Mind Writer, erase the past three hours.

What a load of cranial waste! You earthlings are ridiculous! I have, in my possession, the most valuable thing in the universe and yet you don't want to buy it. The best offer I've had all day was seven measly dollars. This mission was supposed to be a sneeze, as you earthlings say it. My PUS was supposed to sell like mad and I would be in and out of your planet within a few weeks, at most. Now, it looks like I'll be stuck here until you people learn just how great PUS is. I've already been here for almost five hours and do you know what I have to show for it? Nothing.

After leaving the pawn shop, I ventured on and found a jeweler. But they did not want my goods either. They said, "We don't buy....what did you call it? Pus? Disgusting." Disgusting! Can you believe that? The next six places I visited either didn't want it at all, or only offered a single digit for it. A man on the street actually had the nerve to ask for it for free. Free! Madness.

I decided that I needed a moment to collect my thoughts and found a shady tree to sit under. Had I chosen a bad location to begin my process of purchasing the earth? Or, worse, had I been tasked to conquer a planet that was inhabited with idiots who didn't understand the need of PUS? I had chosen the United States as an entry point because of its cultural need for comfort. PUS is necessary to survive for some species, but it is desired by all.

I must stay strong in my decision. An ancestor of mine, Gordy Porp, a great conqueror of many worlds, once said, "Patience is the second most valuable thing in the universe, next to PUS." Wiser words had never been spoken. I just needed to persevere and everything would come into place.

Many large, yellow vehicles arrived near where I was sitting. It seemed odd since I had not seen many humans driving earlier, and the few I did see, weren't color coordinated like these were. They all stopped at the large building I was facing, then...nothing. Strange.

With wide eyes, I realized what had happened. I had brought too much attention to myself! These must be the Elf Bee Eye that I had heard so much about! That hairy Pawn Shop man must have called them, realizing that I carried PUS with me and he wanted his government to come and steal it. They would probably reward him handsomely for my capture. I had to get out of here!

A noise stopped me in my tracks as soon as I was on my feet. A ringing, like a bell, only louder, sharper and more hollow. Mesmerized and terrified of what would happen next, I stared at the line of large, yellow contraptions and noticed the words 'School Bus' on the back. A moment later, the doors to the building behind the buses opened, releasing a flood of humans. No. Not just humans, the real leaders of this world! I would finally get my big break. All I would need to do is convince one of these small humans to purchase my PUS and I would be well on my way to world domination!

Most of the little humans entered the buses and since I did not wish to be in a confined space with dozens of potential threats, I decided not to follow them. Instead, I watched the other people to see what they would do. Some of them went into other, smaller vehicles that had been sitting idle since I had arrived. But there were a small handful that were walking away from the building, school buses and any other metal cage that had been in my view. Three of them were coming towards me and I sucked in a deep breath, intending to communicate with them.

I was nervous. These humans would have the most influence on the rest of their species -they were the leaders, after all. I was fortunate to happen upon their meeting place. All three of my hearts were beating rapidly in my chest. That's right, even the spare!

Two of the humans changed course. Oh no! Was I being too intimidating? Had they been informed of my presence and intentions? Curse you, Ed! You, your pawn shop and all your hairy ways! But, no. There was still one human heading this way. There was no time to lose. It was now, or never.

Grabbing one of my Purified Undorbious Sacks, I walked up to the human, noting their appearance. It was an important strategy. A creature's features will tell you much about them. For example, this human was wearing a pink fabric, signifying warmth. Therefore, I should not embrace them in a hug; I am currently not warm and she will run away from me upon contact. Her black, curly hair was wrapped in another piece of pink fabric and raised her hairline so it would not be in her eyes. This means that she is mysterious but analytical, so I will need to give her all of the information about PUS right away, but preferably in a riddle or poem. Luckily, she is one of the brown skin humans and therefore she is cool. Meaning, she will be intrigued by my PUS because it is also cool. I opened my mouth and took a deep breath, intending to spew all of the information she would need in order to purchase my product.

"Hi." The girl spoke in a high pitched tone and smiled with small, white teeth, but one of the top teeth had been absent. Clearly she had been in a brawl and wanted me to know who was boss. "I'm Kaithy. What's your name?"

"Uhh." What was I doing? I had rehearsed this! I had a name chosen and everything. Speak mouth! "Geff."

Kaithy chuckled, "That's a funny name. Are you new?"

"Very." Her communication skills seemed to be better than any other on this planet that I had met so far. Regaining my composure, I said, "I am here to sell my wares."

"What are wares?"

The question seemed odd, but even I could tell that it was a test. She understood what was going on, so I held out my hand, proudly revealing the PUS. "I am selling Purified Undorbious Sacks."

The human looked at the Sack curiously. Her face lit up; good. "That's cool. What is it?"

"I...just said." Had she not heard me? Perhaps she had been too stunned by my product that she simply forgot that I had named it. "It is a Purified Undorbios Sack."

"Okay. Well, what does it do?"

I was shocked. My mouth hung open, waiting for the ants to wander in. "What do you do with it? You consume it of course."

"Like...you eat it?" Kaithy asked, cocking her head to one side.

