SO..... Let me tell you all a story...
The story of the Christmas Party Chaos....
Some of you may have seen my mention this shit on my message board a while ago... well here is the full story

So basically, on the twenty-first of December, we had our staff Christmas party. We all agreed on bowling, so after the store closed, we met at a nearby bowling alley.

Myself, Brendan (one of my colleges) and Damien (my manager) all were closing that night, so we went straight to the bowling alley when we closed up. My other colleges, Brady, Jess, Faythe, and Austin, all had been hanging out at Jess's place beforehand for pre-drinks, so they met us there, already half-cut by the time we arrived.

Anyway, fast forwards a bit, and we are all hanging out, everyone is drinking, and Damien has made his goodbye speech. He had just announced to the rest of the team that he will be leaving in January, so he did a bit of a toast to the store and the team. He had purchased an ice cream cake for the party, and also for my birthday (which was on Dec. 23rd).

After Damien left, which was around 11:30 pm, things started to get weird...

I had stopped drinking just after Damien left, because I did have to drive home, and you need at least 2 hours to get the alcohol out of your blood stream in order to drive safely.

We still had two games left, but the boys were getting bored, so Jess and Faythe started talking about what else we can do instead of the last two games.

Jess suggested, jokingly, that we all go to the strippers. That was when I made the biggest mistake I have ever made...

I mentioned that I had never been to a strip club before.......

That set everyone off... apparently I had missed some weird kind of  rite of passage by not going to a strip club when I turned 18, and my co-workers felt compelled to remedy that....

I insisted on finishing the next game, to give myself some time to flush the booze out of my system. The girls wanted to take an uber, but I am really paranoid and refused to go unless I drove everyone myself. I drive a caravan so I had more than enough space...

We finally left the bowling alley, everyone piling their drunk asses into my van, which I had forgotten was missing the backseat, and we headed out, Brendan sprawled out on the floor of the van and everyone screaming along with "Bodak Yellow" as I tried to manoeuvre through the icy streets.

Jess insisted on swinging by her place to change shoes, because, and I quote; "I can't let the stripper I'm in love with see me in these ugly-ass shoes... She would judge the shit out of me..." No, this was not the first time Jess and/or Faythe had been to the strip club.

We get to Jess's house and she goes in to get her heels, returning with a vape.... that wasn't a huge shock, both Brady and Brendan were both vaping all night, so when she asked if she could smoke it in my van, I agreed. Turns out, it was a vape full of Shatter, a strain of weed for those who don't know.

She passed it around the van, trying to talk me into smoking some, which I wisely declined, while the rest of my crew indulged.

By the time we got to the club, everyone but me was stoned and drunk, and I really didn't want to be there.

We made our way into the club and they, of course, sat us right in the perv section... aka... right in front of the stage.

Now, it's like I told Brady the next day.... "As a bisexual woman, it's not the naked ladies flashing their vag's and tits at a room full of drunk men I don't enjoy, it's the room full of drunk men that bothers me...." long story short, the girls were hot, and damn could they dance, but the drunk men made it super awkward.....

Three separate men bought me shots after Jess and Faythe told the entire bar that it was my first time there.... as well as one of the strippers (the hottest one, might I add..)

We finally left and began the long journey of driving everyone home. Which involved an impromptu stop at McDonald's during which Faythe screamed at the drive-through clerk about poutine and how her boyfriend was an asshole.

Getting to Faythe's house was chaotic... she took us on a very roundabout route that, for the most part, was on the wrong end of the city... but I finally managed to get everyone home safely....

The next day was filled with Jess at the hospital with alcohol poisoning, Damien pissed off and ranting at me about how unreliable his staff was, and me working a 13 hour day because everyone called in sick....

And that, my friends, is the story of the weirdest Christmas party I have ever attended....

Also... I hope you all had a great New Year's Eve, and here's to a better 2018!!!

I love you all!!!