i take you for granted because you are mine

⋅ ━━✶━━ ⋅

Celeste sat in the dark living room, her head resting on her arm. An unread letter sat at her feet but she hadn't brought herself to touch it. She hadn't bothered to turn on the lights either. After all, there was no one to see her and no one she had to see. It was just the lonely silence of Sirius' flat that had accompanied her like this for the past month.

Fleamont and Euphemia had passed a week ago, and Sirius had completely shut out the world. He never spoke, and was constantly kept away in his Order work and drinks.

So many drinks.

Every night he stumbled through the door, intoxicated and out of his head. Sometimes, he didn't show up at the door at all and would claim that he'd been with James or Remus. Nothing Celeste did could persuade or soothe him into staying. Nothing could coax him to sleep or lift his spirits.

He did not enjoy music anymore, and he had no care for eating real meals. Drinking and overworking was his best solution. He didn't cry and he didn't waver at all. He prefered to sulk with a cigarette rather than speak to her.

Celeste had indulged him in the beginning, thinking that it might bring him distraction and focus, rather than the way she would simply spiral and retreat inside herself. But now it was doing more harm than good. He needed help, but was refusing even a glass of water.

Celeste despised feeling helpless, but now she was sinking beneath an entire sea of it.

She didn't know what to do.

-

Sirius had bought a motorcycle and hadn't told a soul. He had done it just that afternoon with nothing else to fill his schedule. He craved adrenaline and a rush of rebellion, so he'd confunded a sales associate and purchased a blue and silver motorcycle.

His fingers itched for some sort of control ― something in his life that he could manage and not have gone completely to hell. Something permanent and something he could protect. The bike was the first thing he could come up with.

His hands gripped the clutch tightly, putting more and more pressure on the lever to go faster. The world whirled and roared past him, wind slashing at his face and against his leather jacket. He felt the most stable he had in a long time.

Stable enough that he decided to turn home earlier than usual.

He parked the bike outside his flat, glanced at his watch, and saw that it was only 8 PM. Celeste would still be awake, and maybe ― just maybe tonight could be nice. He unlocked the door after a moment of fumbling with muggle keys and stepped through the door.

Darkness met him, as it always did.

The place felt fragile and quiet, as though a single sound might shatter the whole place apart. He hadn't realized that it had felt this way lately. Was that how Celeste felt?

He walked into the kitchen and found Celeste by the window, her back turned to him. She was holding a letter to the light, hands trembling ever so slightly.

"Celeste," he said softly.

She turned with faint surprise written across her expression. "You're early." Her voice wavered through her light, casual tone.

"What's that?" he asked, gesturing towards the letter.

Celeste blinked down at it and swallowed tightly. "I got it this morning, but I only just opened it. It's from my sister."

Sirius frowned. "Did something happen?"

She set the letter down on the island and fidgeted with her hands. She twisted her fingers painfully but did not notice. She sucked in a breath like she was resisting tears. "My father, he's... dead."

He should've understood her grief, but he didn't. He couldn't.

Sirius hated his own father. He resented his rage, his ignorance, and his pride. Orion Black had been a horrible man and a worse parent. Celeste had never spoken ill of her father, so he assumed that their fathers were not the same.

"Oh," he managed to say. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head and waved the matter aside. "It's fine ― we weren't that close anyway. I'll have to go to the funeral this weekend and it'll be over."

Sirius exhaled in relief, feeling a weight lift off his chest. He was relieved that wouldn't have to console her. He had hated seeing the way she had mourned over Marlene, the way her spirit had been lost for months. He hoped that she never felt that way again.

Celeste smiled lightheartedly, averting his gaze. "How come you're home early tonight?"

"I thought we could have dinner," he said hopefully.

She blinked and looked at him strangely. "Dinner?" she echoed.

He nodded, "I was thinking the Red Lion or The Ritz. You loved it there last time."

She smiled ― really smiled. "Okay. Give me a minute to get changed."

Sirius nodded as she darted into the bedroom, a new giddiness in her step. He found himself smiling at the idea of a peaceful night out. He had been horrible to her lately, and she deserved more. Far more than what he could offer. But even still, Celeste had stayed all this time. He was hopelessly devoted to her for that simple gesture.

Celeste stepped out in a mid-length, pale laurel green dress. The sheen of the silk rippled like water around her, lustrous and flawless. Cosmetics had been lightly brushed across her face, making her glow with cold radiance. Sirius noticed that lately, she didn't wear her signature black.

He smiled and they looped arms, apparating to the bustling streets of London.

"By the way," Sirius tried to say lightly as they strolled down Piccadilly Street. "I bought a motorcycle."

Celeste laughed in disbelief. "No, you didn't."

"Yes I did," Sirius grinned. "And it's parked right outside the flat."

Her jaw fell open. "They're so dangerous," she protested. "Muggles die in those things all the time. Ever since we got the TV, it's been on the news all the time."

He laughed, disregarding the warning. "It's going to be fine, besides―"

His voice trailed away as a ball of blue light barreled towards them.

Sirius felt a strange sense of deja vu as the bright patronus bounded towards them. He stilled, realizing that the fluffy hare was Alice's. It leaped before them and her words urgently rushed out, "There's been an attack. We're meeting at the Weasley's. Hurry!"

He looked over at Celeste, whose face had drained of blood. She nodded faintly. "Let's go."

Guilt flooded his head as they apparated again. He had promised Celeste this night, and had made her get all dressed up and excited. He had given her hope for the first time in a month, and now it had been snatched away from them.

They ran up to the front door of the Weasley's, which was already flung wide open. The house was filled with shouting and stress, and even Moody could not conduct the scene. Sirius and Celeste ran up to Lily and James, who stood in the back with horrified looks.

