|32| - "You made me want to be a better person." - 

Strange didn't begin to cover how it felt being back in the flat without Nathan knowing. For the first hour, I crept around like an intruder trespassing, which was ridiculous considering that I normally lived here, too.

I kept expecting him to arrive home from work early despite not having any real logic behind that fear. Louisa had sworn her secrecy, and while some people might be awarded an early finish on a Friday, Nathan usually stayed later so that he could enjoy his weekend without work hanging over him.

At five o'clock, with the food simmering away on the hob, I sent him a message to see how his day had been, just like I usually would. He replied almost immediately, confirming my assumptions and reassuring me that he wasn't about to walk through the door any second.

- Okay thanks. Still here now. Will probably leave in the next half an hour if you want to skype at 8pm your time?

After replying, I flicked onto Instagram and took a five-minute breather. At the top of my feed, a photo of Jess and Jack jumped out at me through the screen. Jess had mentioned it becoming more serious, and now it looked like they'd made it Insta-official. Good for them.

Reclining on the sofa and closing my eyes, the prospect of double-dating with my two best friends brought a smile to my face. As time had gone on, they'd both seemed to feel less awkward about keeping me in the loop.

It had started with the occasional Snapchat from Jess, asking for my opinion on an outfit for one of their dates. Then I'd receive a Whatsapp from Jack, begging for inside knowledge on her favourite type of flower. Message by message, I began to feel increasingly included in their relationship, less like they were hiding it, and more like they wanted to share it with me.

If you stripped the whole thing back, my two best friends were happy, and that was the most important thing.

*

When I opened my eyes, the room had noticeably darkened. Fumbling for my phone down the side of the sofa, I dragged myself upright.

"Evening."

I yelped and grabbed onto the arm of the sofa as I spun towards the voice. Nathan sat at the dining table, his fingers resting on the base of a wine glass.

Allowing my eyes to drift around the room, I noticed his jacket by the door, the bubbling saucepan now still and the previously unlit candles glowing bright.

"Oh, no," I moaned, realisation striking me. "I was meant to surprise you!"

Nathan chuckled and stood up. He'd even changed from his suit into more casual jeans and a v-neck.

"You did surprise me," he said, bending to peck me on the lips. "I was very surprised to get home and see that your unattended saucepan hadn't managed to set the flat on fire."

I glared and folded my arms. "I think the smoke detector would have woken me up before that happened."

"Only teasing, Bella. I was genuinely surprised to see you. Even a little worried at first, actually, before I noticed the food."

I swept past him and charged towards the saucepan, peering inside. To my surprise, it still looked edible.

"Don't worry. I minded it while you were sleeping. Didn't want your efforts going to waste."

Wrapping his arms around me from behind, Nathan pulled me back against his chest.

"Relax," he murmured in my ear. "It was a lovely surprise. It's only made me more excited for when you return to England permanently, and I can get back from work to see you in our home every day..."

I smiled and relaxed into his body, enjoying the intimacy of being close to him again. Maybe my surprise hadn't exactly gone to plan, but it was only me who'd missed out. I'd succeeded in surprising Nathan, even if I hadn't been able to witness it with my eyes open in a conscious state.

*

Over dinner, Nathan chatted about his day, covering everything from unrealistic demands he'd received, to cleverly-orchestrated pranks that his colleagues had pulled off on a neighbouring department. Although he'd recently stepped back from being their friend in order to step up as their manager, Nathan couldn't hide his amusement when recalling the story of chocolate-covered pickles.

Not once did he mention Marie, and neither did I. After her pathetic attempt to manipulate the Whatsapp conversation, we'd heard nothing from her. According to Louisa, she'd applied for a job in a different department. Nathan hadn't been aware of that, but neither of us were surprised at Louisa somehow coming into possession of confidential information.

As we cuddled on the sofa later that night, I realised how at ease I felt, almost as though I was back for good.

The end of my year abroad was in sight, and Nathan and I had come full circle. From starting the year being unable to keep our hands off each other, to then almost breaking up, our relationship now felt comfortingly familiar again, just with an added layer of strength from everything we'd been through.

An upgrade is what Jasmine would call it. Nathan and Bella 2.0, just like our bucket list.

"Love you." Nathan said the words out of the blue as he kissed the top of my head before clicking through onto the next Netflix episode.

Few other words were spoken between us, but not through fear of saying them.

No elephant was present in the room—just the two of us. Any resentment, anger or hurt had faded away, replaced with mutual understanding, compassion and trust.

The love between us had never disappeared, but it had shown itself in different, unfamiliar ways. Shifty secrets on Nathan's part, Intense jealousy on mine. Poor decisions from both of us.

As for the sex, maybe we weren't tearing each other's clothes off in the excitement of being reunited, nor were we avoiding bigger issues by concentrating only on the physical, but the spark between us certainly hadn't faded. How could it after everything we'd been through?

Besides, to quote Jasmine, Nathan was fit as.

