**Not a fan of this chapter, but let's see what you guys think. I'm playing around with Meredith's development and personal growth but I'm not sure how this plays out. Let me know what you think please!
Vote like and share if you're still a fan!**

Meredith stared unblinkingly at her alarm clock, the shrill, unwelcome tone penetrating through her depressive thoughts. She glared and rolled over, yanking the cord from the wall angrily, though she knew her rage was displaced and had nothing to do with the obnoxious appliance. In fact, she was quite aware that her anger had no place at all: it wasn't as if Jet could help who he loved. Meredith realized she couldn't blame him for her own heartache, despite his role in it, but all the same, deep down she hated him for it.

She shouldn't have allowed herself to succumb to his charm. In retrospect, it was entirely shocking to her that she hadn't fallen for him sooner. Debilitating though her anxiety was, it normally didn't prevent her from having feelings for someone. Confusion clouded her mind the more she pondered it: how had her feelings developed so stealthily over the past few years without her knowing?

The most plaguing question that invaded her mind was, who exactly was he seeing? Meredith didn't remember him bringing anyone around the office, and was sure she would have noticed. Jet spent so much time at work that she doubted he had much leisure time to date. But if he had another love interest, why in the world had he kissed her? Why had he spent so much time with her lately, and why on earth would he lead her on like that if he had no intention of following through?

Her emotions weighing heavily as her thoughts consumed her, Meredith sank further into the mess of blankets on her bed, pulling her head under to drown out the light that was beginning to stream through her curtains. It was as if the darkness was reaching out dark tendrils, beckoning her to drift further into the pit of despair that engulfed her. Her thoughts wouldn't stop flowing, no matter how she tried, and along with them tears that seemed so endless she doubted they would stop. Her pillow was damp with them, her sheets tangled around her from a night of restlessness.

A dull ache in her lower abdomen cut through her subconscious and she realized she desperately needed to urinate. She wasn't even sure how long it had been since she'd peed. Her spasming bladder forced her out of bed and she ran to the bathroom, barely pulling her panties down before the damn burst. A relieved sigh escaped her lips, turning into a groan as she noticed the flood of red in the toilet bowl. It was fitting that her body now matched how she felt emotionally.

Meredith grumbled and fumbled to retrieve a tampon from underneath her sink before straightening and washing her hands. She nearly dropped the hand towel as she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes appeared sunken, the hollows around them darker and deeper than normal, her skin more pallid and dull. Her lips were chapped and her hair hung limply around her shoulders. She sighed and pulled the greasy mop into a loose bun, not bothering to comb it.

Sadness and shock tugged at her as she gazed upon the pathetic looking image of herself. It struck her immediately that she was ashamed of this woman, embarrassed that she allowed circumstances to rule her life the same way all of the time. She wanted to wash it away, the pain and angst, to step away a new woman.

The thought blossomed as she turned on the shower spray, allowing the water to heat up before stepping into the billowing steam. As the water flowed over her tired body, her anger grew, now directed at herself. She wasn't a twitchy little girl anymore, and while her anxiety still hung around like a fly around dung, Meredith vowed she would no longer allow it to take over her body and mind. Resolution sparked inside her soul and her eyes burned with a fierce determination that continued long after her shower was finished.

She stood naked, this time taking in her bare body. For the first time she felt sexy, beautiful, and in control. Her heart beat quickly as she gazed upon her reflection, not due to feeling sexual about how she appeared, rather, the excitement stemmed from the idea that she was changing. Never in her life had she felt capable of personal growth; her anxiety prevented her from becoming someone better, someone in control.

Now she knew she would take back her life, starting with where it all began. It had been ages, years, since she visited home. Her blue eyes trained on their image in the mirror, shining with a newfound determination that was uncharacteristically Meredith. Home would give her closure.

A brief flicker of doubt eased through her resolve and she shook her head determinedly, riding her consciousness of the feeling. Never again, she vowed, as she stared at herself, imagining her body pressed up against his, ignoring the fact that it would never be.

