Chapter 17 - "Kat is smoking hot."

Matt was the first thing I thought about when I woke up the next morning. The pain rushed back to me and I groaned, my eyes watering, as I buried my head under my pillow, as if that would block it out. I'd almost had a new outlook on the whole situation yesterday with Nathan, but now the pain had returned with a vengeance. I didn't want to go to school. I didn't want to see him. 

"Isobel? Are you up?" Mum shouted up the stairs.

How convincing would I be if I pretended to be ill? I'd never faked being ill before. In fact, I'd never really missed a day of school before, either, so she'd probably give me the benefit of the doubt... 

Seconds later, Mum swung open my door. "Come on, love. We're already running late and I've got an important meeting at nine."

I didn't want to mess her around with work or delay her even more, so I dragged myself out of bed and into the bathroom. In my sorry state, I couldn't eat breakfast; I could barely motivate myself to put make-up on. What was the point? 

As I was sliding my feet into my shoes, my phone rang. I already knew it would be Nathan. He was the only person who'd dare to ring me at this time in the morning. As well as that, though, I'd sort of expected him to be checking up on me.  He was proving himself to be that kind of person.

"What?" I asked glumly as I answered it, balancing the phone between my ear and my shoulder to free up both hands as I continued to pack my bag. 

"Morning to you, too, Bella."

"I don't wanna go to school."

"I thought you might say that. That's why I'm waiting outside your house, in my car, so that you feel obliged to come."

"Don't worry. I am actually coming."

"Ah, yes. I should have guessed, really. You don't have a rebellious bone in your body."

"I don't care about all that."

"Okay. What are you wearing?"

"What?" I frowned into the phone, despite him not being able to see me. "Does it matter? You'll see in five minutes."

"Yeah, just make sure you look hot, okay?" he replied. "Don't dress in boring clothes because you're in this state of mourning and don't see the point in looking good."

Exactly what I'd been thinking. 

"Well, what is the point? Who am I trying to impress?"

"You want to make Matt feel bad? Let him see what he's missing out on?"

I snorted. "No chance of that. Kat's way hotter than me, anyway."

"Hardly. I happen to think brunettes are sexier than blondes."

"Well, you're not Matt so what does it even matter?" I asked, unable to even appreciate the compliment in my bad mood. 

"I'm a guy. Take my advice and do as I say. If you look good, you'll feel good."

How could I feel good? I'd spent such a long time trying to ignore everyone who told me to break up with this guy, and now it had actually happened. All that denial for nothing. In fact, that denial had just ended up making this separation even harder. 

"I won't feel good."

"You'll feel better than if you don't look good," Nathan continued. "I know you've got this whole worthless attitude going on, which I can kinda understand to a certain extent, but you need to hold your head up high. Even though it bothers you, try not to let it show too much."

"That's easier said than done."

"Just do as I say, Bella. Trust me. Have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?"

Had he? I suppose he hadn't. If anything, he'd given me a hundred reasons to trust him. 

"Well, no..." I conceded. 

"Exactly. See you in ten." And then he put the phone down before I could object. 

I growled and tossed it onto my bed before examining myself in the mirror. While deciding what to wear, I applied some make-up. At least my face looked more alive now rather than tired and sulky. Then, rather than tying it back, I fluffed up my hair to give it volume and wore it down for a change. Most of the time it was just easier and less hassle to scrape it back into an effortless ponytail. Rather than completely changing my outfit, I swapped my jeans for a skirt and black tights.

"You look lovely," Nathan said with a friendly smile when I climbed into his car. 

I huffed. "You'd say that anyway."

"No I wouldn't. If you didn't look nice enough then I'd have sent you back inside to change."

That was probably true. 

"Whatever." I fastened my seat belt and then leant back in the passenger seat. 

Nathan ran a hand through the loose strands of my hair that were lying over my shoulder. 

"Your hair is really nice. You should wear it down more often."

During the drive to school, Nathan checked about the meal with him tonight. I said yes, because that was the easy thing to do. Plus if I tried things his way and it didn't work, at least I'd made the effort.

He stopped the car outside school, and for the first time that morning, he said something sensitive.

"Are you okay?"

