|15| - "I'm too busy babysitting your moping boyfriend." 

The arrivals hall at Gatwick was bustling with people greeting loved ones who'd returned home for Christmas. As I stepped through the doors and allowed my eyes to scan the crowds, I noticed couples kissing, families embracing and children bouncing with excitement.

When my eyes locked onto a familiar pair, a smile spread across my lips, despite the feelings of anxiety deep within me. I started across the hall, tugging my heavy suitcase behind me, and was met halfway with an enveloping hug and a kiss to my cheek.

"God, I've missed you. It's so good to see you again."

I smiled and pulled back from the hug. "I've missed you, too."

"Now, please don't hate me for ruining our date, but I've invited a couple of friends to join us later."

We headed towards the car park, my mind adjusting to the fact that this time I was in England for several weeks—not several days.

"Who?" I asked.

"Jack and Louisa."

It was a sign of my good mood that I smiled at that, rather than expressing any annoyance at the situation.

"Jack wanted to see you and I thought it'd be nice for the four of us to meet up. After you and I have caught up properly, of course. Is that okay?"

I sighed. "Jess, you know how I feel about this. Of course it's fine for Jack to join us later, as long as nothing has changed."

She didn't reply, and the beep of her unlocking the car doors cut into the silence. Through a joint effort, we lifted my case into the boot and then sank into our seats, shutting our doors and fastening our seatbelts—all without uttering a word. I could tell something had changed, but Jess concentrated on navigating her way out of the airport complex before dropping the bombshell.

"Alex and I broke up."

"You what?"

"Please don't freak out," she begged, glancing across at me. "I really need one of us to remain calm about this because I'm freaking out."

I took a deep breath and trained my eyes on the road ahead. The things I realised I'd missed about England weren't the ones I'd expected to miss. Driving on the left-side of the road, the colour of the signs, the familiar place names, the English radio and the well-known supermarkets. They were only little things, but those little things made me feel at home.

"How long?" I asked.

"It'll be two weeks tomorrow."

"Oh, Jess..."

"Look, let's just focus on something different for the drive. I'll tell you everything, but I don't want to get upset when I'm responsible for transporting you back safely."

We drove in awkward silence from then on, making small-talk to avoid the topic of Alex. It seemed ineffective, really; we were both clearly still thinking about it. With the break-up so fresh, it surprised me that she'd invited Jack; Jess wasn't the type to move on so quickly, especially when I suspected Jack might be part of the reason for their separation.

When we arrived at Costa and I stepped out of the car, the rush of chilly air hit me hard and I shivered. Briefly, I wondered whether we'd be lucky enough to have a white Christmas.

The coffee shop was toasty, festive songs ringing out from the speakers as groups of friends huddled together over steaming drinks. The atmosphere was happy, but the conversation between Jess and me was far from it.

"Whose idea was it to end things?" I asked.

She cupped her hands around the hot chocolate, her eyes focused on the tiny marshmallows floating atop the whipped cream.

"His, I guess. But I saw it coming. And even though I'm heartbroken over it, I think it's for the best."

There was no sincerity behind the smile that she forced onto her lips, no belief in her eyes. But I guess that was to be expected. They'd been together for four years and everyone had expected they'd get married, not because of the length of time they'd been together, but because of the way they'd looked at each other, the time they spent together and their sheer compatibility.

"I'm so sorry, Jess."

"Don't be. It's shit but I brought it upon myself."

"How did you?"

She picked a marshmallow from within the mug, popped it into her mouth and chewed mechanically before meeting my eye.

"You know why I initially invited Jack?" she asked. "Pure selfishness, that's why. Alex didn't like how much Jack and I were messaging. He didn't tell me to stop, but I felt like I should. It wasn't normal, you know? Texting another guy regularly when you've got a boyfriend. So when you and I arranged to meet up, I invited Jack under the pretence that it'd be nice for you to have another friend meet you at the airport."

"Well, it's not really a pretence. The more the merrier." I smiled.

She shook her head. "It's a pretence because one of the reasons I invited him was so that I had an excuse to spend time with him. Obviously, it was about you, too, but it just worked out that way. I missed him. I wanted to talk to him."

"Is that why you think it's maybe for the best, then?" I asked. "You and Alex? If you really were thinking about Jack so much, then was your heart ever truly in it?"

