Chapter Thirty-Seven

"I thought you said you were leaving."

Zeus's growled mutter was muffled by the pillow he had resting on top of his head as he lay sprawled on his bed, face down, his thousand credit suit now ruined and wrinkled. On the floor, scattered around his bed like the rose petals of an alcoholic were bottles of Jack Daniels, and a shattered glass that he must have given up on and traded in for bottle drinking.

It was two in the afternoon when I decided to show up at Zeus's palace, and it hadn't taken long for me to find him in this pathetic mess in his room. I folded my arms over my chest, standing a few feet from the bed to watch him lay there in his own misery.

"I never said I was leaving," I told him gently, "You misinterpreted what I said."

"Fuck you." I said nothing in response to that, watching as Zeus laid there for what seemed like several more long minutes before he reluctantly lifted his face out from under the pillow, pinning me with a bloodshot glare. He growled, but didn't speak as he dragged himself out of bed. My eyes followed him as he went into the bathroom, and he slammed the door shut so hard that one of the glass windows across the room cracked right down the middle, only to repair itself almost immediately.

I went to the sitting area of his bedroom, plopping down in a seat as I stared at the bathroom door, listening to the shower turn on, the hiss of water as it sprayed, the sound of Zeus slamming the shower door shut. I waited for that to shatter as well, but it seemed to hold against his anger somehow. It didn't take long for him to shower and put on a new outfit, and I was pleasantly surprised he hadn't changed into one of his designer suits. Instead, he wore a basic long sleeve navy top and black sweatpants. Of course, I had no doubt they were probably designer brands as well, but it was so casual in comparison to his usual style.

"What're you looking at?" Zeus said snidely when I arched a brow at his clothes. I shook my head, rising to my feet.

"I take it you're not going out today."

"I feel like I was hit by a garbage truck, so no. Fuck the rest of the world today," Zeus snapped, drying his hair angrily before tossing the towel down a chute in the wall that he opened with a panel on the wall. He paused to glare at the panel, glared at the chute, then glared at me before he looked away, reaching up to try and straighten his hair, without gel. Unable to resist, I came over and reached up to brush his hands aside. He glared at me as I fixed his hair.

"You shouldn't try to tame this so much," I said, brushing my fingers through his hair and giving them a shake to loosen things up, "It's much better the way it is naturally." Zeus frowned at that, then scowled and stepped away from me, patting down his hair again.

"Nobody takes bedhead series," he said dryly, then put a considerable distance between us before he muttered, "I'm making breakfast. If you're hungry." He said nothing more than that before he left the room and I followed him, amused at his behavior. He was still angry, probably over my words yesterday, and I made a mental note to choose my words more wisely around Zeus. His interpretation of what I'd said, however, revealed an interesting tidbit.

Who knew Zeus had abandonment issues?

Then again, I suppose it made sense considering his mother had just dumped him into the arms of abusive strangers before taking off. And the nymph colony appeared to have abandoned him after he became king as well, and his siblings? Once the war was finished, once it was won, Zeus was simply their figurehead and nothing more. And then Hera divorced him and took off.

I followed Zeus into the kitchen, watching him move around as he prepared breakfast. He handcut his own potatoes, sliced into a fresh slab of meat for bacon, cracked eggs against a bowl, separated yolks from whites, preparing his own hollandaise sauce. I was unsure what made me so engrossed in his cooking habits. I'd seen plenty of creatures cook for themselves. Even Lucifer cooked for himself once in awhile, especially on holidays when he gave his staff a week off to spend with their families. I'd seen Alaric bake a few cookies once in awhile. Even Raven knew how to use a stove and knife properly.

Yet something about Zeus was so fluid, almost like it was a hypnotic dance, watching those long legs carry him from one place to the other, the way his eyes concentrated on frying bacon while at the same time he was whisking egg. It was made all the more pleasant given his "lazy boy" clothing... and his hair that refused to stay in the place he wanted it and was starting to fluff up from air-drying.

Fuck. He's attractive. I couldn't remember the last time my blood boiled like this, the last time I'd taken an innocent action, from cooking to dressing, as something incredibly sexual and arousing. I tracked through the dry spell that had led me up to this point, and once more Set came to mind. The last time I'd gotten this close to anyone, the last time someone had ever corrupted my own personal desires, had been Set.

But even my feelings for Set never reached this level of intensity. Something about Zeus was different from the others. Certainly not his issues, no. I'd come in contact with plenty of creatures who suffered from psychological damage, from abandonment issues to post-traumatic stress disorder. But it wasn't Zeus's difficulties that particularly sparked my interest. Sure, in a psychological sense, in a professional sense, certainly.

But this wasn't part of my job. This feeling in my chest was different, it was new, it was... powerful. I never thought I'd find myself fascinated with someone enough to love watching them cook, watching them dress, or fuck, watching him fiddle on his damn phone was enough to make my heart ache. This deep intense longing to touch his skin, to feel it against mine, and to run my fingers through his hair again, such an innocent touch, meant more than anything in the world.

"I can feel what's happening. It's like electricity in the air. It's hot and it's powerful and normally I'd be happy for you, but not him, Joxeia. Not with Zeus."

What was this feeling? What was this... electricity, Satanika was talking about? Happy for me... A part of me wanted to use that word, that word that held so much power, and yet I was afraid to use that word.

I loved Xiphrus. And he left. I loved Geara, and she left. I loved Lucifer, and while he was still with me, at times it felt more like I was a ghost in his presence. I loved his children, but I was still nothing more than a family pet to them, a family friend at other times. I wanted to love again. I wanted to feel that power running through my veins, that sense of ultimate joy, happiness, so pure and real, so strong that I felt I could do anything, face anything. I wanted to love again, so badly.

But was that what this was? Was it love?

How was that possible?

Watching Zeus neatly plate his food and squeeze his own orange juice made me swallow, and I averted my eyes, reaching up to cover my mouth with my hand, suddenly distressed by the whole situation. Normally, it was me telling my clients not to fall in love with me, but it appeared today, it was the other way around. I shut my eyes tightly, taking a deep breath.

Stop.