"What happened?" Celeste asked first, her breathing heavy.

At her voice, they both turned and slumped in relief. Lily threw her arms around Celeste, whispering in her ear. They hadn't seen each other since the wedding.

James looked nearly as grave as he used to be before a quidditch match, and Sirius instantly braced for the worst. But nothing he did could've prepared him for the words, "They're attacking Hogwarts."

He heard Celeste's breath catch, likely surprised as he was.

"There's no way," Sirius mumbled. "They wouldn't dare ― I mean, this is Hogwarts we're talking about."

Lily shook her head. "It's still summer, so no students are around. Dumbledore's missing too. It's the perfect chance to break in."

"Why would they need to break in at all?" James asked. "It's just a school."

Their conversation had caught the attention of the room. The adults finally quieted.

"Unless they don't know Dumbledore's gone," Moody guessed. "And they hope to catch him off guard."

Slowly, Celeste shook her. "They know," she said hoarsely. "That he's not there. Voldemort once hinted at breaching the castle. But he did not disclose any more information."

It was Kingsley who stood and answered her with a sharp glare. "And why... did you decide not to share this before the attack?"

Sirius looked at her, brows furrowing. He also wondered the same thing. If she'd known about the attack, why hadn't she said anything about it? He watched as she breathed in deeply and held it.

"It was a small bit of information that I didn't think was said in earnest," Celeste countered. "This was months ago, and other missions have been assigned. There have been plenty of other outlandish plans that have never been put into action. I assumed this was another."

"You assumed," Kingsley said lowly. "And you've jeopardized the wizarding world's safest structure."

Celeste flinched at the words as Lily interrupted, "It doesn't appear to be the safest if they've managed to break through the wards. Hogwarts is only safe as long as Dumbledore is there. Now it's only books and bricks."

"You do not understand," Kingsley snapped at her. "That far more danger and power lies beneath those books and bricks. If Voldemort is not after Dumbledore, then there is something within the castle that he desires."

Emmeline Vance frowned. "What could possibly be valuable to him inside the castle?"

"That," Moody said sharply. "Is our big investigation, isn't it? We don't know, so now we must defend the whole castle."

The room burst into a frenzy. It was decided that Dorcas would lead the largest group around the exterior castle, while Emmeline would direct an advanced group through the ground floor of the castle. Kingsley would command the second and third floor, and Moody would take the fourth and fifth. McGonagall would defend Dumbledore's office and the sixth and seventh floor would be led by James.

Dorcas quickly gathered a group and they apparated away at once to survey the situation. One of them would report back and determine if it was clear to enter the castle.

Sirius and Lily obviously chose to join James. And though he knew it was a horrible thing to say to Celeste's determined face, Sirius did it anyway. "You should stay here," he said lowly.

Celeste clenched her jaw, as though she had been bracing for it. "I'm going," she said flatly. "If you don't want me to, I'll just join Dorcas' group."

Sirius didn't have time to argue with her. He glanced towards the rest of the room, where members had gotten the signal to go. "Don't go," he said with more desperation. "I need you here, safe."

She met his gaze, storms in her eyes. "You can't stop me. I know it sounds completely childish, but I want to go."

"If you go, they'll know you've betrayed them," he tried to counter. "You don't want to be caught, don't you?"

"They won't see me. It's dark out."

"No," Sirius snapped. He didn't mean for it to sound so harsh, but it did anyway. He hated the way Celeste looked away from him. Like she couldn't bear to see him. "I'm only trying to protect you," he pleaded.

She didn't look at him, but wearily said, "Fine. Go."

"There's nothing you need to prove," Sirius said, still hoping to convince her. "You've done enough for us all."

Celeste finally looked back at him. There was something hollow and desolate within her, but Sirius didn't have time to waste. He didn't have the energy to overthink and worry about her either. The majority of the room had emptied already.

"There is always more a person should do," she said faintly.

Sirius sighed, giving her the last word for the sake of her pride.

He gave her one more look before disapparating away.

-

When they were still in school all those years ago, Sirius had been a chaser. But after one game with Slytherin, the captain at the time ― Gwenog Jones ― had forced him to switch roles with Marlene. Jones had switched him to beater ― a position he instantly grew fond of.

The difference between Marlene and Sirius was evident. Marlene liked to win, and her passionate power was better suited to scoring goals. Sirius had far too much anger and aggression for that sort of patience. Instead, the reason that Sirius liked playing beater was because he liked to maim.

It was a family trait that he never quite shook.

Racing through the torch-lit corridors of his adolescence, he was reminded of this. Death and destruction came very naturally to him, and he often forgot it. The Noble House of Black ran through his veins, disowned or not. He could never part with his name.

He fired curse after curse down the hall, his aim deadly as sin. He did not miss. He did not falter.

A killing curse shot past his ear, the green light smashing into the wall behind him. It illuminated the dim hall for a brief moment, and Sirius suddenly saw two identical girls dart across the end of the hallway. They were blonde and the same height, and they were gone as quickly as they appeared.

A stunning spell missed him by an inch, and he jumped back into action. From afar, James was shouting in obscene language at a Death Eater. Sirius laughed at that and ran to join him, forgetting all about the two girls.

Maybe they were new ghosts he'd never seen before.

He hollered, "Nice one, James!"

Red and green soared all around them like a deadly, vicious storm. A single wrong movement would end their lives. But Sirius Black and James Potter were as foolish as Gryffindors come, and they charged forward with no intent of stopping.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

this feels way too rushed but the next chapter is horribly slow <3 (it's all building up to something amazing i promise)

i just finished "the prisoner's throne" by holly black and i need to scream and sob about it. i miss jude and cardan already.