"I WISH WE NEVER HAPPENED."

SEPTEMBER 13, 2015 — 22:10 PM

I was next to Soobin, all of us sitting at a picnic table together. It was Yeonjun's birthday, and Yeonjun had the pleasure of inviting all of us—yes, including Beomgyu—to his birthday cookout. I was helping Soobin cook, trying to get away from the tension at the table.

Yeonjun and Beomgyu kept staring at each other, and even with Yeonjun's silly-looking birthday hat, the painting of this event was sour. They haven't said any words, but my eyes keep glancing between them. Beomgyu hasn't started any fights with me yet—but there have been at least a total of five this week. However, every time Yeonjun tried to steal me away by the thin strands of my hair, Beomgyu would grab my hand, somehow thinking he saved the day again.

These days, his kisses would just be because of Yeonjun. I don't think any of them were out of pure love.

But somehow, I still loved him.

I perked up when I felt a sharp burn on my finger, instantly taking it off the hot grill. Soobin slightly gasped, catching the attention of the four men at the table. "Hey, are you okay?!" He whispered, grabbing my hand before inspecting the burn. "You held it on there for a while, my gosh..."

Well, Choi Soobin, if I was okay, would I be on the verge of tears? Mhm, yeah...

I simply nodded, grabbing my finger as I inspected it. It looked like it would blister, but I guess I got too lost in my thoughts to care. At least the meat was ready. I could eat and read literature books until my head hurt. "Who got hurt?" I heard, causing me to shove my hands in my pockets. I winced at the burn, trying to smile despite the growing ache. I saw both Beomgyu and Yeonjun walking over, trying to spot who got hurt.

So, immediately facing Soobin to help me out, he saw the panic in my eyes. He widened his own, almost snapping his fingers as he hissed. Beomgyu and Yeonjun looked at their friend, seeing him hold the palm of his hand. "Ow! I hit the grill on accident...don't worry—just a burn!"

"Nobody's worried about you, hyung," Beomgyu rolled his eyes before going back to his seat, Soobin's mouth agape at the disrespect. Kai laughed, almost falling back in his chair which caused Taehyun to cackle. What a domino effect. Yeonjun stayed around, staring at me, which caused me to grin awkwardly at him.

"Come with me," He mumbled as his shoulder passed me, softly brushing me which meant that I've been caught. I sighed, pouting as I looked over to Soobin, who was eyeing the ground with wide eyes. I poked him, the boy frowning as he slowly looked up to me. He scratched his head, soon shrugging—which meant he had no part in this.

"I hate you," I mumbled, causing Soobin to chuckle as I jogged over to a walking Yeonjun, both of us keeping the same pace as (I'm guessing) we're off for a stroll in the park. I softly exhaled through my teeth, feeling the fall air starting to sweep me around. "...Happy birthday, by the way."

He faced me, raising an eyebrow—soon laughing slightly as he ruffled my hair. "You can't hide the fact that Soobin's a horrible liar—and that you were the one who got burned," I frowned, rolling my eyes as I shooed away his soft hands. "However, thank you. I know shit's happening, and you're currently hating it right now."

"You know it," I laughed awkwardly, almost scoffing from my own dumbfounded acts. "I just wish...things could be a little different, you know? If only I had been more open to Beomgyu, you and I wouldn't be in this position and—"

"No, no," He interrupted me, stopping me from trying to bargain with myself. "Don't blame yourself. Isn't that what you promised you wouldn't do anymore during the trip to Jeju?" Right, I did promise that. So I simply nodded, causing him to smile as we faced each other. The party hat was ready to fall off his head, so as I got on my tippy toes, I fixed his hat.

I guess, out of instinct, the boy had placed his arms on my waist out of concern—he was super tall for someone like me, who's super short. Fixing it, I stepped back and grinned. He's definitely the birthday boy. However, his words continued shortly after. "So don't worry—things will be alright."

"...Okay," I exhaled, crossing my arms. His eyes found my blister, Yeonjun grabbing my hand as he leaned forward. He pointed to it before he went into his jacket pocket, pulling out (what a surprise, to be honest) a bandaid. His kind acts didn't phase me, considering that his brotherly kindness was what he was good at. He could be a good father.

"You need to be more careful, idiot," He hushed, unpacking the bandaid before placing it around my blistered finger. I watched closely, slightly interested in his way of wrapping the bandaid around my finger. It was like he was a professional. Right, forgot he's majoring to be a doctor. "Burns are very dangerous. Depending on the severity, we might have to—"

"I know, Doctor Choi—I'll be more careful...just...shut up..." I sighed, both of us soon giggling at Yeonjun's overreaction.

"Are you fucking serious?"

I flinched, stepping back as Yeonjun instantly looked up. Beomgyu was standing there, fire initiating in his eyes as he stomped over. Yanking my arm like he usually does, he pulled me away from Yeonjun, the pain in my arm increasing. "Hyung, you're not a minor and you're trying to date a minor who has a boyfriend—what the hell is wrong with you!?"

"Why is that the first thing you fucking assume when I'm trying to help her out!?" Yeonjun scoffed in disbelief, hands on his hips. "You're the one who couldn't see past Soobin's fake burn. If anything, it's your fault who didn't realize—"

"Enough, hyung," I felt the tightness increase, and when I looked down, his hand was clenched hard around my wrist. I winced, trying to pry his hand off—but he wouldn't budge. "Just say you guys are having a gross fucking affair and move on."

"Beomgyu, please," I choked on my tears, absolutely helpless as I continued to try to take his hold from mine. "Please let me go."