I didn't have time for this. This wasn't about me. This was about Zeus. I was here to help him. I was here to heal him. And when Zeus could finally find his own happiness, when he could finally forgive himself and move on, I would focus on the one thing that kept me going all these years, and that was destroying Atlan. I didn't have time to become infatuated with Zeus.

Besides, Zeus was in love with Hades. He may be afraid to say it out loud, but it was the truth, and perhaps it was that love for Hades that has corrupted all his other relationships. He was unable to forget the one person he adored more than anyone else in the universe.

No one else mattered in his eyes.

And that included me.

Comforting myself, quite bitterly, with that thought I followed Zeus to an interesting room off the side. It was a round room that appeared to stick out the side of the house above the garden below, with windows on all sides of the walls to look out over the beautiful scenery. A mosaic tile cafe table sat in the middle of the room with wrought iron chairs. It was oddly... quaint. Nothing like the rest of the house's stark minimalist style.

I said nothing as we sat down at the table and he set the plates down along with our drinks. He sat down and started eating. My eyes watched as he dipped the fork down into the poached egg, popping the yolk and spilling it across his plate. The fork came up to his lips, slid inside and he chewed, jaw working up and down in a rhythmic chewing that really shouldn't have caught my attention as intensely as it did.

I focused on the meal, taking a bite and genuinely enjoying his take on eggs benedict, with crispy bacon and potato bites sprinkled with cheese. We ate mostly in silence. Me trying not to watch Zeus eat, finding every movement of his tongue to be incredibly arousing, and Zeus most likely trying to avoid eye contact in case I decided to read his mind again, or so he thought. I didn't particularly need eye contact to read his mind. Just enough concentration and a little turn into his brain and voila, he was thinking about me.

I went to pull out of his mind, I really did, but somehow, I ended up engrossed as he kept his eyes on his food, but his mind on me. His emotions were a combination of angry, frustrated, confused, and genuine interest. He seemed to like the way I did my hair today, which was surprising considering I'd done nothing with it. I didn't blow dry it after my shower today, leaving it to dry on its own, so there was a slight wave to it as it fell over my shoulders, a lock tucked behind my ear that Zeus kept wanting to pull out and drape across his fingers. He had a split second fantasy of sniffing the lock before leaning in to nuzzle my cheek.

How oddly... sweet.

Zeus didn't seem like the sweet type.

Unable with both his fantasy, and my own that followed, I cleared my thought and decided to break the silence as I finished off my potatoes.

"So, if you're not willing to share feelings, Zeus, the least you could do is share facts. Would you be willing to do that?" I asked. Zeus hesitated, giving me a cautious glare from under those lashes before he dug his fork into his food, popping another yolk so it flooded his potatoes, and a thought passed across his mind comparing the image to the flooding of a city before he looked up.

"What facts do you want?" He asked. I shrugged, resting my elbow on the table as I cut into the meal and drew a bite to my mouth. His eyes lingered on my lips for a moment before they narrowed.

"How about you start with the day you met your siblings?" I asked. Zeus frowned, glancing up at me before he looked at his plate again.

"What about it?"

"Tell me how it went. Did they know who you were? Did they know of you?" I asked. He didn't answer right away, and his mind was a combination of distrust and annoyance, before his eyes lifted to stare at my face again. Only this time, his expression became faraway, and I realized he was reliving that day clearly in his mind's eye before he shut those eyes, then opened them to look down at his plate.

"There's not much to tell," he said dryly, and when I raised an eyebrow, he rolled his eyes and continued, "I found the portal to the realm and stepped through, and came into some... disgusting backdump realm. It reeked of sulfur and death and I remember thinking that it was the first place I was going to destroy when I took the throne. I was only there for probably five minutes, thinking there was no way anyone could've survived there, god or not, when someone came out of the trees and fucking headbutted me into the ground." He wrinkled his nose at the memory, and I found that incredibly adorable and mentally booted myself for getting distracted by such a trivial facial movement.

"I was expecting probably a warm welcome or even no survivors," Zeus continued, idly stirring his fork around on his plate, destroying his own food art, "Instead, this skinny guy tackled me to the ground and bashed my head into the rocks and start demanding who I am and where I was from. I remember thinking, fuck, the guy was strong for someone so thin and spindly. And behind him I saw the others, all skinny, malnourished as fuck, looking like a bunch of trolls coming out of the dark. It was so dark there. And the only thing I saw was a pair of blue eyes glowing when the guy grabbed me and hit my head against the rocks again."

"Hades," I filled in. Zeus shot me a look, then averted his eyes.

"Yeah. Hades."

"Seems like you two hit it off right from the get go," I said dryly. Zeus surprised me when he laughed at that, then took a drink of his juice.

"Oh yeah. Nearly broke my head open the third time he bashed it against the rocks... When I told him who I was, he called bullshit and asked for proof. I was surprised he even spoke, even knew logic, considering the way him and the others looked. Like ragamuffin extras on the set of Oliver. I told him his name and the name of his siblings and he seemed to warm up to me. He was more than positive that I was just trapped there with the rest of them. And you know, now that I think about it, he didn't ask me why I was full grown, why I didn't smell like the back end of a mule, why I looked pretty damn good for being his brother. They all looked like shit and he didn't say a thing, didn't get angry or jealous. I remembered thinking how fucking weird that was."

"Anyway, I took them to the other side, took them off Olympus when we got there, and brought them back to the colony. Unfortunately, it took them a while to adjust, so we couldn't get right to the war the way every wanted to."

He paused. He appeared to be lost in the memory. His eyes became haunted, his grip on his fork tightening and the movement of sweeping it over his food ceased. I was unsure about bringing him out, but I wanted to know more.

So I crept into his mind and opened the gate to the memory, watching it settle into place.

I found myself looking at a cluster of buildings made of rocks and wood, and a long corridor with open walls revealed Zeus walking down the way, dressed in an expensive chiton made of gold trimmed in red with golden brooches holding it neatly in place at his shoulders, new leather sandals that laced all the way up to his knees, and a holster about his waist that held his sword in place. Walking beside him was Hades, looking uncomfortable and fascinated at the same time. His long black hair was clean of muck, straight and silky over his shoulders, his blue eyes darting around to take in everything around him, and he wore a beautiful gold chiton trimmed in blue with sandals like Zeus's.

