"this dorm was once a madhouse"
i made a joke, "well it's made for me"
how evergreen our group of friends

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

LATE DECEMBER 1980

Grief destroyed Celeste, while it focused Sirius. It made Celeste lose her mind while it would weld Sirius into a brutal blade. One fractured and wraith-like. The other left a trail of slaughter in his wake. 

That was the stark contrast between the two. 

Celeste was distraught and silent as she smiled at Lily and Alice, their stomachs both significantly swollen. She folded herself into the corner of Sirius' living room, trying to stay out of sight. To avoid the talk of babies and motherhood that she could never relate to. 

It was a wretched feeling that bordered envy. 

Sirius was speaking to James, grinning broadly while hitting his best mate's arm. He appeared elated, though the glint in his eyes suggested otherwise. 

"Oh, I just can't wait for our family to grow," Lily gushed. Her hand was placed protectively over her belly. "Do you have any ideas for names yet?"

Alice's face lit up. "Well, if it's a girl ― Frank and I think she should be called Evangeline. Eva for short. But for a boy ― Neville. It's got quite a ring to it, doesn't it? Neville Longbottom."

"Oh, I know he or she will be adorable either way," Lily sighed. "James wants some absurd name like Elvendork. Something about being gender neutral."

As both girls laughed, Celeste finally looked away. She felt a knife in her gut, twisting deeper and deeper inside her. Smiling lightly, she crossed her arms over her stomach as she saw Remus approaching. 

Remus joined her side with a wistful exhale. "I can imagine how you feel."

She was surprised. "Really?" she asked carefully.

"I'm in a situation too. I don't think I'll ever have..." Remus hesitated, as though he were warily choosing his words. "A life like that. With a whole family. We're not so different, I think."

Celeste stilled as her gaze lingered on the scars that had always been etched on his face. She had never tried to guess the reason behind them. Her face fell. "I've never noticed. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Remus smiled. "It's been ages since we've all hung out, hasn't it?"

"Wasn't it just James and Lily's wedding?"

"That was months ago!"

She laughed, covering her face with her hands. "Has it really? Merlin, I need to get out more."

Remus noticed the sad edge to her voice. "We should have tea sometime. Just you and me. We can gossip or something."

"Oh?" Celeste asked, her face brightening. "I'd love that."

Alice suddenly gasped loudly, drawing the attention of the room. "Oh! The baby just kicked!"

The friends gathered closer around her, exclaiming and cooing. Frank wrapped an arm around Alice, laughing, "Bloody hell!"

Alice's eyes fluttered shut. "Lily, do you want to feel it?"

Lily delicately placed her hand over Alice's bump. After a moment, a soft smile stretched across her face. "How marvelous. Celeste, come over here!"

Celeste and Remus exchanged a look, so fleeting that none of the others noticed. She swallowed tightly and smiled nervously. When she moved closer to the girls, Lily guided her hand to the right spot. 

There is was. A soft, tiny flitter of movement. A brush of new life. Celeste sucked in a breath, her eyes becoming glassy. She looked at Alice, who was now glowing with pride. 

"You'll be an amazing mother, Alice," she said faintly. 

Alice grinned and looked at Frank. "Godric, I hope so. But we'll be ready."

"I better be your kid's favorite aunt," Celeste warned with a teasing look. "You too Lily!"

"Oh, I'm sure we'll spoil them senseless," Sirius laughed. He flashed his infamous schoolboy grin ― a sight that Celeste had not seen in a while. The lifeless butterflies in her stomach stirred. 

The gushing over babies continued until a glowing blue light ― a phoenix patronus interrupted them. The light was the same as the prophecy that still haunted Celeste. The happiness of the room faded as they realized the messenger belonged to Dumbledore. 

It hovered before the group, silently beating its wings as the professor's voice said, "Mr and Mrs Potter, your presence is immediately requested at the Burrow. Please bring along the Longbottoms and any close friends you might require for support."

The patronus vanished. 

"Do you think something's happened?" Remus frowned.

"An emergency mission?" Frank guessed.

Lily shrugged on her coat and patted her pockets, checking for her wand. "We should all go. We're the closest friends we'll ever need."

