(The past)

"Has Taehyung called yet?" Seokjin asked Yoongi. They are currently at the back of the cash register of Pink Diner, quietly talking. The diner is already close, and all of the staff are cleaning.

"No, he hasn't. I tried calling him several times but he didn't pick up. He really was pissed when I tried to bring up Jungkook." Yoongi answered, his face full of worry.

Seokjin sighed. "Give him time." he said, as he pats Yoongi's shoulder.

"I was just trying to help explain what really happened. I'm tired seeing them hurting." Yoongi said, frustration evident in his voice. "And I have a feeling that any day now, Jungkook's dad will find him."

"How so?"

Yoongi shrugs. "Just a nagging feeling. He's been staying at us for weeks. I bet anytime now, his father's gonna show up. And I can't wait to curse that old man."

Seokjin perks up as he chuckles. "So you finally forgive Jungkook?"

Yoongi gave him a weird look. "It doesn't matter if I forgive him or not. It's not me who he did wrong."

Seokjin was quiet for a moment. Then he shakes his head in thought. "Maybe it's not the time to force information to Taehyung yet. Let them be on their own for a moment. They are still hurting, and Taehyung is not ready to open his heart. It's not good to force someone to accept something that hurt them. Maybe it's better if we don't interfere, Yoongi."

"But what if they don't find happiness anymore, hyung?"

"If they're meant to be, they will meet again. They are adults now, Yoongi. Only their hearts will know if they deserve each other again. Fate will pull them back together."

"But what if it doesn't? What if fate decided to fuck them up again?"

"That's the time we interfere, Yoongi. But as of now, have a little faith." Seokjin said in finality, and looks away from Yoongi.

He turns to face the front of the register and looks at the boy cleaning. Jungkook looked so serene holding a mop and cleaning the floor, as if he doesn't know the storm that's coming his way.

+++

"I'll head out first, Seokjin hyung!" Jungkook yells as he walks towards the door of the diner, his backpack on one hand, and the other waving.

"Be careful on your way, Kook." Seokjin replies, waving too.

Jungkook nods. He's met with the cool fresh air as he steps outside the diner. He walks along the driveway and puts his hand on his pocket, where he felt the small envelope seated inside.

It's payday today and this little amount of Jungkook's salary from the diner can help Jimin and Yoongi for the expenses in the house. He's been staying with them for awhile and he wants to contribute even just a little.

Speaking of Yoongi, Jungkook stops in his tracks as he sees the elder standing under a lamp post. He saw Yoongi earlier, talking with Seokjin, and he thought he had gone straight home after their talk.

Jungkook's face looked surprise as he and Yoongi made eye contact, and he immediately casts his eyes down.

"You going straight home?" Yoongi asked him nonchalantly.

"Uhm. Yeah."

"Come on, let's go." Yoongi said as he starts walking to the direction of their house.

Jungkook widens his eyes as he heard that, and immediately hurries to catch up with Yoongi.

"You having a good time at the diner?" Yoongi asked after sharing a moment of silence. Jungkook's head is still wrapping around the fact that they are walking home together and that Yoongi is not killing him right now.

"Yeah. Seokjin hyung is great." Jungkook answered after a while.

"Of course. He's a good man. He takes really good care of his crew, especially Taehyung." Yoongi replies, as if talking about Taehyung is the most normal thing.

Jungkook goes silent for a few moments.

"Hyung."

Yoongi just hums in acknowledgment.

"Please tell me where Taehyung is. I need to find him." Desperation is evident in Jungkook's shaking voice.

Yoongi breathes out air, "Jimin already told you he's in good hands now–"

"It's not enough! Hyung, I can't just stand here and wait, not knowing how he is, when is he coming back. If he will ever come back."

"If I tell you, there's nothing you can do." Yoongi replies in exasperation.

Jungkook continues to shake his head, not wanting to listen. "I heard he still has some relatives in Daegu. I'm just saving some money and I'll go there. Maybe he's there."

Yoongi shakes his head in disbelief. "Jungkook, your dad will still find you."

That shut Jungkook up, because he knows his dad's personality. And maybe at this moment, they are literally searching for him.

Sadness passes through his heart, and his eyes started to sting.

"I'm just.. I'm so lost without him." Jungkook whimpered.

Yoongi continues to walk, putting his hands in his pockets. "Tell me about it."

