Chapter 22 - "You've always had me."

I was stressing over what to wear. It was silly, really, because this wasn't a normal date. Nathan and I already knew each other, so it wasn't like I desperately needed to impress him. Nevertheless, I wanted to look good. I wanted to make him proud. More than anything, I wanted to impress him. Nathan had spent so long waiting patiently for me, making no secret of his feelings. Now that I'd agreed to take things further, I wanted to show that I, too, wanted this just as much as him.  

After much deliberation, I settled on a skirt with a long-sleeved top. Reminding myself that we were in October, I grabbed a jacket, too.  

"You look nice," Mum commented as I headed down the stairs.  

"Thanks," I replied.  

"Going anywhere special?" she asked suspiciously, her eyes resting on my legs. It wasn't the shortest skirt I owned, but there was still a lot of leg on display, and I could almost see the cogs turning in her head. 

"Not really. Nathan and I are going to the cinema." 

"Oh, right," she said, instantly relaxing. "That's nice." 

I knew I'd have to admit that we were more than friends at some point, but I didn't want to just yet. I was happy that Mum trusted Nathan. She'd always had a problem with Matt coming up into my room but I knew she wouldn't have a problem if it was Nathan. My main concern would be that she might change that attitude if she thought Nathan and I were up to no good in there... 

Before she could interrogate me further, there was a knock on the front door and I leapt to answer it. 

"Hey." I grinned at Nathan, my heart lurching upon seeing him. 

He didn't usually have this effect on me; if anything, he usually had a calming effect on me. This was different, though. This was a date.  

"Hey yourself," he said, returning my grin. "You look great. Are you ready?" 

"Yep. Bye, Mum!" I called, and then I shut the door quickly after myself before she could drag Nathan into a conversation.  

As Nathan drove us to the cinema, we immediately fell into natural conversation about how our days had been. He was telling me a detailed story about two guys who'd spontaneously started fighting in the middle of an English lesson over a girl.  

"That's so pathetic," I said. "What is fighting gonna solve?" 

"It doesn't solve anything," Nathan agreed, "but it does make you feel a hell of a lot better." 

I smirked. "Like you've ever cared enough about a girl to fight over her." 

He smiled, and glanced quickly across at me. "Not until now." 

I bit my tongue, realising what I'd said. Then I mulled it over more. Nathan and Matt would never fight. It wasn't in either of their natures. Matt wasn't confrontational–incident at the party aside–and Nathan's fighting days were over. As well as that, though, Nathan seemed too mature to engage in physical combat over a girl; he might tease me a lot, but that was about as far as his immaturity stretched.  

Nathan pulled into the car park and took out his wallet as we walked into the cinema.  

"This can be my treat," he told me.  

"Your treat? Everything is always your treat," I said. "And besides, I'm the one who asked you out."

He didn't reply to that, just chuckled slightly. However, he refused to let me pay and we were still bickering about it as we took our seats.  

"Shush," he said with a teasing smile. "The film's about to start!" 

With a glint in his eye, he placed his hand over my mouth to silence me and I automatically bit it in response, too caught up in the playfulness to consider other implications. Nathan's lips pulled up into a smirk. 

"Kinky." He winked.  

Heat scorched my cheeks. "Shut up." 

He laughed to himself. "It's gonna be so fun corrupting you." 

My stomach fluttered with anticipation. Did he genuinely think I had next to no experience, or were his tastes a little out of the ordinary? 

"How do you know I'm not already corrupted?" I asked.  

He laughed again. "Please, Bella. I've got a radar for these kinds of things." 

Intrigue simmered through me. A few months ago, I was anti-change with no interest in affecting the status quo. Since growing closer to Nathan, I craved those new experiences.

The film began but Nathan didn't make any typical date moves, not even the classic one where you pretended to stretch so that you could casually drape your arm around the other person. I found myself thinking more about his presence next to me than the actual film. So, uncharacteristically, I made the first move. I rested my arm on the chair next to his and gently laid my hand in a way that meant my fingers rested over his. After a couple of seconds, Nathan moved his fingers so that they caressed mine. It was a tiny gesture, but like all the tiny gestures with Nathan, it felt electrifying, sending tingles all the way up my arm. My attention certainly wasn't on the film after that.  

Coldness rushed through me when Nathan moved his hand away, but it was replaced by immediate warmth when he tugged up the armrest to shuffle closer and drape his arm around my shoulder. I instantly relaxed into him, my head resting against his chest, the heat of his solid muscles warming my cheek through his shirt. It took all my willpower not to turn my face and kiss him.  

When he switched positions later on, he shifted his hand from my shoulder to my thigh. Sparks fluttered up my legs, sending my pulse racing. His palm was large and gentle and warm. My skin puckered with goose bumps, hidden beneath layers of clothing, and suddenly I ached to feel his bare flesh against mine.

