Don't run away, calmly face it. Sometimes it sinks deeper. Lost, can't be found. Rotten soul, on that day. One hundred candies, oh I forgot, had to give up seventeen, I gave them to you.

?

"Sunshine, the color of your eyes. Sunshine, it's you."

...

His eyes seemed blocked, stopping at that face, and he couldn't move.

"Hello, everyone. I'm Nattawat Jirotikul, but you can also call me Fourth. I'm a new transfer student, and I hope everyone will help me."

A series of hands collided, creating overlapping sounds throughout the classroom. However, Gemini didn't hear it, his mind was too busy to listen.

The first time Gemini saw that white face, those sparkling eyes, those straight teeth, he thought he would never see it again.

His life was colorless, bland like rainwater flowing down the drain.

Fourth came to his side, as if it was a matter of course, and sat in the empty seat beside him. Gemini lowered his head, continuing to solve the math problem that he had been racking his brain for half an hour, even though no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't pay attention to it.

Fourth tilted his head slightly, glanced at his deskmate's face, then quickly turned away for fear of disturbing him. Fourth took his books, thinking to himself that his deskmate was cold, he would be determined to strike up a conversation with him in this period.

Exhaling a breath, Fourth silently told himself, turning around and still seeing that the other person still didn't pay any attention to him, he felt a little disappointed. But very quickly, those eyes flashed a light, signaling that he was starting to play tricks again.

"Hey, can I borrow your ruler?"

Lying.

From fifteen-centimeter rulers to thirty-centimeter rulers, protractors, squares of all kinds, long and short, equal-sided, piled up in the smallest compartment of the school bag.

Why? Because Fourth dream of be a fashion designer. Seeing everyone wearing colorful silk, he felt his soul more relaxed.

It seems to have strayed a bit from the topic.

"Here."

Gemini didn't even bother to spare five seconds to look at Fourth, just silently handing him the transparent ruler. Fourth took it, since Gemini wasn't looking at him, he had to make Gemini look at him.

"Hey, what's your name?"

Only then did Gemini turn to look at him, his eyes slightly confused.

"Uhm, it's Norawit Titicharoenrak, you can call me Gemini."

"Well then, nice to meet you, Gemini."

Fourth held out his small hand, gesturing as if I wanted to shake hands. Gemini put down his pen and did not hesitate to return the greeting through his palm, feeling that his fingers were a bit too skinny, which was already the case, since he was also skinny.

"Nice to meet you, classmate Nattawat."

"Oh, just call me Fourth."

"Ok, Fourth."

...

Time flew by, and in a flash, the papers were piled up like mountains, the outlines were long, and the image of the library packed with people was also a common sight because the final exams of the first semester were approaching.

For the entire semester, Gemini had to tutor him, one was because the teacher asked him to help, and two was because he was too naughty. Gemini was the class monitor, so of course he had to take care of him.

The only problem was, that this classmate mainly came to school to play, if not to play, then to sleep, and when he was bored, Fourth would scribble all over his notebooks, and his textbooks were also affected, everywhere were traces of him.

In the corner of his notebook, Big Carrot is wearing huge shoes, is the grumpy student sitting next to him, and on the edge of Gemini's book, Little Radish always carries a small bag with him and always holds a pencil is the artist who sketches those funny lines.

The strokes are a bit naive and childish, but because they were Fourth, he found them beautiful.

"Carrot masterrrr"

In his ears, the voice of the literature teacher is still lecturing, Fourth leans forward and calls out softly.

"Call me properly, okay?"

He was just saying that grumpily, but this Carrot is super super gentle, Fourth chuckled.

"Do you want some candy?"

Fourth reached out his hand, on his white hand were three pink candy packs shaped like strawberries. Gemini noticed that he often eats this kind of candy, he carries it everywhere, and his cheeks always have a lump on them.

"Sorry, but I don't like eating strawberries."

Fourth pursed my lips slightly, sighed, and then as if remembering something, quickly rummaged through his bag.

He reached out his hand again, but this time it was three coffee candies. Fourth saw that Gemini drank coffee a lot, every morning he had to drink a cup of milk coffee, and coincidentally today he had mistakenly brought some coffee candies, so he gave them to him.