Jungkook takes a deep breath before he speaks.

"Taehyung is.. Taehyung is the most wonderful thing that happened to me. And I didn't even treat him how he deserved.

"Everything just made sense when we were together. He made me realize so many things. He made me become a better person.

"Sometimes I ask myself, what if I just told him about Yugyeom? What if I told him about my Dad? What if I caught him that night before he ran outside the rain? What if I checked my phone immediately like a normal person? What if I stopped becoming a stupid dumbass and realized I was losing the love of my life? What if I stopped being a coward and told him how he meant so much to me?

"I love him hyung, but still I was hurting him. I became a coward and I was holding myself back."

Yoongi tilted his head as he listens. "But you just said you love him. What was holding you back?"

Jungkook gulps. "I hurt him too much since the beginning. We loved each other, and many people are interfering, causing for me to listen and obey them, instead of focusing only on Taehyung. Still he loved me without question, and I began to ask myself if we were good together, if I even deserve him. Because I don't deserve an angel like him, and he's too good for me. So yeah, now, he's not here anymore, and I lost him."

Jungkook looked away, avoiding to be caught blinking away his tears.

"What I regret the most is that... I never got to tell him I love him."

Yoongi sighs. "You know Jungkook, what I learned in this fucking life is that every damn good thing aren't supposed to be easy. You have to work hard to get what you want. Come on, you know this."

Jungkook just stays silent, sniffing quietly.

"If there's a way to fix things, you need to put your heart on it. People won't just hug you after your single apology, sometimes it works great with effort."

The younger turns to look at Yoongi with glistening eyes. "Hyung.."

"That's the answer to how. Now, about the when... You are still both hurting. Give Taehyung time to heal and redeem himself, Kook. Even if he needs to fly across the world to find himself again."

Jungkook nods after that, and realizes something. "Wait, Taehyung is not here in Korea?"

"Uh. About that.. Nope." Yoongi scratches his head.

Jungkook looked dejected after that. It feels like Taehyung is the sand that Jungkook was trying to clutch with his hands, but just keeps falling off of his grasp. He's trying to find a person who doesn't want to be found.

"Jungkook, please give him time. Taehyung needed to go away for himself. He wanted to become better, please respect that." Yoongi tries to tell him.

Then he adds, "He will come back. I promise."

Jungkook silently nods, and as everything dawned on him, he stares determinedly at Yoongi's eyes. "And when that day comes, I am also a better person hyung. I'll work hard to become better. I may never deserve him, but I will never get tired to prove to him that I have changed."

+++

Yoongi was cursing along as he walks down the stairs of the building. After that day when Jungkook was forced by his father to come home, Yoongi got to finish many songs in a week and tried to submit his works.

The day that Jungkook was found by his cruel father had finally come and Yoongi hasn't heard from Jungkook eversince. Yoongi wouldn't admit how intimidating that old guy Jeon was and he was not definitely scared of his threats.

But he has other problems to attend to. His songs were once again rejected by the same company he always sell his songs to. This is the third time that they returned his flash drive and lyrics to him, without even a proper reason to begin with. His brows furrowed as he rewinds in his head what happened earlier.

"I'm sorry, Yoongi-ssi. All of your songs didn't fit the concept of the artists. It's just not it." said the producer of the shitty company to him, and cannot even look Yoongi in the eye.

That guy should be thankful Yoongi has had some dignity and professionalism left, all the while having this urge to strangle him on the neck.

"That's all?" Yoongi tried to ask while he grits his teeth.

"Y-yeah. The CEO hired a new producer, we don't need your songs anymore." The man stuttered.

Yoongi takes a deep breath, his hands forming into fists. 'What an idiot.' he thinks.

Why is he even here? This place is not worth it. Yoongi turns to leave without a word, but before he opens the door, the producer started to talk again.

"Have a nice day, Yoongi-ssi."

Yoongi snorted, and without looking back, he answered. "I hope you choke." and slammed the door shut behind.

As he reaches the ground floor, he spots a vending machine and decides that he could get a drink for himself, since he got thirsty for staying in that studio with broken air conditioning.

He was chugging down his bottle of cider, when a utility worker passed by, pushing his cart of collected garbage. Yoongi decided he could toss in the container his empty bottle after.

"You work here?" asked the utility worker.

