Chapter 8 - "You're all I want."

On Monday morning, I was surprised to find Nathan yet again waiting outside my house with his car, ready to give me a lift to school. And I was even more surprised to realise that I felt almost happy about that. We'd definitely made progress on Saturday, and I now felt like I was past the point of tolerating him and almost at the level where I enjoyed his company. Almost.  

"What are you doing here?" I asked him, leaning into his car through the open passenger window. "You're making a habit of turning up at my house unannounced. And uninvited."  

"I thought I'd offer you a lift to school," he replied with a casual shrug. "If you've got too much pride to accept it, though..." 

I pulled open the passenger door and hopped in. I'd take a lift over walking any day. "Well, you're here now," I stated.  

Nathan smiled and started up the car, waiting for me to fasten my seat belt. "How was your family dinner yesterday?" 

I couldn't recall ever mentioning it to him, but we'd covered so much stuff on Saturday afternoon that I'd lost track of what I had and hadn't told him. Regardless, I was touched he'd remembered it and was now taking an interest in how it had gone.  

"Oh, it was okay," I replied. "Same old, same old, really." I thought carefully about my next question, wondering whether it was too personal. "Don't you ever get lonely? You know, since your family are in Italy." 

"No, not really," Nathan answered without hesitation.  

How could you live by yourself and not get lonely? I wasn't quite sure what to say, so I didn't say anything.  

"I mean," he quickly continued, "I still talk to my family. And I can Skype them. So I still get to see them both. Just not in the physical flesh." 

I nodded. "I guess that sort of stuff does help." 

"And besides, how could I possibly get lonely when I've got you to keep me company?" he asked with a broad grin, taking his eyes off the road for a small moment to glance across at me. "Did you beat Sam yesterday? I was rooting for you, but I didn't fancy your chances. Sorry. The guy just looks like a tennis player."

"Actually, he cancelled on me this time," I said. "He's started seeing someone, and he bumped into her brother while trying to sneak out of her house yesterday morning."

"And now he's got a broken arm?"

A small laugh bubbled in my throat. "No. They all went out to lunch together, and Sam didn't think it would make a good impression if he left early to meet me."

We pulled into the school and my stomach did a little flip when I saw Matt leaning against the entrance. Wonderful. Seeing me turn up to school with Nathan would almost certainly cause an argument. I sighed and braced myself.  

"Thanks for the lift," I told Nathan. "I'll see you later if I survive this little encounter." 

He chuckled to himself. "See you later, Bella." 

As I approached Matt, he pushed off the side of the wall and reached out for my hand. "Hey, Iz. Can we talk somewhere?" 

I felt a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. He wasn't angry. He looked guilty. And he wanted to talk somewhere privately. Had he finally cheated on me? Was he breaking up with me? 

"Um, sure," I said. 

He squeezed my hand, interlocked our fingers, and then led me inside the school, immediately turning left into the dining area. It was deserted at this time in the morning and he swiftly shut the door after us.  

"I just wanted to talk where we couldn't be interrupted so that I know I've got your undivided attention." 

"Well, you've got it," I said warily.  

"I want to apologise," he said, his eyes filled with desperation.  

That made me feel even sicker. Why was he apologizing? What had he done?

"Apologise for what?" I asked quietly, almost scared for the reply.  

Then his eyes narrowed slightly in confusion. "You don't remember? The party?" 

Then it came flooding back to me. After my exciting weekend with Nathan, I'd forgotten all about how close Matt had got to Lucy. Relief washed over me and all feelings of sickness faded away.  

"Oh, that. Yeah. You text me about it." 

"I know but you didn't sound like you'd forgiven me and I really am sorry about it, Iz." He took hold of my hand again. "I don't even know what I was thinking. I guess a small, selfish part of me liked the fact I was receiving female attention-" 

"Is female attention from me not enough?" I asked, slightly hurt. How could he get a kick out of receiving female attention when he hated getting affection from me in public? I was the one who should be craving the attention, because I was the one who wanted it.  

His lips parted, but no words came out. Usually, when we fought, Matt apologised and I forgave him immediately. I didn't tend to prolong the argument.  

"Iz," he murmured, winding his arms around my body. "You're all I want. Lucy means nothing to me. I'd never have cheated on you. I just liked the attention. But if I could only ever receive attention from one girl then I'd choose you. You know what you mean to me." 

"It just hurt."  

"I was so scared that I'd lost you this weekend," Matt murmured, resting his head against mine. "I was so angry at myself that I'd risked losing you over something so stupid and selfish of me." 

"I want to move past it now," I told him truthfully. "Just don't do anything like that again." 

"I won't," he assured me. "I've learnt my lesson." 

I forced a smile and gave him a quick peck on the lips to assure him that all was forgiven. I knew I wouldn't forget it—I didn't forget things easily—but it saved arguing more about it. 

"Oh," he suddenly said. "There's one more thing." 

Nathan, I immediately thought. Now he wants to know about Nathan.

"What?" I asked.  

"I wanted to apologise for, uh, for taking you back to mine. I feel like I sort of pressured you into doing it." He tenderly tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, looking guilty again.  