He hesitated a bit, then reached out to take them. He was the class president, of course, he had to set an example for his peers and also had to follow the school rules. But now, the candy was filled with the sweet taste of milk coffee in his mouth.

Gemini doesn't know why it became sweet.

His vision lightly touched the face that was lit up by the sunlight. Gemini sat near the window, against the sunlight, and Fourth sat next to him, the sunlight shining on every line on his innocent face, his mouth always accompanied by a smile.

A soft, carefree, and innocent beauty, as if unencumbered by anything in the hustle and bustle of life.

But Gemini thought it was sunlight, not the kind that shined yellow across a page of his notebook, following each line, dancing, dragging along the scribbled letters.

Fourth's eyes were bright, shining with a color that he couldn't find anywhere else. Soaring sentences, colorful paintings, even the most wonderful music, all kinds of art, he couldn't find them.

Sometimes I don't understand, where did you come from?

From his eyes like the bottom of a lake filled with sunlight, painted so many sparkling and radiant things. It captured, pulled him in, and pressed him deep into the depths of his eyes.

Gemini didn't like sunlight, it was both dazzling and hot.

But he especially liked the sunlight in Fourth's eyes.

...

"Oh no, Gemini, I'm out of candy."

Fourth looked at him with a sad, bored face. Gemini also knew that without candy, Fourth couldn't live. Maybe his body was seventy percent of strawberry candy.

A hand held out a handful of candies in front of Fourth, all strawberries, he looked up in surprise, only to see Gemini nodding to signal that he could take them.

"Waaaaaaaa, big brother I love youuuu."

He quickly took the handful of candies, and happily peeled them, his mouth still thanking Gemini over and over again.

His legs gently swayed to the beat, followed by a few pleasant humming sentences. Soaring, the teacher's lectures were no longer pleasant.

Gemini had gotten used to hearing it, the gentle voice soothed his mind, sinking in.

Happiness was flowing into his mouth, stomach, and eyes, turning his eyes into small moons.

One person gave another coffee candies, and another gave some strawberry candies, for almost a semester.

No one owed anyone, and the number of candies was the same, I gave you three, you gave me three. Now without coffee candies in my mouth, he felt like something was missing.

During recess, if Gemini's desk didn't have a handful of coffee candies, it was Fourth's desk with several pink packages.

It seemed like having candy in the desk drawer had become familiar.

...

On the light bicycle gliding past the trees, flickering between the rows of autumn leaves. The gentle wind blew against his eyelashes, making them tremble. In his tightly held hands, the other person's shirt had long been wrinkled.

The golden light of the horizon, shining brightly, was dazzling and splendid.

The wheel stopped at the deep blue sky, which was now tinged with orange and pink. A few ripples of water rolled along with the clouds, and the leaves lightly melted into the water. Fourth got off the bike, and Gemini quickly put the kickstand against a tree, seeing his eyes shining with delight.

"Gem, look, there are swans!"

Fourth pointed and jumped up happily. In his entire life, he had never seen flocks of black and white swans gliding on the surface of a lake like that.

So cute.

My little Fourth is always cute.

The afternoon light shone on the calm water, falling on those lips that were constantly chirping. Blending into the water, each swan swam towards him, its long neck wriggling, both cute and funny.

Fourth tried to reach out to touch it but stopped, because he was a bit scared, only dared to stand, watch, and then drop the cookies for them to eat, the whole process constantly praising his cuteness.

His lips were blooming and it was reflected in the lens. Gemini held the camera to capture every little gesture of Fourth.

The sunlight groped on his skin, the scenery was so splendid yet it seemed like it had to bow its head in defeat.

It was just Fourth and the flock of swans, why was it so beautiful?

Waves were stirring, and the ripples of water were shimmering.

Gemini knew, the pounding in his chest.

Fourth had stopped swooping down on the swans, standing next to him. Shoulder to shoulder, the red sunlight of the setting afternoon and the clouds danced in his eyes, but it was not necessary, because his eyes had sunlight.

"Fourth."

If Gemini became the wind on the sea, would the wind find him?

"Huh?"

Hearing his call, Fourth turned around and a light flower landed on his cheek, quickly leaving behind an echo in his chest.