With the clear physical step forwards, I'd expected the vibe between us to be different after the film, but Nathan nattered away like normal during the car ride home. He was dissecting the plot and pointing out the various flaws. I nodded along, agreeing in places, but truthfully I'd been more distracted by his presence next to me.

"Do you want to come in?" I asked him once we'd pulled up outside my house. "It's not that late."  

I really didn't want the evening to end yet, and the film hadn't given us much opportunity to talk.  

"Sure," he replied, unfastening his seat belt. "It'll give me time to catch up with your mother." 

"I actually wanted you to myself, but if you'd rather chat to my mum..."

His lips twitched. "Nope. I'm good."

Mum wasn't in the kitchen when we got into the house, so we were able to sneak upstairs unnoticed. As I was taking off my jacket, Nathan busied himself with examining the photo collection on my wall.  

"Why are there gaps?" he asked me.  

I wandered over to stand beside him and rested my head against his shoulder as I, too, surveyed the gaps in my photo collection.  

"Those were where I had photos of Katrina or Matt." 

Nathan's chest rose as he sighed deeply. Slowly, he twisted around and held my waist so we were facing each other.  

"You're an amazing person, Bella," he told me, staring deep into my eyes as if he was desperate for me to believe him. "You don't deserve any of what they've put you through." 

I shrugged with one shoulder, averting my eyes. "Well, I guess one good thing's come of it." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah," I said. "You." 

He smiled slightly. "You've always had me." He caressed my cheek softly, his thumb gently running along the curve of my cheekbone. I closed my eyes, savouring the feel of his hands on my skin.  

When I opened them again, an intense expression had captured his face. Tenderness and warmth swam in the blueness of his eyes, drawing me in and wrapping me in a blanket of affection. I held his gaze and welcomed the bubble of serenity enveloping us. Fear or uncertainty or guilt ceased to exist. 

I don't know how long we stood there for before he bent down to my mouth. Maybe it was me who leant up to his mouth, I couldn't say. All I knew was that our lips made contact and suddenly we were kissing.  

And it was the most amazing feeling in the world. 

It was nothing like our first kiss; in fact, it was like I was kissing a different person. Nathan's lips moved softly against mine, the gentle push and pull as we built up a slow rhythm of synchronicity.

I melted into his body, looping my arms around his neck as his hands slid to my hips, gently pulling me closer to him. My fingertips sifted through the wavy strands of hair at the nape of his neck as our lips repeatedly came together and fell apart, over and over again.

The kiss was tender, sweet and full of affection—it was everything that Nathan felt towards me portrayed in one kiss—and when his tongue gently brushed mine, fireworks exploded in my stomach. Before it could progress, though, he broke away, easing my hair away from my eyes. 

He smiled softly. "That's how I wanted our first kiss to be."  

I felt like my knees were going to buckle any second and so I sat down on the bed to steady myself. 

"Are you all right?" he asked, sitting down beside me.  

I smiled at him. "I'm more than all right." 

"Better than the first time?" 

I laughed. "Yes. Much better." 

"I wasn't expecting to kiss you tonight," he admitted sheepishly. 

"Well, that's how we said we wanted it to be," I reminded him. "At least I didn't beg for it this time." 

He laughed. "I knew you were doing it for the right reasons this time." 

"I really care about you, Nathan," I told him, hoping he believed me. "I want you to know that." 

I really did want him to believe me, more than anything. It would be awful if Nathan thought I was just settling for him, because I assumed the thought must have crossed his mind at one point. How could a person go from being heartbroken over a break-up, to suddenly having feelings for someone else? It was something that I'd never have understood if I hadn't gone through it myself.  

Breaking up with Matt had been hard; there was no denying it. However, that separation had allowed me to bond with Nathan and open my eyes to other opportunities. Maybe there had always been something between us, but I'd just been so hell-bent on justifying my relationship with Matt that I'd refused to see it.  

"I really care about you too, Bella."

"The reason I'm doing this...the reason I'm allowing myself to be with you, is because I know I'm finally ready," I told him. "I'm ready to move on. I want to be with you. If I had any doubts, then I wouldn't let myself go through with it. I wouldn't want to risk hurting you, because I couldn't bear to hurt someone who I care about so much." 

"And if I thought you had any doubts about it, then I wouldn't let you go through with it either," he told me. "I don't want your head getting messed up. But I know you're sincere." 

I smiled and placed my hand over his so that they were both resting on his lap. "So you really wanna do this?" 

"Hell yeah." He smiled. "I've been wanting to do this since that evening in the bar." 

And then he kissed me again.

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