i hold my breath a little bit longer

─ ·𖥸· ─

The week following the wedding, the Potter Manor was twisted into a horrific frenzy. That morning, James had sent a panicked patronus to Sirius and the two had vanished to St. Mungos with Fleamont and Euphemia. Their parents.

Now, Celeste, Lily, Alice, and Remus waited anxiously in the Potter's living room. They had all paced and theorized for hours under silent stress. The four had waited with no word or news.

Lily blew a breath, running her fingers through her hair. "I should be there with them, shouldn't I? Why am I even here ― what am I doing here?" She stood up from the cream couch, anxiously twisting her fingers as she looked towards the front door.

"They need their own time," Alice tried to suggest gently. "I'm sure they'll be back or write soon."

Lily slumped her shoulders and trudged towards the kitchen. "I'm making tea if anyone wants some."

The air suddenly cracked loudly, and James and Sirius apparated into the room. Lily instantly darted back into the room, her eyes wild with terror. "Is everything okay?"

James opened his mouth, trying to speak. His words choked in his throat and he looked towards Sirius for help. Sirius looked around the room with glassy eyes and croaked, "Dragonpox."

The silence that followed was deafening. Celeste watched Sirius, trying to figure out what he might be feeling. She hadn't known Mr. and Mrs. Potter well. But to Sirius, they were the mother and father he never had.

"I'm going to head back to St. Mungos," James mumbled, his face far away. It was like the truth hadn't settled in yet, like he didn't ― couldn't believe it.

"Can I come with you?" Lily asked softly.

James tried to give her his best smile, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Of course, love. They love seeing you."He glanced at Sirius, questioning.

Sirius nodded stiffly. "I'll come too."

Celeste started to say, "Should I―"

Sirius cut her right off. "You should go home, Celeste. I'll be back soon."

Celeste fell silent, wondering if she'd heard him wrong. But then he continued, "Don't worry. Try to get some rest. You look tired."

She swallowed and nodded, understanding. He needed space, and she had to give it to him. After all, he'd done the same when Marlene had died. "Okay," she said quietly. "See you soon."

Sirius looked away, his gaze hard and cold just before the three vanished with a loud crack.

-

It was two in the morning when the front door of Sirius' flat cracked open.

Celeste broke out of her daydream and looked up as Sirius walked into the kitchen. His eyes were rimmed with red from tears and dark circles were smudged beneath them. He winced at the brightness of the kitchen and strolled towards the refrigerator. "Hi," he said in a brittle voice.

Celeste watched as he pulled the silver door open and reached for a can of dragon-scale beer. "Hi," she answered carefully.

The beer cracked open with a loud pop, the sound of fizzing filling the silence.

Sirius glanced at where she sat at the kitchen island. "How come you're still awake? It's late." He walked closer to her, leaning against the grey cabinets.

Celeste studied his disheveled hair and wrinkled clothes. How long had he been sitting at the hospital, anxiously running his hands through his hair? "I just wanted to make sure you got back okay."

"You didn't have to do that," he said, trying to shrug. He spoke in a stiff, closed-off way that made her heart ache.

"Are you going back tomorrow? I mean, today, technically."

Sirius nodded, looking away. He set down the beer and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Yeah. I need to." There was a harsh edge to the words. Just ever so slightly. Slight enough that Celeste decided to wave it aside.

"Will they be okay?" she asked.

The question made him still. He took another swig from his beer and clenched his jaw. "No. They only have a few weeks left at best."

Celeste's eyes widened. Salazar, what must he be feeling right now? What about James? Or Lily, even? She stood from her seat and reached for Sirius' hand. "Do you want me to go with you?" She tried to read his expression, tried to interpret the stillness as confusion or grief.

Sirius dropped her hand and moved away. "No, I think this is more of a family thing." He sighed and dropped his can into the trash. "I'm going to bed now. It's been a long day."

Celeste didn't see as he left the kitchen and went down the hall to their bedroom. She stared at her hand, trying to translate what he had just done. What he had just said.

The touch of his hand had left her strangely cold, as though a ghost had just passed through her. She swallowed and followed after him.

-

The silence between them was strangely unsteady. Uncomfortable, if that was even possible. Celeste sat on the bed, her silk pajamas wrinkled and surprisingly timeworn. She watched Sirius through the gap left by the bathroom door, his blank expression in the mirror. His movements were calculated and sharp like he was throwing out harbored aggression. He set his hair products down with too much force, turning on the faucet too harshly.