"I just can't believe it's over. I genuinely thought I'd marry him..."

Jess pushed her full mug of hot chocolate to the side and rested her elbows on the table, burying her head in her hands. From her trembling shoulders, it was clear she was crying. In a crowded coffee shop, though, she'd be mortified at the thought of making a scene so, instead, I reached across and pulled one hand away from her face, interlinking our fingers.

"Jess," I said, my voice soft. "No matter how a long-term relationship ends—whether on good or bad terms—it's not easy. You were a huge part of each other's lives. Those feelings don't just disappear when you break up. It's going to take time, but things hadn't been good for a while and maybe it's better to end it now than to drag it out any longer."

She wiped away at dripping tears with her thumb, taking deep breaths while she squeezed my hand.

"I just feel like it's my fault. I mean, how would I have felt if he'd been messaging another girl all the time? I screwed up, Izzy."

"Yeah, you did, and it's not ideal, but it's happened now. Part of you obviously wasn't happy, and maybe you didn't deal with it in a perfect way, but you're human."

A small smile actually formed at that and she released a short laugh. "Thanks for being honest."

"Too brutal?"

She shook her head. "No. I needed to hear it."

Releasing my hand, she leaned back in her chair and took a deep breath, before closing her eyes. For a few moments, she looked completely at peace, but I knew her mind would be in turmoil.

"You're probably right. It is very fresh and a little bit traumatic to suddenly be single."

"And I'm guessing Louisa was a last-minute invite because you couldn't bear to face Jack now that you're newly-single?"

Her guilty smile spoke volumes. "He's a reminder, you know? I feel awkward. I've not spoken to him in weeks. I've ignored all his messages. Just please don't bring up Alex."

"Does Louisa know?"

Jess nodded. "She's promised not to say anything."

"It's gonna be okay, Jess. I know it might not feel that way, but it'll work out. You've both grown up a lot since school and something just wasn't right anymore."

"He doesn't want to talk to me anymore." She said it in a matter-of-fact tone, but her eyes conveyed sadness and despair.

"I honestly think that's a good thing. You need a clean break, or you won't move on."

She shrugged. "Maybe."

Louisa arrived first, squeezing Jess' shoulder in what was most likely a comforting gesture, before taking a seat beside her. She looked well, but then she always did. Black skinny jeans, thigh-high boots and an oversized woolly jumper, Louisa managed to look effortlessly stylish no matter what the occasion.

In a fashion that was also typically Louisa, she launched straight into the topic on her mind without any warm up.

"When are you and Nathan going to sort your shit out? Because he's starting to become very needy at lunchtimes and no offence but there are other guys I'd rather be focusing my attention on."

"Still not managed to score a date with the guy from Finance, then?" I shot back, lifting my coffee to my lips to blow on it.

"No, because I'm too busy babysitting your moping boyfriend."

Despite her dismissive attitude towards Nathan's behaviour, I knew she cared deep down. She was trying to make light of the situation but her investment in our relationship remained strong; she didn't want to see us fail. And neither did I.

"I'm with Lou," Jess said to me. "Trust me, you've got something good and you can't let a little slip-up taint that."

"With each day that passes, the Marie thing becomes a little less significant. But this will be the first time we've seen each other properly since it happened, and I don't know if that will help or if it'll just bring it all back."

"I think you just need to let yourself feel how you feel. Don't think there's a specific way you need to act. Just be completely honest and open with him," Jess said.

Discussing ways to improve my relationship with a girl who'd just come out of one felt insensitive, yet Jess continued to chat to me about it. Maybe it kept her distracted, or perhaps it was a case of passing on the wisdom that she'd gained from her break-up with Alex. Both girls seemed keen for Nathan and I to work through our bumpy patch and, rather than putting me under pressure to solve everything, it gave me hope that this genuinely was a smaller issue than it had first appeared.

When Jack turned up, Louisa cranked up her social skills another level in order to hide the awkwardness between him and Jess. They greeted each other like normal, a brief hug as Jack pecked her on the cheek, but their usual banter was absent.

"How's France?" Louisa asked him.

"Amazing. Best year of my life. You should come visit. And you, Izzy. You know, all of us. It'll be fun."

"Yeah, maybe after New Year's," Louisa said. "Beat those Christmas blues."