*

"So, did you intentionally come home on the weekend of Mother's Day or was that just a coincidence?"

I smiled up at my mum as she placed a plate of roast chicken down in front of me. "Both, actually."

Mum rolled her eyes at my obvious tact, but she was smiling as she sat down beside my dad.

"I wanted to surprise Nathan," I said. "So, whilst the main purpose of the trip was to do that, I chose Mother's Day weekend so I had an excuse to see you, too."

"Isobel, you never need an excuse to see us," Dad said as he poured the wine.

"Of course she doesn't," Mum said, "but she's spending a year away from her boyfriend. It'd have to be a decent excuse for wasting any time with him."

"Mum, please. It's not like I'm choosing Nathan over you."

Her eyes widened and I watched the panic set in, immediately feeling guilty that my tone had caused her to misunderstand.

"I wasn't suggesting that, love. But Nathan should be your priority. Relationships take work. Especially long distance."

"And you two have definitely made it work," Dad said, addressing Nathan rather than continuing to talk about him as if he weren't sat at the table with us. "You're like the poster couple of long-distance relationships."

I withheld my snort. We were hardly a shining example of what a long-distance relationship should look like, but Dad didn't know that. I hadn't exactly shouted from the rooftops about Nathan wrapping his arms around a different brunette.

"I guess we've made it work, haven't we, Bella?" Nathan said, shooting me a reassuring smile. No doubt he could tell where my thoughts had strayed.

"I guess we have."

"Well your father and I never had any doubts that you'd make it work," Mum said. "Sometimes you can just tell when two people are meant to be together."

"Like you and Dad," I said with a smile.

"And a great story to tell your own kids," she added, with a total lack of subtlety.

Nathan bent his head and smiled towards his plate, saying nothing. My dad, on the other hand, shut down the conversation promptly.

"Less talk of kids, thank you. I'm still coming to terms with the fact you're old enough to be in university, never mind ready to be a parent."

"Don't worry, Dad. I think I'll concentrate on graduating first."

Mum smiled and held up her hands in surrender, but as we all continued eating, I noticed her eyes drift towards my Mother's Day card stood on the mantelpiece.

*

"I think I actually saw your dad's blood pressure shooting up when kids were mentioned."

I laughed as I buckled my seatbelt. "Yeah, that would've stolen Mum's thunder, huh?"

Backing out of the driveway, Nathan shook his head. "Nah, I think it would have made her Mother's Day if anything."

We drove in near silence for most of the journey back, occasionally singing along to a song on the radio or commenting on other drivers' dodgy manoeuvres. As we stopped at a set of traffic lights ten minutes away from our flat, Nathan spoke up.

"Despite the jokes, you know there's no pressure with us having children, right? Even though we've spoken about it very casually in the past, I get that a lot has happened this year and we need to concentrate on ourselves before kids..."

"It's fine, Nathan. I've never had a set age in mind, but there are definitely things I want to do as a couple first before kids become our priority." I shot him a smile, which he easily returned.

"Likewise."

"But you'll make a great dad. I've always thought that. Nothing that's happened this year has changed that."

Nathan shifted into gear and pulled off when the lights turned green. Although his eyes flickered from one potential hazard to the next as we drove along, I could tell he had something else occupying his mind, too.

"As long as you still want that," I added, in case he was the one having second thoughts.

"Hm?" He glanced across at me briefly before his eyes returned to the road.

"Kids?"

"Oh, right. Yeah, of course I do."

"You looked concerned about something for a while there," I said with a smile. "And it's not just my decision."

He smiled and moved his hand from the gearstick to my thigh, squeezing gently. "It's not that. Don't worry. I was actually thinking about how much my attitude towards everything has changed over the past five years. Thanks to you."

"You did that yourself, Nathan. It's nothing to do with me."

"Maybe nothing to do with you for that first year I was in Italy," he said, "but everything to do with you once we met. You made me want to be a better person. You never asked me to change. I changed because I wanted to be good enough for you—"

"Come on, Nathan, we've had this conversation—"

"Just let me finish, okay?" He winked at me to neutralise the tension. "Humour me."

I smiled and folded my arms. "Fine. I'm humouring you."

"I'm not saying you fixed me or anything dramatic like that. I'm just saying that I saw something in you that made me want to try to stay on the right track. And it got to a point where I didn't have to try anymore. Because I stopped seeing drugs and girls when I imagined my life ten years down the line, and I started seeing you."

We'd had similar conversations plenty of times in the past, but he'd never phrased it quite like that. Even with the busy traffic around us, my heart felt like it was thudding loud enough for him to hear. If I looked at him, the tears I was trying hard to hold back would flood out, so I stared straight ahead.

"So, that's what I was thinking about," he said, his tone much lighter. "Five years ago, I'd never have seen myself as a dad. Now I can't wait to be one."

And then the tears did fall. 

***

Thank you for reading :) xx