"What rubbish!" I spewed after leaving Kaithy's house, shortly after dinner - the meatloaf was delicious, if you were wondering. It was wrapped in a strip of meat her mom called 'bacon' and they added this red stuff on top they called, ketchup. They also gave me tiny trees to eat and something Kaithy was very excited about: Mac n' cheese.

But enough of food. I am distraught! You humans have your own PUS, why would you bother purchasing mine? Sure, my PUS is refined and in a spherical-sack shape, but that's mostly to make transporting it easier. Surely, you would not pay millions for something you already have, just in ball form.

I heard footsteps quickly approaching and turned to see Kaithy running towards me, "Geff!" she called.

I stopped to see what she wanted. Couldn't she see that I was clearly in no state for human interaction? "What is it, Kaithy?"

"Why are you sad? I noticed during dinner. Also, you left this here." She offered me my bag of holding.

I took the bag wearily and sighed, "You don't understand. I came here to sell this," I took out a sack, looking into the round, clear ball, "but no one needs it. You have that stuff that comes out of the faucet."

"Water?"

"Yeah...water." My nose was about to cry, so I sniffed it back up before it had a chance. This was MY body and I would not allow it to leak!

"Hmm," Kaithy put a finger to her chin and looked down, "Well, if you can't sell that stuff, then you'll just have to do something else."

"Like what?"

Kaithy raised both hands into the air, letting them fall to her side, "I dunno, but we'll figure it out! Meet me after school again. We can both think of ideas and come up with a plan."

She was right. I couldn't just give up. For a human, Kaithy was pretty smart. She even made me realize that this wasn't the end. After all, the great Nads wouldn't stop just because their main plan of attack failed. They would find other means to take over the planet.

With renewed vigor, I thanked Kaithy and promised to meet her tomorrow at the same time, in the same place as I met her today. In the meantime, I had some research to do; and a plan to concoct.

The journey back to my ship was uneventful and I spent it thinking of only one thing: I must learn more about the Earth and its needs. Upon entry, I went to the chair I had done all my research in and faced the many screens that surrounded the wall in front of me.

"Ship!" I commanded, "Find out how much water there is on Earth."

A moment later, a digitized voice answered my question, "The Earth is made of over 70% water. There is an estimated, 326 million trillion gallons of water on the Earth today."

My jaw dropped, "That's ridiculous! No one has that amount! Even the Leftnoids don't have that much!"

"You asked."

"Ship!" I began again, "What does Earth need?"

"Searching..." It took several moments for the ship to find an answer suitable for my question and I was somewhat startled when I heard it's voice again, "According to a search on Earth's world wide database, the top 10 things their world needs are: Action, Unity, Tolerance, Acceptance, Understanding, Compassion, Forgiveness, Kindness, Trust and Hope."

"What?" I spluttered, "I can't sell any of that!"

"You asked."

Re-depressed, I chose to end my research early. The lack of tangible needs was too frustrating and my head began to ache. I pressed a button on the chair and it morphed, becoming flat. A soft cushion formed and I laid my head down, closing my eyes.

In the morning, I had Computer look up when Kaithy would be leaving her school and used the spare time to do some more research about Earth. I did not leave my ship until I was ready to meet the little girl.

In my studies, I learned that some places on this planet DID need water; or what the internet described, Freshwater. Apparently there were different types. Salt and Fresh; perhaps more, but I did not research further, deciding to learn what I could about these two first. Salt Water is not something the humans consume. It is toxic to them because a human's body cannot get rid of the salt without the Fresh Water. The places on Earth that need freshwater are not close enough to sources of freshwater. Glaciers, lakes, ponds and rivers are just a few of the places that create this un-salty water.

I considered moving my operation over to these freshless areas but decided not to. I would eventually need to find a way to conquer the freshwater lands and this place, the United States, was one of the most influential places on the planet. Conquering this land would be a necessity and besides, I was already here. I just needed to find a way. That's where Kaithy comes in.

I met Kaithy at the appointed time, just outside of her school, which I found was a place for humans to learn. Strange that they don't just use the internet to increase their intelligence, instead, it seems that they simply watch people who watch people watch the people watching the people play video games; you humans and your strange culture.

Kaithy seemed delighted to see me as she broke into a smile and waved her hand in the air with glee. As she approached, she asked, "Why didn't you wave back?"

"Is that what you humans do to greet each other?"

She shrugged, "Yeah."

"Oh." I waved my hand energetically, but this only made Kaithy giggle. "Am I doing it wrong?"

"No," she said, holding her stomach, "you don't need to wave when I'm right next to you. Just say hi."

"High?" I looked up. "Why is this normal?"

Kaithy giggled again, "Not high as in up. Hi as in hello."

