epilogue

a year later

    "Welcome, 2015 Class of Dalton High," Principal Howard announces, his voice booming throughout the whole football field, "to the day you've all been waiting for — your graduation ceremony."

     Cheers and shrieks resonate around me, the assembly of students and relatives sounding much more bigger than that. Like a Taylor Swift concert or something. 

    "Trust me, it's all I've been looking forward to, too."

     Laughter ensues. I make eye contact with Trey and Vic, who, by their surnames, are seated not so far from me; we're all wearing our graduation attire, although my hat keeps falling off for some reason and I've been adjusting it every five minutes. Then I turn my head across the seats where Liv is — I wave at her frantically and she immediately sees me, giving me a thumbs-up and the hugest smile.

     Time passes by as the Principal and the School Board make their speeches, and my mind floats away. Looking at my fellow classmates right now, it seems almost surreal. I've spent three or more years with these people, going through my own ups and downs, discovering myself, succeeding and failing and doing it all over again. Despite it not always being pleasant, it's become my second home. Even with assholes like TJ Barnett and teacher pets like Jonathan from Chess Club.

     I might get emotional before it even starts.

     It doesn't make it better knowing that, somewhere in the back of the crowd, my family, Justine and Jude Reynolds sit side by side. For me.

     Ugh. Too late.

    "It's time for a speech from your valedictorian, Trey Ramiro Gonzalez."

     And just like that, Trey, my best friend, walks up to the big stage by himself, with our cheers acting like fuel to his already huge ego. But it's not ego, not like I thought when I first met him — that's confidence, fully in the flesh and overwhelming. A lot of people would mistaken the two, but that's what it really is. Who he really is.

    "The Great Gonzalez!" I shout with my hands covering my mouth, causing a snort of laughter to travel in the crowd. I'm close enough to see Trey falter in his steps, shaking his head and failing to hide the smile that creeps up to him. My grin widens.

    "Thank you, thank you." He taps a finger on the microphone. "My apologies. Is it working? Do I — okay, perfect."

     When we all simmer down, he doesn't waste time.

    "As your Student Body President, I understand that not all of you like me since there was an 80% vote on my part." A single cough from the crowd. "However, I'm here to say that, despite our differences, we have all come here together for one reason only: getting to celebrate the fact that we've been through hell and back all these three years and still made it out alive. That makes us a batch of badasses, I assume?"

     Quick shakes of laughter and surprised gasps fill the field. Even I put a hand on my mouth. None of us would expect Trey Gonzalez to sound so vulgar — and in his case, it is, all while still maintaining that "sophisticated scholar" persona. 

     He must be so freakin' happy.

    "...we're all heading to different directions. Some of you will go to college, some will be starting your own businesses, some will use the free time and travel the world, and I can guarantee you that some will play video games for hours on end. What matters is — do whatever the hell you want. The world is yours. And it's yours to take."

     Our whoops and hell yeahs are ready to shake the ground underneath our feet, and soon enough, they start calling our names.

    "Victor Drew Forbes!"

     Vic raises both fists in the air, diploma in one hand. I hear Trey and their friends applause like crazy — gotta love the boy squad.

    "Trey Ramiro Gonzalez!"

     I jump as high as I can, trying to appear the craziest of them all. And while it's true some people don't like him, there's no doubt in that moment that a lot of people do. It's powerful. I'm proud of it. Of him.

    "Adelaide Sofía Hale!"

     I don't know why I was expecting for a boo. Maybe because I'm so used to having accusing stares or funny looks due to my reputation. But no... cheers like the rest of them. I'm so full of euphoria that I pull the Principal for a giddy hug. He looks terrified.

    "Olivia Ann Stanford!"

    "THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND!" I scream, throwing her a huge kiss. She does this shy wave, where her smile completely overtakes her face — then she finally lets herself a full on grin.

     A lot of other familiar names get called, including the rest of Trey's posse, Sean, Keith and Landon; TJ; and Laney Burke, to everyone's surprise. Even the Principal seemed hesitant to give her diploma, and even more so when she gave a middle finger to the audience.

     And the next thing I know, our caps are in the air.