Yoongi shakes his head a little instantly. "No. I'm a freelance music producer. I just came here to submit songs for the company."

"That's cool." answered the man with wonder in his face.

Yoongi grimaced. "Uh yeah it's cool, but when your songs get rejected, it starts to suck. I heard they got a new producer and they don't need me anymore." He chuckles bitterly.

The man started to frown. "Why would they reject you and get a new producer, when they can't even afford to pay rent anymore? I heard that company is in the brink of closing and they are desperate to find ways to stay here."

"Pft. Serves them right." Yoongi snickers, then clears his throat. "You work here too? Or you have your own maintenance agency?"

"Not for the music company though, because they are only renting the place. I work for Jeon Corp. for maintenance of this building."

Yoongi backtracks. "Wait, what?"

"My boss is Mr. Jeon. You know that guy who basically owns every place you've walked into? Yeah, 'tis him."

What the hell.

"I heard he's super strict and a perfectionist too. He wanted to eliminate the music company few months ago, but they agreed on his ultimatum. I don't know what it is, but I don't wanna get on his bad side, though." The man cringes, and starts to walk away while pushing his cart. "Have a nice day mister."

Yoongi stands there for a few moments, just completely stunned. He's not absolutely having a nice day.

Oh.. That's why...

What the actual hell.

"This is.. This is so messed up." Taehyung mumbles as he rests his head on his hands. He is currently sitting on the couch of Yoongi's studio, and the latter sitting on a swivel chair across him. That day when he and Jungkook talked properly, Taehyung couldn't concentrate and sleep after that. He needed someone to talk to, and going to his bestfriend, and hearing his part of the story, was the best option.

"Hyung why? I thought when I'll hear the past, It's gonna make me better. But this is only getting worse."

Yoongi reached out to touch the younger's shoulder. "Tae.. Don't beat yourself up. No one wanted this to happen. I tried to talk to you, but at that time, you were still hurting. And I understand everytime you shut me out. It took a while but maybe fate decided to let you both establish yourselves first, for you to be get back together again, stronger this time."

And Yoongi really understood. He understood what they went through and he tried his best to keep them at bay while also helping them get better. He tried to be a great friend by listening and comforting them through their ups and downs. He supported Taehyung in reaching his dreams. And he also helped Jungkook about music, the dream he still cannot reach.

"But I can't believe eight years! Eight years of hurting myself, and this is what I get." He looks up at Yoongi, his lips downturned. "We were just mere highschools back then. We both couldn't control the situation because we were both puppets being played on the stage. But at that time, I didn't have enough courage and I couldn't stand up for myself. And finding out later that we were similar in some ways makes me upset. He even tried to find me and apologized for everything, but he couldn't because of his dad so... I really wanna hate him hyung, but I'm struggling to hold on to it."

"You can feel all the hatred you want, Tae." Yoongi replied in a gentle manner. "Because however you suppress your emotions, the time will come for it to surface, and you need to embrace it. After all, you're just finding out everything. Jungkook will be there along the way. I'm just really glad that you finally talked."

Taehyung looked away and tried to focus on the things above Yoongi's desk, and he found the all too familiar little notebook lying innocently. He chuckles bitterly.

"You still didn't throw that away?"

Yoongi follows his line of sight, and his eyes light up. "No. Never."

After a long moment of comfortable silence; Taehyung being drowned in his thoughts, while Yoongi letting him be; Taehyung stood up and walked to grab the notebook. He clutched it and stared at it like some new creature he found.

"Can I take this to my office hyung?" Taehyung said hesitantly at first.

"What? What are you gonna do with it?" Yoongi looks at him skeptically.

"Don't panic. I'm not throwing this away, I'm just gonna read the content inside."

"Are you sure? I mean, that's yours, but I want you to know that is a masterpiece in the making." Yoongi said, his forefinger pointing at the notebook.

"Yeah, maybe if the good wind blows my way, I could add melody on it."

Yoongi's eyes widen upon hearing that. "Taehyung? Is that really you?"

Taehyung only smiles and quickly turns around to walk out the door. He was flustered and scared all of a sudden.

Flustered because he just declared to make butterfly a song.

And scared because as he walks into his office, he pats his heart.

He couldn't find the hatred anymore.

