Chapter Twenty-Nine

Casper hated crying. He hated how sensitive he was and how much shit he got how easily he would tear up at the smallest of things. He had balled at countless movies Daisy made him watch, sort of cried when Daisy had told him her mum was pregnant, when he watched that hospital show on the tele with his mum once.

He had however, never cried this much in his life like he had in the last two days. And now he just felt numb. Now he found himself staring at walls in silence. His mum was getting worried, Sure she was used to her son’s sensitive nature but she knew: silence was bad.

Logan had called him later in the day after James and him... Casper wasn’t going to answer it at all, he felt like shit but he did anyway. Logan had hounded him over the phone and he had cried all over again, Logan panicked and tried to calm him down. It was all a big mess really. However, he was relieved that Logan called, it meant that he told Casper he had James who wasn’t wandering about the streets with nowhere to go or hadn’t shacked up with Jessica or something... Casper had been going through a lot of scenarios through the day.

Logan had called Darla to go round and see him as he couldn’t with James there and Darla had brought Daniel and then later reluctantly called Daisy to cheer him up. It had worked for a bit, he had laughed a few times, but he just felt worse after they left.

His mum didn’t know anything still, just thought he and James had gotten into a harmless argument between friends and he was a bit upset.

They said that crying it out made you feel better after it was all dried up. Casper didn’t. Casper felt like crying all over again. Casper felt like crying for the rest of his life, holed up in his room, under the covers and never see the light of day again – or he would if he didn’t have to do inconvenient things like pee and eat.

In fact, in the past two days he’s practically emptied the fridge of its contents, every left over of Christmas, every yogurt pot, every packet of sliced ham, he’d even found a hidden jar of Nutella in the back of the cupboard that was probably put there by his mum, he grabbed a spoon and ran up to the confides of his bedroom with it.

He had found himself constantly taking his phone in his hands, thumb ready to swipe over James’ name. He had done it once, straight to voice mail.

 “Casper?” he heard his mum call softly from behind his door. He shifted in the sheet cocooned around him so that his head poked. “Honey, are you awake?”

“No,” he croaked, his throat raw.

He heard his mother sigh and open the door anyway. Casper watched as she frowned at his room, her nose wrinkling from the smell that had built up from the stuffiness Casper had been living in. She made her way over the multiple items of clothing on the floor, stopped when she noticed the now empty Nutella jar but didn’t say anything and continued to come over to the bed.

“Casper, sweetie,” she said, dipping his bed as she sat down next to his feet, her hand placing itself on his arm over the covers. “I don’t know what happened between you and James and I know you’re upset but I think it’s time to get up and get dressed. Your dad and I are going out to eat and we want you to join us.”

Casper thought about it. He really hadn’t washed since, or changed. He could smell himself, even with his nose stuffed into the duvet (and even that didn’t smell exactly sanitary), and he smelt bloody awful. His cheeks felt sticky and itchy and his eyes puffy and sore, his hair thick with grease which was horrible. He also knew his mum wasn’t asking him, she was telling him that he was going to get up whether he wanted to or not.

Feeling sorry for himself time was over.

 “Okay,” he mumbled, “I’ll get dressed.”

His mother smiled at him, going to pat his hair then thought better of it and pulled away, and patted his shoulder instead. “Meet us downstairs in an hour.” She left the room, picking up clothes and empty plates on the way.

Casper sighed and got up from the bed, his bones cracked a little as he moved and trudged out to the shower.  Once finished he found some fresh clothes and slipped them on without really checking if they matched and slipped a hand through his hair so some of his stood at an odd angle. Whatever.

He crept down the stairs and hesitantly looked to his parents in the living room before reaching the bottom. They were both sitting on the couch watching the TV. He had been wondering if telling his parents would have changed things but every time he saw them he went scared stiff. He loved them with every fibre of his being. His parents loved each other despite not always seeing each other and they both loved him just as much. He was lucky to have them and he would do anything not to lose them. He couldn’t give James what he wanted, or tell his parents the truth. He couldn’t.

“Is that you ready, honey?” said his mum from the living room, she and his dad was getting up from the sofa, picking up their jackets form the arm of the sofa. “I was thinking Gino’s or that cute Chinese restaurant that just opened down the road, what do you think, Colin ?”

“As long as there’s food, Wendy. As long as there is food. Isn’t that right son,” he patted Casper on the back, who gave a weak smile. Casper had been doing nothing but eat in the last three days, he could feel his stomach bulge underneath his shirt.

The family of three set out, hurriedly going back in for scarves as the cold air hit them and back out again.

“It’s my turn to drive then?"  Colin Faye grumbled.

“Yes, no beer for you but lots of sweet, sweet nectar for momma,” Casper’s mum sang, getting into the passenger side.

Just as Casper was about to open the back car door a light shed down the street. The car was instantly recognisable to Casper, he’d been seeing it in the drive way of the Davidson household for years now. Casper watched as it came to slow at the house two doors down and turn into the driveway and stop. Two figures emerged from the car making simultaneous noises as they swung the doors closed behind them and made their way to the back of the car and opened the boot.

“Casper are you getting in?” his mother asked, opening the door slightly, concern etched onto her face. Casper tore his eyes away from Maureen and Mrs Davidson and to the car door.

“Casper wait!” he heard Maureen call and then jog slightly down to where he stood. He gave his mum a look, holding up two fingers for time to talk to her. He felt frozen, panicked as he watched her approach. From what James said over the phone it had been Maureen’s fault for whatever went down in Edinburgh. He saw that even Mrs Davidson was now coming over from behind her. James didn’t tell him how his mother had reacted. What if she had been one of those that drove him out? What if she knew or suspected Casper for being with James? His parents were right there, if they said anything he wouldn’t be able to do anything. Shit.

