Submitted for Vampires Everywhere Challenge #5 by WattVampires
(Prompt: <200-word rant by a vampire, 199 words)

1. No, I will not tell you how I was turned, nor who sired me. In fact, it's horribly intrusive to ask any vampire that question if you barely know them.

1a. Yes, this applies even if you're also undead. But it goes tenfold for mortals.

1b. Unless I like you. (Of course, I could still be lying.)

1c. I'll tell you this much: in 2017, the actual story will seem embarrassingly cliché.

2. Yes, I identify as Filipino.

2a. No, that does not make me an aswang. Completely different type of monster. (No foul there, mind you – my closest friend is an aswang.)

2b. Oo, marunong ako mag-Tagalog.

2b-i. I just pretend I don't understand it when it suits me.

2b-ii. I can't quite shake this damnable Barcelona accent, even if I moved back here in '86. Habits can be immortal too, it seems.

3. Corollary to 2a, yes, I am a "Western" vampire. Fangs. Blood-thirst. You know the deal.

4. The combination of numbers 2 and 3 is uncommon, for sure, but it's not some freak abomination.

4a. If you act like it is, I will fight you.

5. Like the juices of a rare steak, usually.