When he was being all tough with me, I found it easy to snap back at him and argue through my defensive mechanisms. When he was being nice, however, I felt my guard drop slightly. I couldn't answer him through sheer effort not to cry. 

"Hey..." He reached for my knee and squeezed it, before quickly withdrawing his hand. "You're gonna get through today, okay? Today will be the hardest day, and then tomorrow will be slightly easier, and Thursday will be even easier than that...but you've just got to get through today."

I nodded and swallowed back my tears. My voice still came out shaky, though, a lump clear in my throat. "I don't want to see them. As soon as I see them, I'll be picturing them together."

"That's natural. But you're strong, Bella. You may not feel strong at the moment, but you are strong. And once you're through today, you'll feel better, like you've achieved something. And then you can look forward to our meal tonight, yeah?"

I let out a small laugh at his casual mentioning of our meal tonight and wiped my eyes. "Yeah."

He squeezed my shoulder this time and then leant back in his seat, ready to get out of the car. "Good. You ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," I murmured. 

He shot me a reassuring smile, and that smile gave me the courage to get out of the car and begin my day. 

-

Everyone was talking about it. Despite it only happening yesterday, the whole school seemed to know. Heads turned in my direction when I passed and people whispered to each other, not so subtly. Various girls offered me sympathetic smiles but that just made me feel worse, as though they were pitying me... Oh that poor girl whose boyfriend cheated on her. If Nathan hadn't been by my side, I'd have cut my losses and left. 

"I can't do this," I said to him once we were inside and away from the stares. My voice was still shaking uncontrollably and I didn't trust myself not to burst into tears any second. "I can't deal with the attention. How does everyone know so quickly? How do people know in general? It's not like any of us have told them!"

"This is high school, Bella." He sighed in remorse, squeezing my shoulder. "Gossip gets around."

I rested my head against his chest, trying to block it all out. When I was around Nathan, I felt safe, like nothing could hurt me. And right now, he was my only comfort. Gently, he rested his hand on my back, holding me against him as I buried myself in his t-shirt. 

"Um, Bella?" he asked quietly, lowering his head and resting it against mine so he could talk quietly into my ear. "Matt's heading this way. Want to take off and I'll send him on his way?"

I shook my head and straightened up, taking a step away from Nathan. "No. I'll have to see him at some point. I'd rather be with you when it happens."

Matt stopped about a metre away from us. The pain intensified in my chest upon seeing his familiar face. That face held a thousand memories. Laughter. Celebrations. Comfort.

When I saw it now, however, all I could think of was the cheating. The same face that had brought me so much joy now brought me so much pain. By the way Matt was looking between Nathan and me, he seemed to be wondering if I'd already moved on. I wished I had but, then again, Matt had always been jealous of Nathan. This must really be rubbing his face in it. I hoped so, anyway. 

"Um, Iz, can we talk for a few minutes?" he asked, his eyes finally resting on mine. "I just need to tell you a few things...things that you should know."

"I know enough, Matt," I said just as quietly. People were already starting to look, noticing that Matt and I were talking. "I'd rather not know any more."

He looked awkward. "It's not about what, uh, what Katrina and I, um, did. It's about me and you. It's about how I feel."

"I don't need to know, Matt. It doesn't change anything." 

I hated how curious I was, though. Matt hardly ever spoke about his feelings and I almost wanted to see what he'd say. But would it help anything? No. It would make things worse, and I told myself that the only reason he was resorting to speaking aloud about his feelings was because he knew it might be the only way to win me back. A desperate measure. 

"I just feel like I should—"

"I think you should leave now," Nathan said, his tone as cold as ice. "You've done enough. The only thing you should do is stay the hell away from her."

Matt gave him a look of resentment that shocked me. I'd never seen him look at another person like that; he was usually a passive aggressive—never confrontational.  

He turned back to me. "Are you and him—?"

"Just leave, Matt," I said. "What I do now is absolutely none of your business."

"Was it going on when we were together?" Matt then asked. 

A blast of fury stormed through my body. Angry heat prickled my skin as my blood boiled beneath the surface. 

"How dare you ask me that? What gives you the right to accuse me of cheating when that's exactly what you did? I would never have cheated on you! I only ever needed you, Matt. Obviously it wasn't the same for you. Obviously I wasn't enough for you." 

