I'm sitting on a small wicker chair on the balcony of my hotel room. I feel cozy, wearing my favorite yellow hoodie as I watch the rain pour down onto the busy streets below. Thunder crashes in my ears as lightning flashes through the darkened sky. 

For most people, a summer day could be ruined by such a storm, but to me, thunderstorms are a natural form of depression pills. Storms are the purest form of art and beauty on this Earth. When it's raining, it's like there's a whole new vibe to the world. Personally, the sounds of the storm make me feel at ease and somehow, fuzzy inside. The smell of the rain soaked on the pavement is nostalgic and reminds me of all the times I used to play outside in the puddles with my best childhood friend.

Those were the best times of my life, before I lost my very best friend, the only person besides my mom who ever mattered to me.

His name was Geoff. Geoff Wingington, the shy video game nerd in my second-grade class. I remember him sitting next to me one day at my empty lunch table and sharing his orange slices with me. From then on, we were the best of friends.

Once we were in fifth grade, Geoff and I started hanging out at my house after school almost every day. We would play Nintendo games for hours, eat junk food, and watch cartoons together. He was my only friend.

Until one particular day...when everything changed.

While Geoff and I were lying next to each other on my bed, as we often did while watching TV, Geoff said something that changed our friendship forever.

The two main characters on the TV show we were watching, started kissing passionately beneath the stars, as dramatic music played.

"Have you ever kissed anyone?" Geoff asked slowly, as his blue eyes glanced over at me.

I shook my head and chuckled. "No...have you?"

I remember the way he was looking at me. It was like he was slowly admiring each and every one of my facial features.

I stared back at him, my heart racing, my brain fogged in confusion. I felt very self-conscious as he stared me down.

"No, of course not," Geoff finally replied. "I would love to know what it's like, but...I don't really like girls. I've tried because that's normal, right? But...I don't think I'm normal."

"I wanna know what it feels like too. But I don't think anyone will ever wanna kiss me. I'm gross," I said with a giggle. "But...if you don't like girls...who do you wanna kiss?"

Geoff's cheeks suddenly turned red as he stared intensely at me. "I mean...I was just thinking...maybe we could kiss. Since the both of us haven't kissed anyone. Plus, I don't think you're gross."

I remember feeling so shocked and dazed. My heart was hammering in my chest and my thoughts were just a mess. "You want...to kiss...me? But...why me?"

Geoff smiled. "It doesn't have to mean anything. I mean, we're too young to date girls anyways. So...since we're best friends...why don't we help each other know what it feels like to kiss someone?"

I wasn't sure if I really wanted to do it, but I was generally so comfortable with Geoff. We did everything together. So without much thought I said, "Why not?"

I remember we both sat up in my bed and faced each other, our legs crossed beneath us. As we looked at each other, I had never felt so shy around him until that exact moment.

He giggled softly. "Okay."

"Okay," I said awkwardly.

Then, we leaned in toward each other and our lips touched. His lips tasted like his voice, soft and sweet.

It was supposed to just be a kiss...but then Geoff started moving his lips against mine with more pressure, so I followed suit. We were making out. I had seen it on TV before but we kinda didn't know what we were doing.

I remember feeling his tongue in my mouth and then he got on top of me and gently pushed me down on my back.

There was this feeling I got...ahem...down there...that I had never felt before.

As we continued to make out with each other, my bedroom door suddenly opened and Geoff flew off me in a panic. 

All I could say was, we didn't pull apart in time...and my mom was pissed. She never allowed Geoff and I to hang out ever again. This made me super upset because I would talk to him at school, but we never were able to see each other afterward. We were never awkward after that day, only really sad that we couldn't hang out anymore. My mom told me not to talk to him at school either, but I did anyway of course. He was my best friend...and after that day...I developed a huge crush on him. 

Back then, I thought that boys could only like girls and vice versa, so I was confused as to why I liked a boy instead. I tried telling myself that it wasn't normal...but my heart didn't care. I was only eleven, but boy, did I have the strongest feelings for this boy.

One other eventful day, at school, Geoff and I went to the restroom together during lunch. After doing our business, we began talking. I remember that we were the only ones in there.

"So...how did it feel? That kiss? I've been meaning to ask you...but I've been too worried about your reaction." He began blushing as he lathered his hands with soap.

"Um...I mean...it felt nice. Really nice actually. I...wish we could do it again." I looked at my reflection in the mirror and then at Geoff's, noticing that our cheeks were now matching in color.

"Really?" he asked, his eyes lighting up.

I nodded my head.

"I don't understand why your mom won't let me come over anymore. I miss hanging out. I...would kiss you every day if I could," Geoff said. "Awsten...you're really cute...and funny...and caring...and...unlike anyone else I've met. You're my best friend. But...I like you more than that."

My heart was beating so hard, like it always did when I was talking to him. "I...miss you too. I wish I could kiss you every day too. I like you more than a friend too."

"Then...let's kiss every day. In here," said Geoff. 

I smiled and walked up closer to him. "Okay. Let's do it. Here. So nobody will ever know."

Geoff took my small hand in his and hesitantly kissed me on the mouth.

We pulled away from each other and giggled like maniacs.

"You're a great kisser," I said. "Even better than the first time. Have...you been practicing?"

He blushed even harder. "Maybeee...only because I've been waiting to kiss you again, ever since that day. I wanted to make it even better for you this time." 

"It was perfect the first time...and it was perfect this time too," I admitted.

"I think...I love you," he said.

I thought my heart had stopped. "What? Love?"

He nodded, his eyes wet with tears. "I love you, Awsten."