"Your eyes adjusted quickly," Zeus commented as they walked, and Hades looked at him. He was quiet for a moment, as if he were unsure how to communicate with someone he'd only just met before he looked away and nodded.

"My eyes are weird," Hades muttered. Zeus frowned.

"I think they're beautiful," he said, making Hades blink and look at him in surprise, "They are. I've never seen anything like them before. Not even the eyes of our parents are like yours." Hades seemed uncomfortable with that.

"Perhaps it's just a mutation," he said, making Zeus look at him with a quizzical scowl, "From the other realm. It was unstable. Things were poison and mutated us all in different ways. I had no one there to confirm nor deny the possibility of a mutation taking form as I aged." Zeus appeared to understand, nodded his hand, fiddled with the handle of his sword. I realized he was just as nervous as Hades was.

It made sense. The two of them grew up in vastly different environments, with different people. Hades grew up with his siblings. They were all dependent on one another for survival. They formed their own morality and ideas through each other, through struggling to survive together. Meanwhile, Zeus grew up in a family of nymphs, known for their harsh and cruel upbringing, and he was dependent on no one for survival. There were times, I was sure, he thought his foster mother would simply hand him over to Cronus and give up on the whole save Olympus idea. He learned quickly that trust was not really a thing, and he learned through them that love and affection were non-existent.

"So," Hades said at least, after a long awkward silence between them, "You were raised by nymphs. They seem different from you." Well, that was obvious. Zeus was much larger than the nymphs, for starters. His muscles filled out quickly, bulging with raw power, and his features weren't as sharp, as delicate. Unfortunately, Hades was going to soon learn that Zeus was just like them in terms of behavior and what is acceptable and unacceptable in their community.

"They're nymphs," Zeus deadpanned, making Hades glance at him curiously, "They're lesser creatures in comparison to me, to both of us. We're gods, Hades." Hades shrugged.

"I suppose that's true. Still, I'm thankful to them for having kept you safe," he said, making Zeus blink and look at him in confusion, "Were it not for them, you'd be trapped with the rest of us in that realm. And believe me, you saw only a brief glimpse of it. There was so much worse the closer inland you got. I would not have wanted that for you." Zeus scowled.

"Why not? I could've handled it just fine."

"Maybe," Hades answered, "But I'm glad you didn't have to endure it. Perhaps you won't be as fucked up as the rest of us."

"Oh, believe me," Zeus muttered, "Fucked up comes in all shapes and forms. I'm just one of many." Hades appeared to smile briefly at him, then stepped forward and reached up to cup the side of Zeus's face, giving him a brief kiss on the cheek. Zeus went absolutely rigid, staring at Hades as if he'd just electrocuted him.

"Either way, thank you. I didn't say it before. And I don't think any amount of words can make up for what you've done not just for me, but for the rest of our siblings and our pantheon, Zeus. Thank you for saving our lives, and should you ever need anything from me, Zeus... I'll do anything." He left without another word, returning to his quarters, probably to rest. Despite appearing to adjust better to the sunlight here, he still seemed to get headaches from the bright light, from the colorful foliage that surrounded the nymph colony.

However, as he left, Zeus's eyes followed him, and he looked utterly shocked. He reached up to his face, touching his hands to his cheeks, rubbing the places where Hades had touched him. He quickly looked around to see if anyone had seen them before he took off in the opposite direction. Curious, I kept close to him as he sprinted down the corridor and ran down the steps before he approached a very familiar looking bungalow. He slowed as he reached the door, opening it and walking right inside.

I followed him through the family room that I remembered distinctly from his other memories, and watched him enter the kitchen where Jericho was seated at a large round wooden table, leaning back on the back legs of his chair while cracking open a pomegranate and slurping the juices out.

"What the hell is your problem," Jericho asked drolly as he rocked on the chair, his arm thrown back over the back of it, "You look like you saw a ghost." Zeus glared at him.

"Hades just did something to me. I don't know what it was. It was strange."

"Well, I mean, are you looking at him? He's strange without having to do anything."

"Shut up. I mean that he just," Zeus paused, reaching up to rub at his cheek again, "I'm not sure. He put his lips to my cheek. He touched my face." Jericho's face screwed up at that before he swallowed his food and set the remains on the table, using the back of his hand to wipe at his mouth.

"Why would he do that?"
"I don't know. I thought you'd know what it meant."

"I don't know what that means," Jericho snorted, "Must be some strange custom he picked up in that realm of his... Although, I do think I've seen other creatures do it. I think mother called it a kiss, but I'm not absolutely certain. Besides, why would he kiss you? What did you do, suck his dick?" Zeus glared at him, his fists clenching and unclenching as if he were debating knocking Jericho's head right off his shoulders, then he appeared to change his mind. He took a breath, then sat down across from Jericho, who eyed him warily. Almost like he expected Zeus to have a disease now.

"I feel different around Hades," Zeus said, making Jericho frown.

"Different how?" He asked, leaning forward on the table on his elbows. Zeus thought about his words before he spoke them, steepling his fingers for a moment before he scooted closer to Jericho, who leaned in, and they suddenly remembered me of a couple of men discussing war, not feelings.

"I don't know what it is," Zeus said, speaking in a low tone, as if he were afraid someone would hear them, "At first, it was similar to how I felt about Grigora, Illiona, and the others. My body reacted the way it did to them. But it's stronger, and it... feels like more. Like more than just wanting to touch his body, but I want to know more about him. I want to know what he went through there. I want to know if he's alright. He gets headaches from the sunlight here and that bothers me. I want to take his headaches away." Jericho looked annoyed at that as he sat back and folded his arms over his chest.

"It just sounds like you really want to take him. So do it."

"It seems inappropriate."

"Inappropriate? What the fuck is so inappropriate about it? You see a creature you want, Zeus, take it. That's the way of things. And what is this wanting to know more about him? What does that even mean?"

