that's the thing,
she wanted me because she wanted sex
she didn't want me.

"Gap, i can't-"

that made her pause at unhooking her bra
she sent me a concerned look,
"are you a virgin, Clyde?"

"what? no!"

"i mean, it's okay if you are,
honest.
but i'd feel like shit for taking your virginity seeing as we're not that committed."

she only slept with experienced guys.

i rubbed my hands on her waist,
moving down to her hips,
"i promise you that i'm not a virgin,"

i smirked to hide my nerves.

and i wasn't a virgin.
it's just the difference between Bonnie
and that other girl i had sex with;
she cared, Bonnie didn't.

Bonnie didn't want me the way i wanted her.

"then what's the problem? too scared?"

and the answer was yes;
i was too afraid to like her,
too afraid to fall in love with her.
that's what i hated about being this close to her.

of course i wouldn't admit that.