Tonight was one of my odd nights. I have those from time to time. Nights where I just cry. Cry for my parents and my brother. Cry for Jungkook. For myself. I just cry.

I'll go to sleep just fine. Until out of nowhere I wake up with teary eyes. I wake up so sad. I spend most of my time being cute and upbeat. Well, I'd like to, but haven't been able to. Not since Jungkook's birthday. I like to be happy. Anyone should. Yet we all get sad sometimes.

When i was young I use to bottle those negative feelings up. I'd bite my tongue behind my smile. Letting my eyes smile along with to hide the tears. I bottled those feelings up until one night I woke up in a fit of tears. That was my only time to just be sad i thought. That is until I learned to better express myself. Even when I came here I still couldn't yell at people. That changed when I met Jungkook though. He taught me to yell better than anyone else.

Jungkook. He's so immature. Such a little prick too. How dare he go and hurt me then make me feel bad about it. How dare he act all sweet, but say something rude right after. That guy loves me and refuses to toughen up. He's such a coward when it comes to his own feelings. How dare he. What about me? Why about my love? It hurts me. He keeps hurting me. I hate seeing him tear himself apart just to try and understand how to love someone openly. He's such an asshole though! Fuck, I still love him anyways.

I hate crying for him. I hate sitting in my bed in the middle of the night and hating everything. I hate that my face is covered in tears I'd only wept for him. I love him. I shouldn't cry because I love him. Yet I do.

"Jiminie, crying again?"

I looked over to the door to see Taehyung. He had sleepy eyes and bed head. He looked very adorable at this time. He also had a glass of milk in hand. That must have been the only reason he was up and heard.

I tend to cry every now and then late at night. Taehyung wakes up sometimes and needs to drink a glass of milk before he can get back to sleep.

"I-I-I c-can't help it! I l-love him" I cried out before burying my face into my pillow.

Just then I felt Taehyung pat my back. I looked up to see him pouting. He crawled right in front of me and sighed.

"All you do anymore is cry over him. What happened to my happy minnie?" He questioned.

He leaned forward and cupped my cheeks. Squeezing them. He smiled sadly at me and stared at me closely in the eyes.

"If all he does is make you cry, then he's not good enough for you" he reasoned.

I only huffed. He took this time to move closer. Letting his legs wrap around me as his body was just an inch or two away from mine.

"but i love him... and he loves me too" I justified

"but he wont say he loves you jimin. You might love him, but do you think you'll really end up together when he can't even decide whether he wants to date you?"

He's right, but I don't want him to be. I know that if I can just get Jungkook to open up his heart to me then I'll have it forever. He can be my love forever. I know I'd never leave him. I know he'd never leave me either once he's mine. I can't give up on his love when I know it's there.

"i have hope that we do..."

"y-you just need to find a nice guy. A nice guy who will always treat you well and never yell even when his face's gone red with anger. Who even in the most heated of arguments wont make you cry because even when you're sad, wouldn't be able to stand seeing it. Someone who when you're with you feel cozy and safe. Jimin just... just wait for someone who can actually take care of you. He's 15, Min. In this relationship he's the one that needs to be taken care of."

I hated that he was right. I hate it. Maybe it really is time I just find someone else... but I can't. I love Jungkook.

Taehyung smiled at me sweetly. He combed his fingers through my hair. His eyes twinkled. He takes care of me so well when he does. He helps me feel better when I'm done. He knows whats best. I need someone else.

I looked into his eyes too. He was blurry because of my tears. My lip still quivered.
I tried not to cry too hard anymore. I just stared back at him and wished I could let Jungkook go.

I do need a nice guy. I need someone who can take care of me and love me openly. Jungkook wont. I can't wait for him forever. I can love him forever, but I can't wait. I wish Taehyung was that guy for me.

I leaned in suddenly and pressed my lips to Taehyung. He let go of my head but didn't pull away from me. I bit his lip. I moved on to his neck and began to kiss down by his collarbone. Slowly trailing it up to his jawline. He let out a sigh as he closed his eyes.

"Mm-no Jimin... no... i... ah~ stop, please" he finally laid his hand on my chest and moved himself back a bit.

My eyes widened at what I'd done. He had a hickey forming alongside his jaw. Guilt rushed through me. Towards him, Jin, Jungkook, and myself.

"i-im sorry. I- I know that guys not you, but for a second i just wished it was..."

I watched him frown. Shaking his head and pulling me into his arms again. I sighed as the tears in my eyes began to spill again.

"i'm sorry, Min." He apologized.

I wrapped my arms around him too and screwed my eyes shut.

"I-I'll tell Jin what I did. I'm sorry. I know you love him. I just- I don't know. That was wrong, I'm sorry. I'll tell him as soon as we're both awake tomorrow" I said.

I began to cry harder. My body was shaking against him. I couldn't stop. I was just so sad and confused. Hurt and stupid. I wasn't myself at all.

"remember when you woke me up our first morning here?" He said suddenly.

I let out something like a laugh. It was a very sad one though.

"yeah" I responsed.

"-and how I convinced you to suck me off even though you said you'd never done it before" he sighed.

He began to rub circles into my back. I began to relax again. Holding onto him tighter. I laid my head on his shoulder and stared in the direction of the door.

"yeah..."

"i'm sorry I did all those things." He confessed.

He paused for a second. That soothing feeling in my back went away. I still held onto him just as tight.

"How come?"

"I know both of us weren't being ourselves. I just... I thought you were so... so beautiful... and I wanted to use that for myself, but you didn't and still don't deserve that. You're beautiful, but you're also one of my best friends. I should have treated you that way. Love shouldn't feel empty. Ok? It shouldn't ever feel empty or unbalanced. Remember that" he said.

I nodded my head lazily against his shoulder. He started up his circles again.

"Don't apologize for it. It's ok." I said.

I didn't want him to feel bad over that. He only sighed in response then. After that it became quiet. I closed my eyes. His breathe pattern was relaxing to me.

I began to think of Jungkook again. Jungkook was usually so mean. So uptight and bratty. I still only wanted his attention though.

I remember the first time he was really nice to me though.

——

End of Part 1.

-
A/N

I'm sorry to be pushy but like aGaIn I hAvE a JiKoOk fic called trafficking. Although its kind of like
Jikook and vmin. Idk.
Anyways its for my creative writing class. It's published if you wanna check it out. I'd really appreciate opinions on it!