"I don't know! That's why I'm asking you about it. You have a wife, don't you? Do you feel like that around her?"
"She's my wife. She's there to provide me with young and she is there to provide me with meals and sexual sustenance. I don't feel like knowing more about her and I definitely don't need to hear her talk. Her voice is like nails on a chalkboard. I prefer it she stay silent," Jericho said dryly, then he leaned forward again and met Zeus's eyes, "Don't let their presence here confuse you, Zeus. They're just your assistance in this coming war. The more gods you have on your side, the better. Your siblings may have grown up without civilization, but they are still gods, still powerful, and still strong enough to act as your backup in this war against Cronus. These things you want for Hades, it's because you haven't had a bedmate in weeks." Zeus frowned.

"You think?" He asked. Jericho gave him a glare.

"You came to me for assistance, that is what I'm doing. Had you gone to mother, she'd have backhanded you and probably castrated you like the bitch you are."

"Fuck you, Jericho."

"No, fuck you," Jericho returned with a scoff, rising to his feet, "All you feel right now is intense sexual hunger. Feed yourself, and if it means feeding yourself on Hades, do it."

"He's my brother."

"So?"

"I don't want to... I don't want to cause him discomfort. I've never done anything with a male before." Jericho groaned out loud, as if Zeus's naivety was infuriating him. He wiped his hands down his face before he slammed them down on the table and leaned over to get in Zeus's face, making the god glare at him.

"It's the same as a female," Jericho said in a slow condescending tone, "You grab them, you mount them, you take what you need, and you leave. Once you're done, move onto the next task. I do not have time to sit here and tell you something you should already know. For fuck's sake, Zeus, don't be a pussy. Take him and grow a pair." He elbowed Zeus before walking out of the room. Zeus watched him go, his fists clenching tight. He looked back at the table, then slammed his fist down so hard the table cracked in half and he growled at it before he shot to his feet.

The memory rippled and faded and I drew out of Zeus's thoughts to find him glaring down at his food. I tilted my head, trying to catch his eyes and finally they met mine and I held them.

"When you first met Hades, what was your immediate thought? The moment he tackled you to the ground and threatened to kill you, what did you think when you first saw him?" I asked. Zeus frowned, studying my face for a moment. His hands were fidgeting again, fiddling with the fork, balling up a napkin, tapping on the table.

"Zeus. No one else is here, but you and me," I reminded him. Zeus ground his teeth together.

"What? Do you want me to say that I thought he was fucking beautiful? That his eyes reminded me of the cosmos? That his hair was like darkness turned liquid and spilling over his shoulders? His body weighed nothing when he straddled my hips and his bony fingers wrapped around my throat... His voice hoarse and rough, like he'd swallowed the acid water that bubbled around us. He was caked in some kind of black tar, and it stuck to him in hard clumps. He wore nothing, but a very thin flimsy top that was ten times too small for him. He looked like a fucking monster."

"And?" I asked. Zeus stared at me for the longest time, then he sucked his bottom lip in between his teeth and tsked with it.

"And he was still the most beautiful thing I'd ever fucking seen," he seethed, "I grew up in a colony of nymphs. Everyone was beautiful. It was natural. But none of them were like him."

"And afterwards, Zeus?" I asked. He glared at me.

"The bastard cleaned up nice."

"And then what?"

"And then... things just changed. Alright? He was... different, from the nymphs. His behaviors were unacceptable. The way he interacted with everyone put them on edge. Even Jericho avoided him because he was tired of Hades asking if he could help us somehow, if he could do this and he could do that, if he could have extra training, this and that, fuckin' A. Hades was fucking weird, and he's still fucking weird."

"How is that surprising," I said, making Zeus frown at me, "Hades grew up a treacherous environment. Even the plants there wanted to eat him. He could only rely on himself and his siblings. They loved each other. They supported each other. And suddenly they're thrown into this new environment of sunlight, of bright colors, of fresh air, safe plant life... and nymphs who have no concept of their love and affection. They didn't understand why you didn't kiss each other, why you didn't hug one another, why you didn't share how you felt. They were confused by the coldness, by the basic instinctual hungers."

Zeus was quiet as he absorbed that. His mind was tracking my words, sorting through them, bringing up memories of times Jericho had practically screeched when Hera kissed his cheek, scaring her so much she never went near him again. Memories of Hades embracing him for the first time, and his reaction was to shove Hades away and run to Jericho as fast as possible. The time Poseidon tried to hug him, and he told Poseidon to find a nymph, because he wasn't interested in him that way, when Poseidon had only meant it as brotherly affection. It had led to Poseidon's own confusion of showing affection. The time Hestia had given Zeus a gift and Zeus had reacted in confusion, offended even, because gifts were not acceptable in the nymph colony. Gifts could lead to treachery, and after that, Zeus didn't trust Hestia. When Demeter tried to tell Zeus she was afraid of the way Jericho looked at her, Zeus's response was to scoff and tell her to bed him before he could bed her.

Zeus didn't understand any of it. It was all foreign to him, and judging from those memories, it was foreign to Jericho as well. They genuinely had no idea what these newcomers were doing. It was alarming to have something so new exposed to them, and so suddenly. Their natural reaction was fear, suspicion, distrust. People were afraid of new ideas, new cultures, naturally, because it brought their own culture and ideas into question and that was terrifying enough. They didn't want change, didn't want new things invading something they were already comfortable with. It threatened their way of life, and nymphs were naturally distrustful of other species.

The rest of breakfast was silent as I allowed Zeus a break to consider my words. Once we were finished, I watched him put the plates and silverware into the dishwasher. I followed him to the bedroom where he picked up the bottles and inserted them all into another chute in the wall of his room.

"If you don't plan to go out today," I said, watching him throw his blankets back and adjust his pillows, "What do you plan to do for the rest of the day?" Zeus paused as he stood up. He seemed so calm, so casual, and I was too busy fucking staring at his ass that I didn't anticipate his next move, which was to spin around, grab me and throw me down on the bed. He was on top of me so fast that I briefly wondered if all of this had just been done through teleportation.

