|27| - "My head is all over the place at the moment." -

Nathan slotted right into our little Italian flat dynamic, and we all soon fell into a routine. It probably helped that he'd visited several times before, but Jasmine treated him as if he'd been here with us from the start.

When we had late lectures, we'd return home to find Nathan cooking in the kitchen. If ever he had to work late, we would leave him a plate of food in the oven to eat once he'd finished. If Jasmine wanted to head out to take photos in the dusk lighting, Nathan and I would wait for her to get back before we ate.

If he was visiting for a weekend's holiday, it would be different, and him and I would do our own thing. But he wasn't visiting. He was staying. So that meant he needed to fit into our routine. After all, I wasn't prepared to shift Jasmine aside.

During the first week of February, the three of us were watching a film when mine and Nathan's phones pinged at the same time. Without looking, Nathan flicked his onto silent, but my eyes strayed to my screen, wondering who was sending us group messages.

Jack: The countdown is almost over. The time has nearly arrived. We've been crossing off the days on our calendars for weeks and now just 7 remain. 168 hours. I'm not a twat so there's no lame theme but it is valentine's day and photos will be posted to Instagram so try to look hot-filters only hide so much and my editing skills only go so far, Nathan. See you all in 168 hours!

Jack: Actually 167 hours - you need to be here for 6pm. Don't be late, fuckers.

I must have laughed out loud because both sets of heads turned to look at me. Smiling guiltily, I put my phone on silent, but I did steal a quick look at the group members to see if Jess was there. She was.

Just I went to follow Nathan's lead and ignore the messages in favour of the film, a new one popped up, and curiosity overcame me when I saw Jess' name.

Jess: Serious question. What if we find ourselves in a position where we're not looking hot enough for Instagram? Do we spend extra time rectifying that and risk being late? Instructions not clear from your message. Please advise.

I reread her message three times, trying to work out the tone of it. Was she messing around and playfully taking the piss out of Jack's instructions, or did her words have more hostile undertones? I couldn't imagine Jess would publicly attack him on a group chat, but then I had no idea of their current situation.

Jack: You don't need to worry about that. You're hot enough already.

Jack: But the red dress is my favourite. Just an FYI.

Jess: The red dress it is...

Well. That answers that, then.

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"I'd say it's a clear strategy that they've come up with together," Jasmine said.

The film's credits rolled in the background as Nathan caught up on the group chat's messages. Jasmine, who didn't know either of them that well, felt most qualified to comment on the Jess and Jack situation from an outsider's point of view.

"You make it sound like they're plotting some kind of bank heist," Nathan said dryly, glancing sideways at her.

"If they both feel awkward discussing it with you, then this seems like the easiest way for them to essentially say, hey, FYI, we've got something going on."

I shrugged, flicking through the chain. A couple of Jack's school friends had replied, directing banter his way that he'd easily deflected. Then our old flatmate from uni, Shaun, had thrown his two cents into the mix by joking that there were strikes planned affecting French airspace that day.

"I guess," I said. "It's just a shame that Jess feels she can't talk to me about the whole thing. She's always been there for me and I hate the thought of her feeling alone."

"She'll have other friends she can talk to," Nathan said. "I wouldn't worry."

Jess picked up friends wherever she went. She was one of those lovable people who attracted equally-friendly girls with ease. Although it settled my mind to know that at least one of her friends would be able to comfort her when needed, I still felt like my contribution to our friendship was lacking, especially with all the support Jess had offered me this year.

"You have to bear in mind that this is still very new to them both, Izzy," Jasmine chipped in. "They're probably still figuring it out. When it all settles down, I'm sure they'll both start talking to you about it."

Forever the voice of reason, Jasmine had probably hit the nail on the head. Neither of them would want to over-complicate something that might not have a future-otherwise I then really would be in a position where I'd face choosing sides.

We shut off the TV and Jasmine pulled out a pack of playing cards, tossing them onto the dining table.

"Who wants to play?"

Nathan immediately rose from the sofa to pull out a chair, but I excused myself from the room to call Jess. There was a fine line between not interfering and not caring.

"I'll give you a beating at Irish Snap, Jas," Nathan said.

"You can try, but I should warn you that I've been known to draw blood. And I won't apologise for it."

I left them to it and shut the bedroom door for privacy. Jess answered the phone immediately, her tone bright and cheerful.

"Hey!"

"Hey, yourself," I replied with a smile, settling on the bed.

"Can we skip the part where you pretend you're calling for a general catch-up and instead get straight to the real reason?"

Hurt rose within me as her defensive words registered. Was that what she thought of me? That I only wanted to speak to her because of Jack?

"Bells? Did that come out wrong?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Sorry. My head is all over the place at the moment. I wasn't accusing you of not caring."

"Okay, good. Because I do care. And I'm already struggling with the fact you feel you can't talk to me about Jack, so I don't want you thinking I don't give a shit about anything else."