+++

Taehyung looks around at the balcony, as cool air softly touches his skin. He spotted the poor white rose plant on the corner of the place. It looked ready to die because of the brownish tips of its wilted leaves and the rose seemed too close to detach itself from its stem.

He walks towards it and examine the plant closely. Roses are quite high maintenance, and with the amount of time Taehyung has on his plate everyday, it can barely be taken care of, unlike his other plants. He sighs sadly while looking at the brownish white petals of the rose.

Taehyung carries the pot up to the table and stares at the flower for several minutes. At the same time, the faint sound of a sliding door opening can be heard not far from him.

The brunette looked at his neighbor at the same time Jungkook also did, and Taehyung wanted to look away, but then Jungkook smiled.

"Hi."

"H-hey."

Jungkook looked so pleased from their greetings. He looks at the pot in Taehyung's hand and tilted his head in question.

"That's a nice white rose, Tae. Where do you plan on putting that?" Jungkook asked.

Taehyung immediately looked down to the plant. "Oh this? I might have to put these away."

Jungkook furrowed his brows. "Why?"

"It's dying. I dunno why, but maybe I'm just gonna plant a new one."

Jungkook clicked his tongue. "Maybe try to put them under the sun, and use a good soil. A good balance of water and sun could be a factor."

"You know many things, Jungkook." Taehyung replied with an amused look.

Jungkook gave Taehyung a soft smile, and stared straight into his eyes. "I mean, it has been through a lot, and it is worth trying to save, don't you think?"

Taehyung's breath hitched at that. "Oh." He gulps as he has this feeling that the raven head isn't talking about the flower anymore. "Um. Okay."

Taehyung lifted the pot of white rose and brought it to a much wider space near the balcony, where the sunlight can reach. He made a mental note to buy good soil from the local flower shop in the city. While rearranging the pot, Taehyung asked. "How have you been, Jungkook?"

Jungkook took a deep breath. Taehyung is asking him how he's been. He wants to cry because they really came a long way. "I'm.. I'm not sure. I'm doing a job that is just so boring, yet very stressful. Surrounded by fake people and pressure. I didn't have the time to check on myself."

"Yoongi hyung said you wanted to look for me before."

Jungkook looked startled. "Yes. Eight years, Tae. Eight years. In that long period of time, I have been looking and waiting for you. I tried to ask your relatives, asked your neighbors, even pestered Yoongi hyung. I tried to search you on the internet, booked a short trip to your hometown, only for your relatives not having any idea where you were. Tae, I searched for so long just to hear from you again. To say that I hate myself for hurting you, and to explain I was sorry for everything. Didn't I even deserve that chance?" Jungkook tried his best to stop his voice from shaking.

Taehyung stood up from his position and faced Jungkook. All this time, they've both been a fool. Even then, Taehyung's conscience was telling him to let Jungkook talk to him, to know what happened. He was too focused on his own pain that he didn't realize he was also hurting others. His heart back then was locked close.

Now that everything was laid before Taehyung, he'll unlock his heart this time. "Jungkook.. I'm.. I'm sorry too. I was very far away but to tell you the truth, I also wanted to reach out to you. But I was very angry, always sad. I became tired of myself. Seeing you that night with Yugyeom was the last straw. I also resented myself for years Jungkook, for being not enough. Always asking where did I go wrong? I was coming to terms that you never loved me all along."

Both of them now have sparkling eyes from unshed tears. Jungkook replied. "And I'm sorry too.  I'm sorry again and again and again. It's not enough, but I want you to know that I regret not having to tell you that I loved you. Years after you left, I stopped searching because of the company. But I promised to fix myself, and to be better for you."

Taehyung chuckled. "So here we are now."

"Yeah. Here we are. But that doesn't change the fact that I lost you." Jungkook's face saddened.

"But we became better persons, didn't we?" Taehyung still replies with a hint of a hopeful smile.

Jungkook finally smiled back. "Granny must be proud of you." Then realizing what he said, he widens his eyes and panics and "Sorry, I d-didn't—"

"No worries. I bet she's proud of us both." Taehyung continues to smile as his eyes gaze upwards.

Talking about Granny will always sadden them, because she was the most beautiful person in the world. Life went on, and it was never the same again. But it can't constantly make them feel worse everytime.

Grief is part of the process of healing. It doesn't have to be pretty or graceful, you just have to have acceptance. You just have to keep going.

😴