"I like you very much. So if you like me too, return the kiss I gave you."

"Uhmmm, I will return it. But later!"

Gemini understood the hidden meaning in his words, unable to hold back any longer, the corners of his lips rose high, revealing his white teeth.

Fourth looked at him and smiled, now Gemini just wanted to kiss him again to get rid of his hatred.

His cheeks were rosy, not know if it was because of that mischievous orange light or not.

...

Each human eye contains its universe. The universe contained in those mysterious and deep eyes had many different colors and shapes.

So Gemini doesn't know what kind of world they contain. They don't even know, what kind of world he contains. Rather, it might be luck. Since they don't know, he can hide himself, and keep quiet. However, they impose their standards of evaluation on him, in their universe.

His happiness is achieving results, and his sadness is not achieving results. He doesn't want to hear this. Why does all happiness have to be like this?

The unchanging sea sings to him that everything will be fine, and the blue sky comforts him by telling him that today will be fine too, the sun embraces him and caresses him. So he only hopes to find rest in a black universe without stars, only sunshine.

But where are the eyes of the sunshine?

That mouth that never stops talking, now also disappears.

How many days? Gemini doesn't know. How many days without sunshine?

Still the same desk, but all that remains are memories, where are you?

The desk drawer is still getting more and more piled up, the strawberry candy packs are still there regularly, why don't you come and get them?

...

Gemini went to Fourth's house when the sky was falling asleep, knocking on the door eagerly. But no matter how many times he knocked, there was still no response, only returning the silence to the space.

My most beautiful paintings are you and also my worst songs, every tear, every unspoken word, every last smile is all yours.

That's the truth, my feelings exist because you did. My happiness exists because you did, but now you've left, what should I do?

I suddenly remembered you can't stay with me forever. You've already left, you've left me and flown to the stars, flown to your planet, never to return.

There were a few times when he saw a few red marks on the corners of Fourth's mouth, but he didn't care too much.

This world, this pain, this obsession, wasn't it always because of you?

He cried.

Screaming in agony, in the quiet night sky.

"Fourth, little classmate, Little Carrot? Where are you?"

The stars were dotted, and a few rays of light appeared and disappeared in the night, but in his eyes, everything was meaningless.

From the eyes that looked more beautiful than anything else through Fourth's small mouth, tears like an ocean of unknown depth rose and fell little by little.

For the first time, tears welled up in his eyes.

Dad beat him, he didn't cry. Mom scolded him, but he didn't cry. Friends shunned him, but he still didn't cry.

But if you leave, I could die right now.

"Don't leave me. Don't–"

The cry was choked, and he suddenly felt difficulty breathing.

His hands hugged his chest tightly, his fingers painfully digging into his own heart, as if using a little more force, his heart would burst, and blood would squirt out.

He couldn't think of anything else.

Other than that light.

He was curious about the sea and also afraid of it, afraid to get close to the cold sea, cold with unknown depth.

His hands trembled, and his body suddenly felt cold.

He was trapped in fear and panic, approaching, the tears had stopped falling.

Those tears were like cries, echoing like the mermaid's melodious voice, and soon he found himself sinking into the deep sea.

The cold sea, now with a cold body, was still meaningless.

Without you, there was no sun.

Without the world, no me.

...

Five twenty-three in the afternoon, Fourth let his hand fall, because of his terminal liver cancer.

The last three months were the three months he was stuck in a place that reeked of bleach.

Injection needles, IVs, everywhere, but he couldn't pay attention. His hand still tried to endure the pain of writing out each word.

The IV line vibrated, and his hand was also shaking.

Fourth was still busy writing a letter, to the person he loved.

...

Gemini stood in front of the small grave in the middle of winter, his scarf and coat thick and full, because someone once told him to remember to take care of himself.

He wasn't cold, because his heart was already frozen enough.

There was a time when he couldn't look at that pink strawberry candy, no matter what kind of strawberry candy it was.

Just because it reminded me of you.

The yellowed short letter in his hand was slowly opened.

...

To Gemini,

My vocabulary is limited, you know, so I just want to say a few words,

I don't think Gemini is just my love, my affection. Gemini is Gemini, Gemini is my worship, my obsession, always Gemini in my heart, you are my heart. I don't dare to guess, so I don't dare to comfort you. But, I just want to let you know that I love you very much, deeper and heavier than the word 'love'.