"I don't know," Zeus mused, pinning my wrists down on the pillows on either side of my head, his weight crushing down on me as he straddled my hips, "I was thinking that it was about time we got to the really fun part of this stupid therapy bullshit. The part we really both care about. You know, insert piece A into slot B." I blinked, staring up at him and the glint in those piercing blue eyes, and the copious amounts of fantasy rushing through his brain. All of which involved rolling me over and fucking me like an animal. And while the fantasizes sent a blast of heat straight to my groin, Zeus sorely underestimated what kind of sex I was into if he thought just a quick plug and go was going to do anything for either of us.

"Is that what you want, Zeus?" I asked for confirmation. Zeus narrowed his eyes, and I tried to ignore the way his perfect ass was pressing down on my cock that decided now was a good time to come out and say hi.

"Yes," Zeus snapped. He'd had it. His thoughts were a jumble of let's get this fuck party over with so you can just fucking leave like everyone else. Maybe if we fuck I'll get bored with you and we can call it quits. Maybe if we fuck, I can move on. Maybe that's the secret to this whole fucking thing. I smiled slowly as I listened to those angry thoughts and I tilted my head against the pillow.

"Okay. If you're sure that's what you want," I murmured. Zeus's eyes flashed, and his tongue flicked across his bottom lip, and I took a moment to admire the way his cock stood out proudly against the inside of his sweatpants, eager to be used. Zeus's grip tightened on my wrists, and I saw his next move perfectly because now I was actually fucking concentrating as he prepared to throw me over onto my stomach. Before he could throw my weight, however, I dropped my legs open and wrapped them around his waist, tightening hard enough to make him grunt and fall forward so he almost smacked his face into mine.

"Then let's fuck," I murmured against his lips as he blinked at me in surprise. I threw all my weight to one side and flipped us over so fast that Zeus barely finished his curse before he was on his back beneath me and I was conjuring a gift I'd been waiting to use for a while now.

See, all those years ago, during the last Titan war, Hades and his sons and their lovers had sought refuge in Hell, and Duat, and the entire time were traveling with Lucifer and his children and their lovers... and me. I'd once more met Alexion there, feeling a strange sense of joy at seeing him finally at peace with a lover of his own, Hades's adopted son, Charon. While Lucifer had denied any gifts for his assisting them in the war, I hadn't been so loving. When Alexion had offered me a pair of pristine gold god cuffs, I'd taken them without a second thought. Something told me that one day I would need them.

And finally that day had come.

I leaned forward, clasped the cuffs around Zeus's wrists, and hoisted them up over his head, securing them to a steel beam on the steel designed wall behind his bed. Zeus looked bewildered as his eyes hopped from his bound wrists to me, then back again. They went back and forth for a full minute before he began to jerk angrily at them, appearing intent to break them until he realized what they were and he stared at me.

"You know the God Killer," he stated. I smiled.

"You mean Alexion? Yes. He's a very old, very dear friend of mine. And one of the many, many people you brought harm to, Zeus. Among whom I could sit here and name all day," I added, then shrugged with a sigh, "But ah, we don't have time. We have work to do. Because, you know, I think you were right, Zeus. I really did just want to hurry up and get to this part of the therapy. It's my favorite part." Zeus's blue eyes studied my face rapidly, his breath coming out in ragged pants, his hands still jerking at the cuffs, but I'd snapped them on rather tightly and admired the way they looked against his sun kissed skin, the way they seemed to pinch it with each tug he gave them.

He appeared too stunned to speak, so I got to work on his pants, relieved he'd gone with something so easy to slip off him. And fuck, I was nearly distracted by the size of him, huge and hard, and begging to be touched. Christ, he was the epitome of everything male. I had a strange urge to take him into my mouth, knowing full well I wouldn't be able to take him all the way to the root.

"What are you doing?" Zeus demanded after a long moment. I looked up at him. His expression was confused, alarmed. He had no idea what was going on. I honestly just wanted to stop here and ask him how he felt, but I hadn't gone far enough. I hadn't gotten to the point I needed to get to, and I momentarily loathed myself for choosing this path. So long ago, I'd shouted at Satanika for letting Uranus off for brutalizing Alexion.

And today I was about to become a goddamn hypocrite.

"What do you mean, what am I doing," I mused, sliding my hand up from his navel to his pecs, beautiful muscular pads sitting on his chest with dark nipples waiting to be nipped at, "This is what you were waiting for. Just take it, remember? If you see something you want, just take it. That's the nymph way, isn't it?" Zeus's eyes widened slightly at that and his entire body locked up. While my teasing and stroking kept his cock hard, his thought process was reeling backwards to go over the past few minutes to figure out what had led up to this point. Questions flooded his mind with each image.

What did I do wrong? What did I do? How did we get here? Was this my fault? What happened? Why is this happening?

I leaned down over him, watching his eyes widen further as I slid my hand along his leg, then roughly grabbed onto his thigh and jerked it up alongside myself.

Stop. Wait. I changed my mind. Something about this feels wrong. I don't like where this is going. His thoughts were like screams in my ears, but still his lips didn't move. He just stared at me, his chest heaving, his wide blue eyes staring at me with terrified anticipation, his muscles tensed so hard it was almost impossible to move his leg up higher, so I could press my clothed groin against him. A shudder went through him and he tilted his head back, his jaw locking tight as he stared up at the ceiling.

I don't know what this is. I don't know what's happening. This feels wrong. I don't want to be here.

"Zeus," I murmured, watching him struggle to ignore me, "Do you feel the tremors in your body? Do you feel the tension of your muscles? Your chest feels tight. Your teeth want to chatter, so you're holding your jaw shut as tight as possible. You want to scream, but you feel like you're choking. You don't know how we ended up at this point. You think you did something wrong, but you have no idea what it is. You keep trying to backtrack and figure it out, but in the end, you did nothing wrong. You know that, logically, but something keeps telling you it's your fault you're here. Your body may like me touching you like this, but you changed your mind. But you won't tell me to stop. You won't say no. Why is that, Zeus? Why won't you tell me to stop?"

He shut his eyes tightly, kept his jaw locked. I narrowed my eyes and reached out to grab his throat and he made a stifled choking sound.