I nodded emphatically, "Yes."

"Is it good?"

"Ha!" I laughed, "It is great! The best thing on this, or any other galaxy!"

Kaithy took another look at the PUS in my hand and shrugged, "Doesn't look better than chocolate."

"What is chocolate?" I had heard the word in my research, but had never even considered what it actually was; not until now.

"What do you mean 'what is chocolate?' It's only the best thing ever!"

I raised an eyebrow, "How much does chocolate sell for?"

"You can get a twix bar in the vending machine for a dollar."

I bursted with laughter, "Only a single dollar? Take a gander, human! I hold in my hand an item that would easily fetch the price of a billion tweet bars!"

"Whatever." She seemed unimpressed, "And they're twix bars, not tweet bars."

"Oh."

"You're welcome."

I had never heard that before and wasn't sure what it meant. "What is that?"

Kaithy's eyes widened, "That's what you say when you help someone. My mom always makes sure I use my manners. You were supposed to say 'Thank you,' not 'Oh.'"

"Oh," She cocked her head again until I repeated her gesture, "Thank you."

"You're weird." Kaithy smiled widened. "I like you! Do you want to hang out at my house?"

"Will you buy my PUS?"

"Pus?" I raised my occupied hand. "That? What do you want for it?"

So far, everyone that was willing to buy my PUS had only offered a few simple dollars for it. My resolve had stumbled and I was willing to sell it for almost nothing. "Oh, how about a hundred dollars?"

"I don't have that much. But maybe my mom does. I can ask her when I get home. Come on."

I followed the human to the black ground, where she made a sudden stop. Puzzled, I looked at her, "What are you doing?"

"What's it look like? I'm looking both ways."

"Why?"

"That's what you're supposed to do when you cross the street. That way you don't get hurt by a car."

"What in the name of nads is a street?"

Kaithy giggled, "You're funny. This is a street." She said, pointing to the black earth.

After a car passed, creating a gust of wind around us, we began moving again. Kaithy moved quickly across the road and I followed after her. She truly was a source of information! All of the research I had done paled in the knowledge I was gaining from this human.

Once past the street that we had crossed, we had entered into an area filled with homes and trees. A few areas were gated and when we passed, a small creature roared at us in challenge. I was about to accept his challenge, preparing to roar right back, but Kaithy giggled again.

"Hi, Todo!" She waved at the beast. "That's Todo. I don't know if that's his real name but he's the same kind of dog as in The Wizard Of Oz. Have you seen it?"

"Mmm, no."

"It was my mom's favorite when she was a kid. So I decided that it's mine too."

"Which one of these is your house?" I was eager to meet Kaithy's mom so I could begin my conquering of the world. Selling PUS for a mere one hundred dollars was going to be disappointing, but I did offer it for that much and besides, I needed to make some headway, even if it was small.

Kaithy pointed to a house near the end of the street. Two large trees, full of large, green leaves, blocked the view of the house, but I could read a word that had been written on a box by the road, in front of her home; it read "Bell," then gave several numbers just under the word. Since I didn't see a bell of any kind, I wondered if the bell was inside the box.

Finally, we had arrived at a light blue house. Two white windows gave an inside view of a table and some sort of light fixture hanging just above it, but it was too difficult to see anything else. Green bushes lined the side of the house in perfect formation and a metallic blockade could be seen around the corner, but I didn't get a good look at it. There were two doors. A large, white one that didn't have any windows but seemed to have a few lines running the length of the door. It seemed as though it had to be lifted up in order to use it; impractical. The other door, which was several steps from the larger one, was also white, but there were dark scuff marks near the bottom. This one clearly swung open inward instead of upward, as that's what Kaithy did when we reached it.

"Hi, I'm home!" Kaithy shouted as we entered the building.

"Hey, honey. How was school?" A voice called from another part of the house.

Kaithy took off her shoes and I did the same, not wanting to look suspicious. "Good." She answered the voice.

"I, oh-," a female said as she came into view. She wore blue fabric that covered everything from her shoulders to below her knees. Her dark hair was tied back with more fabric, releasing it to dangle behind her. It was much straighter than Kaithy's curly top. She looked at me and asked, "who's this?"

"This is Geff." Kaithy said for me. I was all too happy to let her do all the work. Perhaps I would witness Earth's rule in action and be able to learn how to enforce my will upon them.

The mom looked at me and smiled wide, "Nice to meet you Geff."

I glanced at Kaithy, who cocked her head at me and remembered the phrase she taught me, "Thank you."

"Do your parents know you're here?" The tall woman asked.

"Yes, of course." I said. It was true. My parents knew that I was on Earth, enacting its domination.

"Hey mom," Kaithy said, "Can I have a hundred dollars?"

"What?" Her mom's head whipped to her offspring, "Why?"

"Geff wants to sell this...uhh, what was it again?"

"Purified Undorbious Sack."

"Right, that." This was it! The moment I had been waiting for. This was the time where I would sell my first PUS on Earth and you humans would be so amazed by my product that you would crave for it. An unstoppable urge will overcome you and I will soon conquer the world, thanks to Kaithy! Hahahahaha!

Kaithy's mom crossed her arms, "No."