[yoongi-mood]

Hoseok's POV

I wipe the vomit from my mouth, the acidic taste making me wince. I can hear Jin singing to himself quietly as he prepares for prom, a night I can't stand to face right now. My skin has a slight greenish tint to it as I stare at my reflection, and I make sure to splash myself with water in order to avoid any suspicion that there could be something wrong with the LGs perfect leader.

In reality, all I want to do tonight is lay in bed and swamp myself with the duvet until I fall asleep and I can finally drop my act. I hate myself for vomiting at the idea of having to kiss Youngjae for another evening. Just the idea of continuing to lie to everyone around me —including myself— is now becoming a burden than is too hard to carry.

Why?

Because I'm straight. Straight as a ruler. How does the leader of the LGs realize this? Well, I'm pretty sure that when you kiss someone you should be attracted to them. And their genitals.

Jin is curling his hair as I leave the bathroom and I'm lucky that he's too absorbed in his own reflection to even notice the fact that I look slightly dishevelled. And that I reek of mouthwash in an attempt to cover my small blip. A knocking at the door makes Jin's eyes widen, and I watch with a small smile on my face as he opens the door for none other than Namjoon.

I hate to admit that despite the fact that they come from opposing sides, they are pretty cute. Namjoon blushes almost immediately at the sight of Jin, and looks down at his shoes which have been shined so much I could see my reflection in them.

"I'm off to pick up Youngjae," I say to the pair who look as though they can't wait for some alone time.

"More like pick up your husband," Jin jokes, but the words already make my stomach turn again.

As I drive down the endless roads, I can't help but hate myself for what I've done. It all started with some stupid fight with Jackson when we were kids; he must have called me some homophobic slur and in retaliation I called his bluff. I told him I was gay, and proceeded to kiss his cheek. From then on we were enemies. But in reality, my biggest enemy has always been myself.

For a while, I thought I was confused. Maybe I would develop feelings for men if I tried hard enough. Maybe if I kissed Youngjae hard enough I would feel that spark I had been craving. And as the days went on, I fell into a spiral of self-hatred because I was lying to everyone around me. But I have no idea how to reveal who I really am without losing them.

It's times like this where I envy Jimin simply because he was always able to remain an enigma to everyone. He wasn't one thing. I wish I had that freedom.

Pulling up to Youngjae's house, I wipe the sweat that has accumulated on my brow and place a smile on my face.

Mark opens the door for me, and I already find myself slipping into autopilot as I speak to him. I'm confident Hoseok, I'm the Hoseok everyone loves. I'm GAY Hoseok. Youngjae runs over to me and we share a small kiss that feels like two moist pieces of flesh being pressed together. It isn't a kiss.

"Aw, Hobi, why are you so sweaty? Your suit's all wrinkled," Youngjae says, fixing my collar.

His hands feel so close to me that I begin to feel nauseous again. I hate lying to him. I hate the way my nickname sounds coming out of his mouth. I hate the way Mark is looking at us.

"I was practicing a dance for tonight. Gotta show the school who's the most dominant effing dancer in the history of prom," I reply, covering the real reason that I am hiding.

I'm sweating because I may vomit any second due to the amount of stress inside me. Any slip in my façade and it's game over.

"You look great, though," Youngjae replies.

"Yeah, you, too," I say, unable to think of what a normal boyfriend would do in this situation.

In the corner of my eye I can see Mark raising an eyebrow at us. I make an effort to place a hand around Youngjae but I can't help noticing the way he seems to flinch away from my touch.

I ignore most of the conversation between Mark and Youngjae largely because I'm so focused on getting through this night without doing something I'll regret.

"We need to talk," I whisper to Youngjae, instantly hating myself for saying it.

But just like Pandora's box, some things will always escape. And I can't keep on lying. A life built on lies isn't a life worth living at all.

-

there are...heterosexuals in this novel?

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