"Iz—"

"Just go," I snapped, turning away. "I don't want to look at you anymore."

"You can't throw away everything we had! Think about our history! Think about our friendship!"

I spun back around angrily. "Did you think about our history when you were with Katrina? Or our friendship? Or about me at all? No. So don't accuse me of throwing everything away! You did that yourself."

He looked understandably taken aback. When had I ever stuck up for myself with Matt? We argued a lot, sure, but I'd never been quite so aggressive. Without another word, he dodged around us and carried on down the corridor, not once glancing back.

"Wow," Nathan said. "That was hot."

"Shut up."

-

I was dreading lunch. Would Kat dare to show her face? Would everyone continue staring at me? By midday, the rumours had intensified. People loved a good story and the latest one was that Katrina and Matt had slept together, which had led to Nathan and me hooking up in order to get back at them. I tried not to let the rumours get to me. By continuing to attach myself to Nathan's side, I knew I was effectively fuelling the gossip, but his wisdom, kindness and support overpowered my reservations.

Before lunch, I'd had French. Jess wasn't in my French class and neither was Nathan, which meant I had to do the walk to the cafeteria alone. Knowing I was being pathetic by worrying about walking around unaccompanied, I kept telling myself that I needed to get a grip and suck it up. The whispers were even worse now, though. People even had the nerve to try to stop me and ask what had happened, especially since Nathan wasn't there to intimidate them away from me. I tried to ignore as many people as possible, but then the inevitable happened.

The walk to lunch had proved too long for me to handle, and so I'd slipped into the girls' toilets in order to calm myself down and regroup. Don't cry, don't cry...

"Afternoon, Isobel. Or what do you call yourself now? Bella?"

Kara's taunting voice echoed around the bathroom. Nobody else was around, but Kara tended to have that effect on people. Everyone wanted to be her friend, but mainly because they were scared of her. Nobody wanted to get on her wrong side, which is exactly where I was. Kara was yet to even glance at me though; she kept her eyes transfixed in the mirror as she applied mascara to her long eyelashes. 

"I'm not in the mood, Kara," I told her. 

"Is that what you kept telling Matt?" she asked in a sweet voice, one that made my skin crawl. "And that's why he cheated on you?"

My teeth ground together at her explicit taunting. I knew she was only saying it to get at me, but with the pain still fresh, it worked.

"He didn't sleep with her."

Kara laughed and packed away her make-up, dropping the various cosmetics into a toiletry bag before swiftly zipping it up. I watched warily as she headed towards me, stopping just inches away from my face. I could see every pore of her perfect skin, her immaculate eye make-up and her glossy lips. 

"That's what they all say, Bella," she smirked. "It's to make you feel better. If your boyfriend is gonna cheat on you, then he's gonna do it properly. And let's face it, Kat is smoking hot. Who wouldn't wanna shag her?" 

I felt my nails digging into my palms and realised I was clenching my fists. Kara must have thought she'd achieved whatever goal she was aiming for, because she then smirked again and backed off, heading for the door. 

"Oh, I almost forgot," she said, partway through the door and glancing back over her shoulder at me. "Lucy says thanks. Now she can get with Matt more easily, you know, without him feeling guilty about cheating on you. Although, looks like she should have had a go anyway."

I'd gone into the bathroom to calm down, but Kara had succeeded in getting under my skin. On the plus side, I was now wound up enough to storm to the dining area without giving a damn about the people staring at me. 

Nathan picked up on my mood straight away, before I'd even sat down at the table with my tray of food. 

"Whose arse am I kicking?" he asked me. 

I was trembling but I didn't know whether that was through fury or through attempting not to cry. 

"Kara Ryder," I muttered. "Words cannot describe how much of a bitch she is."

"What's she done? Because she may be a girl, but I can still kick her arse."

I shook my head, picking up my fork and beginning to stir my pasta. "I shouldn't have risen to it."

"What did she say?" Nathan asked. He nodded briefly in greeting at Jess as she came to sit down. 

"What did who say?" Jess asked, frowning upon gauging the tension at the table. 

"Kara Ryder," I said. "She just cornered me in the toilets and was a complete bitch. I don't know why I didn't slap her."

