I actually feel really numb and am crying a little to much. I promised myself I wouldn't put so much pressure on myself this year and I was going to work really hard but honestly I just feel like I'm going to throw up. Everything hurts so much and my computers refusing to work with me and I just put this careless persona to make it seem like everything's okay so that people don't worry about me and try to show affection. I don't want people talking to me, I don't want people breathing near me, I don't want people working near me. Everything's such a hassle and it's just a huge ball and chain around my neck and it's so horrible. I don't even know if I can keep this going. I don't want to be here, I never asked for this. I just want to be able to be happy, truly happy. It's just, horrible and I don't want this