Chapter 7 -  "You're too good for him."

I woke up Saturday morning to another message from Matt, despite not replying to his previous one.

- I was so drunk last night. Please forgive me. I was an idiot. I love you loads xxxxxx 

The 'I was drunk' excuse. It was such a classic, one that everyone used when they wanted to excuse their actions. More than anything, though, it was cowardly.  

While thinking of a response, I got dressed, had breakfast and brushed my teeth. It was nearing midday and just as I was about to tap out a reply to Matt, the doorbell rang. Shoving my phone in my pocket, I went to answer it.

As I pulled open the door, I came face to face with Nathan. Strangely enough, I didn't even feel surprised to see him on my doorstep.  

"You're a stalker who should be locked up," I told him, going to shut the door again. He stopped me from doing so by simply placing the palm of his hand flat against it. There was no way I could battle against his strength.  

"I was only coming to see if you were okay after last night," he said, feigning hurt and giving me sad eyes.  

"I'm fine." 

"And, well, because you promised me that we'd do something this weekend," he quickly added, shooting me a grin.  

"I actually remember telling you I was busy." 

"Yeah, but that was a lie... Have you heard from Matt?" 

"Yeah, he just messaged me," I replied. "I should be more concerned at you randomly turning up at my house." 

"But you're not," he said. "Luckily for me."

I sighed and folded my arms, leaning against the doorframe. 

"I'm asking for one day, Bella," he said, his face softening. "It's not gonna kill you. Do you actually have anything better to do other than texting your boyfriend, who is probably begging for forgiveness right now?" 

He was trying. Really trying. And if he was so keen to make an effort with me, maybe I should try to make an effort with him, too. Besides, judging by his phone conversation last night, he hadn't had the best evening, either. 

"Also... I want to prove I can be just a friend. I'll get to know you, you'll get to know me, and we can leave all the other stuff behind."

"Fine," I said, slipping on some shoes and grabbing my keys from the bowl beside the door. "One day. Let's see how it goes. But this is about friendship only, okay?" 

He beamed at this, and I got the impression that no task was too big for Nathan. Wherever we were going involved driving but I was relieved to discover that Nathan was a safe driver who didn't feel the need to show off. At seventeen and eighteen, a lot of boys at school had just passed their test and seemed to think that driving dangerously was somehow a demonstration of their skills. Far from it. 

"So, was I right? Did he text you?" Nathan asked when we stopped at a red light.  

"Yeah. Begging for forgiveness. Just like you said..." 

"Now you have the upper hand. Tell him exactly how you feel." 

"I don't know... I don't wanna be the one causing problems." 

"Since when was honesty a problem? Come on, Bella. My advice worked last time, didn't it?" 

I sighed. That was true. I took out my phone and re-read Matt's latest text. Then I typed out what I truly wished to say.  

- So you're saying you were only flirting because you were drunk? 

I sent that without hesitation. He'd walk straight into it; I knew he would. He thought I was giving him a get-out. I wasn't.  

- Yes. And it was stupid I know. Xxx 

Yep. Straight into it. I tapped out my reply again, my fingers hitting the screen with more force than necessary in my increasingly anxious state. Nathan glanced over at me, sensing my mood, but didn't say anything.  

- So what you're actually saying is that I can't trust you when you're drunk? 

I felt some satisfaction as I sent that, wondering how he'd reply. Despite thinking I'd caught him off guard, Matt responded almost immediately.  

- You can trust me. Flirting means nothing. They're just words. I wouldn't have touched her. You know that. Xxx 

I sighed to myself and Nathan glanced over again, this time deciding to speak up. "What's he saying?" 

"He says flirting means nothing. He'd never have touched her." 

"That's beside the point," Nathan told me, flicking on his indicator and pulling into a deserted road. "Flirting is still being unfaithful. It's just insinuating it rather than doing it. It's still wrong." 

The car came to a stop and I looked around. We were at the cliff's edge and the road was cordoned off with a no-entry sign.  

"Okay, hop out," Nathan said chirpily, unfastening his seat belt and then pressing the button on mine so that the strap released itself and sprung away from my body.  

I remained seated, not moving, completely perplexed. "But we can't go any further. It says no-entry." 

Nathan opened the boot of his car and pulled out a bag. "You coming?"