"Zeus? Do you like it when I do this to you? Do you like being helpless and chained up? Do you like knowing that I was so nice and sweet to you, only to now force you down on your back like the bitch that you are? Do you like being, oh, what was that word Jericho used... a pussy? Do you like feeling like this, Zeus? Zeus, answer me. Zeus--"

"Shut up," Zeus roared suddenly, turning his head away from me, "Fucking...! Just get on with it already! If you're going to do it, fucking go for it!" I released his throat and sat back on the bed between his legs, looking down at him. He was absolutely terrified. He wasn't saying it. He wasn't going to admit it out loud, not Zeus.

And not Hades. Not Menoetius. Not Alexion. Not Adrian. Not Raven. Not Dorean or Blaine or any of the thousands, billions of victims. They could take your body, but damned if they were going to take your dignity away from you. You could scream in your mind as much as you want, but on the outside, you had to be strong. You had to take it.

Because it's my fault.

I did something wrong.

I'm not as strong as I thought as I was.

I'm not the Prince I thought I was.

So many reasons. So many doubts. So many self-blaming slurs.

"Zeus," I said softly now, and he tensed, waiting for me to do exactly what he thought I was going to do, "What you're feeling right now is fear. You're feeling betrayed, because you thought you could trust me. You're feeling confused, because you're pretty sure you did something wrong, but no matter how many times you replay the last few minutes, you can't think of anything you would've done that would've brought this on. You thought it was going to be fine. You thought you were in control. But you weren't, you aren't. You're scared. You're hurt. You're confused. And I want you to take a moment to think about what Hades felt when he saved your life, when he trusted you enough to go with you alone to a secluded part of your palace. I want you to know that what you feel right now is exactly what Hades felt in that moment. And not just Hades, Zeus. Everyone else you've ever hurt like this. They feel just like you do now. Scared. Confused. Betrayed. Because it's not just their body that you're violating. It's their soul, their strength, their dignity."

Zeus trembled around me, but he wasn't speaking. He kept his jaw locked in place, his eyes shut, and I tilted my head as I heard his thoughts scrambling to make sense of things. I leaned over him, uncuffing him and taking the cuffs away, teleporting them back to my room. Zeus dropped his arms down over his head on the pillows. I slid back off the bed and he rolled over on his side, bringing his arms down around his head.

"I'm sorry I scared you, Zeus," I said softly, "I was never going to hurt you like that. But you needed to know how you made all those people feel. And if that isn't enough to scare you, I want you to think about the fact that that is how you made Hades feel, and you may not say it out loud, but you love Hades. You love him so much. And your heart hurts whenever you think about him and you think it's love, but it's not what's hurting you, Zeus. What makes your heart bleed is knowing that you made him feel like this. You know there was something wrong about it. You felt it, but you didn't stop, because where you were raised... This kind of thing is accepted. But I want you to know that no matter what kind of creature you are, no matter what culture you live in, this kind of thing is not acceptable. It is not how you show love to someone else."

Zeus didn't answer. He kept his head covered, face hidden in his arms, his body quivering on random intervals.

I searched his mind, but it was too chaotic for me to understand. He seemed to be wrestling with his own thoughts now. He wasn't going to hear anything else I had to say.

I gathered the blankets up and drew them up over his body. He sank below the covers and said nothing. I cleaned up the rest of his room, not that there was much to do. I went to his kitchen and put his dishes back where they were when the dishwasher timer went off. I went back to his room and he was still hidden under the blankets.

"Zeus," I said, not entirely sure he was listening, "I wasn't really going to hurt you. I want you to know that. I truly do apologize for having scared you." He didn't answer. Swallowing back the sudden lump in my throat, I moved back for the doorway.

"I'm going to leave you alone for a couple days," I said, "I understand you probably don't want to see me right now. Please take care of yourself in my absence. Try not to yell at anyone. It's not their fault you're feeling the way you do right now. Perhaps it's safe to say that it's my fault... Please rest. Don't push yourself." I didn't say goodnight, didn't say goodbye, because there was really nothing good about this.

I teleported from his palace in Olympus back to my room in Hell. A large room empty of life, not a single thing out of place, not a single thing touched. I took a deep breath... and collapsed to my knees, covering my face with my hands as a wave of tears struck me so suddenly, so hard that it hurt my chest, burned my eyes and my nose. I sucked in sharp gasps of air, pressing the heels of my palms to my eyes, sniffing.

Fuck. I shouldn't have gone that far. I shouldn't have done that. I should've done it another way. There could've been another way to do it. I could've shown him another way.

Yet as I told myself that, I could hear cold logic assuring me there was no other way. Zeus had no concept of emotions, no idea what fear was like, not really. He had no idea what everyone had gone through when they'd been attacked. He was used to standing above others, and now he was forced to realize that King was only a title, not a biological construct. He was on the same level as everyone else. Gods, demigods. Nymphs, imps. Faes, demons. Mortals, immortals. Our biological constructs were different, so vastly different, but what remained the same, what connected us all, was our souls. Our souls overflowing with purity, from our emotions to our psychological needs.

We all needed to be loved. We all experienced fear, rejection, betrayal, hope, sorrow, joy, jealousy, rage. Fuck, we all felt things.

Zeus was just like everyone else.

And that was what I kept telling myself, but even as logic told me this was correct, my heart felt like it was bleeding. I felt like my insides had all exploded and the tears would never stop. I wanted to go back and change everything I'd done to Zeus, even if it was psychologically necessary to show him what love was.

Goddamn.

I didn't hear the door open behind me. Didn't hear the footsteps moving quickly across the wooden floorboard, creaking and thumping. It took me a full minute to even realize that Xiphrus had dropped down on his knees in front of me and was cupping my face in his hands, his big warm hands, so soft and careful.

"Joxeia? Joxeia, what's wrong? Are you alright? Joxeia, say something," Xiphrus pleaded, his voice heavy with fear and concern. I wanted to tell him to get away from me, to get his hands off me, to quit pretending he gave a shit. I wanted to ask him why he didn't just run to Atlan now that he had his emotions back. But the pain of having scared Zeus, of having opened up that horrible chest of raw painful emotions, was too much and I could only shake my head.

