Partner: I can just Imagine us in the middle of saying our wedding vows or something and you just laughing and whispering "bees knees"

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Partner: FUCKING HELL APPLEBEES DOESNT HAVE MY SPINACH AND ARTICHOKE DIP I WANT TO LIGHT MYSELF ON FIRE

Me: SUE APPLEBEES

Partner: I HATE LIFE

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Partner: He could step on me

Me: I would KILL him if he did that

(IT'S NOT THAT WAY OF STEPPING IT'S LITERAL STEPPING OKAY)

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Partner: I'm a beautiful ostrich

Me: Yes, the prettiest ostrich

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Me: I was going to say something- But I'd sound like a 10 year old kid named Zach

Partner: Say it

Me: You know my motto, eat ass smoke grass

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