***

     The football field is crazy. Everyone's just running in different directions and squealing in different frequencies that I can't tell who calls for who. But I do manage to find someone.

    "Trey!" 

     He sees me amongst the horde, his tall frame making him find me in ease. He doesn't say a single word like how I'm happily screaming to him, but then he crashes me into a hug as soon as he's a breath away. I'm so surprised of the unlike-Trey affection that I freeze for a bit before returning the favour. I think I'm making his left ear deaf at this point.

    "We graduated freakin' high school, man!"

    "That we did!"

    "Where's Vic and Liv?!"

     He pulls away and takes a good look around, not knowing where either of our best friends' are. Either way, I have a feeling they would've found each other. They're in good hands.

     A pair of strong arms wrap around my waist and I squeal again, instantly knowing who it is. I turn around and meet Jude Reynolds grinning back at me. With his green eyes gleaming with happiness. Trey's gone to me. "Babe!"

     He squeezes me so hard that he lifts me up in his arms. "I'm so proud of you, baby," he murmurs near my ear, kissing the side of my temple. His stubble grazes my skin. I love it.

     My hold against him tightens. 

    "Addie!" My little sister, Penelope, races at me with her pigtails flying around. Jude lets me go at the same time I pull away to cuddle her.

    "You're so big now!"

    "You just saw me last night!"

    "Oh, how they grow up so fast!"

    "We're so proud of you, hun!" I hear Dad gush, taking us in as well, squishing us into his mega-hug that makes both of us squeak in pain.

     Penny, Dad and I are all trying to hug everyone simultaneously when I see Mom coming to us in the back of Dad's shoulder. She shakes her head at the scene with a crooked smile on her face, holding a wrapped present. I frown. It's not Christmas nor is it my birthday, which means...

    "You guys didn't get me a graduation present, did you?"

     Mom chuckles. "Sorry to disappoint you, honey."

     They let go of their embrace as I slowly saunter to her. I take it from her outstretched hands, looking at the odd scene that is my family and my boyfriend looking at me with nervous anticipation. I raise my brows, and upon removing the wrappings, stare at the gift in shock.

    "You got me... a personalised gnome?" I gasp.

     A little bit of backstory: over the year, so from the end of my junior year and all the way to today — I've grown a fondness to the gnomes in my family's garden. I don't know how that happened, but I guess Dad was right when he said that the little devils start creeping up on you. One day, I'd trip and let them fall to their doom, but the next I found myself placing them back. Sometimes patting them.

     I've gone to the school therapist.

    "It was Jude's idea to paint the hat multicolour," Dad points out, hitting him in the back. Jude gives a surprised oof! but tries to play it as a cough. "He said something about how you'll want every colour there is, every colour that exists, because you'll want every piece of it." Pause. "Also because you change your favourite colour every two months."

    "You guys," I let out, "I freakin' love it! Thank you!"

     Quickly after that, Jude takes our family photograph. Though we've told him thousands of times to join us, I'm kind of glad he keeps his distance. I love him, but I want something of my family alone. I hold my gnome with a big-toothed smile like it's my first-born child.

     Click.

    "You officially won Best Boyfriend award," I whisper.

    "Oh, sweetheart," he whispers back, "I haven't gotten to the best bit."

     My cheeks heat. Memories of warm breaths and dim rooms, of red marks and discarded clothes; they replay in the back of my mind like an old film. A really hot old film.

    "Okay, bro, your time's up."

     I snap out of my daze. The voice came a few feet away behind him, but it's a voice I recognise crystal clear. "Justine!"      

     We don't waste time before launching off to each other. She stands out from the hundreds of people wearing togas with her simple T-shirt and ripped jeans — other than her gorgeous blonde locks, which she cut short a while ago. She can sport off any look.

    "I didn't want to ruin the moment," she chuckles.

     I mock-gasp. "You could never. You know you're my favourite twin."

    "Hey," Jude growls, "I heard that."

     We giggle.

     Justine and I still remain friends. Like really good friends. Not only because I'm dating her brother, but because we genuinely get along super well. The List was only the start of our beautiful friendship. Even when the twins graduated last year, we still kept in contact through video chats and phone calls. Sometimes with Jude in the room. 