Before I knew it, Xiphrus had quickly gotten behind me and put his arms around me, resting his head against mine, his eyes closed as he cradled me, his hands holding mine against my chest. I wept until I felt like I'd lost all strength from it. I wept until I felt like I was running on empty. Until I was exhausted. Until all I could do was sit back against Xiphrus's chest.

Somehow, we'd moved to the bed at some point during my mental breakdown. Xiphrus sat against the bed with his long legs stretched out in front of us, my body settled between them and my back to his chest, and his arms were still around me with a strength I certainly didn't feel now. I knew Xiphrus was nosing around in my head; I could feel his powers wriggling where I didn't want him to go, but I was too tired to stop him, and his arms tightened around me.

"I am sorry, Joxeia," he murmured, resting his head against mine and closing his eyes, "You never were good at playing the bad guy." Wasn't that the truth. Still, I said nothing. I didn't trust myself to speak, didn't trust myself to say that it hurt so much worse with Zeus than with any other creature I'd ever helped. I didn't want to venture off into uncharted territory.

Zeus was a client.

Just a client.

Yeah, then why does it hurt so much? You've never broken down because of a client before.

I squeezed my eyes shut, and without really thinking, I drew Xiphrus's arms up so I could bury my face against them. He held onto me without judgment, without hatred, without fear. After how I treated him since he arrived, after the way I spoke to him all those years ago, he wanted nothing more than to provide me with comfort, and he probably knew after digging around in my head why this particular client was so much worse than the others.

"I don't know what I'm going to do with him," I said at last, my voice barely a whisper against his arms. Xiphrus's rise and fall of his chest was a strange comfort, the sound of his heartbeat thumping against his chest, his breath a warm puff against my skin.

"You are going to do what you promised him you would do," Xiphrus murmured, making me blink and tilt my head back to look at him and he looked back at me, "You do not give up, Joxeia, it is not who you are. You are scared, and I understand... more than you could know. It is a scary thought to feel so close to someone. But you promised you would help him. You are doing so."

"I scared him," I whispered, then slammed my eyes shut, "Fuck, I should've never done that. I should've--"

"Joxeia," Xiphrus said softly, taking my hands in his, "Do not regret what you have done. Some creatures do not see the errors of their ways until someone has shoved it in their face... We are so afraid of looking in the mirror, facing what we have done, we will avoid it at all costs. You stopped him from running away from what he has done. He is facing the mistakes he has made. And it is frightening. It is painful. But you are helping him."

"Xiphrus, I tried... I pretended..."

"I know. But we both know you never would have hurt him like that."

"I know, but does he know--"

"He will know. Once his mind has grasped the full situation, he will know that you meant him no harm. He will know that what you have done, while forceful, was the only way he could face his actions. Once he realizes his mistakes, helping him will be much easier."

We were silent for a while as I went over his words in my head. I knew that. My motto was to help the client in the best way possible, suited to the particular client. To help Set, I had to become what he needed. To help Lucifer, I had to become what he needed. And it was the same for Zeus. I could not be gentle or sweet, because in his eyes, that was weakness. In his world, talk was cheap, actions were priceless. It was why I hadn't gotten anywhere with Zeus right away. I could talk as much as I wanted and while Zeus could hear me, he wasn't taking in what I was saying.

He needed a push. A vicious hard push into cold hard reality.

But that didn't change the way I felt. It didn't take away the guilt. It didn't take away the pain. I still wanted to run back to him and do whatever I could to make him feel better.

However, logic prevented me from doing so. Zeus did not need comfort right now. It was as Xiphrus said; he needed to realize that the way he felt in that moment was the way all of his victims had felt. He needed to face the harsh fact that he was the source of that unmitigated fear in everyone he hurt. He needed to recognize his mistakes.

And soon, he would begin to feel regret, remorse, and he could learn the process of forgiveness. He would be able to move on and become the best that he could possibly be.

As I sat there, slowly calming myself down, I realized that I probably never would have reached this state of calm and understanding if Xiphrus hadn't appeared out of nowhere to help me. He didn't care that I'd spat on him the moment he arrived. He didn't care that I'd flat out rejected him. I even went as far as to say he wasn't my brother. And yet here he was, his arms around me, trying his hardest to make sure I wasn't in pain.

He wasn't coddling me either, telling me that everything was going to be okay, giving me false hope. He was logical and he was calm, and he wanted to reassure me that the path I'd taken with Zeus was the right one... And while I wasn't sure he even realized he was doing it, he went as far as to categorize himself with Zeus. With Set. With my other clients.

Fuck, didn't that just drop the guilt bomb in my gut?

"Why did you come in here?" I asked quietly. Xiphrus frowned thoughtfully at that, tilting his head back against the headboard of the bed now.

"I heard you crying. I felt your pain. I had to come make sure you were alright."

"Why?"
"You're my brother, Joxeia."

"I told you we weren't brothers anymore. I told you to stay away from me. Not to touch me. I even told Xenon to pack his shit and leave and take you with him so I wouldn't have to look at you anymore," I explained grimly. Xiphrus nodded.

"I know," he answered softly, "I understand. I know you are angry and hurt, and that it is my fault. Because you, as always, Joxeia, brother mine, are right... Everything that has happened up until this point in time is my fault."

"Xiphrus--"

"Do not insult me by providing lies as comfort, Joxeia," Xiphrus interrupted coolly, and I grimaced as I rubbed at my arm uncomfortably and he smiled faintly, leaning back down to touch his head against mine, "If I had not been so naive, perhaps At... perhaps I never would have been manipulated so easily. If I had listened to you, to Geara, to the Source, we would still be in paradise and all these creatures would be there with us and there would be no such prophecy. Perhaps the Savior never would have suffered. You and Geara never would have suffered."

"Xiphrus... I am beginning to think that, maybe, this was all meant to happen anyway. Even if you had seen what Atlan was planning, you would have made the same decision, or one that would lead to the same series of events. We can't sit here and think of all the what ifs, because in the end, this is the path the Source has given us," I explained, and Xiphrus nodded slowly before he tightened his arms around me, rubbing his cheek against my hair.