"You didn't pressure me into anything. I appreciated the forwardness." I smiled.  

He scratched his head, frowning in thought. "Well, regardless, I didn't treat you well enough afterwards. I slept with you and then I went off flirting with other girls. Now that I'm sober and thinking rationally about it... it really wasn't acceptable. I'm so sorry." 

"Well, so long as you now realise how it made me feel..." I trailed off, not wanting to go into anymore. I was sick of thinking about it, and sick of discussing it. "Matt, I really don't want to talk about it anymore. Let's just move on, yeah?" 

He smiled, looking grateful and relieved. "Yeah. That sounds great."  

He leant to kiss me again, but properly this time. The kiss was full of affection and tenderness, like he wanted me to enjoy it more than him. His thumb gently stroked my cheek as his lips caressed mine.  

The door opened and we immediately pulled apart, both looking to see who had interrupted us. Nathan stood there, not looking as awkward as he should have been since he'd quite obviously just interrupted an intimate moment. Out of the two of us, I felt more awkward and I'm sure my red face displayed that perfectly.  

"Oh, sorry," he said casually. "I was just checking up on Isobel. But now I see she's fine..."  

A small playful smile formed on his lips, but his eyes didn't match it. My heart sank. I knew he was disappointed in me, disappointed that I gave in so easily. Kat would be, too, except Kat would actually tell me she was disappointed and give me a hard time about it.  

"Anyway, sorry for interrupting," he quickly added. His eyes landed on mine once more before he turned to leave.  

"Hey, wait," Matt called.  

Nathan rotated back around, his eyes focusing on Matt. "Yes?" 

"I, uh, I wanted to say thank you." 

Nathan's left eyebrow rose in curiosity. He wasn't the only one who was curious. What was Matt's game?  

"Thank you for what?" Nathan asked, almost suspiciously.  

"For looking after her on Friday, while I was off being a dick." 

Nathan shrugged nonchalantly. "Well, someone had to. I just happened to be there. It's not a big deal." 

Just happened to be there? Not a big deal? What gave him the right to turn up at my house, beg me to spend the day with him, and then claim that looking after me wasn't a big deal? He'd gone out of his way, just for me. He'd made me feel special and I'd opened up to him. And that meant nothing? Maybe I had been a game to him after all, just like all those other girls.

"See you around, anyway," Nathan said, and then he left, letting the door swing shut after him.   

Matt sighed and wrapped his arms around me. I allowed my head to rest against his chest, now craving his intimacy over the confusing one-eighty from Nathan. A part of me had secretly loved how he'd seemed to look out for me, but perhaps it hadn't been just about friendship for him. If he still wanted more, and I couldn't give that to him, maybe it was for the best that we went our separate ways.

"You all right?" Matt murmured.  

I nodded against his chest. "I'm just happy everything's good between us." 

He kissed the top of my head and tightened his arms around me. "Want to come round tonight? If you're not busy?"  

I smiled and leant back to look at him. "Sure." 

He bent to give me a soft peck. "You know what you mean to me, Iz. You know how much I care." 

"Likewise," I smiled.  

-

When I got home later that evening after having dinner at Matt's house, I headed straight up to my room for some downtime. Despite knowing Matt for several years, being at his house was sometimes exhausting. It wasn't so much interacting with Matt—that was easy and natural enough—but rather interacting with his family.  

Although his parents were friendly and polite, I sometimes felt like I was a bit of an imposition. Since Matt inviting me round had been pretty impromptu, I felt awful when they admitted they hadn't catered for enough people at dinner. Despite me insisting that I'd eat at home, they said they couldn't allow me to sit at the table without any food, and so they just gave me a small portion. It made the atmosphere at dinner quite awkward, though, and I did feel unwelcome.  

On my way back from Matt's, I stopped off at Sainsbury's and bought a cheap meal there to fill me up. I was munching on the remainder of the fruit salad when I noticed that I had a friend request from Nathan. Despite it being odd timing considering the encounter this morning, I wasn't particularly surprised that he'd managed to track me down on Facebook. I accepted him, and then occupied myself with scrolling through his profile and photos, trying to learn more about him. There wasn't too much on there, and I got the impression he probably wasn't much of a social network fanatic, but curiosity still spurred me on to find out more.

The majority of his photos were taken by other people tagging him at various parties. Without studying them closely, however, it would be difficult to recognise him. His blonde hair was longer, and often scraped back out of his face or tucked behind his ears. He had a lot more stubble back then, too, and his dress sense had certainly improved over the years.  

Sighing, I closed it down and turned off my laptop. Good on him for changing. He did seem quite wise, and maybe that was why. With all that life experience, and going through a big change early on in your life, you're bound to learn some important things to pass on as wisdom. 

Matt had bad points—everyone did. Earlier today I'd discovered Nathan's colder side. But Matt's good points more than made up for his bad ones. And when I was upset, Matt was the only one I wanted and the only one who knew exactly how to comfort me; it had been that way for a long time and I couldn't see it changing without something drastic happening. 

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