“Casper,” Maureen said softly as she approached.”Do you know – I mean, did he... is he here?” 

“H-he left. He’s not here.”

Maureen looked like she was about to cry. Now that she had stepped into a place with more light he could see that she looked terrible. Her face was streaked with dry tears, her hair a mess and  bags under her eyes. Maureen had always looked like a goddess but now she just looked sad and tired and her mum; she looked even worse.

“Where is my son?” she asked, wide-eyed.”I need to see him.”

Casper looked between them,” I don’t know if he wants to see you- I don’t-“

“Casper, sweetie? What’s going on?” Wendy Faye finally got out the car after observing but not being able to hear anything correctly.” Oh hello, Grace. Maureen.”

“Hello Wendy,” Mrs. Davidson greeted politely before turning back to Casper.”Casper I need to see my son. He needs to know that I am here for him no matter what. I let him go off on his own already and I am not letting him leave on his own again so please tell me he is safe and- oh god.” And with that Mrs. Davidson started to cry, racked with guilt and Maureen wrapped her arms around her mother with a look that was filled with just as much.

“Oh dear,” Wendy muttered, “I think we’d better pop inside and have a cup of tea, don’t we?”

She didn’t really wait for an answer but steered the crying woman inside, catching the house keys to unlock the front door from his dad who had also came out the car in the middle of the fuss.

Casper turned to Maureen.”He’s at Logan’s,” he said, he saw her visibly let out a breath,” but he won’t want to see you.” She flinched. “he never told me much but I do know he’s blaming you more than he’s blaming me.”

“Oh Casper did he...”

Casper didn’t want to converse with her, he turned and followed his mother into the house, not looking back to see if she was following. He passed the living room, stopping to make eye contact with Mrs. Davidson. She was still sobbing into a hanky that his mother had so obviously given her. His mother in question had her arm around her, assuring her with random words that she had used countless times to Casper himself. For a moment Mrs Davidson caught his eye and she nodded, she understood that nothing was to be said about him. He was grateful.

Casper guessed that James had been right. His mother had known for a while and probably had been teasing him about it without actually saying anything for a while now but had been just as prepared as James had been on Christmas day with the outburst. He didn’t blame her for not following him, for only showing up now. But he did blame Maureen.

God he just wanted to see him. He wanted him back, he wanted to be there for him.

“Just give him time,” Daisy had said to him over the phone the other night, “James has had a big shock right now and he’s just looking for things to blame. He’ll realise was a big mistake he’s made and come running back to you, no doubt. None of this is his fault or yours. Just let him be for the time being.”

Casper would like to believe and some part of him did. Of course he had thought that James was just acting out of fear and anger and if things worked out they would go back to the way things were before... maybe. But another part of him was aching and writhing with the feeling that maybe this was it. The most amazing thing that had happened in Casper’s life was drawing to a close and Casper was pulling at the rope in vain.

A shadow shifted at his doorway and Casper jumped, head whipped over and saw that Maureen had followed him.

“Hi...” she said sheepishly. Casper didn’t answer her, just stared and waiting for what she had to say. She sighed miserably.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen, you know. I was- I had a lot to drink and I know that isn’t much of an excuse but its true.” Maureen was stepping closer, hands reached out desperately, willing Casper to understand.”My dad’s side of the family are such dicks. Honestly, they are the worst people on earth and it burns me when I think that I actually share blood with them. They’ve always had it in for me and James and I have no idea why but mostly James and he’s... he’s my baby brother. When they got that girl all over him-“

Girl. Girl?

“-they were all laughing at him. I was so mad at her and James for not pushing her off and mad at my family for not making it stop and how they couldn’t understand us. It slipped out and I am so sorry Casper. I couldn’t help it and now everyone hates him and he probably won’t ever get to see Toby again and that’s going to kill him and he’ll probably never talk to me again but Casper, you gotta understand that I am sorry. So sorry.” Maureen was crying now, her whole body wracking with it.

Casper pursed his lips and his eyes burned, he was just as sensitive to other people’s tears than his own. “It’s not me you should be apologising to,” he finally said, his voice rough. Now he was even more confused to what exactly happened. He was so confused and it looked as if no one would tell it to him straight.

“I know,” she sniffed, wiping her cheeks with the back of her sleeve.”God, I know, but I am sorry for you too Casper. I want you to know that. ”

And with that Maureen left and Casper was back to wallowing.

He flopped onto his bed and turned, prizing his phone out of his back pocket and sent a text to Daisy about what just happened. That was another thing he had to feel shit about. Since James and he got together, now that they had... separated it was the most he’d spent and talked with his friends in months.

“Don’t worry about it,” Daisy had said.” I probably didn’t give you the time of day when I got together with Hedge.”

“You still don’t,” he pointed out, pathetic attempt of a joke.

She laughed anyway, “too true. It’s totally healthy. Just be glad you have friends that stick by you no matter how many months you dingy them.”

It was also these past few days where he realised just how amazing Daisy was as a person and how he had fallen for her, in a totally friendship way, in the first place. The rest of his friends were also just, super great.

When he heard the voices of Mrs. Davidson and his mum downstairs and then the closing of a door Casper breathed loudly. 

The Faye family never did attempt to go back out after that.

A/N: look a chapter! woah what is this rare occurrence!? yeah it's been a while from that heartbreak of a chapter, trust me, you guys, it came as just a big a shock to me as it did you. Though I can't say I wasn't laughing at the reactions

Erm, I know it's late but happy 4th of July for y'all american readers

remember to vote and comment guys! Also it would be awesome if you checked out my other story 'Sweeter Than Fiction' *shamelessly advertises*