"You're a fucking bitch, you know that?!" Finally, he let go of me, and as I inspected my wounded wrist, it was almost completely red from suffocation. He had pushed me back slightly, scoffing as my eyes stuck to the ground. "You're seriously the worst girlfriend. Even my friends from my homeroom class have better girlfriends, and they are long-distance."

"Beomgyu!" Someone roared from afar, obviously hearing Beomgyu's words. Soobin's eyes were flaring, causing Beomgyu to scoff.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for being a bad girlfriend, I should've never agreed.

He told you to stop apologizing, Yihwa. Why are you still apologizing?!

Well, maybe because we're in the wrong.

So, as Beomgyu glared at me, my height feeling more little than it was before, he sighed in frustration. "I hate you. I should've never forgiven you."

Nobody should've.

Is this another attempt?

God, I didn't know.

I felt like I was doing it more often than usual, standing on this rooftop as the concrete was twenty-seven floors below. I had run away from the scene like the crybaby I am, trying to find some space on this rooftop I was allowed to go on. I saw in those youth movies where the girl would balance on the thick edge, looking down on city lights and passing cars.

So, I did that. It was quite refreshing other than the fact that with one misstep, I'd fall into ongoing traffic. I wasn't scared, not after my blurry tears led me here. I deserved something, but I didn't think it would be death. I wasn't going to force it either, after all.

My legs started getting tired from all the walking, so I kind of just stood there. Rubbing my eyes, I sniffled, trying to narrow my eyes and see things. I heard a slam! but thought nothing of it. Maybe I should've—because within seconds, I'm pulled off the ledge, a squeak escaping my mouth as the person behind me fell to the floor, me on top of them.

I widened my eyes as I rolled off, hearing a rough groan. Standing up, brushing off my clothes, I gasped as I towered over the man. "Yeonjun!?"

"I'm alright, give me a second," He croaked, holding his back as he stood up. Raking back his hair, he slightly winces, causing me to frown. "What the hell were you doing up there? Trying to die again? It's only been a few months!"

"Hey..." I whined, sniffling as I wiped my tears. "I'm not that concerned about whether I die or not, I was just trying to breathe. You made it a bigger deal than it was!"

"Wouldn't anyone who sees a girl on the ledge of a 27-story office building also try to stop her from doing what you just did?!" He sighed, rubbing his head. "Whatever, as long as you're okay. I won't pressure you on these things."

"Thanks, I guess?" It came out as a question, sighing. Beckoning to the ledge, he took a look at it. "Want to sit with me? You can see the clouds from up here."

"...I guess," He sighed, both of us going onto the ledge again. Taking a seat, we sat crisscrossed next to each other, inhaling the night air. "Do you want to talk about tonight's event? How's your wrist?"

"Oh, it's fine," I shrugged, showing him my still-red wrist. "It's still red, but since the pressure's gone, I don't really—OW! WHY'D YOU POKE IT?!"

"You're the one who said it doesn't hurt?!" He sighed, shaking his head before scoffing. "Whatever. Don't take what he said to heart, he's just upset."

"I know, but it still does upset me."

"That's why I said don't let it upset you," He snickered, patting my shoulder. "Beomgyu just has two different sides to him—his kind side, and his competitive side."

I nodded slightly, looking up at the tainted stars. They were covered by the cloudy skies, unable to shine their bright light without help from the moon. "...Yeonjun?" I asked, my eyes still on the bubbly stars as he faced me. "Don't you think...we're doing something wrong?" Finally facing him, I could see his face contort into confusion.

"How so?"

"I don't know, I just..." I trailed off, obviously dumbfounded by my own question. "I feel like we're manipulating Beomgyu into giving into the jealousy. We're making him jealous on purpose, just so that one day, maybe he'd give up. Don't you think that feels a little...off?"

"It's not like neither you nor I could do it by ourselves," Yeonjun frowned, looking at the ledge. "Beomgyu is a tough nut to crack, which means that all his toxic qualities are like that too. You're too scared to break up with him, and if I crossed him, I think I'd lose a tooth."

We both chuckled for a bit, but the atmosphere grew serious. "Yihwa..." He trailed off, gulping. "Do you...want to leave Beomgyu?"

His question struck me twice because I didn't know the answer. Surely, I agreed in my most vulnerable state back then, thinking that he was toxic and the way to escape was through Yeonjun's deal. However, a part of me still lied with Beomgyu, the part that loved him the most—my heart. My brain was telling me to run as fast as I could, away from the toxic lover I entangled myself in...but my heart said to give him a few more chances, he could change.

"Because surely, we can stop this all now, and you can still love him as you did before," Yeonjun explained, smiling reassuringly. "You don't have to feel sorry for still loving him, but understand what's best for you and you going forward. It's whether you're willing to leave him or not—and if you don't want to, you can run back to him."

The glimpse in his eye was truthful—like he didn't care whether I wanted to run back to Beomgyu or not.

But I think I knew what was best for me—and not only me, but him as well—because the more things grew between us, the more toxic it became.

With Beomgyu, we were of different constellations for a reason, only to never have a "happening" star between us. We weren't meant to collide, just to cross paths for a brief second before continuing.

Yeonjun knew everything, like my father. He was someone who knew just about everything about everyone, and it was pretty scary. However, like a mature boy, he used it for good. Hopefully, this would be good as well.

So, meeting Yeonjun's eye, I smiled briefly.

"Let's continue," I whispered, nodding. "I should leave now—before I can't ever."