Gemini, the day I first met you, I had to secretly exclaim that my deskmate was so handsome. You were so kind and helped me with everything, you were so perfect. But being stuck in those dark days, I found a bright sunshine like you, it was so miraculous. I must have been lucky enough to meet you in my whole life.

I have never received such great love. No one cared about me as much as you, they only pitied me, saying, oh, this boy has cancer, how pitiful. But that's okay, you didn't know about the disease I was carrying. But you never said that I was too skinny, too weak, you didn't criticize me for being weak, you didn't say anything, but silently cared, I know everything. The strawberry candy you gave me the first time, you brought it on purpose, right? But you lied that it was a gift.

I like you. I like you. I like you.

But I don't have the right to like you. I don't deserve to be liked by you. I'm sick, people say I won't live much longer, they always look at me strangely.

That said, I didn't expect you to return my feelings, I used to think so. But that day, that moment when I watched the sunset with you, you made me not want to hide it anymore. But I can't promise anything, you know, so I didn't return that kiss to you.

Well, that kiss that day, I will return it to you, in this photo. Every time you want me to return it to you, look at it. Oh, and there's also something else, my mother must have given it to you, that gift box, a full hundred candies if you add seventeen, because that's your age, I give it to you every birthday (But remember to eat it all quickly, or it will expire).

And you've seen my mother, isn't she beautiful, is she gentle?

My parents seem to be too busy, I haven't seen them since I entered middle school. They're not here, I'm used to the four walls. I'm about to forget their faces. But I love my parents very much because they love me too, right?

You can only live to be a hundred years old at most, I don't want to wait for you for long, I don't want to be a thousand-year-old fox. Hehe, I'll always wait for you, you know everything. I'll always bless you, of course.

Why didn't they see me at the end, Gem?

Gemini, I'm so sad here alone. There's no one to keep me company except the nurses, the doctors, and those twisted wires. I often vent my sadness to the birds, the clouds, and the wind. Looking at the bright sunlight outside the window, I miss you again. But the pain makes me realize my health problems.

My love, I'm in so much pain and my whole body hurts. Normally when you're around, you'll always unintentionally make me laugh, and it takes away some of the physical torment.

I'm in pain, but I miss you more.

But you're not here. I miss you, I miss you so much.

My hand is sore, but I want to finish this letter, for you. This will probably be the last letter, like a will, but my assets are candy.

I also want to share it with my parents, but I haven't seen them, so I can't share it.

I'm sorry for being missing for three months, I don't think I'll have the chance to secretly eat candy with you anymore.

And if possible, you should find someone else to love. Don't be haunted by the past with me. You being happy is enough for me, my heart.

And the last word, I'm about to go, I love you, so much that I couldn't count.

The person who always loves you, Fourth.

...

What?

The name at the end of the letter was blurred, followed by each other. He held a small photo, on which was a picture of Fourth in a hospital gown, pouting.

You are so skinny, you have lost a lot of weight, but your carefree appearance is still the same, you can even smile brightly.

Who should you be within your last days?

Are you alone? There is no one by your side, my dear, I couldn't come see you one last time, I didn't go find you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. A thousand times is not enough.

He hugs that small thought.

Why can you smile like that? I can't smile, while you're the one who has to leave, has to endure. My dear, how strong must you be?

The million of things, turn into little tears in his chest.

Sometimes I can't understand, hiding behind that skinny, innocent body, how much have you gone through? How can you endure, when the smile is still on your lips?

You say you are unqualified, unworthy. If you are not worthy, how can I?

He held the photo, gently placing a little thought into them, through a long kiss.

But the rain in his eyes still did not stop.

Never stopped.

You told me to find someone new. How can I move on and find someone new? I cannot give them my heart, because you have already taken it away.

No need to wait until I am a hundred years old, I will go with you now. Wait for me a bit, I will go find you right now, my love.

...

Carrot Master, Little Radish, the singing echoed, an afternoon by the window.

Candy will rot with the ticking of the clock.

Rotten heart.

Forever.

End.