Cast :

Paul McCartney as Paul – Paul should be energetic and overly positive person, always happy. Quirks: Chews fingernails when upset.

Richard Starkey as Ringo – Ringo should be melancholy type, reminiscing and easy going, nothing bothers him. Quirks: Bangs a beat on every damn thing.

George Harrison as George – George should be outwardly to the masses quiet but a silly fellow in private with friends. Quirks: Eats quite a lot.

Brian Epstein as Brian – Walk on cameo role, elegantly suited gentry, polite. Quirks: Harmless unless inflamed by John.

John Lennon as John, Winnie – John should be egotistical and brash, never backing down. Quirks: Makes up nicknames for McCartney.

Louise Harrison as Lou, Louie, Louise – Appears innocent and motherly but has a brash tongue and likes kink. Quirks: Hands are small.

Evie Lennon as Evie the baby – appears innocent and cute but has ability to bring mayhem and stench. Quirks: Destruction on the unsuspecting.

Backdrop

Cramped old Hotel Room .1. Living area with sofas and chairs four bedrooms leading off main.  

Another old cramped hotel room .2. Down the hall from room .1.
Room 2 comes with kitchen, bath and bed where Lou and John are holed up, entertaining.....

1. Living Room:

Paul: Where's George cleared off to, Rings?

Ringo: How should I know Paul, I'm not his mudda.

Paul: No need to get narky mate, Evie's a bit stinky needs her bum changed and I ain't doing it, even though she's the cutest little thing. Paul starts talking baby-talk to the baby: Aren't you just the cutest, yes you are, you're a cutie pie mummmmummm

Brian yelling through the main door into the room: Get those bloody birds out of the hotel room Paul, you have a show to prepare for!!!

Ringo yelling back at Brian: It's just Evie, Brian, relax man. Paul change the kid, I'm all rings. Ringo points to the numerous pieces of jewellery on his fingers.

Paul: No way she is putrid, smell that. Paul shoves Evie's nappy clad butt in Ringo's face.

Ringo: Oh goodness gracious, any gas masks round here? I'll go look. Ringo exits to bedroom expediently.

Paul: Why would there be any--- Ringo slams door of the bedroom leaving Paul holding baby out at arm's length- Damn Ringo got me!

Fade to Black....

.1. Bedroom:

Ringo begins tossing clothing out of his suitcase and saying a mantra:      Gas mask, gas mask, gas mask.

A creaking sound emits from the wardrobe which is against one wall in the bedroom.

Ringo continues to search, by now he is in Paul's suitcase that was shoved in the room when they arrived. Ringo pauses wondering if he indeed heard a strange sound, shakes his head and goes back to his search for a gas mask.

Ringo, speaking quietly to himself: Paul why do you have a teacosy in your luggage? Ringo places it on his head then wonders where Paul had actually placed it on himself ..... ugh yuck-- Oh a banana!! 

The teacosy is thrown back in with Paul's crumpled, previously ironed, underwear. The banana is shoved in Ringo's pocket.

Someone sneezes.

Ringo once again pauses then shrugs, and thinks it was most  probably Paul.  

Ringo, continuing to mumble:  Gas mask gas mask..... This is insane Paul wouldn't have a gas mask ...... now John... he always has crap. Last time I was in his bag there was a teapot ohhhhh teacosy/ teapot those kinky dirty mug lairs and I put that thing on my head.... Ringo shivers with feigned disgust.

In the meantime.....

George is holed up in the wardrobe in the bedroom, its musty and cramped thus he jiffles and sneezes as he hides behind the four clean and pressed suits stored there for the show.

George, whispering to himself: I'm starving I should have brought more than a banana, apple, orange, jar of pickles, family size crisps and a pack of arrowroot biscuits dumb dumb dumb. 

George goes to scratch himself but scratches the side of the wardrobe instead..Ringo hears it.

Ringo: Mother of Mary and her little lamb, was that a rat?!! 

Ringo picks up a boot and walks slowly round the room to seek out the sounds location and dispose of said rat.

Paul, in the meantime carefully places the smelly baby down on the rug.

Paul: sit, stay ...... I'm going to find Ringo. 

Paul taps lightly on the bedroom door, the door swings open suddenly and Paul is belted in the foot with a boot five or six times. 

Paul: Why are you killing my foot?

Ringo, not bothered by it being just Paul, shrugs: Felt like it I guess.

Paul, nonplussed walks in the bedroom: Oh ok then, great. I'm gonna go stir up the parents, but...... hang on, why are my undies next to my socks!?! Have you been messing in my bag.... hey my teacosy is warm! Geez Rings you're a right wacker werido. Ok, I have better things to do than wonder why you have a fetish with other people's teacosy's, find Harrison in case I can't get John and Lou off.

Ringo: Losing your touch mate??

Paul: What wack?

Ringo: You said you might not be able to get them off. Not like you to doubt your sexual abilities.

Paul: Get them off the nest!! you imbecile.

Ringo: oh right you are..... haha, anyway I'm going to clobber this rat in here before it eats my ear off while I sleep, ta-rah.

Door closes in Paul's face, he bites his fingernails.

