Struggling to stand, struggling to move, the night became a long drawn out process of crying girls and an overall feeling of being bereft.

Now the once heavenly smiles, gushing wanting tears and happy screams were silent in sadness.
Now so upset, now so devastated, that they may never see the band again .. May never have a chance to say I Love You to each man.

And the smell. She hadn't smelt it before, hadn't noticed. 

Looking about she realised the floor was wet puddles in places, damp in others was that.... piss?........... It certainly smelt that way now her nostrils were working. Now, she couldn't not smell it, her nose wrinkled up. Sure she was dying for him but letting go... like that...

Was it want and abandon or can't leave my seat or I'll miss the show.

Lou wasn't sure but she would not waste her time dallying on the thought either, she inched closer to the main aisle and hopefully the exit as a few girls squeezed into the mass of bodies ahead, climbing the too narrow stairs.

Louise hadn't factored in the departure, the standstill traffic of people, the cars bumper to bumper, gridlocked and horns now honking and being held down to blare. She should have left earlier, perhaps well before the last notes rang out, all well and good if she could have actually heard them.

And she walked, feet so sore, throat needing water.... an ocean of water. It was like she was in some urban desert. Lou tried talking to see what it sounded like and the croak that emitted had her laughing and crying all in one moment. She wanted him, now, the urges that had flooded through her as she clung to the chair, squeezing her heart, baring her soul in unbridled screams, still coursed and burned within.

She wanted to mark him too, remind him that even though all those thousands wanted their claws in him that she was the only one that owned him.

But before she could strip him down naked, she had to get back. Get back to where she belonged.

Where she should have stayed waiting for him, like a princess in a tower that was blind ..... Not knowing the truth, the truth that he had actually created a type of foreplay on the stage. Lou struggled to push through the crowd, that had paused in their journey in the middle of the sidewalk. 

She had money, her media pass, her key, her wedding ring, a letter from Brian, his business card, the phone number of the house, the phone number of the Superintendent of police ~ assigned specifically for the Beatles security. Code words to utter to guards at the gate .... Even the name and address of one of the reporters that lived locally and was trusted by the band....

But panic still settled around her. 

Ever step taken felt like she was going backward.

Evie was sound asleep with the nanny assigned. The house that never slept was probably filled brim full.

Of photographers, newspaper men, record executives all shoving and pushing to get a one on one moment with the boys. Louise let her fellow walkers push and prod her as she stood breathing deeply, not wanting to panic, wanting to be home now, and safe in his arms.

A taxi appeared on the shore of the sidewalk and before anyone else could, Lou dashed into the backseat and instructed the driver of her destination.

"Roads blocked miss" The drivers American drawl, still foreign to her, woke her from the blank stare out of  the car window.

He had been doing so well too .... missing main roads, taking short cuts, avoiding the red traffic lights but as the climb into the posher suburbs began, the police presence rose and now at each roadblock the cabbie repeated he had a lone passenger on her way home... and it worked.

They were not stopped, interrogated or turned around. Lou was thankful they got this far through, relatively easily.

Two policemen strode up to the driver and asked for identification, the eyes that didn't peruse the ID looked at her then tapped on the window for her to comply and roll it down. "Identification, miss"

Handing over her Liverpool, England license the young police officer read over the information twice then stared into her and finally shoved the paper into his fellow officer's hand. Minutes passed before, finally, the taxi was directed forward.

This happened 3 more times, every time another piece of identification was produced. Lou tried not to shake as she handed over documents, it was difficult, she had nothing, nothing, of real substance that would tie her to the boys, that would say "Yes Louise Lennon is John Lennon's wife" The few photos in her purse were now a few years old, she had heaps and heaps of Eve of course but any ol' fan may have gotten a photograph with the lads if she were so lucky.

Nearing the gatehouse, Louise clutched her bag tightly, praying Neil or even Mal was standing guard. They weren't.

"Ten dollars miss" the cabbie stood beside her as she rummaged about for the hidden stash of cash. She was rolling in it, must have been three hundred dollars in her purse that John had insisted she take, Brian had gulped and then nodded at the request but Lou guessed John would rather her have the cash and find accommodation at any price than walk the sidewalks all night.

The cabbie walked back from chatting with the policemen, all eyeing her as they spoke quietly "You're sure you'll be right if I leave you. The police aren't keen you're going to be stood milling about" An officer walked purposely over to join the conversation, tall and intimidating he stood over her own tall frame.

"Yes miss, I know you have got yourself this far up into the hills, your British accent is convincing too but standing outside the grounds in the middle of the night in the vain hope one of us will relent is absurd. I suggest you hope back in the cab and head back into LA. Go home"

The police officer was old, too old for bothering about rock n rollers and he had an air of grumpiness in the way he moved around her. Another younger officer, perhaps a constable, watched on from afar and seemed more accceptable to her plight.

Lou shook her head vehemently, she wasn't heading all the way back down that hill. She wanted her baby, she wanted her bed, she wanted John. The taxi driver shoved a magazine in her hand and tapped his cap as he left her standing under the flood light surrounded in darkness.

Hours passed, the changing of the guard occurred and Louise sat on the kerb as the officers looked down their noses at her, she wasn't screaming nor crying so they really couldn't arrest her. She had the means to come through the various roadblocks so she was left to sit lonely on the kerb on the edge of the darkness.

A car load of reporters made it through the gate and one of them stared at her, perplexed, not knowing her and knowing her all in the same breath. Lou stood and stretched and drew the coat around her further, the night air in the hills was chilled even if the days were sunny and warm.

Another hour passed and all thought of dragging John into the bedroom and preforming coitus with him had passed completely, she only wanted to be pounding him now.....
About the head with his beloved guitar.

One of the new police officers on duty settled beside her on the kerb and handed her a cigarette, intently watching her smoke. He took off his police issue cap, setting it snuggly between them.
He was young and very handsome and grinned like a movie star as they shared the cigarette. Louise put on his hat and made the captain growl at both her and the copper that was flirting with her.

"Why can't one of you just go and call the superintendent?" Louise muttered "I'm cold and want my family"

"Sorry miss no outgoing calls" The older of the two officers pledged heatedly, she had only asked like fifty times this hour so he was getting a tad annoyed. "Why don't you go on home like a good girl"

"I am home!" Louise flicked the cigarette away and was instantly lifted out of the gutter by her collar.

"Littering- book her Constable" Looking at the accompanying constable sternly, the officer pushed Lou hard, toward the police car "Hurry up boy, write her up"

The officers charge sheet appeared and Lou almost snarled in defense then thought better of it, she wanted them friend not foe even if she couldn't get within a mile of the boys. "You can't do-. Please don't.....Look! I'll pick it up. I didn't know. Can't you just, you know, give me a warning............!?!"

Lou tried to talk her way out of it, tried to flutter her eyelashes even though she probably looked like she had a twig jammed in her eye. She was pressed solidly from behind, arms swung back awkwardly. Two officers now harnessing her by elbows and as her head connected with the roof of the car and she swore black and blue under her breath.

Flashlights and noise came charging toward them.

The Calvary may just have arrived...