Oberoi mansion, 2:20 am
Rudra's room....

Omkara's pov......

       I looked at myself  standing infront of the mirror in the washroom. Now at this moment, in these late and dark hours of night I still feel that , after all these years of coming out of that hell, I am still the same. Not even a single change. As Mamu always said, PATHETIC. Just that's it and nothing else.

            I don't know how long I can go through like this. But surely not for a long time.Literally it had been  years since I peacefully slept. These nightmares and this anxiety are making my living a hell. Last night after consuming a half dozen of dirty, chalky pills that Bhansal had prescribed , I still couldn't sleep even for 3 hours.

            I looked at my face clearly. I can't recognise myself anymore. I feel alien to myself. My eyes look dead. Dark circles as always surrounding them.(Cupping his cheeks) I hate myself.

          I am nothing compared to Shivaay and Rudra. Recently I started losing more weight. And it's not a surprise owing to the amount of food I take. But it's not like I don't want to eat anything, it's just that I can't eat anything.
Anything that enters my mouth reminds me of Mamu.

           It's been nearly 6 years, but still I can't even bring myself to call him by his name.I hate Mamu, but not as much as I fear him. But, why? everybody asks. They ask this because, they know nothing about Mamu as much as I know.

            I never let Shivaay  take any step against Mamu. Because I know, it will not even take  few hours for Mamu to again take me back with him, pin me to the bed, torture me and have his way with me.
  
         The worst secret of mine that nobody  knows is that, I am living my life on the mercy of my tormentor,
SHEKHAR BHARADWAJ. This one reason is enough for me to hate my life evenmore.

          I can feel my hands slightly trembling. First sign saying that my body is craving for rest. But I don't want to. I don't want to sleep and go back to a nightmare where I see myself getting raped again and again.

           I don't know how many minutes I have been looking at myself in the mirror, but I want to stop this. I just want to remove all this gutter from my mind. And I clearly know what to do.

          My legs started moving on their own accord and my hands grabbed a rasor blade fromed the cabinet on other side of washroom. Nobody opens this cabinet except for the house workers and myself. Within no time, I again reached the mirror. But this time, I am sitting on the floor with my back towards the mirror.

            I rolled up the sleeve of my black t-shirt till it reached my forearm. I know I have promised Shivaay and Rudra, but I was never a saint before, was I? I just set the blade in position and pierced my skin, firstly fast and then slow,then very slow and deep. Believe me, I am a pro in things like this.

            After few minutes my hands stopped trembling and my eyes started rolling back. This is what I crave for.The feeling of pure euphoria, the stinging pain that keeps his mind away from all awful things surrounding him.

             It took me few minutes to drag myself to my feet. I didn't care to dress up the wound. I reached bed only to find Rudra sprawled across it, completely oblivious to my absence. Hmph... not everybody's job is to harm themselves every night. Atleast someone is at peace.

             I decided to take up the couch tonight. I already feel dizzy and my vision seems to be foggy. The last thing I remember is stumbling across the couch and passing out immediately.

End of pov.....

Oberoi mansion , 6:15am
Rudra's pov......
       
            *Beep*Beep*Beep*.........
Huh! haa.....! Stop it someone. Please...! Urghh! horrible. How do people wake up this early in the morning? *Beep*Beep*.....! Yaar,phirse! Where is this bloody phone? Phone, mera phone...meri jaan! Hah! Found it. And then, off!

        I know all of you might be wondering why the supercool and superhot Rudra a.k.a Rudy is taking this much struggle to wake up early in the morning! But what to do? Important meeting hai aaj.
If something goes wrong today, Prinku Maharani is going to eat my head.

          After giving myself a pep talk for 5mins I got out of my bed. When I realised Om was not in bed beside me, I thought he went out for his walk. But then I saw him sleeping on the couch curled up in a ball. His back is facing towards me and I went up to him. I looked over at his face. He seems so different today, so "pale". I hope he is not sick again. He seems to be in deep sleep so I didn't wake him up.

          It took me 20mins to come back from washroom. I looked at myself  standing infront of the mirror. I got myself dressed in a grey button up shirt and a black jeans. I think this look will be up to the mark. I am always comfortable in casuals. Formals are always Shivaay bhaiya's department. I picked up the hair brush and started brushing my hair. I once again used O's  apple flavoured shampoo. I hope he doesn't lash me out.

          I looked at him again through the mirror. I don't know why  he is  Sleeping like a log today. I decided it is best for me to wake him up. Anyways,  morning  'aarti' will begin in half- an-hour or so. O doesn't like when he misses aarti, what time it may be.

          I went up to the coach and called out his name few times, but there was no response. Okay, now this is too much.As one last attempt I jerked him by calling his name. And this worked because, he woke up startled and crawled away from me , making me take a step back. Poor him, he really got scared and it took him a while to realise my presence.

            Any other day,  I believe my presence would have calmed him down. But today weirdly, he looks more tense and some how I feel it's because of me. He took few seconds before speaking,

O: what happened?