Celeste watched as her friends scattered through the living room and kitchen for their belongings. And then they paired up to apparate, one by one disappearing with a loud crack.

"Celeste," Sirius said, as the last of them left. "You should come."

She looked at him, his face void of any previous joy. "Don't fight me on this again. You know I can't go. And I certainly don't want to."

"We don't have to fight if you just come. Dumbledore basically said you could. And didn't you hear Lily?"

She exhaled a frustrated breath. "You aren't listening to me again. You have no idea how humiliating being around Dumbledore makes me!"

Sirius glared at her. "Dumbledore has only ever―"

"Dumbledore single-handedly ruined my life!" Celeste burst out. "For Salazar's sake, Sirius! Stop worshipping this bloodthirsty man. And listen to me when I say that I don't want to go!"

"You're being overbearing right now."

She stopped breathing. "No, I'm just trying to make you understand―"

"And I think you need to go home," he interrupted. "I don't think you're feeling well."

Celeste clenched her hands, feeling her nails bite into her palms. "I'm not insane, Sirius. This is my home."

He studied her expression, reading the terror and confusion that she was certainly displaying. "Dumbledore is swallowing his pride, and letting you redeem yourself. He's inviting you back, but you can't seem to understand that."

"He's looking to make a fool out of me," Celeste hissed, stepping closer to him. "To embarrass me―"

"You're embarrassing me!" he barked. 

They both fell silent. Heavily breathing filled the quiet room. Celeste could still hear their shouting echoing down the hall.

"I don't want to be around you right now," Sirius said coldly. 

She swallowed her grief and mustered enough strength to say, "Fine."

-

Celeste grew colder and colder as she passed through her mansion like a drifting wraith. Her tourmaline gown dragged silently against the marble floors, and even the clicking of her shoes fell quieter. 

Her furious stride was broken by a loud banging and clanging from Evan's wing. Bored and curious, she ventured towards his unfamiliar halls. The sound grew louder and louder until she found him in his study. 

The room was the size of a distinguished library. Velvet chairs and cushions lay strewn across the floor. Books lay in heaps. And Evan was there, holding a bottle of dark brown liquor and a broken table lamp.  

Celeste didn't bother to knock. She strolled in and dropped herself onto an emerald lounge chair. 

"Oh, hi," Evan said absentmindedly. He dropped the lamp on the ground with a loud thud and took a swig from the glass bottle. 

"What did that lamp ever do to you?" she asked, crossing her arms. She watched as Evan kicked it to the side.

He glared at her. That seemed to happen a lot today. "It was in my way," Evan said shortly.

Celeste stared at the polished floors blankly. "Lovely."

"What are you doing here?" he asked, turning towards her. "Thought you'd be galavanting around town with Black."

The name made her stiffen. She rolled her eyes and answered, "He's got better things to do."

A wicked, delighted grin stretched across Evan's face. "Ah! A lovers quarrel. What has the idiot done now?"

She snorted. "I don't think I'm supposed to tell you these things."

"Why not?" he snorted. "You're my wife."

It was Celeste's turn to glare at him. "Yes, you seem to take great pleasure in reminding me."

"All so you don't forget." He extended the bottle of liquor towards her. "Want any?"

"What is it?"

Evan smiled. "Brandy. Poisoned, hopefully." 

Celeste watched as he already began to pour her a glass. "Haha," she said flatly. "Don't bother with a glass. I'll be drinking out the bottle soon enough."

"Any luck on your assignment yet?" Evan asked casually, handing over the glass and bottle. "I imagine needing to sell yourself out to the Dark Lord put you in a precarious position. You're the spy, aren't you?"

She took both and drank deeply, ignored the bitter taste of the brandy. "I was," she said without thinking. "Now there is no spy."

"You'll figure something out," he said, brushing the matter aside. "The Dark Lord has been wary of me since Hargrave died."

"You're among his favorites," Celeste rolled her eyes. "We'll be fine." She drained her glass and began to drink directly from the bottle.

Evan eyed her warily for a moment. "Tell me, is your boyfriend having a shortage of food in his household?"

"No," she snorted. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"You look like you're on the edge of fatigue," he told her bluntly. "That's what. I don't think you should be drinking, actually." He started to move towards her, reaching to snatch the brandy away. 