George still speaking quietly to himself: I'm going to die of hunger. I can't go on..... its been sevennnnn minutes!       He slaps his own face in the darkness to stop himself going mad with hunger and mumbles to himself: ........ Pull it together George if you go out there, you have to change the baby's stinky butt.

Ringo hovers by the bathroom door, a few steps from the wardrobe, George burps and says pardon. 

Ringo :No problem! 

Ringo, mumbles to himself: Hang on rats don't burp, do they? Well I'm not a rat so I wouldn't know perhaps they do. All right they do. I'm not one to boss a rat about am I now.

Ringo ignores  the person burping or the rat burping, there could still be a rat....

George yawns and successfully scratches his arm this time. He yawns so much the wardrobe shakes a little.

Ringo, yelling: Earthquake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Ringo wrenches the wardrobe open and jumps in panting and quaking with fear of the massive 'earthquake', slamming the door shut behind him. 

Darkness.

George: Hello

Ringo: Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Talking rats Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 

Ringo slams into three walls of the wardrobe, still trapped and now with mild concussion. Finally, he tangles in the suits and falls on George.

George: Got a banana or something I'm famished.

Ringo: Hungry banana eating rats arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

George: No.... oh bugger, would kill for a ring of---

Ringo: No pleaseeeeee don't eat meeeee!!!!!!!!!!

George: Richard it's me you fool

Ringo: It knows my nameeeeeeee!! !!!!!!!!!!!!

The wardrobe is pounded again, Ringo desperate to escape the talking, hungry 'rat'. Serious concussion seems likely now.

Fade to Black..............

End Part 1

Intermission

https://youtu.be/kLTSo1JeFFI

End Of Intermission

Part 2

Scene: Hallway - Paul is in hall outside John and Lou's Room. 2.

Paul: knock knock

John: Go away!

Lou: John don't be mean

John: he is always interrupting my ---

(Paul can hear all this btw ..................!)

Lou: your what, John??? Lou gets a tad upset

John: he upsets my time with you luv

Lou: oh

John: Yes! Oh!!, Yes indeed Louise. Now, start rubbing again.

Lou: Why should I if you can't get up, you can't get up .... and your all clammy now

Paul: ummmmmm can I come in

In unison: Lou: Sure!! John: No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

John: Rub it harder then Lou, it won't break.... Oh yeah that's it, harder, harder yeahhhh

Paul, hearing all the goings on in the bedroom, shudders: Ummmm I think I'll stay on this side of the door.

Lou: Don't be silly Paulie, more the merrier.

Paul: Christ Lou, I think love you more and more each day

John, in a warning voice : Paul

Paul: Yes Johnny?

Lou: Do you want me to go in circles or just shove my hand up and down

John: Paul, go look after Evie I think we will be quite a while yet.

Paul, mumbling to himself: a while yet, they have been in there two hours now and now he wonders why he can't get it up!

Meanwhile inside the room with Lou and John.

John: I'm sorry Louise, I get a bad back from time to time, thanks for the massage sweets

Lou: no problem, Winnie.

Fade to black.....

Room.1. Scene Bedroom Wardrobe:

George: What on earth are you climbing the walls for Rings. Stop shifting around or Paul will find me.

Ringo: George?

George: Yes Richard

Ringo: Georgeeeeeeeeeeeeee oh George it's yooooou oh mate oh George thank Mary and the little lamb. Ringo attempts to hug and kiss George

George: Narf off you, with your weirdo drummer ways

Ringo: I'm not weird, I thought you were a rat.

George Well I'm not, am I. Do you have a banana?

Ringo: Here you go.

George: Thanks mate.

Still in Black in the wardrobe, so can't really fade to any blacker.....

1. Scene Living Room:

Paul changes Evie's bum. Chewing his fingernails he then wonders if he washed his hands.

Fade to Black.......

Epilogue of this chapter:

Brian: Get the suits chop chop

Paul: shouldn't we try and find George and Richard first

Brian: No Paul, Mal is looking for them as we speak.

John and Lou enter Room 1. Joining Brian and Paul and Evie.

John: Geez, I feel much better now, relieved even, thanks Louise.

Lou: My wrist is so stiff.

Paul: Would you two stop with the sexual innuendo's and spruiking!

John: You've lost it mate she just rubbed me down.

Lou: And up and down and up and down and up, I'm so tired, my hand is aching. Why is your nappy dry Evie!? Good girl!

Paul: For the love of – George!?! Ringo!?!?!

John: What's the matter McNoisy?

Paul: What's the matter. I'll tell you what's the matter! While you and Lou were rubbing against each other for hours, Richard thumped me with a boot five or six times, and now George and Rings are both hiding in this room somewhere.

John wrenches open the wardrobe.

John: So.... Wake up you two before Paul faints from fidgeting John squints in the wardrobe, then heckled nastily:  Starrison !!!!!

Paul: So!............. So...!! I want some attention! I changed Evie's putrid bottom and washed her and cuddled her to sleep!

John: Do you want a medal or something

Paul: Noooo!

John: Well shut your trap then McWhingin.

Paul wanders dejectedly to his messed up suitcase...................: Damn It! ....... Where's my banana!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A/N:I had this play scenario pop into my head after I wrote banana in the last chapter... go figure!