"Oh." This was no time to dwell on human greetings. I had a job to do: Conquer The World! And I had to find a way to do it. "Kaithy?"

"Mmhmm?" She said.

It took me a moment to realize that she wasn't having a malfunction. It only confirmed that I had a lot more to learn about the world. "I need to know...what does the world need?"

Kaithy thought for a moment and put a finger to her lips. After several seconds, her eyes brightened and her mouth opened.

"It has to be something people pay for," I stated flatly.

Kaithy's eyes drooped and she slunk back into her thinking pose. Then she shrugged, "I dunno."

Just as I feared! This land doesn't need anything that I can sell to them! My mission was going to fail! Everything was hopeless! As you humans say, Woah, it's me!

Apparently, my depression was obvious, because Kaithy said, "Cheer up. It'll be okay."

"You don't understand," I complained, "How am I going to become the world's most powerful being if I can't offer people what they need."

Kaithy went back into her thought pose, then, as before, her eyes brightened and she opened her mouth to speak. "You just need to get to know people."

"What?"

"You know, blend in. Then you'll know what they need. Not everyone needs the same stuff."

She was right. I had to learn how to blend in better. If I was going to conquer the world, I would need to learn how its inhabitants thought and what they desired. In a sense, I had to become human!

"Brilliant!" I shouted. "I will do it! I will blend in!" I looked around, searching for the first person that I could influence. I found a human, who was slightly taller than Kaithy, but much thicker. He was eating some sort of bar made of some kind of brown substance. I pointed to him and shouted, "You! Human!" He turned and I continued shouting, "How are you!"

His mouth hung open and a piece of the food dropped out of his mouth, landing on his shoe. Then, without a word, he ran.

"No!" I ran after him. "Wait, human! How are you?"

Although he was larger than I was, he was much slower and I was able to catch up with him just after he reached the part of the land that was green. Worried that he would try to escape again, I lowered my body and rushed forward, knocking into him. I fell on top of him and he looked at me with wide eyes.

"Wh...what do you want?" He asked, holding his hands to his face, probably to keep the sun from his eyes.

"I want to know: how are you?"

"F..Fine."

"Good. I stood up, putting my hands on my hips, finding that it was a very relaxing pose. Something caught my eyes. A bird was flying high above some trees to my right and it appeared to have dropped something. "Fascinating! I must investigate!" Without another word, I rushed to the location where the bird had dropped its load.

It took longer to find than I had expected, but judging from the position of the animal when it dropped the item, it should be around here and I hadn't seen anything out of place, except for this white, milky substance that had landed on the black ground that I had recently learned was called, the road.

Kaithy ran up behind me, "Why are you on the ground?" she asked.

"A bird dropped this. I'm trying to figure out what it is." Perhaps licking it would offer me more details to what it was. I had heard that cows produce milk, maybe birds do too.

A short pause was followed by her explanation, "That's bird poo."

"What?" I spluttered. "Perhaps you forgot, but poop is brown!"

"Not bird poop."

I stood up and looked at the girl, trying to decide if she was deceiving me or not. So far, Kaithy had not led me astray and I'd like to think that she wasn't lying here. As I was considering some sort of betrayal, the large person I had tackled slowly walked by and I pounced on him again.

"Oww! Why are you doing this?" He asked.

"I don't want you to run," I explained.

"Okay. What do you want."

I stood up and pointed at the bird dropping, "What is this?"

The boy peered over to take a look, then looked at me, wide eyed, "You're not gonna make me eat that are you?"

I cocked my head and repeated my question, "What is it?"

This time, he cocked his head, "It's bird poop."

Kaithy chimed in from behind me, "Told you so."

Nodding, I turned to her and said, "Yes, you did and I thank you. It would have been unfortunate if I consumed that."

"You were gonna eat that? Gross," The new boy said.

"What is our name, human?" I asked.

"Felix." His head lowered, "but everyone just calls me Fattix."

"Why? That's not your name."

"My mom says it's not nice to call people names," Kaithy said.

I turned to her. "Should I not call you Kaithy?"

"No, that's fine. It means you shouldn't call someone names that they don't like."

I turned back to Felix, "So, what do you want to be called? Felix? Or Fattix?"

"Felix," he said, smiling.

"Good. Fattix is stupid anyway."

"Do you want to walk home with us?" Kaithy asked Felix. I didn't remember agreeing to go home with her again, but after remembering the fun we had, I decided that it would be nice.

"Yeah, thanks," Felix replied. "I haven't made many friends, so thanks."

"Well, you've got two more friends now," Kaithy said happily.

As we walked along the road, it occured to me that part of blending in was the process of making friends. If I was right, a friend was someone who would support me and help me when I would need it. Thanks to Kaithy, and the process of blending in, I had two friends. And now, I was well on my way to conquering the world!