley said. "You've done well for yourself there."

"What about you?" I asked. "Are you with anyone?"

She snorted. "Nah. Well, not really. My ex and I still fuck every now and then but I'm not serious with anyone."

It turned out that I was the only person with a boyfriend. Everyone else was either single, or had broken up due to university and long distance.

"I bet I can guess everyone's numbers in here," Jack announced, with an evil grin. He pointed at Shaun. "You have had one very serious relationship that lasted three years, yeah? So I'm gonna say one."

Shaun nodded. "Correct." Despite it being common knowledge that boys liked to discuss how many girls they'd slept with, Shaun seemed pretty uncomfortable at divulging the information. Or maybe he was just embarrassed at only being with one girl?

"Guess my number." Hayley folded her arms and raised a brow in challenge.

Jack's lips twitched as he made a point of raking his eyes down her slim figure. "Fifteen."

"Sixteen," she corrected.

"Bullshit!" He barked out a laugh. "I was fucking joking when I said fifteen! Nobody has slept with sixteen people prior to uni."

A year ago I might have believed that too, but I was currently going out with a guy whose number was more than double that, so sixteen didn't seem that outrageous.

"Swear on my life." Hayley's shoulders bobbed up in a nonchalant shrug. "Sixteen people. If it makes it more believable, I had a gap year so I'm a year older than the rest of you."

After that, Jack gave up on the game, something I was thankful for. Though I was secretly curious as to what he'd guess my number as.

"So where are we going out tonight?" Jack asked. Going out?! The only place I wanted to go to was bed!

"Isn't there some kind of welcome party on?" the other girl asked. What the hell was her name? Why was I so bad at names?

"Is that likely to be shit though, Gemma?" Jack asked sceptically.

Gemma. Jack seemed to have memorised everyone's names easily enough. He was also communicating with everyone in a very relaxed manner, as if we'd been friends for years, not minutes.

"Who cares if it's shit? That's where the rest of the university will be. And it'll be cheaper than going out in London."

"True story." Shaun nodded.

So, apparently, we were all heading to the Welcome Party tonight. I was already panicking about what to wear and whether I'd look good enough compared to the other girls. Then I started worrying about alcohol. I never tended to drink much; what if they were really heavy drinkers and pressured me into getting drunk?

When I had a spare moment that evening, I skyped Nathan to get his advice.

"Hey." He grinned when the call connected. My stomach jumped upon seeing his familiar face. I was missing him already. "How are you getting on?"

I nodded. "Fine. Everyone seems nice."

"That's great! What are your plans for tonight then?"

"Well, everyone's talking about going out," I told him.

"That sounds good," he replied enthusiastically. I knew he could see my worried face and so this was just another technique to make me relax. "First night of university. Everyone goes out. You'll have some alcohol down you, it'll make you relax more, and you can get to know each other better through dancing and stuff."

That did make sense. I took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah. I guess. I'm just worried about the drinking."

"Why?"

"'Cause they all seem like pros at going out. And I didn't go out much back at home. I'm not big on drinking."

"So? I doubt they'll judge. And you can always alternate drinks. Nobody can tell the difference between a vodka-lemonade and just a lemonade."

"Yeah," I conceded. "That's true."

"Relax, Bella." He smiled. "And enjoy your first night. I want to hear all about it tomorrow morning, okay?"

I nodded. "Okay. I'll speak to you tomorrow then."

"Looking forward to it. I love you."

"I love you too."

Then I forced myself to disconnect the call and sighed when Nathan's face disappeared from view. Rather than dwelling on how much I missed him, I set my attention to picking tonight's outfit. Nathan was right: tonight was gonna be an important night. And if I wanted to stop stressing about not getting on with people, then I needed to make the effort to get to know everyone. University was what you made it, and I was determined to make it good. After all, it wasn't like I had Nathan by my side this time to look after me. This time, I was by myself and I was going to prove that I could do just as well by myself. 

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