Celeste grimaced and swatted his hand away. "Fuck off."

Much to her astonishment, Evan laughed. It was the most good-natured she had ever heard him sound. She rolled her eyes again and positioned herself more comfortably on the chaise. Evan shrugged in defeat and dropped himself on the opposite-facing sofa. 

She shut her eyes and slowly exhaled, feeling the alcohol begin to fog her senses. The strong brandy was far more relieving than the champagne she always drank. Perhaps she would change her preference.

"You're unwell," Evan said flatly.

She opened her eyes. "So I've been told."

"No," he said, suddenly more sharply. His gaze lingered on the way her knuckles were white around the bottle of alcohol. The way she clung to it. "You're sick. I haven't seen you in weeks and you come floating back like a ghost. What the hell is Black doing to you?"

"Nothing," Celeste answered, irritated. "Just shut up."

"Yeah right," he scoffed. "Your eyes are puffy and dark. Your tailored gown hardly fits you. You aren't even that angry at me right now. Do you see yourself right now?"

She looked up at him, a surge of anger restoring her strength. "You exaggerate. I think you're a bit too drunk, Evan."

"Oh, get up," Evan hissed. He stood and strolled towards her, seizing the brandy from her grasp. 

Celeste laughed incredulously. "Excuse me?"

"Stand up, Celeste." 

There was a new fury brewing beneath him. Celeste did not break eye contact as she rose, trying to steel herself if he was about to fight with her. She gathered her remaining strength, bracing for a screaming match. That was how it always went. Arguments, screams, insults―

"You need to pull yourself together."

Celeste resisted the urge to pull out her hair. "I haven't gone insane," she said. The words were like a script, looping and replaying on her tongue. They were familiar because she was always convincing Sirius so. And now Evan.

"Not yet," Evan countered. "And I have no idea why. As a matter of fact, I couldn't care less. But I'm supposed to care because you're my wife. And you have your reputation to keep."

She glanced to the side. "My reputation is flawless. You don't need to waste your time with me."

"Oh, but if we marched into a meeting this instant, your image would be ruined," he said, lowering his voice. "Anyone who sees you in this state would understand that you're unwell. Physically, mentally, or whatever. Don't you have those Gryffindor friends to tell you?" 

Evan didn't wait for a response. "I suppose I'm at fault for many things in your life. But it doesn't matter, Celeste. Because you are attached to Malfoy and Rosier, you cannot show weakness. You cannot look miserable. That has always been your lifelong obligation."

Celeste met his gaze. The force of his anger pierced through her, nearly sending her several steps backward. "I know my duties very well."

He smiled. Every ounce of fury vanished from his expression and he turned away. "I know you do. I thought a reminder would serve you well. Just in case the wrong side got in your head."

Celeste waited until he crossed the room. Evan set the bottle on his desk and leaned against it. "Wherever did you hide Hargrave's body?" she decided to ask.

Chuckling, Evan folded his arms. "Burned him. Dumped the ashes in the Black Lake." He paused to study her face. "Why? Has Black figured out that you're a killer? Can't stomach you?" 

Celeste's eyes slowly widened. "Why would he ever know?"

"Black is not a fool," Evan replied. He wrinkled his nose in disgust. "You wouldn't care for him if he wasn't. He'll call you out eventually."

It couldn't be possible unless ― unless he had seen, Celeste realized. And perhaps after all these months, he had been writhing with quiet resentment. With the truth. Sirius must've known that she was lying to his face. There was no other explanation for his bitterness. 

Celeste drew a shaking breath. 

Evan pushed himself up. "There's a meeting next Tuesday. And there is the matter of the first summer ball that we promised to host."

"There's still all of spring to plan." Celeste couldn't think to care. 

"Three months," he answered. "That's not a lot of time. In fact, I think we're running out of it."

She huffed and smoothened down her skirts. "I'll take care of it," Celeste said shortly. "See you on Tuesday."

As she made for the door, Evan's voice stopped her.

"Pull yourself together," he called.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

i am officially free from school for summer!!! this chapter is kinda a filler but has lots of subtle foreshadowing and setting up for the next ones

xx aria