I got out, purely so I could talk to him, but he locked the doors and began to stride down the road towards the barrier. When he showed no signs of waiting for me, I ran to catch up with him, taking hold of his arm to force him to come to a halt. 

"Nathan, we can't go any further. It's cordoned off." 

"Just live a little, Bella. It's exciting, isn't it?" he said, giving me that classic cheeky grin of his. "Come on, I brought a picnic and everything. I won't manage it all by myself..." 

"It's October and it's cold," I muttered stubbornly.  

"Oh, toughen up. The sun's warm when you're out of the shade. It's not like it's raining. That would have totally screwed up my plans." 

He bent under the barrier and beckoned for me to come, too. I growled to myself but followed him. What choice did I have? He didn't take us right to the cliff's edge but close enough that we had an amazing view of the sea and of the land curving around.  

"Like the view?" he asked, laying out a rug on the grass and then proceeding to settle himself down on it.  

"Yeah. It's incredible," I replied, completely truthfully.  

"I hoped you'd like it." 

I settled down beside him, shuffling to get comfy. Nathan deserved a chance and I was going to give it to him. He then began to pull out the contents of the bag. Seeing the thought and effort that he'd put into the picnic had momentarily taken my mind off Matt, but now I was thinking about him again.  

"Thanks for the advice earlier," I said, running my fingertip around the rim of my water bottle. "You seem to know exactly how he thinks." 

Nathan paused for only the slightest of seconds before answering. "I used to be like him," he said. "Well, actually, I used to be worse than him." 

"I don't believe that. If that were true then you wouldn't be pushing all the girls away from you." 

He sighed and swirled the liquid around in his bottle. Despite only just opening it, he'd almost drank the whole thing.  

"I just used to play around a lot," he admitted eventually. "I never cheated, but that's almost a technicality given that I avoided relationships. I quickly learnt what girls needed to hear to win them over. It was immature, but I loved it." 

Looking at him, it didn't surprise me in the slightest, but it should have done because Nathan didn't seem like that anymore. Beneath his persistent flirting, I could tell he had a heart and that he genuinely cared.  

"So what spurred you to change?" I asked. 

He shrugged and took a swig of water, swallowing hard. "I dunno. I realised how pathetic it was in the end and I stopped. People were getting hurt because of my stupid games. Italy did me good. Plenty of beautiful Italian women and I didn't touch a single one of them." 

The more Nathan told me, the more questions came to my mind. I realised that I'd never actually asked about him. Considering Nathan took such a strong interest in my life, I hadn't ever stopped to think what his life was like. Everyone has a story, and obviously this was his.  

"I was involved in a lot of bad stuff. It wasn't just the girls," he said. "I didn't move to Italy because of my dad. Well, it was his decision, but not because of work. My sister got pregnant. And the guy left her. At that moment, I had never wanted to hurt a person as much as I wanted to hurt that guy for knocking up my sister and then dumping her.

"It made me question myself. With all the girls I've slept with, what are the chances that I've got one of them pregnant? And how would I deal with that? I didn't want to be that person anymore. I realised the games I was playing were only fun for me. We all moved to Italy and I'm the only one who moved back. My sister has started a new life out there." 

I was silent for a while, digesting his story. "You're very open." 

"You asked." 

"Yeah, but..." 

"You seem like the trustworthy type." He shot me a smile. "And now you know more about me so you can't use that lame excuse anymore." 

I smiled and reached for a stuffed pepper. "So, in your expert opinion, what should I do about Matt?" 

Nathan sighed in thought as he considered it. "Well, we're not exactly the same. Matt isn't playing you off against other girls; he's just not treating you as well as you deserve to be treated. When was the last time he took you out?" 

"Not since the beginning of our relationship, really. We always stay in." 

"He should want to take you out and show you off. He should be trying to impress you all the time." 

"He doesn't have to impress me." 

"That's not the point, Bella," he emphasised. "He should be working for you. It doesn't matter how long you've known each other or how well you know each other. Every girl deserves to be treated. You're too good for him." 

I considered this. It wasn't quite as bad as Kat's constant nagging, although that was probably because Nathan was much more tactful in his delivery. 

"And why am I too good?" 

"Because you think about him all the time, about how he's feeling, but when was the last time he seriously considered your feelings? Was he considering them when he was flirting with that girl? You want to spend time with him, but he wasn't automatically going to go to that party when you said you were going. He should want to spend time with you. I mean, I enjoy spending time with you and that's without the perks." 

