When I come back home, I'm completely exhausted from the night out with Jack. Hayden is already asleep, sprawled on my bed again.

Smiling, I slowly make my way towards the bed and slip into the covers, just right next to him. He stirs in his sleep, turning around and facing me with his eyes still shut, but I know he's awake now. He just doesn't want to open those beautiful eyes of his yet.

I run my hand through his black wisps of hair, wondering how long I'll have to keep the way I feel a secret.

I'm just so afraid of everyone finding out, especially Alex. For once, I just want to keep this to myself.

He blinks his eyes open and yawns, chuckling when I find myself copying his actions. I can't help it, my eyes suddenly feel drowsy as I smile sheepishly.

"Hi," I whisper softly, our faces less than a few centimeters away. The bed is just the right size to fit both of our bodies on it.

"Hey." He speaks gently, pulling me closer and tangling our legs together. His eyes flutter shut once again but there's a ghost of a smile drawn onto his lips.

I scan his features as if to memorize them. I can't help it. He's so beautiful.

"Hayden?"

"Mhm."

"Why weren't you at the play today?" I ask, my head pressed against his chest as I bit my lip worriedly, I'm afraid he will shut me out again like he always does. I know he doesn't mean to, he just thinks it's better if I don't know because he's always telling me everything isn't a big deal.

That's just who he is I guess. Never taking anything seriously, always so carefree.

I hope he doesn't think his problems weren't as important. Because I made it clear that they are and I'd do it again and again until he can finally start opening up more often.

Even with my life being as crazy as it is and I can hardly catch up with it, I still want to listen to his problems and be there for him. No matter how small they were.

"I was out with my dad; he said he wanted to talk to me." Is his response and I lean back to look at him, surprised by his answer.

"Well?" I urge. "How did it go?"

"He wants me to drop out of school, says I don't need it and that I can easily take over his businesses." I prop up on my elbow to look down at him more clearly, not liking what I just heard at all.

Hayden opens his eyes to give me a look when he notices how silent I've become, one that says he knows exactly what I'm thinking.

"What do you want to do?" I ask and he sighs.

"That's the thing," he says, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know. I'm not like you, I didn't have dreams or anything growing up, I just went to school because that's what everyone else was doing." He shrugs when he says that.

"But you're smart; you could do anything you want. You're taking business and you've studied it all your life so you're basically training yourself to take over the business; there'll be no difference if you drop out now right?" I say, searching his eyes and wondering what is going on in his head.

Whatever Hayden wants, I'll make sure to support him.

"Do you even want to major in business?" I ask again, my eyes probing. "Do you think that's something you see yourself doing for the rest of your life? Something that will make you happy?"

"I don't know..." he trails off and I sigh.

"I think you know," I start and his eyes quickly find mine. "I think you want to take over the business and make your father proud. You said it yourself, you don't have any dreams but maybe your dream can be to fulfill your father's dream."

Hayden scoffs and I swat his chest seriously.

"You look up to your father Hayden," I say honestly because I see it in the way he looks at him, in the way he talks about him, he's just too stubborn to admit. I wish I had a father or a good parent for that matter. Hayden doesn't know how lucky he truly is and I want him to understand that before it's too late. "Let him see the person we both know he dreams of you to be."

A moment of silence passes us.

"If that's what you want," I quickly add shyly, afraid I said something stupid. "Its up to you of course  - "

"You know you're amazing, right?" Hayden says before rolling us over so that he's hovering above me, smirking as I lay defenseless underneath him. I don't reply, instead, I just shrug, smiling up at him. He makes me feel so shy but at the same time so beautiful.

Hayden just lowers his head to place a soft kiss on my neck, smiling against my skin when I laugh through a squirm. I know Hayden probably hooked up with girls, plenty before me, so I'm not surprised by how experienced he is.

The fact that he's been with other girls saddens me for a moment but then I remember I'm here with him now, not them.

Hayden leans back so he can look at me after he kisses my weak spot; just above my collarbone.

"You're so beautiful Charlie," he whispers and my breath hitches in my throat. "Inside and out. You make me want to just do...better. Actually, try for once in my life."

I lock eyes with him. His eyes are so black and deep, like a bottomless pit. They are dragging me in and I can see the emerald greens that are my eyes falling into that dark pit. Soon it isn't just my eyes; it is every part of me that is falling.

I tilt my head upward to meet his lips and for some reason, my heart wants to burst. I'm feeling so much with him, I'm feeling everything.

Want.

Need.

Hayden sighs against my mouth as I tug on his hair softly, gently biting on my lower lip before a whimper escapes my mouth. He just smiles against my lips, trailing back down until he reaches just below my collarbone.

I'm wearing a low-cut tank top and it's moving downhill after all the rustling I'm making with Hayden. He starts to kiss just above my breasts and I bite my lip, trying to prevent any embarrassing sounds.

