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12 - "Being gorgeous isn't always an advantage."

Chapter 12 - "Being gorgeous isn't always an advantage."

Matt was already at school, talking with a bunch of friends, when I arrived. He noticed my arrival and seconds later was heading over. I came to the conclusion that he'd had a personality transplant overnight, because he never usually paid so much attention to me.  

"Morning." His lips stretched into a grin as he slipped his hand into mine and interlocked our fingers. "Again." 

"Happy birthday. Again." 

"Matthew!"  

We both turned to see where the voice had come from. Jimmy, a close friend of Matt's, was heading our way. I got on with Jimmy, but I didn't particularly like him. I couldn't deny that Matt had changed slightly over the past year, which was probably part of the reason breaking up would be so hard, because I was still infatuated with the caring guy he'd first been. I blamed Jimmy for that change. Jimmy had introduced Matt to alcohol and night life. Several times a week they went out to a local pub which, despite only being seventeen, Matt had got served at since Jimmy knew the owner. There'd been several occasions when Matt had cancelled plans with me because he was going out with Jimmy.  

"Jimmy." Matt greeted him with one of those guy nods. "How's it going?" 

"Not bad, Mate. Happy birthday and all that. Are we going out to celebrate tonight?" 

"Can't, sorry," Matt said. "Already got plans."  

And he draped an arm around my shoulder. A smug rush of satisfaction rolled through me to see Matt turning down Jimmy for me when it was usually the other way round.  

Jimmy hadn't missed the gesture, and winked knowingly at me. "Well, I can't deprive you of that. What kind of man would I be? I hope you guys have...fun...tonight." 

"Oh we will," I assured him.  

He smirked at me. "And remember, Isobel, double Dutch is always best...we don't want any mistakes now, do we?" 

"Don't be so patronising, Jimmy." 

Jimmy chuckled, slapped Matt on the back, and then headed off. 

"Why is Jimmy the only one you make references about our sex life to?" I asked Matt curiously.  

"Because he's the only one who pisses me off about it. He's always making inappropriate comments so I can't help but back-chat him."  

"I see." 

"I know you don't like him. You don't have to pretend. I can read you like a book, Isobel." 

"It's not that I don't like him. I just find him harder to tolerate than most people." 

"Speaking of tolerating people..." Matt murmured, looking into the distance.  

I followed his eyes and noticed Kat approaching, wearing skinny jeans with over-the-knee boots and an off-the-shoulder jumper. She caught the attention of every guy she passed -- even the ones with girlfriends stole a quick glance. 

It was the same every day. If Matt hadn't been my best friend before dating, and therefore hadn't known me well enough to want to date me, I doubted I'd have a boyfriend right now. I'd always been in Kat's shadow; guys never looked at me because Kat was always right there, more beautiful, more charismatic and more confident.  

"She looks like she should be on a catwalk," I said.

"She's not as beautiful as you," Matt told me, sliding his arm from my shoulder to around my waist and then pulling me closer.  

I snorted in disbelief. "Matt, she's gorgeous. Everyone can see it. You don't have to say that just to make me happy." 

"I'm not just saying it," he told me, twisting me around so he was holding both sides of my waist and staring into my eyes. "You're the most beautiful girl in the world in my eyes. I don't care what anyone else thinks." 

I smiled weakly. I never knew what to say when Matt told me things like that. So instead, I stood up on my tiptoes to kiss him.

"Morning, all," Kat sung. "Happy birthday, Matthew. Here, I purchased a card for you." 

"That's kind of you, Katrina," Matt replied, equally formally. 

They were both aware of their mutual hatred. It just added to the complications. The only reason they tried to get on in my presence was because I was the middle person.  

"It was no problem at all. Luckily the supermarket opened at seven." 

I rolled my eyes, knowing she wouldn't have been able to resist making some kind of comment like that.  

"Very touching of you to be there at the crack of dawn to purchase my card," Matt retorted. 