           Huh! seriously bro! 'what happened'?!  You just wanted to ask this? There is no annoyance in his voice like usual,  but only fear and uncertainty. Now I am sure there is  something.Did  something  happen  while I was asleep? I decided  to ask him  only.

R: 'What happened' matlab!        (amused) It's almost 7:00 am now. And unlike everyday you  were sleeping for too long ,  so thought of checking upon you.

O: Oh okay!

R: you seem tensed? Are you fine?

O:(hesitantly) Huh... Haa! I..I am f..fine. Why do you a..ask?

R: I....don't think you are fine.  How come you are on this couch?

           I asked Om doubtfully,  though not in a bad way. But this small question ticked him off and he snapped.

O:(loudly) What the hell, Rudra?!
Subah subah mere piche kyun pade ho yaar?  Are you spying on me?

R:(shocked) spying!  What  are you  even saying? (angrily) Pagla gaye ho kya?

O:(mocking) Ha...ha! Wow! Ab main pagal hoon?! Of all the people in this mansion, I am the only insane one, right!

           Okay now, things are going overboard and  I am literally not in a mood to argue with him right now.
           I agree, he had been through hell in the past. And I also respect him because, afterall those things he had gone through  he was able to  gather himself  and reached the position that he is in today.
            But  I think there  should be a limit. He needs to understand  that  we don't  have all the time in our life to deal  with only his shit and his issues. I also  have my life, my work, my career and many other things that need my attention. I saw him opening his mouth  to say something but  I had enough. I cut him off saying,

R: Bas kar Om! It's enough. So much fuss for just asking  if you are fine?!  Must have hit your head somewhere. I am leaving. Do whatever you want. I should have let you sleep.

            I don't  regret what I said. But the troubled look on Om's face pricked my heart. But now I don't have time to care for this.

            So I just pocked up my phone and walked out of the room for a long day ahead.

End of pov.......

Omkara's pov......

         Did I tell you guys that I have mood swings? No! then listen, I have. I messed up pretty  bad with Rudra. What can I do? When he was asking again and again if I was fine, I got scared that he might find out about the little incident in the wash room, last night.

          Now it all seems to be dream. It feels like I never woke up in middle of  night. But I know it's true and the stinging pain in my arm is a proof for it. I should apologize to Rudra as soon as possible. It is totally my fault today. Everybody says, Rudra had gone after Mr.Oberoi  when it comes to anger. If today there was some outsider instead of me Rudra would have easily chopped off his head.

         Sometimes I feel  that staying with Mamu for so long,  I have inculcated some of his traits. With these thoughts  running  in my mind, I headed to freshen up.

After some time......

         I am currently standing between  Shivaay and Prinku  while badr papa is performing the morning aarti. Anika is standing beside Shivaay  while Rudra is standing away from us beside Gauri. Gauri doesn't believe in God while  Rudra is standing there to avoid me. I am thinking to apologize to Rudra soon after the aarti. The aarti is soon over and bade papa gave us 'prashad'.

          I noticed Gauri from the corner of my eyes. Today she is dressed in a yellow colour frock which reached an inch below her knees. Her hair is damp and is sticking to her cheeks and sides of her neck. Her ears are adorned with simple diamond studs and her  right hand with a silver bracelet.
            There is a small tatoo on her  left wrist saying 'Maa' in hindi.  Her cheeks are slightly red and her lips are pale pink, maybe due to the lip gloss she applied. She is talking to Prinku animatedly , maybe explaining something about her new project. Just then Rudra called Prinku for something and Gauri turned around looking at me. Her eyes met mine. Her chocolate brown orbs looked honey brown due to the sunlight coming from the window. My trance got broken when she sent one of her beautiful smiles in my way. Her smile really makes my day beautiful. I gave a genuine smile, slightly waving at her. She waved back at me.

            I came back from my dream land only when I heard Rudra speaking to  Maa. He said,

R: Maa! Prinku  and I are leaving. We need take care of last minute arrangements for the meeting.

J: But beta! Eat someting and then go na. You need  to be energetic. Break fast is also ready. Come with me.

R: Maa! It's okay. Prinku is waiting for me. We will eat something from the office canteen.

         Saying this, he left the room not even looking at me. My guilt is back. It's because of me that he is going to office with empty stomach. This killed the little hunger I had. I heard Maa calling me hesitantly.

J: Om! Atleast tum aao na! Have some break fast. You might be hungry.

O: Nahi...vo actually.. I am not hungry. I am tired. So I will rest in my room.

          Disappointment clearly laced her beautiful features. But I didn't want to care. For my life to be like this, she is also one of the reason. And as I said earlier, I am no saint.

          As I entered my room (or more precisely Rudra's room) I saw Bhabi waiting for me in the room. She looked at me and gave me a wide smile saying,

A: Hi Om! Good morning.