"And Nathan, of course," Jack directed at me. "He can come, too. How are you both finding the long-distance?"

I glanced at Louisa and Jess, both of whom sat in silence, staring at their drinks. Jess hadn't said much since Jack had arrived, but Louisa had also decided that now wasn't the time for her to get involved.

"Oh no," Jack said, sensing the awkwardness around the table. "Please tell me everything's okay."

"It will be," I replied. "We're just going through a rough patch."

Before Jack could interrogate me further—his face was a picture of panic—Louisa jumped in.

"You're still going to his Christmas party, right?"

I shrugged. Did I really want to spend an evening in the company of his work colleagues, including Marie, when they were all aware of how Nathan had been spending vast amounts of time with a woman who wasn't his girlfriend? I didn't want to be pitied—or worse, I didn't want to be considered a naïve little girl who wasn't able to satisfy her boyfriend from afar.

"We'll see how things go," I said.

"Okay, your choice, but I would strongly advise you go. You need to put on a unified front. You're unknown to them. You're just Nathan's long-distance girlfriend—"

"Is that seriously how they view me?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "But that's what you are at the moment. It's easy for people to make assumptions about a relationship if they know nothing about it."

"What, and you think Marie will back off if she sees his girlfriend is an actual person with actual feelings, and not just some unknown entity who's irrelevant as long as she's not around?"

"Hey, don't get pissy with me—"

"Girls." Jack leaned forward and interrupted our conversation. "Firstly, Christmas is a time of joy and love, so let's not fight, okay? Secondly, who the fuck is Marie?"

"You know what," I said with a sigh, leaning back in my chair. "Marie owes me nothing. Yes, it's a really nasty thing to do when you know he's got a girlfriend, but she doesn't have any loyalty towards me. He's the one who's in the wrong here. When he's got a serious girlfriend, he shouldn't be leading on other women, getting close to her when he knows she has feelings for him. You should respect your relationship."

Silence engulfed the table. I felt relieved, having finally come to terms with exactly how I felt about the situation. It had made me furious at Nathan again, but at least that meant I could address it. When nobody else spoke after my outburst, it dawned on me the reason why—and several seconds too late.

"Excuse me," Jess said, pushing her chair back. "That hot chocolate has gone straight through me."

"Oh my God," I said under my breath as she walked away. "I'm an awful friend."

Jack had obviously cottoned on, too, because he bowed his head and stirred his coffee without another word.

"It's fine," Louisa said. "You haven't said anything she didn't already know."

"Yeah, but it's not what I said. It's how I said it."

Louisa shook her head. "You're angry. She knows that."

"But I don't want her thinking that my anger towards Nathan is also directed at her."

"She won't think that, Izzy."

"Can we please stop talking about this?" Jack asked. "You're making me feel shit, too, you know. I'm the Marie, aren't I? I don't even know who this Marie is, but I know I'm her."

I reached across to squeeze his hand, trying to think of what I could say without betraying Jess' confidence.

"No, you're not," Louisa said. "Marie is a sly, calculating predator, with her eyes on the prize, who is going out of her way to get it. You're a warm-hearted, kind puppy who's waiting on the side-lines, desperately hoping that someone will give them the treat." She smiled sweetly at him, but he just scowled in return.

"I'm not a puppy. I'm more like a...like one of those police dogs. A German Shepherd. Cute on the outside, but fierce yet emotionally-aware on the inside. Obediently waiting until I'm given a signal to go for it."

Louisa sniggered, which prompted another scowl in her direction from Jack. I slipped out of my chair and patted him on the shoulder.

"I'll leave you both to it while I check on Jess."

I found her in the corridor leading up to the bathrooms, leaning against the wall as she scrolled through her phone.

"Hey," she murmured as I approached.

"Sorry for what I said. I wasn't thinking, and I definitely didn't intend for it to come across the way it did."

She locked her phone then slid it into her back pocket. "I know. I'm not annoyed or anything. I guess it just made a few things hit home and I'm still finding being near Jack awkward. I feel like I've lost a good friend in him."

"You'll get that back. You just need to focus on you for the time being and give yourself chance to move on."

Jess nodded then turned to wrap her arms around me. I closed my eyes as I rested my head against her shoulder.

"It's so nice to have my best friend back," she said.

"It's nice to be back," I replied, but I had a feeling the worst was yet to come.

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