They sort of smiled sweetly at each other, but it was more sarcasm to hide the hostility.  

"So," I said, drawing the attention away from their little exchange. "Kat, we should get to Geography." 

"We should," she agreed. "Nice talking to you, Matthew." 

I kissed him goodbye and then grabbed her arm to drag her away. "Do you have to do that, Kat?" 

"What?" she asked innocently. "I was being pleasant." 

"You were being sarcastically pleasant. There's a difference." 

She sighed. "Nothing pleases you anymore, Izzy." 

We took our seats in Geography and as I went to retrieve my folders from my bag, my phone vibrated. The text was from Matt. I opened it warily, hoping it wasn't something bitchy about Kat.  

Matt: Meet you for lunch later? 

I smiled and started to reply, but Kat was now talking about how Tommy had asked her out on a date and she didn't know whether going on the date would give him the impression she wanted commitment or whether he just meant the date as a casual sex kind of thing.  

"Well everything between you and Tommy is casual." 

"Yeah, but well, I was thinking about it...last weekend I went to this party—" 

"Party?" I frowned. "What party? I wasn't aware of any parties." 

"Yeah, it's this guy I know," she said dismissively as way of explanation. "Anyway, I met this other guy there called Pete, and we hit it off. But Tommy was there, and I think he saw. I mean, I doubt he cared. But do you think this date is like a possessiveness thing? He wants me to himself?" 

"Did Tommy say anything about it?" I asked.

"No. But guys wouldn't, would they? They're so silent all the time. They like to pretend that nothing bothers them. I mean, what if he's in love with me or something? Have I been leading him on?" 

While Kat continued psycho-analysing Tommy's behaviour, I sent a speedy reply to Matt.  

Me: 12.45 in the diner?

"...I mean, how long can two people hook up for before one of them develops feelings?" 

I realized I hadn't said anything for a while and that I ought to reply so she knew I was still listening.  

"Well, think about it the other way round. If Tommy was hooking up with other girls, how would you feel?" 

"I wouldn't care." She shrugged. "It's casual, right? You can't base a relationship on flings, anyway."

Matt had replied and I opened it under the desk as the teacher entered and dropped some books down onto his desk with a loud thump, yet still failing to gather everyone's attention.  

Matt: Looking forward to it. 

"Would you date him?" I asked Kat, turning my phone facedown. 

"Probably not," she said. "I don't want a boyfriend at the moment." 

"Your last boyfriend was Ed," I said quietly. "They're not all like him, Kat. In fact, pretty much the only ones who are like Ed are the ones you're currently hooking up with." 

"Exactly. They're not dating material." 

"But you're gorgeous. You could easily get a nice guy." 

"Being gorgeous isn't always an advantage, Izzy," she murmured, for the first time looking uncomfortable. Kat rarely got embarrassed or uncomfortable, but she always completely shut down whenever I brought up Ed. "It attracts attention from the wrong kind of guys. How do I know they're interested in me and not just what I look like? At least with casual flings, you always know where you stand." 

"So why are we having this conversation about Tommy?" 

"Because I want it to remain a casual fling. I don't want feelings screwing everything up." 

She sighed and opened her folder, signalling that this debate was over. I knew she'd gone through a lot with Ed, so I didn't like bringing it up, but as soon as she started to talk about it, she could move past it.  

I slid my phone into my bag where it remained for the rest of the lesson. Kat was unusually quiet, and I felt guilty knowing that it was probably my fault. I'd brought up Ed. I'd made her think about him. That always upset her; in fact, it was pretty much the only thing that ever upset her. I considered apologising, but that meant bringing it up again. So I kept my mouth shut.

By lunch, however, she'd cheered up. And, for the first time, she noticed my new item of jewellery.  

"Oh my God! That's so beautiful! Where did you get it?" 

I smiled, almost smug, but not quite. "Matt bought it for me." 

Her eyebrows shut upwards in pure surprise. "Matt did? Why?" 

