"YOU'RE JUST MY "HAPPENING"."

AUGUST 26, 2015 — 8:00 AM

Don't be nervous, Yihwa. You'll be fine. It's just the start of Junior year, and you have lots of fun to come...just...keep quiet this time and respect others. Right, I should fill you in.

The Jeju trip didn't go well—Beomgyu switched rooms with Yeonjun apparently, and I didn't get to talk with him for the rest of the trip. That day in the rain, on the curb, I realized that things were only going to get worse if I stayed with Beomgyu—but the damage had been done. I couldn't escape his control, so that day Yeonjun offered his hand...I took it.

Every time I took Yeonjun's hand, every time I hung out with Yeonjun, it always symbolized a new beginning—or a new mistake. However, maybe this time, it would be a good thing. Yeonjun promised me that he'd help me escape Beomgyu, that I'd be able to leave this two-year-almost-three relationship with a sense of loving again. However, you want to know the truth?

I doubted it.

The car stopped, my eyes on the ground as I fiddled with my fingers. A hand shook my shoulder, causing me to exchange glances with a reassuring Yeonjun. He had driven me to school today, hoping that Beomgyu would see. His plan was making him jealous, hoping that he'd get sick of it and realize he's on the losing end. However, we'll see about that.

"Hey, Yihwa, you'll be okay," He whispered, soon caressing my tied-up hair. Giving me his signature smile, he raked back his hair before nodding. "I'll pick you up again after classes, just give me a call. Okay? Nothing will go wrong and stick to the plan. I'll help you the best I can."

If only I had done a bit better, maybe we wouldn't be in this situation.

However, he acted like my parents, kind yet all-knowing. I shouldn't trash-talk myself, he'd find out.

So, I nodded, grabbing my backpack from the backseat. Finally sparing him a glance, I bowed my head slightly before stepping out of his car. Closing the door behind me, I was ready to walk away, but he rolled down the window. "Yihwa!"

Re-facing him, I blinked slightly as I bit my lip in nervousness. His hand turned into a fist, raising it in victory. "Be good at school! Work hard!"

I swallowed my words, licking my lips before nodding and waving to him. He rolled up the window, soon leaving the parking lot. I blinked as I watched his car drive off, feeling my heart drop as people pass by me.

I wish Soobin and Yeonjun were still here. Now I'm stuck with Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Kai.

"Yihwa!" I heard, causing me to flinch. Looking to my right were Taehyun and Kai, who waved at me from afar. Soon jogging up, they were on either side of me. "Are you...okay?" Taehyun asked me slowly, his eyes full of worry. My eyesight instantly fell to the ground, unable to speak to them. I didn't want to talk to anyone, to be quite honest. "...Yihwa..."

My eyes flickered to a passing Beomgyu, both of us meeting eyes. Suddenly, as he walked toward us, he shoved my shoulder with his, causing me to stumble backward into Kai. I almost cried. I was so fragile, I felt brittle. Taehyun glared daggers at the back of Beomgyu's head, watching as he went inside the school.

I sniffled, wiping my eyes as I stood up, turning to Kai before meeting his tall sight. "Are you okay? Sorry for falling on you—"

"Why are you apologizing?" Kai and Taehyun synchronized, still glaring at Beomgyu. However, as Taehyun turned to me, he immediately frowned. "Yihwa, what happened to you!? You're less...peppy these days—and I saw hyung drive you here. Did you guys—"

"No," I swallowed, shaking my head instantly for a bit. "We didn't break up, there were some...altercations in Jeju that I really, really, really would not like to talk about."

"But Yihwa..." Taehyun trailed off, sighing in frustration before shaking his head. "Nevermind. Don't worry about it, and we'll help you with Beomgyu hyung. Who's your homeroom teacher?"

I looked down at my schedule in my crumbled hands. My eyebrow raised, seeing Ms. Kang read across the top. Kai perked up as well as Taehyun, all our eyes meeting in confusion. "Since when did Ms. Kang become a junior homeroom teacher?"

"She's not," Kai added, scratching his head. "Are you sure it's not a different Ms. Kang?"

"I'm right here," A feminine voice said, causing all of us to flinch. There was my freshman homeroom teacher, smiling neutrally as she waved. "Hi, Yihwa. Long time no see—and it's great that you're going to be in my homeroom again!"

"But...why?" I stammered, scratching the crown of my head. "You're a freshman homeroom teacher!"

"Well, there's an exceptionally large group of Juniors this year, and they needed to size down some kids—and I volunteered to have you in my homeroom class," I grinned slightly. This would be the highlight of my year. "From Mr. Jung, I've heard lots about your improvement—so I wanted you to be the homeroom helper for my classes. I know you have lots more time to yourself now that your classes are more divided and you don't have gym unless you applied, so whenever you want to come to my class, I'll be there."

"Lucky," Taehyun whined, leaning forward to Ms. Kang. "C'mon, Ms. Kang! Hook me up too, I want to be a helper!"