"And for what it is worth, mayhap nothing at all, I am... so, so, sorry, Joxeia. I am so sorry that I hurt you, that I hurt Geara, that I hurt Starkin, and Satanika, Death, Pontius, and all the tens of thousands of others who lost their lives due to my poor decisions. I am so sorry that my choices led to the Savior being harmed. I am so sorry that you are afraid, that I have hurt you, that I have made it difficult for you to find your own salvation. And, if it is the last thing I do before I am once again incarcerated in that eternal sleep, I will bring you peace, Joxeia. I swear to you. If I must... If I must kill Atlan, then I will do it. For you. For Geara. For everyone else I have hurt. I will do what I can to help the Savior reach his glory. I will show you that, like your Zeus, that I am sorry and that I will make up for the mistakes I have made."

I swallowed hard at his words. I turned slowly in his arms, and he looked at me as I sat on my knees in front of him. I reached up to cup his face in my hands, then leaned forward and kissed his nose, his cheeks, his forehead, his eyelids, his ears... and his lips. As soft and perfect as I remembered them.

"I know," I murmured. Xiphrus's blue eyes welled up with tears that broke over his dark lashes and spilled down his cheeks, and he dropped his head against my chest and I held him there as he cried, his arms going around me tightly.

Christ, I couldn't remember the last time I'd been in a cry fest so strong. It shook me right to the core. I also couldn't remember the last time I held Xiphrus, and the thought scared me as I crushed him tighter against me, shutting my eyes tightly. It had been way too long, and despite Xiphrus being much larger than me in size, he suddenly felt so small and helpless. It was almost like he'd blow away from my arms if I didn't hold onto him tight enough.

Because the last time I held him, he'd been taken away so easily and I hadn't hung on hard enough.

Taking a deep breath, I pulled back as Xiphrus reached up to wipe at his eyes before he looked up at me, his eyes flitting across my face, as if to memorize my features. I still had difficulties coping with the emotion on his face now, after having seen his expression so cold and empty before.

And abruptly, I remembered the tornado that had gone through his room. I had been so preoccupied with the fact that Xiphrus could feel again that I really didn't stop to take in the damage, and only focused on the fact that clearly he'd seen something in relation to the murder of that desdios, and perhaps a dream similar to mine.

"Xiphrus," I said softly, making him blink and straighten to attention, "You had a dream that night I went into your room, when your room was trashed." Xiphrus swallowed thickly.

"Yes."

"What was it about?" I asked. Xiphrus averted his eyes now. There was a combination of shame, of hurt, in those cool blue eyes. He pursed his lips together, and I could see him trying to find words to put to the images that had gone through his head. I wanted to do a little digging into his head myself, but what stopped me was both the fear of what I might see and the respect I had not to go where I didn't belong. It was easier to invade the privacy of a client, because if they weren't going to talk, how was I going to help them otherwise? But, Xiphrus? He was... my brother.

"Joxeia," he started, his voice hoarse, and he cleared his throat, but it didn't really help the emotion in his voice, the turmoil I could sense coming off him in waves, "I know... that Atlan is evil. I know his ambitions are deadly, catastrophic. I have known for a very long time. In the beginning, I was so blinded by my feelings for him. So terrified that I would lose him if I did anything he didn't like. I went as far as to completely surrender myself to the darkness inside me. My fear turned me into the monster that I am." I swallowed hard, but said nothing as he continued, his eyes looking anywhere, but at me.

"I love him, Joxeia," he whispered, and I slammed my eyes shut as a wave of pain crashed over me and my fists clenched tightly; his words the last thing I wanted to hear now, but he continued in a voice that was choked with misery and pain, "I do not think I will ever be able to truly hate him. No matter how much I want to. No matter how evil I recognize him for, he stole my heart and I will never be able to get it back... Even though he completely crushed it in front of me." I looked at him, confused.

"Xiphrus?" I asked. Xiphrus blinked back another wave of tears, reaching up to press a clenched fist against his chest, over the space where his heart was.

"In the dream in which Atlan came to me, he was not there to woo me, not there to corrupt me. He was there to rip my heart out and break it in front of me. He told me... he had no use for a broken tool. I had served my purpose and now he no longer saw me as anything more than a creature meant for display... And I was stuck inside a box. My wings, they were pinned to a panel behind me, and I couldn't move, Joxeia. I was stuck inside this glass box and he just... he just stared at me. He was so cold and he was so empty and he did not look at me the way he used to, Joxeia. In his eyes, I was yet another nameless soldier on the field. I was a light bug to be trapped in a jar and put on a shelf until my light dies." He ducked his head down, his tears surging forth once more.

My heart ached more than it had earlier. I wanted to be angry that Xiphrus still loved Atlan, even after everything the monster had done to him, but I could not blame Xiphrus for how he felt. Atlan had played him and played him well, and unfortunately, he was finished with Xiphrus and prepared to toss him into the back of his closet with the rest of his old toys.

I wrapped my arms around Xiphrus once more, resting my head against his as he wept. His shuddering sobs wracked his whole body until he was spent, and somehow, he'd ended up falling asleep in my arms, his body now curled up, head against my shoulder, body laid across my lap. For how heavy and how large of a beast he was, he suddenly felt so light, so fragile... so broken.

I looked down into his face, the tear stains marring skin pale and exhausted from the emotional overload, lashes still dewy from tears, those perfect soft lips parted slightly as he breathed so silently that, were it not for the rise and fall of his chest, I would have assumed him dead.

And perhaps, I thought grimly, perhaps in a way he was.

The Xiphrus I had grown up with was no longer here, but neither was the mindless beast Atlan had converted him into. Xiphrus was exhausted, physically and emotionally. Even with a sleep that lasted billions of years, he was still too tired to face the harshness of reality. And I knew, somehow, that Xiphrus wished Xenon and Lea and Hades had never woken him from his sleep.

And now, seeing Xiphrus so broken, so shattered, I was reminded of Zeus once more and I squeezed my eyes shut.

Zeus. I am so... so sorry.