     And even after she and Trey broke up.

***

    "You did what?" I gasp. "You a hoe, Reynolds."

    "How is leaving a guy with blue balls in the middle of the woods serve as hoe behaviour? Not my job to give him head. I had a morning class."

     Fair point.

    "Trey!" I hear Penny shriek, running to him. The three of us turn our heads, and Jude automatically grunts in annoyance. 

     Penny and Trey have gotten close so much that Jude's jealous of their relationship. She likes Jude too, but Trey is an obvious favourite. He doesn't admit that to me, of course, acting all macho and I don't give a fuck. It's kind of adorable that they're fighting over my little sister.

     Trey saunters over with his parents in tow. I've met them before, constantly, so I wave at them and they manage to wave back — but my parents and sister steal their attention. They act like they're long-lost cousins or something. I'm not surprised when they all ignore me.

    "Are we having dinner at yours?"

     I blink at Trey. "What?"

    "My mother mentioned it."

     Typical of our mothers.

    "Hey, congrats man," Jude steps forward and goes in for a bro-hug, clapping him on the back. "You're finally free to be a diplomat or do a Ted Talk or whatever the fuck."

    "How considerate of you to care about my future." 

    "You're my girlfriend's best friend. Don't really have a fucking choice."

     But the two boys end up smirking. The sight makes me beam. It's funny remembering a time where they actually hated each other.

     As for the other one...

     Justine lingers behind me the way Trey lingers beside Jude across from us. It's been a weird period of time being in our shoes. Our dynamic is too tangled for Justine and Trey not to cross paths with each other. It's inevitable. The awkward tension is tangible.

     Why? Because Trey and Justine had a nice three months together. That's how long they lasted without me.

     I laughed until my stomach hurt.

     That was until I saw Trey's expression. Hurt. Sorrow. Surrender. I had nothing to do with it; it was the fact that Justine was leaving for college that summer. But Jude and I don't believe they're a lost cause — I think, for all their confidence and backbone, they're scared. The distance made the numbness easier. But when you're face to face with the one thing you're trying to run from... it's only a matter of time.

    "Congratulations," Justine clears her throat. She extends a hand like she's about to go for a freakin' handshake. I want to slap my forehead. But Trey's the wiser and instead pulls that hand for a hug. She gives in, albeit surprised, but doesn't pull away.

    "Thank you." Trey tips his head down a bit, as if wanting to say something in private. Then holds back. "I like the new hair."

     Justine doesn't expect that, either. "Oh, thanks," she blushes, patting it self-consciously. "I've always wanted a bob cut, so..."

    "I remember."

     His words are laced with nostalgia. She looks up to him at that moment, and so does he, and there's like a buzz between them. She brushes a hair off of her face, looking almost... shy.

    "You owe me ten bucks," I whisper to Jude.

    "Addie! Justine!" Liv runs to us, her long dark hair like waves.

     I jump like a scaredy-cat. "Where were you guys?!" 

    "Trying to find you guys!" She exchanges salutes to the twins with Vic at her tail, but that's not what catches my eye. What catches my eye is, a few feet away from them coming from the same direction... is Laney Burke, out of all people. She waits by — I can spot her a mile away from her platinum blonde hair — but when she sees me noticing, she winks at me and disappears into the crowd.

     Even on the last day, Laney Burke is still a walking mystery.

     My attention comes back when Jude, upon seeing Vic already with a cigarette between his fingers, plucks it out and throws it to the ground.

     Vic rolls his eyes. "Nice to see you again, Reynolds."

    "Any time, Forbes."

     As each of them converse with the twins, I can't help but stare a little longer at them. For all of their... romantic history, Liv and Vic never got together during our senior year. Not once. They're best friends now, but in a different way than I am with Trey, if that makes sense. But that's Liv — she's a secretive person. And I respect her boundaries. Maybe they won't ever get together... but I'm sure that's going to change.

     Especially since they're going to the same freakin' university.

    "How's Wisconsin?" Liv perks up, throwing a hand over Justine's shoulder. I love that my two best girlfriends ended up getting along way better than I expected.