It looked like we were going to get straight to the point anyway, whether that had been my intention or not.

"It's not that I feel I can't talk to you about him. I'm just making a conscious effort not to-for your sake."

"Sorry. I think I'm just overly sensitive because of what happened with Nathan. I'm finally looped back into his life, and now I'm looped out of yours."

"It wasn't my intention to make you feel that way. I get why you do, but they're completely different situations."

I sighed, concerned that I risked making the situation worse. "Yeah, I know. I just feel like I'm a bad friend for not being able to help or be there for you."

"Oh, Bells... Please don't feel that way. If anything, you're a great friend for not pressuring me into talking about it. But seriously, would you genuinely want to know what he's like in bed?"

"You've slept with him?" I couldn't hide the surprise in my voice. She'd caught me off-guard and I'd reacted before having chance to censor my words.

"Well, no. Not yet. But it's heading that way. See, this is why I didn't want to talk to you about it."

"Jess, I'm not judging. I promise. I just didn't realise it was that serious. Or that you even felt ready for it after Alex."

I hated bringing up Alex, but we couldn't pretend he didn't exist. That would make the conversation even less genuine.

"I think I want to," she said, her words slow and measured. "And the fact I'm even considering it suggests I'm ready. I don't know. I'm both nervous and excited. I've only ever slept with one person. And I was sleeping with him for four years."

"I get that. And it's your choice, Jess."

And the true situation finally hit me. I couldn't give her advice like I normally would. I couldn't say, just see how it feels and if it's not right then you'll know he's just a rebound.

I couldn't say, perhaps just sleep with him to see if it's anything more than the excitement of having a new guy.

And I definitely couldn't say, just keep it casual until you're sure you know if it's serious.

Because all those pieces of advice would affect Jack. And I owed Jack my loyalty, too. I'd be a bitch to suggest that Jess be selfish and only take her own feelings into account, knowing that her decisions might hurt Jack. She'd be completely within her right to look after herself in that way, but I wasn't going to be the one who put Jack on the line through suggesting it.

"Anyway, it's all good," she said. "It's new. It's exciting. We're both on the same page. If the party goes well, maybe we'll see if anything more comes of it, but he's being very sensitive in not rushing things. Not putting a label on anything. It's exactly what I need. It's just a shame he happens to be a close friend of yours."

"He's great, Jess," I said, appreciating that she'd been frank with me. "And I'm happy for you."

"And please don't be hurt that neither of us are talking to you about it. With how up and down things have been between Jack and me, we honestly just feel it's fairer this way. The situation is complicated enough, and we don't want to put you in a position where you're worrying about what to say and who to say it to."

"I appreciate that, Jess. Honestly, I do. I think it's just tough for me from a friend perspective. My two closest friends are going through something that I can't help with. I can't support either of you. It's just a tough pill to swallow. Goes against my instincts."

"I know it is and I know it does. But it's a unique situation. We're not keeping you out of it because we want to. We literally feel like it wouldn't be fair on you."

From the living room, I heard Nathan swear in frustration-or pain-and Jasmine laugh with delight. At least there was nothing complicated going on with the other two people in my life.

"How can I help you, then?" I asked Jess. "Because obviously it's impossible for me to ignore it's happening. Just be honest and I won't take offence."

"If you're able to just let us get on with it, let us make mistakes if that happens, and then be reassured that if it does go tits up, neither of us will have any ill feelings towards you. Neither of us will accuse you of not giving us warnings. It'll be better because you won't have damaged your friendship with either of us in any potential crossfire that happens. Because if that does happen, we really will need you more than ever, Bells."

It was abundantly clear that Jack and Jess had discussed this situation in detail and I admired their maturity in that. At least they were taking it seriously rather than just rushing into something without thinking about the consequences.

When we ended the call, I debated whether to phone Jack in the interest of fairness-and I knew this was the exact situation over which Jess had been expressing her concerns.

As it happened, he sent me a message just a few minutes later.

Jack: Izzy, I love you to pieces, please don't be hurt over this. Every day I want to talk to you and tell you about it. I hate not sharing this with you. Feels like I'm keeping a secret. Hence the "reveal" on the group chat. We didn't want to tell you separately and make you feel obliged to give an opinion. We don't want this to turn into a huge deal when it's so new. Really hope you understand. X

His kind words made me teary. Jack's light-hearted, jokey side rarely got replaced with his more serious, compassionate one. It proved his words were genuine, and it only made me more emotional about the situation.

My two best friends were going through something so exciting, and I couldn't be a part of it. But I could respect their wishes and show my support that way instead.

Me: Completely understand and very happy for you both. Love you too x

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Thank you for reading :) xx

What do you think of Jess and Jack's decision to keep Isobel out of their budding relationship? Do you understand where they're coming from? Would you have handled it differently? Would love to hear your thoughts!