I arch my back while his hands caress my sides. "Hayden," his name rolls off my tongue as my eyes flutter shut.

When Hayden begins to move against me teasingly, almost grinding, I gasp loudly, and he pulls away. My eyes are wide as his confused ones stare back at me.

"Do you want to stop?" He asks hesitantly. I bite my lip anxiously because I was enjoying that, I was just afraid, afraid because...

"I've never..." I don't have to finish because he quickly understands when he gives me a look of surprise and disbelief.

"You're a virgin?" He asks again and my face turns into a deep crimson color. Slowly, I nod.

"Why is that so hard to believe?" I ask almost in offense.

"No." He tries to correct himself quickly. "It's just that - I thought someone like you, someone so smart and beautiful had guys jumping at you  in high school."

I purse my lips almost in a grimace when he says this. He is way off with that one. But it isn't his fault, of course, he thought that he didn't see the old me back then.

I want to forget that part of my life forever.

"Nope. I've never..." I whisper shyly.

"What the hell is wrong with your ex, he's been with you for how long, how could he keep his hands off you for that long?" Hayden says incredulously and I roll my eyes at his reaction, smiling nevertheless.

"I guess we were waiting for the right moment," I say, and he just nods in understanding.

"I'm happy he hasn't. I'm happy you're here with me. Right now."

After a moment of silence, I can't help but say, "I'm sorry," tearing my gaze away from him. Is he hoping I was more experienced? Does he want me to give myself to him right here, right now? I'm desperately waiting for him to say something to leave me a little at ease.

When a strong hand lifts my face to look up at him, I'm surprised by the sincerity swimming in his eyes. "Don't be sorry, you don't ever have to feel like you need to, I don't ever want you to feel that way," He tells me softly. "You make me happy and that's all that matters." He says, kissing my lips before pulling away.

I frown at his absence.

"I'm going to go take a shower."

And with that, he smiles sheepishly, rolling off of the bed and into the small bathroom, leaving me flustered as well as bothered.

...

The next day is as normal as any day I've learned to encounter at Central West.

There's Daniel trying so hard to flirt with Alex who's also having trouble with all the other members, from not only the fanboys club but his other fans after that act he performed the other day at the play.

Clark being her sassy rude self to any boy who would even look her way, especially to Daniel who she thinks is the biggest womanizer on the planet. The only difference is Hunter, who would say a few things to Jack every now and then and Jack would reply back shortly, not giving him his usual loud and charismatic responses. It's weird to see them so distant, everyone notices but no one decides to speak up about it.

The heat after first arriving here slowly disappeared. I'm obviously more confident in myself in most things and I no longer feel overwhelmed by the fact Central West's population of girls is about 17 percent or less.

Not only is everyone completely focused on Alex, but I'm also just old news now. And I'm completely okay with that.

Hayden walks over to where we are seated in the cafeteria hall, everyone smiles his way and his eyes met mine. He holds my gaze, a warm look on his face as he takes the seat right beside me, our thighs brushing and he discreetly holds my hand from under the table.

I blush, looking away and I'm surprised to see Alex looking at me with narrowed eyes.

My hand slips out of Hayden's, making him frown slightly.

"I need to use the restroom," I say quickly, walking off before anyone can say anything before I can get the chance to see the reaction on Alex's face. Or worse, on Hayden's...

I don't want anyone to know. I'm too afraid. I want to keep this on a low-profile because it seems that every time people know about my relationships, they fall apart or I get confused. And for once I just want to follow my thoughts, my instincts, and my heart.

I don't want anyone telling me how to act, how to be, how to love. I don't want anyone watching my relationship. It's better that way, isn't it?

Splashing the cold water on my face as I drown in my thoughts, I stare at myself in the mirror.

I'm thinner now, but why do I still despise the girl staring back at me? Why can I barely look at my own reflection?

Why am I still unhappy?

I have everything I could ever want. Friends, a good education, Hayden...is there more I could ever need?

I'm startled when I hear some sort of sob coming from one of the stalls in the bathroom. I was so stupid to not hear it before, so lost in my own thoughts. Slowly but surely the girl crying behind the bathroom stall emerges.

Mary.

________________________

Sorry for the long Hiatus but I think you guys deserve an explanation.

My country has been going through a major crisis and it was basically on the verge of war. The internet was turned off all across my country because they didn't want us sharing certain things going on here. They said it's over now, but I'm not sure so I just thought I'd clear that up.

But anyways, I missed you guys and your comments. And I miss writing this book. This chapter was a little floppy but it's almost the end and things will get good really soon.

Sorry for any mistakes, I had to post as soon as I could lol.

Thank you for reading and continuing to stick with me even after this long, love you guys❤