"You didn't slap her?" Nathan frowned, looking disappointed. 

I shot him a sarcastic look. 

"You didn't slap her because you're not the violent type, violence solves nothing, and you didn't want to sink to her level and let on that she was bothering you," Jess told me, looking pointedly at Nathan in disapproval. 

"Yeah," I mumbled. "Exactly."

Nathan sighed, leaning back in his chair as his eyes flitted around the diner. "Take no notice of her, Bella."

I turned to Jess. "Is, uh, is Kat in today?"

"No," Jess replied. "I doubt she'll show her face all week."

I nodded. That was some relief at least. 

"And why sulk about Kara, anyway, when you've got such an exciting evening ahead of you?" Nathan said cheerfully. 

I rolled my eyes at his chirpiness. "Yeah. Can't wait."

"Say it with a little more enthusiasm or you'll hurt me."

"What's this?" Jess asked curiously. 

"Nathan's taking me on a date," I told her with forced eagerness. 

"See, I thought we'd agreed it wasn't a date, but if you insist, Bella..."

I ignored his teasing and instead concentrated on twisting a length of tagliatelle around my fork. 

"Well, you could probably do with the distraction," Jess said in contemplation. 

"See, Bella!" Nathan grinned. "Everyone agrees—apart from you—that you need a distraction. Statistically, that makes me right and you wrong. So suck it up, yeah?"

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Oh, Bella." He sighed dramatically, throwing his head back. "Please try to cheer up. You can't take any of my jokes when you're sulking."

"That's because your jokes aren't funny," I told him. 

"Ouch. Now I'm hurt."

"Nathan, you're winding me up. Please stop." 

He sighed and stared out across the room, apparently giving up on his attempts to cheer me up. Immediately, I felt guilty again. He was only trying. He probably felt awkward being sympathetic in a room full of people, especially when there were already rumours flying around about the two of us, so he was using humour to cheer me up instead. Unfortunately for him, after Kara I wasn't in the mood for any kind of joke. That wasn't Nathan's fault, though. 

"Hey," I murmured, reaching across the table and touching his hand to get his attention. "I'm sorry. I'm just so...messed up right now."

He delicately ran his fingers over mine before pulling his hand away and placing it on his lap. Blushing at how intimate that one gesture had been, I put my own hands back on my side of the table. 

"I, um, I need to finish some homework," Nathan said suddenly, standing up. "I'd have done it last night only I was busy looking after damsels in distress." He shot me a wink. "Seven yeah, Bella?"

I nodded. "I'll be ready."

I knew Jess was going to say something because her eyes followed Nathan until he was out of ear-shot. 

"Hey, Bell?" she said quietly. "Don't take this the wrong way but—"

"There's nothing going on. I promise."

"I wasn't going to accuse you of that," she said quickly. "But you know he likes you, right?"

"I know he used to like me. We've known each other over a month now, though, so it's probably worn off."

"You think?" She raised an eyebrow. 

"What's this about, Jess?"

"Look, Bell, I can't comprehend what you must be going through at the moment. And I know Nathan is being incredible, by being there for you and trying to distract you...basically trying to make it hurt less."

"Yeah. He's been really good to me. I'm not taking him for granted. I feel awful every time I snap at him."

Her lips pressed together as a flash of sympathy crossed her face. 

"Yeah, it's just... I don't mean this in a horrible way, but just don't lead him on, okay?"

"Oh God... Is this about the date thing? Look, he knows it's not an actual date—"

"It's not just that. I've seen the way you both interact. I know you're very upset at the moment and your judgement might be clouded, but just remember how strong Nathan's feelings for you are. You don't want to hurt him."

"I know what you're saying," I told her, softening my tone. "I'm not going to use him to get over Matt, and I'm not going to confuse feelings with friendship."

"Yeah. He seems tough, but you don't want to give him false hope. I know you wouldn't do it deliberately but...just be careful, yeah?"

I nodded. I could see Jess' point. I craved Nathan's company at the moment, but I didn't want to lead him on. Although I felt a lot for him, I didn't even want to contemplate how much of that was romantic so soon after Matt. I did feel affection towards him, though. But how could I not feel affection when he was so good to me? I was only human.

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