So when it's cold, no matter how many layers I put on, I'm still freezing my face off.

That's where the practice of being bundled up to the point where you can't feel your limbs comes into play. Because no matter how much I meditate out in the snow to get rid of the cold, it isn't going to work.

Me: Center my inner chi. C'mon George, you can do this. Don't care that you're literally sitting on the snow and you might get frostbite on your butt.

Snow: TOO BAD, YA BASTARD, I'M GONNA GIVE YOU FROSTBITE ANYWAY

Me: *leaps up from the snow in agony* I think I'm going to go inside. And perhaps call the hospital.

See how this works? I wasn't even mean to the snow. 

So instead of wearing just one layer of sweatpants to go outside, wear six, and you'll never even feel your legs again!

Me: *sitting on the snow with six layers of sweatpants* Ahhh. Center my inner chi. Can't even feel my butt anymore.

Snow: YOU'RE SO MEAN HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME I WAS TRYING TO MAKE YOU HAVE FROSTBITE

Me: I'm that awesome.

Snow: SCREW THIS IMMA MAKE IT RAIN ICE

And then there's ice rain that makes me fall on my butt. And I end up going back inside. And spend six hours peeling off the layers of sweatpants.

Let me repeat- that took six hours.

But you see the point? It's better than to not even feel your limbs at all rather than having them hurt really bad!

(Actually, on second thought, maybe not. But just ignore that. I wrote too much already and I'm too lazy to write it all over)

This can also be done with ugly sweaters that you'll never wear, coats, and hats.

I realize that there are um, certain hazards to worry about when conducting this procedure.
1. Hat Hair- If you're wearing two or three hats, you will get hat hair. Which kinda sucks. Paul's the one who goes frantic about that one, though.

2. Scarves Can Possibly Choke You-  They um, can. 

3. Feeling Like A Marshmallow- If you don't like feeling like a marshmallow, then do not do this. 

4. Sometimes You Can't Get Up From The Couch- This happened to me an hour ago. I was about to get some groceries when my winter gear decided that I should be stuck on the couch. It wasn't until Corky the cat meowed really loud (now I'm practically deaf, thanks) and people finally came to my aid. By people I mean an irresponsible five year old who didn't help his dad dust snow off garden gnomes. Ahem. 

If you don't mind all these things, go ahead. Or just spend the day on your couch drinking hot cocoa. If your heater breaks, too bad. 

By the way, did anyone get me the garden rake from Costco?