He shot me one of his charming smiles, probably to try to lighten the mood again. 

"You enjoy making fun of me. There's a difference."

"Am I making fun of you now? No, I'm trying to help you. I'm not telling you to break up with him. That has to be your decision. I'm telling you to step out of your shoes for a moment, look at it from the outside, as if you don't have feelings for him, and then see if the relationship is as perfect as you think it is." 

"It's not perfect. I can admit that. But what relationship is perfect?" 

"When it's right, it feels perfect. Even if it's not." 

For someone who'd admitted to breaking girls' hearts, Nathan seemed very wise about what constituted as a decent relationship. 

"I hope I haven't offended you," he said. 

I shook my head. "No. I know I've heard it all before, but Kat always makes it seem like it's my fault. Like, she criticises the relationship, but in turn criticises me for being in it. I no longer feel like I can talk to her because she just says the same thing over and over again: just break up with him. I know he's not a great boyfriend, but he was an amazing friend and if we break up then I'll lose a friendship, too, not just a boyfriend."

It was something I'd talked about with Jess, but had never felt able to discuss with Kat. She had little patience for my relationship troubles, always assuming the only way to handle my problems was to just get rid of Matt. Maybe that was the solution, but it made me feel isolated from her and unable to confide. 

"I don't think Kat's a very good friend," Nathan said, his tone reserved as though he was worried this was the wrong thing to say. "Considering she's got such strong opinions about what makes a good relationship, she certainly doesn't try to maintain a good friendship. The way she talks to you is so disrespectful, Bella. Putting you down, insulting your relationship and embarrassing you in front of everyone is not what a good friend does. I'm sorry."

In a way, he was right. Kat wasn't like Jess, but they were two very different people. We'd been friends for a long time, though, and Kat had only started belittling me since my relationship with Matt. She probably thought I could handle it because of our strong friendship, and that she therefore didn't need to tread on eggshells around me. 

Ironically, the more I thought about it, the more parallels I found between Matt and Katrina. They'd both been in my life for many years, and were both very close to me. However, that firm foundation perhaps meant that neither of them were particularly careful about their actions around me, simply assuming that everything would be fine because we'd been in each others' lives for so long. 

"All I'm saying is that it's not fair that you're doing twice the amount of work in a relationship," Nathan said, going back to the topic of Matt. "It's meant to be equal." 

"Go on, say it. I can handle it. Kat says it enough." 

"Say what?" 

"That the fact he's not working as hard as me in the relationship means he doesn't care about me as much." 

Nathan shrugged. "I wouldn't say that. People act differently. It doesn't mean that you mean any less to him. Just, perhaps, he's become complacent. Either way, he takes you for granted. And someone like you shouldn't be taken for granted." 

I let out a small laugh. "I appreciate that, even if we have only just met." 

"Nobody should be taken for granted, Bella." 

I lay back on the grass, staring up at the clouds. Nathan reclined next to me, our shoulders touching. I hadn't known him for long, but this was comfortable. Something about him made me feel safe—ironic considering that he gave off this impression of being dangerous.  

When I turned my head to the side, my eyes landed on a small packet nestled deep within the picnic bag. During one lunch break last week, our conversation had turned to drugs after we'd heard a rumour about someone falling ill at a house party. Nathan had spoken candidly about the various ones he'd tried, so it shouldn't have surprised me to see the cigarettes in his rucksack. 

"Do you smoke?" I asked. 

"Rarely." 

"Social smoker?"

"I guess. Not so much anymore. Just haven't used the picnic bag in a while."

I hummed in acknowledgement and tilted my face back towards the sky, closing my eyes. "I've never tried it."

"I wouldn't recommend."

"Did it put off the girls?" I asked. "I once kissed a smoker. Before Matt. I wasn't a fan."

"It didn't seem to make a difference." An amused lilt accompanied his dry statement. "Maybe my sparkling personality and insane kissing skills overpowered the taste." 

Comfortable silence settled between us. With the October sun casting a pleasant warmth across my face, and a gentle breeze rustling nearby trees, a state of contentment filtered through me. Maybe I was in a bubble, a small pocket of serenity beyond a no-entry sign, but for now I was happy. 

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Thank you for reading :)xx