It reminded Celeste of his father. Orion Black.

A chill went up her spine, one that she ignored. It was just Sirius, after all. Just Sirius. She brushed the thoughts aside and nestled beneath the blankets, counting her breathing.

Sirius suddenly slammed a cabinet door shut with a loud bang, and Celeste flinched. She breathed in sharply and lost track of her counting.

He walked out of the bathroom, hair damp and shirt unbuttoned. He spared her no glance, assuming that she'd be asleep already. Celeste shifted her body, turning away from where he stood.

Sirius must've heard her. He said absentmindedly, "I wanna get one of those muggle boxes that have those moving pictures and movies."

Celeste furrowed her brows, entirely confused. "Sure?"

"Lily's got one, which means James' got one. They look fun too. I think it's called a tellyviser, or something like that."

Celeste sat up, watching him button his shirt up in front of the mirror. "That's an odd name. But sure, if you want one."

He nodded and sat on the bed before pausing. "Are you hungry?"

"Starving," she answered honestly. She hadn't eaten all day, sick with stress. Sirius grinned and rose from the bed, extending his hand towards her. She raised a brow and took it. "Where exactly are we going?"

Celeste knew he was only looking for a distraction. Something to draw him out of focus, out of their horrible reality. So she obliged.

"The convenience store down the block."

She laughed and gestured to their clothes. "In this?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Darling, you could wear a piece of paper and look gorgeous. Besides, no one will see us."

Celeste stood and started looking for shoes. "No one we know, I hope." She rummaged through the stashes of shopping she'd dumped on the ground weeks ago, and found a glittery pair of slingback heels. She shrugged and pulled them on.

"Come on, let's go," Sirius smirked, leaning against the doorframe. He watched her with amusement as she struggled with the straps. "Hurr―"

"I can't get this shoe on!" Celeste shouted in agitation, cutting him off. "Wait!" She fumbled with the second shoe before it fitted into place. She sighed in relief and walked to where Sirius waited with a wide grin.

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, keeping it there as they left the house and strolled down the midnight-bathed street. Yellow street lamps flickered above them, casting a golden glow against them. Celeste shivered, and Sirius held her closer.

They entered the muggle convenience shop, and Celeste looked around with a childlike wonder. It was like a toddler entering Honeydukes, or the first look at Hogwarts from the Black Lake. Sirius chuckled at her expression and led her down the tight aisles.

"What's this?" Celeste said, pointing at a bright plastic bag. She examined the words. "Gummy bears. That sounds terrifying." She grimaced.

Sirius snorted. "Chocolate frogs are enough, and now bears?"

The pair quickly left the candy aisle and went towards the refrigerated products. Sirius pulled a door open and dramatically gestured towards the boxes with images. "Here they are! James and I used to sneak out and buy these when we were out late and hungry."

Celeste pulled one off the shelves and read, "Cottage Pie: Cook from frozen."

"That's not even the best part," Sirius grinned. "You throw it in the fancy muggle time machines and it's completely cooked and hot in a minute."

She gaped. "Is this how muggles cook?"

"I never learned about it in muggle studies," he shrugged. "Maybe."

Celeste decided to take several more consisting of lamb pie, stir-fry noodles, and roast chicken. "Where do we find one of these time machines?" She read the ingredients list with wide eyes, unbelieving.

"They'll have one up at the register. They make this strange noise and an alarm sounds when it's done."

The two walked up to the blank-faced cashier. Pinned to her uniform read: Gemma. She blinked at them and their strange attire before taking the meals. She pushed some numbers into the large, grey box and Sirius handed her a wad of muggle paper money. It must've been too much because the Gemma handed back over half of it.

"Is there a microwing we can use?" Sirius asked.

Gemma blinked again before gesturing to the side of the store, where on a silver cart sat a small white box. It had a handle, a screen, and a number keypad.

Sirius and Celeste approached the machine tentatively. Celeste reached out and pulled the little door open. She jumped back and slumped in relief.

Sirius tore open the first box and placed it in, pressing a handful of buttons before the mircowing began making noise. Celeste stepped back even further, curious and terrified. This was not how she'd envisioned her night.