    Justine grazes her hand on her chin. "Lots of motorcycles. Gorgeous countryside. You don't wanna be there for winter. And fried cheese curds, period." She grins. "And you? All packed up to Pennsylvania, I hear?"

    "Represent here, too," Vic raises his hand.

     She whistles. "Damn. Great job, guys."

     Jude groans. "You're making me feel bad about dropping out."

     That makes me wrap an affectionate arm around his waist, and he instinctively kisses the top of my head. The twins went off to college at the same time, but Jude eventually dropped out after six months. I guess it's a blessing for me — long distance was getting hard, and having him back home and near me made me happier than I'd admit.

    "At least your girlfriend can make up for it," Liv teases. "Our newest psychology major in the house!"

     They all give me exaggerated cheers. I give them a bow.

    "Since it's worked so well before," Trey deadpans, "you as a therapist."

     Justine gasps. "Trey."

    "What? I'm stating a fact."

     Everyone's quiet at first, not sure of how to react. Then Liv bursts out in laughter. That's followed by Justine, and Jude's chuckles, and Vic's smirks, and then we're all laughing together. Laughing over the memories, of what happened last year and the nostalgia that comes with it — the List, the drama, me playing cupid. All of us tangled in knots with each other. How that made us impossibly closer.

    "Ah," Vic wipes an invisible tear, "the good old days."

     I punch his shoulder.

    "If you think about it, the real mastermind was TJ," Liv shrugs. "He's the one who got you to the club, Addie, and that's where you met Trey."

    "Gotta give thanks to him, then," Jude scoffs.

     Huh. Good idea. My head whips around in search of the party crasher and I finally spot him. "Hey!" I call. "Tobias Jeremiah!"

     When TJ's name was called on stage, most of us just stared in silence before clapping. He'd never told anyone about his full name, and I don't think any of us cared that much to ask. But that's a name you won't forget.

     Tobias Jeremiah turns around and merely gives me the middle finger from the distance. I give him the biggest grin I can offer.

    "No wonder he was insecure," Justine curiously cocks her head.

    "Well, anything's better than Jupiter."

    "Fucking say that again, Hale."

     My smile only grows until my cheeks hurt. "Jupiter." 

     The six of us continue to talk and talk and talk, just like everybody else as our conversation mimics others. I think we all don't want to leave the field anytime soon because we know this is our last time gathering like this — altogether, regardless of friend circles, all freakin' graduated. For some, this could be their last time seeing others forever. But that's a hundred-percent not the case about us. I won't let it.

    "Okay, guys, before I forget," I interrupt, taking out my phone. Liv and Justine jump in unison, screaming "finally!"  and "I'm ready!" whereas Trey and Vic chuckle in amusement. 

     My boyfriend, however, makes a rather painful sound.

     I frown. "Babe, you agreed."

    "Yeah, babe," Justine further teases.

    "Jude Reynolds, actively participating in a selfie?" Trey prods.

     Jude groans. "She's made me do worse things."

    "Alright! On three!"

     We take about at least ten minutes trying to adjust everyone in the frame. It's hard knowing that Ellen DeGeneres' iconic selfie at the Oscars last year is stuck at the back of your head and you're trying to out-iconic it. Also when everyone is complaining.

    "Why didn't anyone tell me my forehead was huge?"

    "You're covering half of my face, Gonzalez."

    "I look like Caspar the Friendly Ghost!"

     Click, click, click.

     All of them crowd behind me to take a peek at the shots. Some are cute. Some are horrible. But they're good enough. 

    "Goddamnit Ellen," I mutter.

    "What?"

    "Nothing! They're perfect!"

     And that's how the rest of the day goes — taking endless photos, sharing future plans, introducing families, and kissing respective partners; well, that only applies to me, but I figured it was an important fact to point out. We hug, we shake with laughter, we're shedding a bit of tears but that's fine so long as we're together. We stay there until the skies turn red, and orange, and yellow; until the field becomes empty and we're the last ones there. 

     We don't mind leaving because we know we're going to see each other again, and the next, and until however long we have left.

     No matter where I go, I'll keep the frame of the six of us. I'll remember how it feels to build your own family. Your own people.

     Adelaide Hale, licensed therapist.

     I hope it's going to be better than last time.

T H E  E N D