"Did you get the highest score in your class?" Ms. Kang joked, causing Taehyun to freeze up. "I thought so. I'll think about it since I'm waiting on Yena—but she has a different homeroom. Whenever Yena doesn't help out, you can come."

"Yay!" Taehyun clapped his hands, all of us smiling at his adorable reaction.

"Alright, kids, it's almost time for class—and I have to meet my freshmen," Ms. Kang patted my back, ushering me ahead. "Goodbye, you two! It was an honor to have you in my class, but Yihwa is my favorite and we must be going. Adios!"

"Ms. Kang!~" The two whined, following us. I almost cracked a laugh but remembering the situation Beomgyu, Yeonjun, and I were in, there was no use.

I was at a balance between good and evil as if I was held by the gods to not shake the hands of the devil—but I already did to escape the gods.

The god of love was Beomgyu—

and the sweet yet pitying devil was Yeonjun.

And then, there was me.

The person in exaltation, who didn't care what happened—because she wanted to leave everything behind and die because of the fight.

But maybe, just maybe...bargaining with the devil could save me.

"Are you finished stamping papers?" Ms. Kang mentioned, making me perk up. I nodded, stamping the last paper with her signature before stacking it on the pile. She walked over, pushing her glasses farther up her nose bridge before taking them from my hands. "So, how's your relationship with that one boy?"

Reminded me of Hanna's stupid little "Boom goo" reference. Ugh, hated that.

I didn't want to answer her, but it would be rude not to. "It's...okay, I guess."

"You're talking about that abusive boy who yelled at her in the staircase in sophomore year?" Mr. Jung entered the conversation, all the students out and about since school was already over. It would be a surprise if Taehyun came to push his piece to the puzzle too. "My oh my, wasn't that quite the case...she was all like "make up your—insert cuss word—mind"because they'd always be so toxic to each other.'"

"Oh, so you've seen that too?" Ms. Kang snickered, both of them sitting on the desks as I sat at my helper desk, dumbfounded by their conversation of the dangling relationship between Beomgyu and me. "In freshman year, she was at their basketball game. It was cute and all when she tied his hair, but Beomgyu had beaten the crap—oh excuse me, the life—out of one of the other opponents because the ball hit Yihwa. It was quite the sight!"

"Ms. Kang...Mr. Jung...really," I held my head, disappointed in them as they laughed. "Must you talk about it as if we're fools?"

"Because you both are!" My two favorite teachers synchronized, exchanging glances before Mr. Jung cleared his throat to continue. "Your relationship is puppy love—and I'm sure you can admit it too. We're not in the place to give you advice because it's neither our relationship nor you never asked for advice, but one thing's for sure, your relationship is toxic," Mr. Jung explained, sighing. "I thought that maybe there'd be some hope, but with the constant humiliation of Beomgyu and the constant manipulation you put him through, there was no hope."

"I...manipulated him?" I questioned quietly, pointing at myself. "But...how?"

"Look at yourself, you're helpless against his words," He pointed at me, shaking his head. "You manipulated him by always letting him become jealous. While you may want to leave him, you're the one who keeps causing him to be possessive because of you hanging out with other guys, you know?"

"He may get sick of it, and I think that's the plan she's going for," Ms. Kang shrugged, suggesting exactly what Yeonjun's plan was. "But either way, she can't leave him immediately, they've dated for two years and they're attached at the hip. Beomgyu won't let her leave so easily..." Trailing off, they stare at each other.

"Unless you ask for it yourself," She finished her short lecture, staring at me as I felt little under both of my teacher's stares. "But with her personality as of now, she doesn't have the guts nor the spirit to do such a thing—what do you think, Yihwa?"

"About...what?"

"About yourself."

To be honest, I've never been asked this question before. Me, myself—I'm not the type to be selfish and talk about myself in such light or such darkness. So, I bit my lip hard, trying to think of the possibilities of myself. "I...don't really like myself—in fact, I hate how I am, who I am, who I could be..." I trailed off, seeing their worried looks. "It may be because of the relationship, it may be because I've said horrible words to people who didn't deserve it—including him—but I just hate myself to the point that it's kind of...irritating to be me."

"I just wish I can repay people for the damage I've caused them," I nodded, being honest. Finally looking up at them, we three held glimpses. "Especially him."

It was silent for a while, my eyes staring down at the white desk in front of me. Suddenly, there were a few knocks, all of us flinching as we turned to the doorway. There, Yeonjun stood, almost as tall as the door. I gulped, waving slightly as my two teachers did as well. "Hey, Mr. Jung!"

"Hi, Yeonjun—" Mr. Jung raised his eyebrows, standing up. "—Long time no see."

"Definitely," Yeonjun snickered, entering the classroom with wonder. He looked around before meeting my eyes, grinning widely. "You didn't call me, so I was wondering what was up. I see you're doing some extra work."

"No, I'm done—we were just chatting," I responded, standing up as I grabbed my sharpened pencils and slid them into the pockets of my bag. "Are you off college classes?"

"Yeah, for now," Yeonjun said, soon turning to my two teachers who eyed him with confusion. "Ah, I'm here to pick up Yihwa to take her home these days—I hope you don't mind me stealing her..."