         Her smile literally lighted up the room. I think it's the speciality of the 'Shah' sisters. Their smiles are always genuine and their feelings are always real.

O: Hi Bhabi! Good morning.

A: accha! you look so dull. Even at the aarti, you were not able to concentrate properly. What happened?

           Her question dimmed my smile. The morning incident is making me feel pathetic of myself. It makes me feel worthless.I want to share my feelings with someone. I want to hear someone saying I am not worthless. And I don't find anyone better than Bhabi to share this. So, I looked at her and started saying my feelings.

O: You are right Bhabi. I fought with Rudra this morning. Everything is my fault but I ended up snapping at him.

          And like that, I said everything to her, of course excluding the small stunt I pulled up in the washroom.
          Anika Bhabi is a good listener, more than Shivaay, even more than Rudra. She hasn't said a word the whole time I was speaking. She has just listened, as if taking in the essence of each and every word. Finally, after listening the whole thing she gave me a small smile and said,

A: Om! I understand what you feel right now. Don't blame yourself Om. I know very well how you three brothers love each other.  Rudra got irritated because, at that moment he might have felt that he is not able to help you. And you know right, he has an important meeting today.
              Om! just remember one thing. You just have this moment with you. Your past is nothing but your memories and your future is nothing but your imagination. Shekhar at present is not with you. He is your past. I don't know if you will have to face him again in your life. But I surely know, it is not today. Om ! whatever has happened today, it happened because you were scared. I don't know why. Om! learn to live your life without regrets. If you are feeling  guilty, then you have whatsapp. Just message him saying you're sorry. He will surely forgive you.

O: Thank you Bhabi!

A: You're welcome. But haa! Thanks aisa nahi chalega. You need to do a work for me.

O:(smiling) Teek hein. What should I do?

A: (excited) vo actually, Gauri wants to do some shopping. She actually wants to buy some gifts for the family. So, I suggested her to go with you. You know everyone's taste, right! What do you say?

O: Bhabi! what is the need of gifts now? Infact, we should be the one to gift her for her successs, right!

A: You know Pinky aunty, right! I don't want her to taunt Gauri. So...., you will go with her?

O: Hmmm..... (smiling) sure. When do we need to leave?

A: Now.

O: Huh! Don't you think I need sometime?

A: Take your time baba! Gauri can wait.

           Saying this she bid me bye and left the room. Now my heart is at peace. I immediately messaged Rudra saying I'm sorry.  And then I went to change.

End of pov.......

Gauri's pov....

      I have been waiting outside for few mins. I don't know what gave didi this idea of shopping. I don't think at present the Oberois have any deficit for gifts and presents. But the only relief is that Om is accompanying me. Now I am waiting for him. The thing about Om that amuses me is, whenever I see him or meet him, It doesn't feel like I am talking to an Oberoi. He seems so normal and real. I met him very few times but it feels so pleasant with him.

           As I was dwelling in my thoughts, I saw Om coming towards me. He is dressed in a grey hoodie and dark blue denim jeans. He has a black colour blackpack hanging on his shoulder. As he sees me, he smiles at me. It feels like a smile which can even melt rocks. So pleasant.
           It doesn't feel wrong to think about him like this. Ofcourse, there is no wrong. I am not thinking something erotic about him. Just his smile.
          My thoughts come to a halt as he approaches me. He once again smiles at me and I smile back. He then says,

O: I am r..ready. S..shall we g..go?

G: Yeah. But.... driver?

O: Actually...Drivers are not available. Today is a bb..busy day. Do you mind if I drive?

G: No. Not at all.

O: Okay then, come.

           I followed him into the car. I don't know why he stutters always. If don't know if it is just with me or everybody. I decided to ask him directly.
          He started driving the car with me in the passenger seat. I opened my mouth to ask my question.

G: Om! Do you mind if I ask you a question?

O:(confused) No. What is it?

G: Um..why do you always stutter when you speak with me? I mean do you not feel comfortable around me?

O: No,no! It's noth..thing like that. It's just that, I don't have good comm..munication s..skills. It depends on my st..tate of mm..mind. Now see! I got t..tensed. So I am stutt..tering more. (awkwardly)So...that's it.

G: Oh.. ok!(smiling) Then calm down.

         He giggled hearing that. It looks foreign on his face but also looks good. It makes him look more younger than he actually is .
I started taking into his facial features, while he is busy in driving. I noticed his eyes. He eyes are big and innocent. He has pitch black coloured orbs matching his hair colour. He has long, wetty eyelashes. His nose is sharp and long. My eyes then went to his lips. I don't think it is right to think about him in this way but, I just can't stop myself. His lips are pale pink in colour. They are soft, plump and seem smooth to touch.
And his hair, it's just a cherry on top of the cake.

           I came back to this world only when I heard Om calling my name. I smiled at him and only then I noticed that we have reached the mall.
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So.......
Hey guys😊😀,

I am back. Long time, huh!

How is the chapter?

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Take care and bye😁