"I...think I love you too," I said.

Geoff's smile was so wide on his beautiful face. "Let's come in here tomorrow and do this again."

"I like that idea."

For years, we met in that restroom every single day and kissed each other. Then when we got to high school, we began kissing in that restroom.  Sometimes, if we had more time, we would make out. But...it never went further than that. We just loved to hold hands and kiss the hell out of each other. I truly felt love for him...and it's never gone away.

Throughout the years, I lied to my mom and told her that I hadn't spoken to Geoff since that day when she caught us. She would ask me about it like once a year or so. She was always thrilled when I fed her those lies and she told me that it was just an odd phase I had as a child. She told me that kids have phases all the time and that I would find a girl to date in high school. She told me that I was handsome and a talented singer, so why wouldn't a nice, cute girl wanna date me? 

As a junior in high school, I still felt these strong feelings for Geoff. I was very educated on homosexuality at this point. In fact, I definitely knew that I was gay once I reached high school. I also knew that a lot of people accepted homosexuality, yet a lot of people didn't, such as my own mother.

I was thrilled that she accepted and supported my growing passion for music...but I wished so much that she would do the same about my sexuality. 

I couldn't tell her though. I couldn't tell her that I was gay because I knew she was homophobic. She talked badly about other gay people all the time. She said how they were wrong and that it was against God. I would always stay quiet and nod my head, choking back tears.

I started getting depressed in high school because of feeling the need to stay in the closet. Geoff was in the closet too. We kept it all a secret, kissing in the school bathroom for years. However, it all stopped on the worst day of my life...

Geoff seemed upset the whole lunch period. He wasn't speaking much and he wouldn't tell me what was wrong. I remember thinking that I did something wrong, but I tried shrugging it off. I was just excited for our daily kiss.

We met up in the bathroom as usual, and as we kissed, Geoff's tears began soaking my cheeks.

I pulled away and put my hands on his face. "What's wrong?"

"Awsten, I'm moving to Florida. My dad got this new job...and...we won't see each other ever again."

"But what about our future plans? We wanted to start a band after graduation," I say, getting choked up.

"I'm sorry," is all he said.

My heart had sunk into my stomach and I cried so hard that it left tear stains beneath my eyes.

I kissed him one last time...and that was the last day I ever saw him.

I can't stop thinking about Geoff as I continue to watch the beautiful rainstorm. Actually, I can't ever stop thinking about him. I'm twenty-one years old, in a band touring the world...doing what I've always wanted to do since I was a kid...and I'm still hung up on this boy. I haven't seen him since we were seventeen years old...and I still have this love for him that I can't seem to get rid of. I've never had a relationship either, because I've never come out to anyone and I refuse to fake it and date a woman. I've liked several men over the years, but how could I ever date them if I'm still in the closet?

As much as I can't stop thinking of Geoff, I haven't had the guts to look him up on social media. I'm too afraid of what I'd see. What if he's in a relationship? Or...what if he's turned into a whole new person? Maybe he's lost his heart of gold. Or...maybe he's the same old Geoff, just a little older. Either way, it won't help me to look him up because I know he probably put me out of his mind when he moved away. But...he was my best friend. How could I ever put him out of my mind when he was the only person I've ever loved, besides my own mother?

"Awsten, we have to get to the venue. It's getting late," Otto, my friend and drummer of my band says. "Let's go."

"Coming," I say with a sad sigh. 

So much for the thunderstorm therapy. As if it was really working anyway...

As I exit the tour bus and fans surround my bandmates and I in the falling rain, I can't help thinking that Geoff may live somewhere near here. Back in middle school, he moved to Florida. And that's right where we are today...Miami, Florida. I'm not sure where in Florida he is, or if he's even living in this state anymore, but whenever we're anywhere in Florida, I just about lose my mind.

My bandmates and I are patiently waiting backstage to go out there and get the show started. I'm very passionate about singing, and performing really helps me forget about my depression...but not in Florida.

When it's time for us to come out on stage, the lights go down and the fans start screaming like crazy. When we all enter the stage, they cheer even louder, causing me to smile.

"What the fuck is up, Miami?!" I shout enthusiastically as I look down at all the unfamiliar faces below me.

Their screams are deafening.

The show ended a while ago and most of the fans have left. My bandmates keep asking me if we could go, but I keep refusing. I'm just not in the mood to talk to any of the fans tonight. I need to make sure that they're gone.

When it seems all of the fans have disappeared from the venue, I decide to take a trip to the restroom before we depart on the tour bus.

I slip into the men's room and walk up to one of the sinks. In the corner of my eye, way across the long line of sinks...I see someone standing there against the wall.

I turn my head to look and I can't believe what I am seeing.

His smile is still the same, but his eyes are even more blue somehow. His brown hair is longer now and it falls slightly over his forehead. His skin is tan and smooth, his arms very nicely toned. He seems to be holding something behind his back with one hand.

I haven't realized that tears have begun streaming down my face.

"Geoff?" I utter almost silently.

He slowly walks up to me, revealing what he's been hiding: a single red rose. He holds it out to me.

"You did a great job tonight, Awsten. I'm so proud of what you've accomplished. I'm so glad that your dreams came true."

I take the rose in my visibly shaking hand and wrap my arms around him, sobbing into his shoulder. I can feel him doing the same. I feel his tears soaking my blue t-shirt.

After several minutes of holding each other, we just stare at each other. I notice him admiring every one of my facial features, just like he did when we were younger.

"I still love you," he says, kissing my trembling lips.

I guess the last time we kissed wasn't the last after all.