[ilove_joon]

Namjoon's POV

The smell of fresh cut grass was once something that made me feel free. But now, stepping into the football field, the smell only makes me queasy.

The scent that had once provided me comfort now only has me tense. I don't want to be here anymore.

I know, it seems out of the ordinary that someone like me, especially with my place with the Straights, would hate football. But it's true. It wasn't always like this, though. I definitely enjoyed the scrimmages with my boys, especially Jackson, one of my closest friends. But eventually, the tension between the two cliques of this school was enough to make me want to stop. I wanted to play for fun, not to bash at the LGs, not to exert my "dominance", not to hurt anybody. But I play by Jackson's rules. I dread football.

Until I've recently found a new motive for dragging my tired ass onto the field. Something— no, someone that took the pain away. Someone who made me want to come every Monday. Someone who made me never want to miss a practice ever. And no, it was not our coach.

It was one cheerleader. A rainbow-dressed one.

Kim Seokjin. From the moment I laid my eyes on him, I needed to know his name. I wanted to know what he thought about school, what he thought about the cliques, what he thought about me. His confidence is unlike anything I've ever seen! It was something I wanted to learn from him.

I feel sick when I'm on this field. Because I know I'll see him, I know I'll long to talk to him, I know my heart will ache. Does my attraction to this guy make me gay? I don't want to put a label on it. I just know that I'm Kim Namjoon. And that I'm in love with Kim Seokjin.

Every moment on the field, I'm able to see him, practicing, being his true self. I'm hidden under my helmet; my eyes free to roam his way. He's the only reason I haven't quit football. Football is my excuse to constantly look over him.

I remember the time I asked who he was. Jimin told me his name— it never left my mind since then.

I hate labels. I find the whole feud stupid. I don't care about what people decide to call themselves. The only thing that matters to me is what's beneath the surface. I've never approved of the war at this school, but I try my best to play my part, just so that nothing worse could happen.

Until recently, though, I've become more than the well-rounded geeky jock Namjoon that the Straights all know. I've been secretly hanging out with Jin. I've been texting him, calling him, stalking his fabulous Instagram— I feel like some kind of overly-obsessed fanboy. Around him, I can be me. Not a Straight, not an LG, just Namjoon. I can make jokes, yak on and on about my problems, complain about assignments, and Jin is there for me no matter what. Always an open ear and mind. Always a window-wiping infectious laughter that manages to make me giddy.

I think I'm head-over heels for him.

And maybe I don't care if that makes me gay. I just care that with him, I know that I'm truly happy.

There's something truly odd, though. I know for a fact that Jackson has caught me before, staring at Seokjin, or talking to him. I thought for sure I was dead when he caught me at my party not too long ago joking around with him. But every time we've been caught, Jackson didn't say anything. He simply watched. Maybe he'd give me an occasional nudge, but that's the worst of it. He's really changed over the course of this year. But his hate for Hoseok was fueled the most. I don't really know why.

Jackson is a good friend. It's just the way he acts towards the LGs that makes me upset. I wish he was a bit more open-minded.

I'm very observant with my friends. I can tell Jackson has been different, Jungkook and Taehyung are oddly suspicious, and JB and BamBam are... quieter than usual, seeming always in deep thought about something. And Rosé never really seemed upset over her break up with Jimin.

Jimin's odd as well. But I know for a fact that he's not just bi anymore. I've seen him and that guy Yoongi going everywhere together. Not to label Jimin in any way, but I believe Jackson has lost the bet. But I won't say anything. I know how Jimin feels. I'm in the same spot as him. Yet, I'm still too much of a coward to express my feelings for Seokjin openly. He knows I like him, and I think he likes me too. But I'm still too scared to go public.

Finally nearing the goal post, I stuff all of these thoughts to the dark forsaken corners of my mind and try to focus. I spot Jin right away, and he winks at me. I smile and wave but look away quickly.

The whole team is stretching individually under the goal post, but the same cloud of despair is floating over them. I'm not sure if it's from a hangover or because it's a Monday, but one thing is for sure: something is wrong.

I push through Jungkook and Taehyung, who seem off as well and walk over to Jackson. Not to be mean, but he looks terrible. He looks as if he hadn't slept in days, his eyes are puffy and his skin is pale.

No wonder everyone seems depressed. Jackson's feelings reciprocate to everyone in his posse, he's like their energizer. So it's no surprise that everyone feels like shit because he probably feels like shit.

"Jackson, what's up with you? Are you okay? I know for a fact something's wrong. What happened?" I ask worriedly.

"Namjoon," he whispers. He looks up at me with sad puppy eyes that I've never seen before from him.

"I think I've lost the bet."

-

hmm, did someone say namjin?

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