"I'm sorry John I just can't look after you proper like- you need to stay with Mimi, she'll do right by you"

"Well if not you what about da?"

"You know he left you with me years ago"

"Yea but"

"He walked John. Gone. Forget him"

"That isn't completely true, he said he would come back"

"That was, what? Ten years ago open your eyes. You're fifteen for heavens sake. He's never coming back. You're better off without him anyway, useless father and provider he was"

"You have the girls?"

"Yes"

"Well why not have me?"

"Well... Bobby would be uncomfortable with having you around and there isn't enough room nor money. Mimi wants you"
John stared at the ceiling for a long time that afternoon, his mother Julia dozing beside him like nothing was wrong.

But everything was wrong, he was wrong, parents both that did not want him. Parents that shut the door in his face and forgot him.

"John, John" someone is there, so far away.

"Johnny come on, you need to get back and sort this out. Wake up you lump" the voice was closer now and fingers dug into his arm.

"Leave Me Be! Would Ya" his voice was somewhat distorted and to his own ears sounded wooden and hollow, his head hurt too. He tried to shake the parasite that was latched to his arm but it wouldn't leave him be "Come on I'm only sleepin,' go away"

"You've been zonked out for hours man"

Paul, it's Paul.

"I lost me mum too remember" Paul reminded the hurt boy that thumped the side of the building, knuckles red and bleeding, as he continued thumping.

"At least yours wanted you for fucking 15 years"

"14"

"what?!"

"14 years, I was 14 when she left"

"Whatever"

"Don't whatever me son. None of this is OUR fault, my mum leaving. Yours leaving. It wasn't us doing the pushing away"

"She didn't care. She has the girls and didn't care about me"

"She isn't perfect"

"Ain't that the truth"

"But the times you did have with her were precious. Somehow you need to take those little pieces of time and hold them because if you don't you lose everything of her that you had that was good, however small and fleeting"

"Look at me hands"

"You've made right mince meat of 'em haven't ya lad. How will you play?"

"Badly"

"But you do that anyway"

John laughed slightly at the thinly veiled joke, that he would- play roughly and still he needed Paul's help to correct all the banjo chords his mother had taught him.

He would play and another day, then another would dawn and he would somehow wake and be a little more alive each time his eyes opened, each time his mates slapped him on the back, each tim-

"Winnie!"

Oh bugger.

"What have you done-" Louise pushed Paul aside and looked at the red flesh, blood seeping and tracking down his wrists "Arrrr Win, come on let's get you patched up"

Paul lit a smoke and held it for John to chug a few times, Paul's hands doing Johns bidding. They walked silently towards Lou's house, the closest from here and Louise didn't know where to hold him. She couldn't hold his hand, didn't want to cuddle him to her- fair enough he was harmed and hurt but it was Lennon and they didn't do all that soft namby pamby stuff. She took his sleeve by the elbow and dragged him through the streets.

Louise bathed his hands as he sat on the wooden chair that took up residence in the corner of the bathroom. Usually somewhere to keep your clothes dry because there was no room on the counter top, today John sat and Lou kneeled in front of him.

She tutted.

Lou was ok. Bit of a bitch but ok.

George hated her like a brother does. But if me or Macca says something outta line about her, he jumps down our throat. She's so skinny, look at those fingers like sticks they are but they're warm and soft and if I went home... Mimi would make me tend myself, or send me straight to bed without supper.

Louise wiped his arm carefully, his sleeve pulled to his elbow she cleansed the area so it didn't look so blood red, sticky plasters graced the back of his hand, knuckles and thumbs. She turned his hand over, softly, deftly like a nurse, he supposed. No one was this soft with him unless he was trying to get into their pants and he def wasn't trying to get into Super Skinny Louise Harrisons daks. Nah she was a bit tame for him.

She glanced up and smiled sweetly perhaps a little timidly. Fangs just like her brother, poor broad. Hardly noticed them but then she would cackle out a rip snorter of a laugh and there they'd be-fangs.

She finished his hands and patted his knee as she unfolded from her crouching position and, in the confined space, he stood also, a tad too quickly. They shuffled about to find room then he gave up and hugged her woodenly like George, like a brother... using his elbows because of the hands pain, he gave her a sad little thank-you grin too.

"I was thumping cause of me Ma"

"I know"

"How would you know you just passed by"

"If I was you I would thump walls to get over the hurt too"

"Oh"

"If I could, I'd bring her and Paul's Mary back but I'm no magician. I'll share me own Ma and so will George and I'll listen to you anytime at all. You say the word and I'll listen. Ok?"

John looked down on her as she sat on the edge of the newly installed bathtub, she wiped his blood from her hands, never looking up as she spoke. Lou waited for absolutely ages for him to speak, trying to be patient with her patient.

"OK John?"

John had turned about and now faced the high small window that overlooked the back garden. Louise stood and hugged him from behind then made him turnabout.

"Oh Winnie" she felt so sad for him and he couldn't stop that one tear he let escape from streaking down his face in front of her, a girl. Lou wiped it away and hugged him carefully to her til his tension ebbed and his body drooped. Hugged him til he flopped over her like a rag doll that was broken and torn.

She'd make a good mum one day this one, he though out of the blue, then hurriedly straightened his emotions, kissed her cheek and fled the house.