I shrugged. "Don't know. He said he saw it and wanted to buy it for me." 

"Wow. That was romantic of him. Did you thank him?" 

I frowned. "Of course I thanked him, Kat. Why wouldn't I—?" I cut myself off, realising what she'd meant. "Oh. You mean like that." 

She smiled knowingly. "So, when did he give it to you?" 

"This morning." 

"Ah, so you couldn't really thank him properly in school." 

I didn't point out that by 'this morning' I'd actually meant while in bed. That would really set her off. So I agreed and assured her that I'd 'thank him properly' tonight.  

"Where's Nathan today?" Jess asked, obviously eager to change the subject, and I was more than happy to stop talking about my sex life with Kat.

"He said he already had plans for lunch," Kat answered, picking up her apple and studying it closely. I wasn't entirely sure what it was she was looking for; it appeared to be a regular apple to me.  

"Plans?" I asked. "Like what?" 

"No idea," she said, peeling off the label and sticking it onto her plate. "It's a good thing, though. Better than him sitting here staring at you, especially if Matt's going to arrive in a minute to whisk you off on your romantic lunch date."

"I can't help how he feels, Kat," I said, shifting in my seat and glancing around the diner. "I've spoken to him about it. He's not going to try anything. Any romantic interest in me will soon disappear as quickly as it appeared."

"I know. That's why I'm saying it's better he starts having other friends, too. Hanging around with you constantly isn't going to help him lost interest." 

"We don't even hang out that much," I said, lowering my voice because I'd noticed Matt approaching. "It's not a big deal."

"Hey." Matt kissed the top of my head before sitting down beside me, his arm immediately wrapping around my waist. 

"Happy birthday!" Jess reached to offer him a brief hug. 

He tossed her a kind smile. "Thanks. Were you talking about Nathan? I've just seen him. Didn't realise he was a smoker."

I bit my tongue, resisting the instinct to react. He'd been so open during our picnic that I had no reason to believe he'd lied about how often he smoked. Maybe he was having a rough day, but that possibility only made me more curious about why he'd decided to skip lunch. 

"Haven't you gotten him to break that habit yet, Izzy?" Kat asked me. "We all know how anti-smoking you are..."

"It's none of my business," I said. "He's old enough to make his own decisions."

"I guess smoking's nothing compared to what he used to do." Kat shrugged. "Though I guess it's harder to hide being high."

"Keep your voice down, Kat." Jess' nervous eyes flitted across to our neighbouring table. 

"What? He wasn't exactly shy about it. He sat right there, in that seat, and listed off every drug he'd tried."

"Yeah, in an effort to persuade us not to do the same," Jess replied. 

Kat sighed pitifully. "Jess, Sweetie, it's so nice how you always see the best in people, but a leopard can't always change its spots. The boy enjoyed getting high and he's not ashamed of it."

With a huff of disagreement, Jess shook her head. "I think we interpreted the conversation differently. I got the impression he was ashamed, and that was why he was telling us not to try anything."

Next to me, Matt's thumb brushed back and forth across my waist, but his eyes darted between Kat and Jess, following the conversation. 

"Izzy?" Kat lifted a perfectly plucked eyebrow at me. "You know him best."

I waited for Matt's reaction, but he didn't even flinch. Still, I knew better than to push my luck.

"He stopped taking them for a reason," I said. "I think we can draw our own conclusions from that."

Kat pressed her lips together, clearly identifying that response for what it truly was: half a cop-out, half a disagreement with her stance.

"So, how are you celebrating your birthday, Matt?" Jess asked.

And from there on, the conversation remained neutral—no embarrassing questions about my sex life, and no inquisitive questions about Nathan's past with drugs. It was probably for the best that we avoided the topic of Nathan, anyway. Matt had been making such an effort today and I wasn't going to risk ruining his good mood, or his birthday, by talking about another guy. That would hardly make me a good girlfriend, and I always tried to be the best I could.

 

Thank you for reading :)xx


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