The incessant buzzing of her phone vibrating jerked her out of her daydream. She scowled, pulling on a lacy red bra and cheeky panties. Her long, awkward limbs carried her to the bedside table where her phone was alight with activity. The caller ID indicated it was Jet.

She debated whether or not to answer it. On the one hand, he probably needed her to help with their new assignment, but on the other, she had no desire to speak with him anytime soon. The longer she stared at the bright screen, the more her ears heard the continuous buzz as the small device vibrated on the table, the greater her need to pick it up became. After an agonizingly long minute, her hand darted out of its own accord and swiped to answer.

"Hello." Her voice came out gravely from lack of use. She had no idea how long it was since she'd spoken to another human being: in fact, she had no clue what day it was, but she gathered, based on the number of voicemails Jet left, that it must be a workday.

"Meredith..." His voice came across the line so smooth and deep that she thought she might run right into his arms, should he ask. But he didn't.

"You're ok?" It was more a question than statement, but she heard the relief in his tone.

"I'm fine, Jet." Her voice was so waspish that it made herself flinch with the harshness of it.

"Good." He cleared his throat. She desperately wished she could see his face, see what he was feeling in that moment.

Silence permeated the moment. Meredith didn't speak, for fear she would say something untoward.

Finally, after what seemed like ages, Jet spoke, his sexy voice leaving an ache in her bones that almost hurt. "I-I miss you, Mer."

Tears threatened to spill from her tightly closed lids. "Don't." Her voice trembled, all the bravado she had built quickly crumbling like old ruins. "You don't have the right, not anymore."

"I'm so so sorry I hurt you." His voice cracked, and for a moment she imagined he was hurting.

"You did hurt me, terribly." She forced the words out, afraid they would betray how much she liked him. "I have to go, Jet."

"Where?" He sounded shocked, desperate even.

Meredith squeezed her eyes shut tightly, willing her aching heart to quiet. Despite her resolve, her anger was fading just by hearing the forlorn sound of his voice. She had no intention of divulging her plan, but instead found herself croaking out " to my mother's."

" The mother who abandoned you?" Jet asked lowly, though not maliciously.

" Yes." Meredith swallowed, holding back tears. " Thanks for reminding me."

"That's not what I meant." Jet sighed and Meredith imagined him running his hand through his dark hair.

" What did you mean then?" Meredith bristled, memories of his touch flooding her mind. "You have a lot in common with her."

Jet flinched on the other end of the line. She was right; it was like the pot calling the kettle black, and very uncouth of him to bring up Meredith's past with her mother, especially after what he did to her.

"I just don't want you to get hurt." He murmured.

"I'm use to it." Meredith whispered, shutting her eyes tightly to ward off the tears that welled up as her heart squeezed with sadness. "That's all anyone does. Hurt me."

"Then why go back?"

Meredith thought for a moment, finally coming to a half cocked conclusion. "If I want to move forward I need to start by understanding my past."

"You'll just get your feelings hurt, Mer." Jet warned.

"Like how you hurt me?" She blurted, subconsciously allowing her angr to build protective walls around her heart. "You have no right, Jet Bianchi. You're all the same. The moment somebody isn't perfect or is the least bit different, they get forgotten. I should have never let myself have feelings for you. I knew my anxiety disorder would scare you away."

"That's not what happened!" Jet shouted. "You have to give me a chance to explain."

Meredith's stomach churned with anxiety. "No I don't. You had time to explain."

"I...I can't yet." Jet replied weakly.

A long silence fell on the conversation. Meredith's mind was whirring at warp speed in an attempt to process everything that happened between them. As she pondered what was going wrong in her life, it became clearer that her intuition was right: she would go back home, back to where it started.

"Then I have no choice." She whispered, gazing sadly at the open suitcase by her dresser. "I'm going home."

"But I need you here Meredith," Jet pleaded, "To help on the Moretti case."

Meredith shook her head, though he couldn't see it. "Not yet, Jet. You'll get by without me for awhile."

"But Mer-"

"Goodbye, Mr. Bianchi." She said stiffly, hand shaking as she ended the call.

It was wet with tears she didn't know she shed.

**What do you guys think? Is Meredith right to leave? Let me know!**