"No, no, go ahead," Ms. Kang said, watching as I stood up to head over to Yeonjun. The boy patted my head, causing me to glare at him and pinch him in the hip. He launched forward, awkwardly laughing as I bowed to Ms. Kang and Mr. Jung. "Ah, wait! Mr. Jung, he's that one student, right?"

Mr. Jung turned to Ms. Kang, raising an eyebrow. "I have many claims of "that one student", so who?"

"The one you said who was super good at basketball."

"Yeah, that's him."

"I see..." Ms. Kang smiled mischievously, connecting the dots. "So you guys are well-acquainted with Beomgyu then? Ah, wait—then—"

"Ms. Kang," I warned, shaking my head. During lunch, we also talked about Yeonjun and his plan. I guess she still remembered despite all the chaos we talked about. She also knew about the Jeju trip and what happened—so all of this isn't a shock to her. "We're leaving. Have a nice rest of your afternoon."

"Wait, but—"

"Shut up and get out before I make you," I gritted my teeth, pinching him again as he hissed. I heard the two laugh as we left, strolling out of the classroom and down the stairs. "Why did you come inside? You could've just called and texted me."

"Well, I did," Yeonjun tilted his head, beckoning to my silent phone. Hitting the screen, there were many calls and missed texts, but I was on do not disturb. Oops! "But of course, to my sarcastic shock, it was on do not disturb. I thought Beomgyu had gotten a hold of you again."

"Nope," I sighed, both of us heading out to the front of the school. "We haven't talked all day, I doubt that shit would happen..."

"Well, that's okay! Be glad," He encouraged me, wrapping his arm around me. "How were your classes this year, though? Bearable?"

"Yeah, I guess," I gulped, remembering that Beomgyu was in almost all my classes except homeroom and calculus. "Yeah." I heard his soft chuckle leave his mouth, his eyes dragging around until they stop. He halted at the sidewalk, my head tilting as he smirked.

"Oh! Beomgyu!"

Fuck. Fuck this.

I stiffened, Yeonjun taking his hand off my shoulders as he waved. I heard the soft shuffling of footsteps coming closer—until Beomgyu and I were touching shoulders. Yeonjun and Beomgyu stood in front of me like competitors, getting goosebumps every time Beomgyu got closer to me.

"Hey, hyung," Beomgyu said, almost like it was a threat. "How's college? Still picking up dust at community college, unable to do things?"

Yeonjun hissed, nodding slightly as he shoved his hands in his pockets—probably thinking about the roast. "No, I'm going to actual college now, thanks to your girlfriend—" He paused, looking at me before placing a hand on my shoulder. It was probably a reassuring squeeze to put up a front in case I get yelled at, but I was frozen. Beomgyu...was scary. "—She helped me figure out my major when we were hanging out together a few months ago. Kudos to her."

"That's...nice," Beomgyu said instantly, the tension thickening. I felt a stare from behind, so, glancing up—was Mr. Jung and Mr. Kang, murmuring as they watched from above. Shit. "Well, that's nice. Okay, well, see you—"

"Where are you going?!" Yeonjun laughed, stopping Beomgyu in his tracks. "What are you so mad about these days? I thought you forgave us for the little pain we caused you and your ego—oh, but don't forget to take care of Yihwa, too—"

Yeonjun paused, soon pulling me to his side. I widened my eyes, bumping into his chest. He covered my ears, but I could hear him wide and well. "Or I'll steal her from you."

Shit, Yeonjun—you might be making this worse.

"As if," Beomgyu scoffed, and my arm is immediately yanked from behind and out of Yeonjun's embrace. My back is against a chest, two arms wrapping around my body as a chin is held on the crown of my head. "She's my girlfriend for a reason, hyung—and she's a minor, must I add. Are you trying to get with a minor?"

"Hey, I was just kidding," Yeonjun put his arms up in defense, smiling mischievously. "Would you still like me to take her home? Both of you?"

"We'll be fine, I'll walk her," Beomgyu gritted his teeth, using his hand to shoo Yeonjun away. Noooo~..."Bye, hyung!"

"Fine, fine," Yeonjun met my eyes for a split second, a glimpse of disappointment on his face, all before waving to us. "Goodbye, love-birds—and see you tomorrow, Yihwa."

He left Beomgyu and me, the hairs on my neck standing in defense. Beomgyu let go of me, spinning me around. Finally having the time to look at him closely, his hair was dyed a stronger black, grown out a little more as we both wanted. He licked his lips, caressing my hair as he must've grown at least an inch.

"I love you, Yihwa," He confessed, sighing. "I'm sorry for this morning, and before."

I know you're just saying that because Yeonjun caused this. You just don't want another competitor.

He leaned down to kiss me, and as forced and harsh it was—I kissed back, missing him as much as he may have missed me. In past years, how did I describe his kisses? New, fresh, electrifying yet strange...but this time, there was no doubt about it—

These kisses were traumatizing—

Fake.