After a long minute of waiting, a loud beeping began sounding. The screen flashed with red, angry letters shouting, "DONE! DONE! DONE!". Sirius pulled the door open, and Celeste bit back a strangled scream.

The container had a strange, plastic smell as steam poured from the contents. Pulling back the cover of foil, sat a colorless pile of sludge. Sirius and Celeste stared at it for several seconds before dumping the whole thing into the trash. They didn't dare to try the rest of them.

Celeste sighed as they walked towards the exit door. "What now? All the restaurants are closed."

"Is there anything left in the fri―"

Sirius pushed the door open, as his voice trailed off. 

The outside was a world of downpouring rain. The air was thick with roaring wind and water, and the street lamps could only be faintly seen.

The situation was so bizarre that they began laughing.

Celeste suddenly groaned, "My shoes will be ruined! And nobody else has seen them yet!"

Sirius just laughed harder, doubling over. It earned him an annoyed glare. "What are we going to do? Do you have your wand?"

"No," she groaned. "I left it on the nightstand. Where's yours?"

"In the kitchen," he admitted.

"Shit."

Sirius shrugged. "Guess we'll have to make a run for it."

Her jaw fell open. "You're joking! It's raining cats and dogs right now."

His eyes glinted at that and he grinned, pushing the door wider. "Say goodbye to those shoes. They paired wonderfully with your pajamas."

"Sirius!" Celeste protested. She grimaced as Sirius took her by the arm and dragged the two of them outside. She laughed as they ran down the block, trying to race the clock.

Wind and rain hit their faces with its terrible, cold touch. It bled through their thin clothes, and they were sure they'd catch a cold from this. But at the same time, the thrill and rush was wondrously delightful and warm.

The rainwater soaked through her shoes as they splashed against the drenched pavement. 

"Wait!" she shouted with a laugh. "Just wait!"

They came to a stop, facing each other with lovesick grins. Rain ran down their faces, their hair long drenched. But that didn't matter now. Nothing mattered.

"What?" Sirius said, breathless at the sight of her. Dressed in joy, Celeste Malfoy was a vision.

She held his gaze, knowing that if the world ever went to pure hell, his face would be the last thing she'd want to see. Until darkness claimed them, she never wanted to look at anything else. He had her. From the very start, he'd had her.

Celeste stepped forward and closed the distance between them. She kissed him hard, her fingers running through his hair. It was hot and slow, and desperate all the same. It was the kind of kiss that would screw her up forever.

He was her ruin, her destruction. He was her daylight and afterglow and all that remained good in the world. Her faith in goodness resided with him, and it was all she cared for.

Hands around her face and waist, Sirius somehow pulled her closer. Their bodies tangled and welded together.

"I love you," Celeste breathed.

Sirius met her with his soul-searing gaze. "Until every last celestial is burnt to oblivion."

When they turned to go home, the silence between them was comfortable and familiar again. His harshness had been long forgotten, and her hesitance was gone. The echoes of their words resounded loudly, through every touch and every adoring glance.

There was a new understanding. After all the blood and bruise, they reached this new understanding: Their faith and loyalty would not waver, no matter the violent design of the past. It didn't matter if the raging waves of war were at their necks. Problems could be solved. Disagreements could be settled.

Because they never would have arrived there in the pouring rain without it. So wonderfully and brutally, broken and beautiful.

Hand in hand they dashed to the door, laughter ringing loudly through the night.

They slept in blissful peace. They slept, content and close with their limbs tangled and heartbeats steady. 

But when Celeste woke, he wasn't there. The flat was empty, and gone was any trace of him.

He did not return until the midnight hours, with his coldness returned in full force. And the same day repeated, again and again.

And their last illusion finally wavered.

For Sirius Black had a habit of breaking beautiful things. He'd broken ties with his brother. He'd smashed plates and made craters in walls before. He'd broke the hearts of a long list of women before.

Perhaps he enjoyed it and it gave him satisfaction. Perhaps it was entirely unintentional. But he had been cracking and chipping at Celeste's heart for a time now. How long, exactly, would it last?

Would a wavering illusion take long and slow to deconstruct?

Would it just snap and vanish in an instant?

Or would it break and bleed, like all those beautiful things Sirius loved so dearly?

AUTHOR'S NOTE

that last bit makes zero sense

also i know i said this in the last update but there probably won't be updates for the rest of this week and maybe the following??? idk we'll see what happens. please vote/comment and spill your thoughts to me !